I have my man, so I'm not bothered!

Caraville

Hi all

Just something that has struck me lately. Was talking to a few of my friends about getting ready for a night out when this other girl who was there (we're all involved in the same hobby) said "God I'm so glad I'm married, I couldn't be bothered with all that crap anymore!" and "I've 3 kids, I've more to be doing than dressing up" as if our lives were so empty that we'd nothing better to be doing. Bear in mind that when my friends & I go out, we just wear a bit of make up & a nice dress/top & jeans, nothing too fancy. The odd time fake tan maybe- like for a wedding or a big night out, but we're far from high maintenance. I'm one of the few single girls in my group, and I probably would dress up the most for a night out. I wonder is it because I'm single or do I just like dressing up? I hope it's the latter...

I have noticed that a small number of women just don't bother as they get older, but to be fair most women who take pride in their appearance will hold on to this after having kids/settling down. I can't imagine a time when I'll just "give up" on make up, clothes etc. I do it for me, not a man! Well, maybe if there's someone in particular whose attention I'm trying to get...

So, I was wondering- did/do you make more of an effort dressing up when/because you are single? Has getting married/pairing up made you feel like you didn't need to bother anymore- even if you didn't realise that you don't make as much of an effort anymore? Like shaving your legs, waxing etc? Or have you kept all your routines as an attached lady??

Acoshla

Myself and my best friend get dolled up every night we go out, both of our long term boyfriends are well used to it, and they assume it's the norm, so when they see girls out looking like shite with their boyfriends they get all :eek:

We just love the excuse to wear our highest heels, cutest dress, etc, and we both love clothes so it's just another part of our nights out, regardless of who we're out with, where we are, and we were the exact same when we were single. The two of us influence what we wear more than our boyfriends ever have, we both meet up during the day and if one of us is dressed any way other than impeccably it's a sure sign something has gone horribly wrong, sickness, work stress, etc!

Actually I always try to dress pretty nice every day even if I'm just at home with himself, actually especially if I'm home with him, if I'm on my own I might laze about in boring clothes. It often happens that if my boyfriend comes in from work during the day and what I have on is mismatched or comfy clothes or whatever I always defend my outfit, or explain it, he doesn't even care but I feel I have to give a reason for why I look bad! I have a rule that if I'm sitting around in pj's on a chill out day they have to be matching, no matter how huge on me, or how unattractive, as long as the whole outfit matches it's ok...

I like to dress up once in a while because it is fun, regardless of whether I am attached or not

solerina

I dress the same whether Im in a relationship or not...I dress for myself not a man or to attract a man. I like to dress up and make an effort for me.
This will never change husband/kids etc wont make any difference.

The Princess Bride

I don't understand the way some women think. Well and good if they were the sort who never really made a huge effort before they met their OHs.
I always made an effort when single,didn't matter whether I was going to work or going out for the night- I felt great if I looked great.
Married with babies now, and still make the effort- for ME!!!!! 'Cos that's just how I am. Am lucky ,I suppose,as the few good friends that I have are similar in the way they think and act.
(Having said that,each to their own,and once you're happy inside,I suppose that's the most important point.)

Come to think of it, my mother always made an effort with lippie and 'rouge' and nice clothes when we were children, so maybe I learned from her example.:)

Das Kitty

I was never one for making a huge effort. First time I had a manicure was for my wedding. I can safely say I'm the same as I was before I was attached. Some of my friends don't know how people take part in the dating game as they've been out of it so long. I was barely in it so it still seems exciting to me from the outside .

I don't like this attitude that people have better things to be doing when they become a parent, they have different things and likely more thing to be doing, but how are they better?

Arianna_26

I take care of my appearance primarily for myself because it makes me feel good to know I look good but I also like to look nice when we are going out somewhere as a couple - if anything I make more of an effort when I'm in a relationship.

Ardennes1944

i have no problem my with girlfriend getting totally dressed up for going out. i know if some fella comes on to her, she will walk away.

headmaster

Can't understand some women using all this fake stuff all over their bodies. I just use a scent of perfume, i wouldn't dare put on some of the tack i see most women wearing today. Why try to be somebody you're not? There's nothing worse than seeing women, with tight cloths and big bellies, fat faces, dyed hair, carrot coloured faces and different coloured necks and arms. I've got good skin, nice hair, pleasent personality, nothing special, but it's all me. Come on girls, stop kidding yourselves and get a life.

EverEvolving

I wouldn't enjoy myself on a night out if I wasn't dressed up/felt I looked good. I always make an effort to look decent whether attached or single.

That's just on nights out though, during the day it's usually comfie loungers or jeans, maybe leggings and a dress/tights and a skirt if I'm making an effort, I prefer comfort to fashion any day.

The Princess Bride

headmaster wrote: »

Can't understand some women using all this fake stuff all over their bodies. I just use a scent of perfume, i wouldn't dare put on some of the tack i see most women wearing today. Why try to be somebody you're not? There's nothing worse than seeing women, with tight cloths and big bellies, fat faces, dyed hair, carrot coloured faces and different coloured necks and arms. I've got good skin, nice hair, pleasent personality, nothing special, but it's all me. Come on girls, stop kidding yourselves and get a life.

I agree 100% with you- now I might make the effort with my appearence & clothes, but if I was to go in for that ^^^^^ malarky,I'd never have time to work and live my life the way I want!!
The big question is, is there anyone out there who actually finds it attractive?

Caraville

Well I'm glad to hear all the responses so far!

I do think though that the women who don't make an effort fall into 3 categories:
1- The ones who never did in the first place
2- The ones who feel they don't need to anymore
3- The ones who kind of lose touch a bit with fashion/style and fall into a rut.

By the way, when I say "an effort" I mean just looking the best that you can, putting your best foot forward.

But what headmaster said above kind of irks me, and you hear it a lot from men too. There's nothing wrong with wearing make-up, fake tan, etc. It's all about how you apply it. I don't feel I'm totally being something I'm not by wearing them, I just feel they give a slight improvement. I suppose you could argue that's all people who get plastic surgery feels, but to be fair it's not at all as extreme.

I suppose I just feel sometimes women (especially single ones) are made to feel like they're trying too hard to impress others by dressing up and wearing tan/make up/fake nails etc. If I was only to leave the house with a spray of perfume, I'd feel so self-conscious. If that makes me fake, then so be it. I just think make up and dressing up makes me feel more confident.

I have gotten comments like "oh she's on the pull tonight!!" if I'm dressed up on a night out. Eh, no, I just like dressing up. I slouch around in tracksuit bottoms or wear officey clothes the rest of the time, so I like to feel pretty on a night out- nothing to do with trying to bag a man!

Ickle Magoo

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winterlight

"I have my man, so I'm not bothered."---Yes, that attitude is called 'letting yourself go!'

I have my man and I will always take a bit of pride in my appearance!

PCPhoto

winterlight wrote: »

"I have my man, so I'm not bothered."---Yes, that attitude is called 'letting yourself go!'

I have my man and I will always take a bit of pride in my appearance!

my girlfriend has a man...... me.

we've stopped going out (living in the sticks and working 6 days a week does have that effect) .... but even going to work I tell her she doesn't need the make-up (she insists its more of a habit thing and she wouldn't let people in work see her without the war-paint)

if we're going out (very rare these days) she'll dress up, hair, make-up etc...I've never really bothered, I'm normally a little stubbly but neat clothes and hair ...and a smile

she says she puts the make-up on out of habit at this stage its been over 15 years of going pubbing/clubbing for her so I understand its a routine.

Joey the lips

My now wife and i dont get out as much because of the kids and babysitting etc. She goes out with her friends and i go out with mine occasionally.

However its like we discussed this. Half of the enjoyment of going out is dressing yourself in new clothes, cleaning yourself up and going out. Its not necessarilary that your chasing it just makes you feel good in yourself.

Every 2 weeks we usually do a "big" fuss dinner for ourselves on a saturday. Although we are staying in we usually put the kids to bed then wash and dress like we are going out but sit in and talk. No TV and a low radio.

There is nothing wrong with dressing up fine to go out. It does make you feel good in yourself however i imagine the "effort" being discussed by the op's friends is prob half the confidence aspect. ie they felt they may have needed to make an extra effort to actually look good to men. This is the mistake people make. I find my wife looks her best when dressed in a tracksuit and her hair tied back. Why? Because she is natually off gard and her confidence front gives way to her caring aspect. ie baby puke down her clothes is funny rather than a tragedy...

This is just my opinion.

daenerysstormborn3

I always make an effort but it's for myself rather than "my man". I don't wear make up everyday, never have, as i have very sensitive skin but aside from that i always do my hair and pick an outfit carefully, i don't just throw on whatever is clean.

When i go on a night out or out with my boyfriend i make an extra effort because i think the getting ready is part of the excitement on a night out

headmaster

My goodness,
how anyone can say i'm trying to degrade anyone, is beyond me. I'm simply giving my opinion, which as it happens seems to have found agreement with people on this forum. As I said, just a squirt of perfume and I feel beautiful for the day, not a bit self conscious as someone suggested. It's what you feel inside that matters, not what you artificially look like outside. As for people "on the pull", i'm glad to say, I don't mix in those circles.

Oh, are we talking day to day as well. No, I don't wear makeup to work or anything unless I'm looking unusually exhausted in which case I'll stick on eyeliner. I'll never, ever wear fake tan until the day I die, and my nails are literally as short as they can physically be without being painful.
Still, makeup and pretty clothes for dressing up is fun. And i always try to have my hair in some semblance of order, though since it has a propensity to turn fuzzy fuzzy the moment I step outside...

Storminateacup

I'm the type of girl who tends to be "overdressed" for situations. But it's because I think life is too short to spend it in ugly clothes.

I couldn't care less if I'm single or if I'm in a relationship, if I'm going on the tear or if I'm doing grocery shopping, I'll make the effort to look nice.

My boyfriend would be seriously worried if he seen me going shopping in a pair of scruffs or if he seen me going out for a night with the girls in a pair of jeans.

daenerysstormborn3

bluewolf wrote: »

Oh, are we talking day to day as well. No, I don't wear makeup to work or anything unless I'm looking unusually exhausted in which case I'll stick on eyeliner. I'll never, ever wear fake tan until the day I die, and my nails are literally as short as they can physically be without being painful.
Still, makeup and pretty clothes for dressing up is fun. And i always try to have my hair in some semblance of order, though since it has a propensity to turn fuzzy fuzzy the moment I step outside...

I really really hate fake tan. No offence to anybody here who is able to actually apply the stuff properly and not look horrendous or smell like a box of tea bags but 90% of the people who I see wearing fake tan you know they're wearing fake tan.

I work in an all female office and 2 of the women here wear fake tan to work everyday and the smell when the two of them are in the same room is so over powering!

Maple

Das Kitty wrote: »

I don't like this attitude that people have better things to be doing when they become a parent, they have different things and likely more thing to be doing, but how are they better?

I could kiss you for that.

On topic, I don't understand this attitude and if anything I probably make more of an effort when I'm in a relationship because I don't want to morph into one of those women who lets herself go. I like to feel good about myself and knowing he thinks I look good gives me a little lift, it's not necessary but it helps.

I love dressing up and putting on makeup for a big night out, it's part of the fun. I've got 4 sisters and often the best part of night is us at home getting ready, radio on, helping one another with dresses and makeup etc.

My exboyfriend used tell me I didn't need makeup and that he loved seeing my freckles but equally when I got all dolled up he'd tell me I was beautiful.

I dress for myself, I like to wear pretty clothes, I like to wear makeup, I like fashion and experimenting. I do it all for myself. I don't need to do it, I'm happy to be seen in casual clothes and without makeup but I like to do it.

Gilldog

Love this thread...

I've been single for a few months now, and I surprised myself by still dressing up and making an effort...for me! It just lifts my mood a bit and makes me feel that im ready to face the day, I personally think that some women look great without makeup and well done to them - the rest of us need a bit of help where we can!! And I dont feel that we're deluding ourselves...i know what I look like...and I know that with a few minutes of grooming I look better!

Actually was reading an article about this a few weeks ago and they surveyed a load of men and asked if they preferred women to be made up or natural. An overwhelming amount of guys said the prefer women who go natural (ie. no make up)...however when the same men were shown two photos - one of a woman with no make up on, and the other of a woman wearing natural look makeup, most of the same men chose the woman wearing make up as the one they preferred!! So basically they don't know what they want!

I don't think anyone sets out to look fake and made up - in saying that I think we've all shuddered at the sight of (mostly young) girls tangoed orange or caked in 3 inches of hideous make up and how bad it looks, but the rest of us know the difference between that and highlighting what nature gave us with some well placed products..

catch me if you can

I like to dress up when im going out, im married with a 2 year old daughter.It is hard though.
I think what happens is not marriage and letting urself go. Its when you have children. You simply will not have the time to do tans and hair and makeup as much as when you were childless. even if you do get dressed up and make an effort within minutes if you with young children you will prob get them rubbing crumbs or stains on your clothes! and messing ur hair etc!
if your at home unless your husband takes the kids for a few hours its very very hard to find the time to get ready. as kids get older it gets easier. but certainly with a baby you will find you havent got time to spend on yourself like you used to.
I work in an office and have to get up and get my daughter ready, make beds, and then shower myself and apply a bit of makeup etc. Its a juggling act.
I used to love sitting in the sitting room on saturday night and straighten my hair and do my eyebrows watching x-factor! but now with a 2 year old its impossible. she would be over trying to grab everything!
In the evenings when i get in from work at 5 im going until 8 oclock. making lunches. dinners. doing washing. folding and putting away clothes. hoovering, changing bins you name it , it all has to be done. again i sit down im wrecked.

KittyeeTrix

With my hubby 19 years and have 4 children aged between 9 and 17.......

I was never into the massive heels before I met my husband back when I was 18, they're just not for me!!
If I'm going out with friends they love to get all dolled up with the fake tan, heels, makeup etc but in the past year I've found myself less and less into the whole thing....

Don't get me wrong, I still make an effort with regards to a little makeup but I don't bother with the heels (instead I wear cute gladiators etc) and I never was into the fake tan thing.

I like to look nice when I'm out but find as I hit my late 30's that I'm more into looking well + comfortable rather than looking amazing + uncomfortable....

If I'm not comfortable ( usually cos of heels) then I generally have a miserable night out:(

Katie_Mac

I'm with my Other half five years now.

And when we first got together i always had my hair done perfect, make up done, nice clothes and the bit of tan. And to this day, i always make the same effort on a night out or a date to the cinema. I love looking great with my partner, i love having him lusting after me on our night out. 'That i'm the only girl in the world'.

I meet him as me, as a person who takes pride in their appearance. I don't understand why some women don't feel the need or 'effort' to put on a bit of concealer or blow dry the hair. A relationship is based around two people obviously.. and why let yourself go, and the attraction your other half had for you slip away. It makes no sense to me. If you don't feel bothered anymore your letting a bit of what attracted your other half go. If there's no attraction in a relationship you just become best friends, who gets that fuzzy feeling for their best friend in scruffs. :cool:

pickarooney

Gilldog wrote: »

Love this thread...

I've been single for a few months now, and I surprised myself by still dressing up and making an effort...for me! It just lifts my mood a bit and makes me feel that im ready to face the day, I personally think that some women look great without makeup and well done to them - the rest of us need a bit of help where we can!! And I dont feel that we're deluding ourselves...i know what I look like...and I know that with a few minutes of grooming I look better!

Actually was reading an article about this a few weeks ago and they surveyed a load of men and asked if they preferred women to be made up or natural. An overwhelming amount of guys said the prefer women who go natural (ie. no make up)...however when the same men were shown two photos - one of a woman with no make up on, and the other of a woman wearing natural look makeup, most of the same men chose the woman wearing make up as the one they preferred!! So basically they don't know what they want!

I don't think anyone sets out to look fake and made up - in saying that I think we've all shuddered at the sight of (mostly young) girls tangoed orange or caked in 3 inches of hideous make up and how bad it looks, but the rest of us know the difference between that and highlighting what nature gave us with some well placed products..

Make-up is just supposed to help accentuate the natural features. When it's used as a mask or is itself the focus of the face it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of what make-up is for. I would wager that most men appreciate when make-up is used correctly but baulk at the sight of troweleld-on foundation or go-faster-stripe fake-tan.

Ayla

These just about sum me up:

Das Kitty wrote: »

I was never one for making a huge effort. First time I had a manicure was for my wedding. I can safely say I'm the same as I was before I was attached.

pixiebean22 wrote: »

I really really hate fake tan...90% of the people who I see wearing fake tan you know they're wearing fake tan.

catch me if you can wrote: »

even if you do get dressed up and make an effort within minutes if you with young children you will prob get them rubbing crumbs or stains on your clothes! and messing ur hair etc!

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

I'm more into looking well + comfortable rather than looking amazing + uncomfortable...If I'm not comfortable ( usually cos of heels) then I generally have a miserable night out:(

As someone who's done a lot of manual labour jobs in her past, I've never been one to primp & preen for anyone. I love coming home from work and changing my office heels for slippers, the professional suit for grungewear, the hair goes up & the bra comes off. It's like two different people, but is either not me? Nope, they're both me. And my hubby loves me both ways.

In the rare opportunity that we go out I do attempt to do a bit of makeup, but I do so little that my hubby can't even tell the difference. All I own outside of officewear is jeans & tops so there isn't a dressing up deal. And I'm useless for doing my hair so it usually just gets pulled up (again).

Joey the lips wrote: »

Every 2 weeks we usually do a "big" fuss dinner for ourselves on a saturday. Although we are staying in we usually put the kids to bed then wash and dress like we are going out but sit in and talk. No TV and a low radio...I find my wife looks her best when dressed in a tracksuit and her hair tied back. Why? Because she is natually off gard and her confidence front gives way to her caring aspect.

I love this, sounds like such a lovely idea.

Katie_Mac wrote: »

A relationship is based around two people obviously.. and why let yourself go, and the attraction your other half had for you slip away. It makes no sense to me. If you don't feel bothered anymore your letting a bit of what attracted your other half go. If there's no attraction in a relationship you just become best friends, who gets that fuzzy feeling for their best friend in scruffs. :cool:

I suppose what gets me about this is it's understandable, but really quite shallow. You think couples who've been together for decades still have the same physical attraction they did when they were younger? You think someone who's been physically marred by illness or injury is any less attractive to their partner? I know what you're saying: re letting yourself go = a "why bother" attitude = loss of attraction, but I know for a fact that my husband still loves & is wildly attracted to me even when the hair in my pits & on my legs competes with his :eek::D

Neyite

In my teens and twenties, I was very self concious and always wore makeup and agonised over each outfit. Now in my mid thirties, I love putting on the PJ's once Im in the door for the night, and never wear makeup to work or on a day Im staying indoors. If I am going out for the day I do wear makeup, and when I hang out with my partners family, I am concious to do my hair, as they all have perfect hair and I feel a bit scarecrow-y if I go with the usual sloppy ponytail. But thats ego, really.:D

My partner thinks I am good-looking without makeup, but says he gets that 'Wow' feeling when I get dressed up and made up for a night out. To be honest, I love that too - that when I do get dolled up it knocks his socks off - I feel sexy and confident and it makes it feel like a proper night out - a proper date.

Katie_Mac

Ayla wrote: »

These just about sum me up:





I suppose what gets me about this is it's understandable, but really quite shallow. You think couples who've been together for decades still have the same physical attraction they did when they were younger? You think someone who's been physically marred by illness or injury is any less attractive to their partner? I know what you're saying: re letting yourself go = a "why bother" attitude = loss of attraction, but I know for a fact that my husband still loves & is wildly attracted to me even when the hair in my pits & on my legs competes with his :eek::D

No, and how dare you call me shallow?

What i said was making an effort.. i never said full face of make up.. tan and high heels. I said that's how i would get done up on a night out.
What i said was a bit of concealer? I'm not saying the 'attraction' stays OP, i'm saying i little bit of 'jazz' in a relationship goes a long way.

And my partner is 'widely' attracted to me when i come in the door from training or wake up in the morning in my pj's.

Ickle Magoo

Okay folks - if this subject is going to be impossible to discuss without insults and offence then the thread will have to be locked.

Malari

Wait a minute...there's a difference between wearing tracky legs and pjs around the house or in the evening, and getting dressed up when you are going out! They are not mutually exclusive! I definitely do both - often in the same night

I don't even know about the phrase "make an effort". To me, shaving my legs, wearing make-up and nice clothes and heels, etc are NOT an effort. They are quick and easy to do and I enjoy making myself up. I like to look nice every day though, and will do so even if it's just going to work or for a stroll around town on Saturday or even if I don't leave the house. My boyfriend has little bearing on how I look - he likes me anyway.

Ayla

Katie_Mac wrote: »

I meet him as me, as a person who takes pride in their appearance.

OK, first, I never called you shallow. How you described yourself above is great - that's you & I'd be the last to pass any sort of judgement or comment on it.

I don't understand why some women don't feel the need or 'effort' to put on a bit of concealer or blow dry the hair.

Again, fine, that's your opinion...you probably wouldn't "understand" me then

... why let yourself go, and the attraction your other half had for you slip away. It makes no sense to me. If you don't feel bothered anymore your letting a bit of what attracted your other half go.

I suppose it's my fault that what I wrote earlier didn't come across well. You're right, in that if someone makes an effort initially but then changes their routine it can affect physical attraction.

But some people are attracted to people (even in the early stage of the relationship) because they never feel the need to be done up to be attractive or more confident. I went on my first date with my now husband when I was wearing my waitressing uniform & sandles.

Now I obviously like attempting to look a bit better for the odd date, but do I feel any less attractive or sexy because I'm wearing the same thing he sees everyday, or don't do my hair/makeup? Nope. This is who I was before I met him, it's who I've been since meeting him & it'll probably always be who I am.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Great thread. I'm a 28yr old guy lurking here just for context.

I remember both my ex and I let ourselves go for probably a good year and a half or so towards the end of the relationship. Not sure how it happened but it did. I didn't make an effort in various ways, wearing old, wore clothes, not shaving or bothering to gel my hair, and I rarely saw her in anything other than casual clothes such as tracksuit pants unless we were heading out for a special occasion.

I'm currently in a new relationship for the last year and a bit and speaking for myself I'm trying my best to not slip into the same rut. Now the relationship is a bit different as we normally only see each other the weekends (working in different cities). However, I always make sure I'm cleanly shaven and wearing nice, clean clothes even if we're just chilling out. Last weekend, went for a meal and she wore a really nice dress, had her hair all done up and I went for black shoes, good dark jeans and a brand new, unusual Italian shirt.

As for make-up, she wears a pretty minimal amount which is nice as I don't think she needs it and I hate women wearing heavy make-up.

Reading back over the above it seems superficial and vain but I like putting in the effort for my OH (and for myself) and I love when I see her in a pretty dress.

borderlinemeath

No, I've never "not bothered" because I'm in a relationship. I like getting dressed up to go out and put on a bit of make up. I barely wear make up day to day so putting on a bit of mascara and lipstick makes me feel good.

I love getting dressed up for a night out as I'm normally very casually dressed day to day, jeans and tshirts, or tracksuit bottoms if out walking the dog so putting on a dress or a nice top makes me feel good about myself.

My OH loves to see me dressed up as well, although he's not a big make up fan. He says he prefers me without but in saying that I'm fairly crap at putting on make up, I've never worn eyeliner or blusher, and only sometimes put on eyeshadow. I've fairly big eyes and the usual result by my hand is that eye make up makes my eyes look smaller rather than accentuating them:D

lace

Interesting thread!

I'm in college so maybe it's just because I'm young but I love getting dressed up and going out. I have a boyfriend but he doesn't really factor into my decisions about clothes/makeup/grooming. He sees me just out of bed in the mornings and lounging around on lazy sick days and loves me anyway for it but just because he's seen it doesn't mean I feel it's okay for it to become the norm. I like the norm to be well presented. I enjoy dressing up and looking good so I do it more for myself than for him. I really like the act of putting on makeup and buying/choosing clothes.

I can see how some people might see it as a chore if they don't really enjoy it and they have busy lives and not much time to get ready but it's something I like doing so I hope I never have to stop. I really admire glamorous old ladies still wearing their lipstick and heels at 75.

I don't think "letting oneself go" is something to be looked down upon but I also don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to dress up and wear makeup. It's all a matter of personal taste I suppose.

Acoshla

lace wrote: »

I'm in college so maybe it's just because I'm young but I love getting dressed up and going out.

Why would being young mean you love it? I'm not college young (I'm 26) but I still love it, it's more a personal choice than an age thing!

Scarinae

I've always been fairly low-maintenance. Day-to-day I wear eye makeup and a bit of concealer, and occasionally a bit of tinted moisturiser if my skin looks tired. I have very straight hair, so I can get away with letting it dry naturally if I'm in a rush but I usually blow dry it because it sits a bit better. I rarely wear heels during the day.

If I'm going out somewhere, I'll wear a bit more makeup - usually I'll add eyeliner, highlighter, foundation and occasionally blusher. I have never worn fake tan, I wouldn't even know how to apply it.

My boyfriend actually prefers me natural, he likes that I don't wear a lot of makeup. He thought it was a bit silly when we were on field trips in college and I was still putting on eye makeup to go hiking around mountains hammering rocks. He liked my hair last year when I let my highlights grow out and it was going back to its natural light brown, but I started highlighting it again once I could afford it because I prefer it blonde.

saa

Taking pride in your appearance is carrying yourself with confidence, taking care of your body skin and hair not necessarily wearing heels, waxing or make up.

OP said she does it for herself and the other women use to do it for men, but this post sounds like you're putting pressure on them to do it now.

Okay okay I get where you're coming from its never a positive thing to give up on yourself but I don't know any of these women so its hard to tell if the expectation is to take care of them selves or take care of themselves+ dress up like they use to, some women just don't want feel the need to do that anymore

I must admit I'm thinking of other cases of this in my head reflecting on your post it does sound negative. Talking about shaving I use to shave and it had to be razor smooth but now I'm not freaking out over a tiny bit of stubble and its for me :-)

CathyMoran

I do not feel comfortable in casual clothing - I wore an REM t-shirt and jeans recently and felt horrible - I like looking my best. I do not wear any makeup at the moment as my young daughter does not like odd smells on me plus I only ever wore lipstick and I am kissing and hugging her all day so it does not work out. I do dress up for me though.

IrishEyes19

Relationship or not. Ive always loved clothes and looking my best. So on a night out, occassion. Id always make the effort. Never really got the whole, dressing down once a relationship gets comfy to be honest. I like to look good, and feel good when I do. No person or relationship could get in the way of that.

tan11ie

Gilldog wrote: »

Actually was reading an article about this a few weeks ago and they surveyed a load of men and asked if they preferred women to be made up or natural. An overwhelming amount of guys said the prefer women who go natural (ie. no make up)...however when the same men were shown two photos - one of a woman with no make up on, and the other of a woman wearing natural look makeup, most of the same men chose the woman wearing make up as the one they preferred!! So basically they don't know what they want!

Most men actually can't tell the difference.When men say they prefer women without make -up they are more then likely referring to full on Saturday night make-up.

Back on topic imo I've always felt it important to make an effort in looking good for myself and for the person I'm with, otherwise I'd feel like ****e! I'd expect the same from my partner.It's important to keep attraction alive.

Eviledna

Surely this is yet another everything in moderation topic?-

Not being able to wake beside your oh/bf/anyone without applying makeup first is not healthy or comfortable in your own skin but...

Not being able to see the need to rise above the daily uniform to show yourself and your lover you put stock in your appearance is not cool either.

There's alot to be said for being comfortable with your partner, to let go and appreciate each other au naturel, and this will always come down to beauty being in the eye of the beholder, both your minds eye and your lovers eye. When there are mismatched expectations, that's when trouble starts. I believe you should never feel like you have to maintain a look, you should want to and it should come easy. It's making an effort but it should feel effortless, as the reward is greater than the energy spent doing it.

LegacyUser

My wife and me have a three month old son now.

You think she has time to be trimming herself, getting manicures and applying false tan?

No chance.

I love the woman she is...the wobbly bits, the pale bits, every bit.

I don't want her to feel she has to put on a fake show for me. She's given birth to my beautiful son and I love every single inch of her, even more now than ever.

As soon as our boy is asleep I feel like ripping her clothes off....she's more sexy now than ever.

I watched her give birth with blood, sweat and tears but she's never been more attractive to me.....strange, but true.

False nails and tans will only get you so far.....reality will hit your relationship at some stage....best hope your man knows you by then.

Kimia

^^^^ Awww!

I have changed hugely since I met my bf (7 years ago at this stage) and it's true that I don't dress up as much as I did back then. I still wear make-up though but I've learned to be more subtle with it.

The thing I find is that my 'style' has evolved - I've always really admired those women who are effortlessly stylish - they can throw on a t-shirt and jeans and just look stunning, so I try and emulate that now. It doesn't always work though!

It's really about how you feel on the inside though. I can be dressed up to the nines but if I feel shítty or self-conscious on the inside I may as well forget about it - it doesn't matter what I wear!

krudler

Storminateacup wrote: »

I'm the type of girl who tends to be "overdressed" for situations. But it's because I think life is too short to spend it in ugly clothes.

I couldn't care less if I'm single or if I'm in a relationship, if I'm going on the tear or if I'm doing grocery shopping, I'll make the effort to look nice.

My boyfriend would be seriously worried if he seen me going shopping in a pair of scruffs or if he seen me going out for a night with the girls in a pair of jeans.

whats wrong with wearing jeans on a night out? girls look great with figure hugging jeans on.

As a guy, I'd still put in the effort well into a relationship regardless, did it with my most recent ex and the ones before her, sure we saw each other tired, sick, hungover and with messy hair, spots and everything else but doesnt matter really.

rannerap

I still put just as much effort into how I look as I did when I was single. I just feel horrible if I go outside and Ive made no effort. Its more for myself than anyone else. Id dress the same when I'm with my bf as I would if I was going out by myself! I just like to make an effort and always have

headmaster

No need to do yourself up if there's nothing wrong. I guess you girls must be trying to hide a lot of problems. If you've got it, you've got it, if you ain't got it, well, i guess you have to do a bit of maintenance. Just be honest about it, none of this, "I do it for myself", that's a load of codology. To be honest, the way a lot of you do yourselves up, you'd be as well to leave well enough alone. You can't make a silk purse out of a pigs ear.

Malari

headmaster wrote: »

No need to do yourself up if there's nothing wrong. I guess you girls must be trying to hide a lot of problems. If you've got it, you've got it, if you ain't got it, well, i guess you have to do a bit of maintenance. Just be honest about it, none of this, "I do it for myself", that's a load of codology. To be honest, the way a lot of you do yourselves up, you'd be as well to leave well enough alone. You can't make a silk purse out of a pigs ear.

LOL, being a troll you'd think you'd appreciate the enhancing effects of make-up :rolleyes::D

Ickle Magoo

headmaster is taking a permanent vacation from this forum for determinedly ignoring the warnings to both read and respect the forum charter and the other posters on this forum.

As per site rules, please don't engage with trolls or call troll and drag the thread off-topic - report any post/poster you think is in breach of forum rules and let the mods deal with it.

Cheers. :cool:

Neyite

Storminateacup wrote: »

My boyfriend would be seriously worried if he seen me going shopping in a pair of scruffs or if he seen me going out for a night with the girls in a pair of jeans.

See, I love wearing jeans -skinny ones out on a night out with a pair of heels a dressy top, a nice clutch bag and a bit of bling. I can safely say that I look dressed up when I pull it all together.

Being in jeans does not necessarily mean scruffy, I look and feel great in mine. I am a fan of the casual look sometimes - a shapley tee-shirt with jeans and heeled boots and minimal makeup, but equally like the odd time being in a nice dress and feeling girly.