Too few bedrooms

Dilbert75

Briefly: 3 bed house. Main bedroom: myself & herself. 2nd bedroom: 2 boys (16 & 9) Box room: Girl (6)

Older fella is campaigning to swap with girl. He's basing his campaign on the fact that he's starting 5th year and will need somewhere to study, needs somewhere to bring his friends, etc. and that the two younger ones get on better together than he does with either of them.

But: we've always said the lil girl needs her own room - to listen to her music, be girly, etc. When she gets to around 10 she'll need the privacy of her own room for definite but the older fella is expected to be in college at that stage.

Unfortunately extending to add a room is not an option for cost reasons. What's the Boards verdict? Little uns together or boys together?

Outkast_IRE

I would keep things as they are, because if you give the older fella his own room this is at best a temporary thing to appease him but realistically even if he is away from home for college he will be back some weekends possibly all summer and he will resent one of the kids taking over his own room again i think it would lead to more arguments etc long run .
Leave the boys together i say.

stovelid

Probably best to leave boys together.

lynski

any chance you have room to build a partition in one room to make 2 small rooms? we just did to create an office, it is small, but with a sliding door would work as a box room. makes for a small bedroom and tiny office, but gives us what we need.

part time punk

Not speaking from experience or anything but I'd have thought that at the moment the young ones would have more in common due to their closer age and so would be better sharing a room, rather than a 16 and 9 year old, just because they happen to both be male. A 7 year age gap is quite a lot at that age.

hoodwinked

at 6 & 9 & 16 your ages match perfectly my siblings and i growing up, when i (girl) was 16 my brother was 9 and my sister was 6. we also had a three bedroom house.

i did share with my brother for a year when my sister was born i was 10 he was 3 and it was a pain in the rear, his boy toys were everywhere and my stuff was stuffed in the cupboards and we fought constantly because we were on top of each other.

my mum quickly realised it wasn't working and re shuffled us to my sister and i in the big room (10 year gap), and my brother in the box room and that worked better until the day i moved out.


to be fair to your son at 16 he probably like most 16 year olds male and female is just looking for space and somewhere to call his own, but you could maybe offer for now if his friends call over you'll keep the 9 year old out of their way, and for study you'll buy him a desk in their room and agree to keep the younger one out of the room while he is studying.

implausible

Dilbert75 wrote: »

Older fella is campaigning to swap with girl. He's basing his campaign on the fact that he's starting 5th year and will need somewhere to study, needs somewhere to bring his friends, etc. and that the two younger ones get on better together than he does with either of them.

I'd agree that the little girl needs and will need her space.

The two things can be dealt with separately. Can you set up a desk in another corner of the house? Where does he currently do his homework? As for somewhere to bring his friends, have ye a shed? Teenage boys are quite happy with a few deck chairs and a tv/playstation. Otherwise, can you negotiate that he has a friends' evening - an evening when they come over for a few hours and have the run of the sitting room?

Smashhits

I agree with all the previous posters about keeping the little girl in her own room. Is there a possibility of converting the attic to move the older guy up there instead? I can understand why a guy of 16 needs/wants his own space but he won't be around forever! At least if you converted the attic the younger ones would have somewhere to go with their friends when they're older as well.

Fittle

I disagree with most and would think that giving the 16yr old his own room is the most important thing right now. Without being too crude, 16yr old boys want to do things in their room without having their 9yr old brothers present if you get my gist;) And he'll want to bring his mates in too etc..

I don't see a problem with the younger boy and girl together. Off the top of my head, I can think of 3 families who have boys and girls around that age, all of whom share a room and the third room (if there is one) is used as an office/storage room.

The teenage years are such critical years for kids - boys in particular - that I think it's really important he gets a bit of privacy.

ash23

You know your kids best. Do you think the younger two will get on ok together? Do you think the 16 year old will have moved out in 2 years by the time the younger boy is hitting puberty?
Do you think the older boy will be put out if when he moves out at 18, "his" room is given to his younger sibling and he has to share when he comes home?

Ideally I'd keep the younger ones together and give the older one his own room for 2 years. Then the younger boy will no longer be in a position to share with his younger sister.

Kildrought

Do a deal with your oldest - he does after-school study (most schools have a paid supervised study arrangements for older/exam years) for 5th year & then in 6th year you'll let him have his own room for the year and after that it reverts back.

Dilbert75

I'm not a parent, but I did my LC in 2009 and I've shared with my sister in a small space my whole life, so I figured I'd throw my 2 cents in.

Dilbert75 wrote: »

He's basing his campaign on the fact that he's starting 5th year and will need somewhere to study, needs somewhere to bring his friends, etc.

I was in 5th year when my sister was in 6th, (we're both girls) sharing a room which consisted of two beds separated by 1 foot with a 2 foot space at the end of the beds. It never caused a problem. However when the leaving cert was coming around, my friends were pulling all sorts of stuff with their parents. Parents are really encouraged to make everything as easy as possible at home for students during the LC, and the students know this, so they use it to try and see what they can get away with. You can't blame him for trying, but the kind of room he sleeps in isn't going to make or break his leaving cert. He's either going to put time into studying or he's not, and the room wont make a difference. As for the friends thing, he's hardly going to be having friends over in a box room? I know he's at the age he might be wanting to bring girls over, but that's a bit contradictory to his "I need study space/time" claim.

When she gets to around 10 she'll need the privacy of her own room for definite but the older fella is expected to be in college at that stage.

There's no guarantee that he'll be out of the house when he goes to college, even if you're living far from where he'll go to college, he might be coming home on the weekends, and one thing's for sure: once he gets that room he's not going to give it up without a fight. Like I said, I've shared in a really small space, and of course there was tension sometimes, like between any siblings, but if I had to share with a brother rather than a sister, it would have been unbearable. Especially coming up to puberty. An age difference is not as big a deal as a gender difference. And by the time the 6 year old and 9 year old are 8 and 11, their age difference will seem huge anyway. I'd definitely recommend the girl be left in her room.

Sorry for such a long post, but I really would have felt mortified/frustrated if I had to go through all those years sharing with a brother, don't let the LC excuses fool you!

whatdoicare

May I give a suggestion? I myself don't have kids but my neighbour had the same problem as you recently and also couldn't afford an extension - her solution? The Husband built a large shed in the back garden, insulated it properly and got it set up for electricty, put a second hand sofa, tv and whatever game system he has into it - the eldest son still sleeps with his two younger brothers but now he can spend his days in his new "office" and bring his pals over there while being able to lock out the younger ones. The younger lads made the bedroom their own and everyone seems to be happier for it.

Didn't cost a whole lot to do and the neighbour says if it gets too cramped for the next in line he'll just build another shed next to the one he has. Seems to be working.

Tayla

whatdoicare wrote: »

May I give a suggestion? I myself don't have kids but my neighbour had the same problem as you recently and also couldn't afford an extension - her solution? The Husband built a large shed in the back garden, insulated it properly and got it set up for electricty, put a second hand sofa, tv and whatever game system he has into it - the eldest son still sleeps with his two younger brothers but now he can spend his days in his new "office" and bring his pals over there while being able to lock out the younger ones. The younger lads made the bedroom their own and everyone seems to be happier for it.

Didn't cost a whole lot to do and the neighbour says if it gets too cramped for the next in line he'll just build another shed next to the one he has. Seems to be working.

Good suggestion, my OH's parents had a similar shed set up for his little brother when he was a teenager.

professore

Do what we did .... split the main bedroom in 2 with a stud wall. Then move yourself into the 2nd bedroom. Hey presto 4 bed house.

cynder

keep the boys together, the 9 year old will be hitting puberty soon and will not want his little sister in his room or if he brings friends over he would have to bring them into his and his sisters room......


people on here soeem to only think of 1 the teen or 2 the little girl, but i would be thinking about your preteen....... good idea to build some sort of shed out the back (if you have enough garden space), my sister in law did that for her guy only he was an only child in a 3 bed house....

RubyGirl

How do the 6 & 9 year old get on, how would they feel about sharing? Has it been discussed in the family.

My opinion is I would let the younger two share for his last year at school. Make an agreement with him that it's just temporary and it's to helf him with study, and if the younger two dont get on with the room sharing it's to be reverted.
How is it working out at the moment, are the boys getting on?
I only have two children, a boy & girl and even though they both have their own room's they actually sleep together most nights (6 & 8). I have bunk bed's in my daughter's room.

Cat Melodeon

I'd definitely give the 16-yr old his own space. Seven years is a big gap between kids, 3 is very little. It doesn't matter that the younger two are a boy and a girl (Peppa and George share...), they are much closer developmentally than the 16- and 9-yr old. I wouldn't want the 9-yr old being too much influenced by an older teen - he'll be listening to all sorts of phone calls about illicit teen behaviour - better to keep him with the younger one.

By the time the eldest is finished his LC, the middle one will be hitting puberty. You can rejig the arrangements then, but if the eldest is away from home for college or work or whatever then he gives up his right to his own room.

nesf

Convert the attic, throw some cheap furniture in there and let the kids have it. You'll get years of use out of it when the younger ones age and it'll keep them out of your hair.

We've already converted the attic many years in advance for this and other reasons (i.e. as a study for the parents when the kids are too young to stay quiet downstairs and one of us needs to work). Wasn't that expensive to do really.

Also, you shouldn't study in your bedroom. Better to have separate areas for work and rest for psychological reasons.

Dilbert75

Thank you all for your replies. Much as I'd like to, even splitting the room is not terribly feasible, at least without leaving one of them in a dark cave. The attic doesn't have enough height for conversion either and access to it is directly down onto the landing, so it'd be difficult. I think we're stuck with 3 rooms!

I told No. 1 about the poll and some of the comments and he's not too impressed! I think he was hoping for a resounding "give No.1 the room" result when I told him first. I'm slightly surprised not to see a whole queue of 1-post wonders recommending that - in his situation I'd be more than up for a bit of vote-rigging!:p

I asked No.2 what his preference is and he said he doesn't care who he shares with as long as he has his bed and his teddies.

I asked No.3 if she'd like No.1 to take her room and she said "no way. Unless the two boys are going to move in there and I can take their room, no way"

Mrs Dilbert is totally against it too. Me, I'd consider the temporary loan option, for the reasons outlined by some of you, but with a finite timespan. No.1 just wants it whatever and I suspect the old "possession is 9/10ths of the law" would come into it in 2 years time.

So for now its as-you-were. Thanks again.

Dilbert75

Don't know how many of the earlier posters will see this but we made some progress on this in the past two months and I thought I'd let you all know. The two boys are still sharing the same room but we've got rid of the bunk & the single bed, replacing them with two cabin beds (drawers underneath) and put them parallel against the same wall. I've built a 1.5m tall partition in the middle of the room, including a flat panel tv in the older guy's side (for his X-box) and loads of shelves on each side for them both. Because the partition is not full height, there's reasonable light but yet neither of them interferes too much with the other. Their wardrobes / dressers are on the opposing wall so there's little interference there either. And we got rid of a whole pile of rubbish in the big clear-out! I'm currently getting to the end of the build and they're both happy so far - so we're happy. So the (virtual) prize for the first & closest suggestion goes to Lynski!

nkay1985

That's a great compromise Dilbert. Fair play.

If I had seen the thread originally I would have advocated keeping the boys together too. I shared a room with my 3-years-older and 6-years-younger brothers until I was about 12, when the older brother got a sitting room converted into his bedroom. That put me and the younger brother in the same room until the older one went to college and, even at that, I still had to share when he was home. 6 years is a big age gap and it'd be lovely to have your own space but you don't need it. Definitely better to have an age gap than a gender gap, IMO.

Either way, your solution sounds pretty good to me!

lynski

good solution! we were lucky that we could put in a window so 'the office' is bright and airy though tiny, it even brings more light into a dark hallway and bathroom.

fox_1973

thanks for the update, was following the thread, in my situation with my three, we were lucky enough to be able to convert the attic so that solved that problem.

lynski

i should have posted this link the first time

http://www.eclisse.co.uk/
these pocket door systems are fantastic, expensive but they make all the difference in a small house or space. we have 2 now and plan on replacing as many doors as possible in time.