Did your parents get to see you as an adult.

Last week I met a friend of my oldest daughter.

She now has two children and a husband, has a house, graduated college.

Her mother died when she was 19, she had cancer, the last time I met her mother was at the deb's when my daughter and her friend were both 18.

It made me sad to think that her mother never got to see her daughter graduate, or got to meet her grandchildren ( she was the kind of woman who would have loved being a granny ).

I think one of the worse things that could happen to a child is to have one of your parents die when you are young.

policarp

It would be far worse to see them dying a slow lingering death. IMO

NIMAN

Mum still alive so got to see me married, grand child born, another coming. Brothers 2 children grow up, sisters child grow up.

However father died 18 years ago, and so missed nearly all of this. I often think of how he would have enjoyed it all so much. And the grandchildren would have really liked him too.

Ah well.

Magic Beans

Sadly no, I never grew up.

py2006

My mum died when I was 20. She missed a lot!

She would also have made sure I would be in a better position now!

thewintermute

I'm pushing 40 and had two grannies up til a few months back. Still have one and she's brilliant. Hard to see my Dad losing his Mam when he's in his sixties himself.

CardBordWindow

My dad died 9 days before my 18th birthday.
At least I got to have a pint with him before he died.

stupidusername

i was 25 when my mam died, so it's not like i was very young, but she still did miss out on my graduation, and everything that has happened since i'm aware that she's not here for it. but i'm not having children or getting married so i don't know that she'd be missing out on that much more in my life.

El Horseboxo

I lost both my parents when I was a kid. My sister was killed when I was young too. So none of my immediate family got to see me do anything over the age of 16. If I ever get married or have kids I think that will hit me the hardest. That none of them made it to seeing me start my own family.

blaze1

They both got to see me in my 20's, sadly Da passed away 3 years ago...
But if they both lived to 100 they'd never see me as a grown up adult

RIP pops

mackg

El Horseboxo wrote: »

I lost both my parents when I was a kid. My sister was killed when I was young too. So none of my immediate family got to see me do anything over the age of 16. If I ever get married or have kids I think that will hit me the hardest. That none of them made it to seeing me start my own family.

man that's harsh wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

stupidusername wrote: »

i was 25 when my mam died, so it's not like i was very young, but she still did miss out on my graduation, and everything that has happened since i'm aware that she's not here for it. but i'm not having children or getting married so i don't know that she'd be missing out on that much more in my life.

I'm 24 and will be graduating next year, my father is not well at the moment and to be fair is fairly old now but I would still love if he was able to see me achieve something in life. if he doesn't I think I will regret messing around for as long as I did.

ibarelycare

El Horseboxo wrote: »

I lost both my parents when I was a kid. My sister was killed when I was young too. So none of my immediate family got to see me do anything over the age of 16. If I ever get married or have kids I think that will hit me the hardest. That none of them made it to seeing me start my own family.

That's awful, I'm really sorry for your losses.


My dad died when I was 5. My brother was 15, my sisters 12 and 10. So he never got to see any of us as adults. My brother and one sister are both married and at their weddings there was a sense of sadness that he wasn't there. He has 2 grandchildren now and another one on the way and my mam always says how much we would have loved being a grandfather. In one way, it was easier on me than my siblings when he died because I was so young I didn't really understand what was happening, but I always envy that they got to have more time with him.

stupidusername

mackg wrote:

I'm 24 and will be graduating next year, my father is not well at the moment and to be fair is fairly old now but I would still love if he was able to see me achieve something in life. if he doesn't I think I will regret messing around for as long as I did.

My mam died two months before my final exams. Thing is I know she'd be proud for me even having gotten that far. I'm sure your dad will be too

denhaagenite

Mine and the OH's can't be bothered looking. Sometimes hard to think that when we have children there isn't a place we can turn to for support and aswell they'll miss out on that relationship (our kids, couldn't give a toss about our parents at this stage). I had a really close relationship with my nan and while I'm not upset that she died- she went quickly and with dignity- there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her. I'm sad that she didn't get to meet my OH and she won't see our future family.

Thatnastyboy

My father died when I was 11,

It was actually 11 years and 5 days ago.

I never got over it, and I never will. Every once in a while it catches up on me, also people say they can see it in my personality.

I missed out on everything with him, also I can barely remember him, I heard a tape of him singing a couple of months ago and it wasnt how I remembered his voice, it broke me down.

Cherish every minute with your parents folks, I don't know if i could go on if i lost my mum too, she did an incredible job of rasing us since, something i could never repay her.

pow wow

Every morning over breakfast. I'm moving out soon.

Rocky_Dennis

ibarelycare wrote: »

That's awful, I'm really sorry for your losses.


My dad died when I was 5. My brother was 15, my sisters 12 and 10. So he never got to see any of us as adults. My brother and one sister are both married and at their weddings there was a sense of sadness that he wasn't there. He has 2 grandchildren now and another one on the way and my mam always says how much we would have loved being a grandfather. In one way, it was easier on me than my siblings when he died because I was so young I didn't really understand what was happening, but I always envy that they got to have more time with him.

Mine is a similar story to yours, I was 3 when my dad died, my brother was 12 and my sisters were 10, 8, 7 and 1. Like you said, it was easier on me than my older siblings, I have no memories of my dad and only know him through photos.
Mam was left with six young kids when she was 37, I can't imagine how tough it was on her but saying that, she did a fantastic job raising all of us, so in a way, I wouldn't change anything, I am who I am today because of my mother

shannon_tek

Good point op. Got me thinking how my mum would be. Thankfully she left me good looks. But will never see me grow up.

nessie911

ibarelycare wrote: »

My dad died when I was 5. My brother was 15, my sisters 12 and 10. So he never got to see any of us as adults. In one way, it was easier on me than my siblings when he died because I was so young I didn't really understand what was happening, but I always envy that they got to have more time with him.

I am in the same both, except it was my mam, she died 18 years ago, when
I was 3, my brothers were 5 and 10 and my sister was 7, so we were all quite young.

like you said above I do envy the fact that they got to know her, as I have no memories of her. It can be quite hard when people ask me if i remember anything about her, because i really don't.

The hardest thing for me so far was shopping for my graduation dress, because I had no one to come with me, except my bf but i didnt want him to see the dress. It was quite a lonely day.

Faolchu

my father died 13 years ago today. it saddens me that he wasnt there for my wedding and for my graduation in college. but my first born will be named after him

borderlinemeath

My parents both died when I was young, Mam when I was 8, Dad when I was 12.

I went a bit off the rails in my teens, fcuked up my education, don't know how I managed to stay in school to the end to be honest. Realised when I was 18 that I had really made a mess of things so I started over and have done pretty good with my life since.

I'm not married and I don't have kids, but it'll be these times when it will hit hardest I think.

lolli

This thread really makes me appreciate the fact that I still have both my parents.

I am sorry for all your losses.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Thatnastyboy wrote: »

My father died when I was 11,

It was actually 11 years and 5 days ago.

I never got over it, and I never will. Every once in a while it catches up on me, also people say they can see it in my personality.

I missed out on everything with him, also I can barely remember him, I heard a tape of him singing a couple of months ago and it wasnt how I remembered his voice, it broke me down.

Cherish every minute with your parents folks, I don't know if i could go on if i lost my mum too, she did an incredible job of rasing us since, something i could never repay her.

Thats a very moving story.

In the flip side of that I'd advise parents to cherish their time with their children and make sure they've a million happy memories of you when you depart this world (hopefully before your children).

I rarely miss a moment with mine and can honestly say I've been in their lives every day, and they in mine.

So thats my advice to parents - give your children the memories.

RobbieTheRobber

Another sad story coming.

I lost my father when I was 11 oldest brother was 15 youngest four were 7, 5, 3 and 1. It was two days before his 46 birthday and we buried him on what would have been his 46th.
About 6 months after my father died my mother got meningitis and was in a coma for some three to four months, recovered got a second bout of meningitis this time with blood posining. Again she recovered only to get it a third time some two years later.

As a result of all this most of my family spent huge portions of their life seperated and in foster homes running away and causing trouble when the second youngest reached 16 about five years ago the family was finally all reunited properly.
So we spent nearly 13 years seperated, despite all this all my siblings and I are hugely close and have put all the trouble behind us.

My older brother has two children now, his first he named after our father.

My father would have loved to see his children grow and to tell tales of his life to his grandchildren and because the younger children never really knew their father its often with tales from me and the eldest that bring him back to life if only in their minds!

KittyeeTrix

Both my parents still with me. I'm aged 37 and they have gotten to see my 4 kids aged between 9 and 17 which I'm very grateful for!!

The only grandparent I got to meet died when I was 7 so I'm delighted that my own children will have strong memories of their grandparents...

Very sad to read some of the stories here guys, some of ye have had it tough:(

Wetai

Sorta related; I thought this was a nice story..

dirtypanties

Mum died when I was 21 never met my dad-he ran off as soon as the word pregnant was mentioned!She never saw me get married and never met her 2 granddaughters-I have no brothers and sisters either so that makes it extra hard I think...oh well-just have to get on with things!Mothers day,christmas etc are hard plus anytime you see grandmothers minding their grandchildren or hear friends say nanas minding their kids etc-people take for granted they will have their parents for a lot longer-doesn't always happen like that unfortunately.

Plug

I only realise how lucky I am now. I still have the 2 parents and 2 brothers and all the sh!t we give each other:rolleyes:

tweety76

My mam died when I was 21. Nice that we got that much time together but still hurts that it wasn't longer. Can be hard when I see what a great relationship my pals have with their mothers. My Dad still alive thankfully and is getting to know his 1yr grandaughter . Hard knowing that she won't have a grandmother and I get sad when I see grannies pushing buggies, funny how the little things affect you!!!

Mink

It's sort of comforting to know other people went through this, like I'm not the only one by a long shot.

Mam & dad died within the same year when I was in late teens of completely disrelated illnesses. I took it pretty bad for a long while but got counselling. I was going out with my now spouse at the time and they've really helped me cope. We got married within a year after them dying, ten years on still going strong.

I often think about what they'd think about what I've done, mistakes I've made, things I've achieved etc. I love talking to people that knew them like old friends (I've hardly any family).

One thing I will say, get to know your parents & their histories because if both die, you can never again ask them those questions. I've spent years giving people that knew them the spanish inquisition to try find out more about them.

It's been really interesting learning stuff I never knew about them, they actually lived cool lives.

So yeah, really get to know your parents, you'll be very sorry otherwise.

redz11

Bit of a happier story here, thankfully ...

My father was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 53, when I was 18. He was given a prognosis of 2-5 years. All my siblings were in their teens, except for my youngest sister, who was two.

I remember, at the time, looking at a photo of the two of them on her 3rd birthday. He was getting chemo at the time, so had no hair, and was very sick and gaunt looking in the photo. I remember thinking how sad it was that, unlike the rest of us, she might end up being so young when he died, that she might have no memories of him at all, and would only have photos like that one to look back on.

Anyways the treatment he received worked better than anyone could have expected. Eight years later, he's still here, and most importantly (although he is still receiving regular treatment) he has as good quality of life as most men his age. My youngest sister is now ten, and the rest of us are grown up, so it's good to know that no matter what happens in the future we will all at least have plenty of happy memories of time spent with him.

It does definitely make you appreciate your time with your parents a lot more. Hopefully he'll still be around for a long time yet!

maudgonner

Thankfully I still have both my parents, but my Dad's mother died when he was only 9, and he was the eldest of five kids. A few years ago we had a family get-together, and as the evening wore on the five of them ended up in conversation, with myself and a few others from the younger generation in tow. Dad started telling stories about their Mother, about his memories of her, of how she died and how it affected him and their father.

It was only afterwards that I realised that this was the first time he had spoken with them about it, and that he was the only one of them who was really old enough to have clear memories of her. He wanted to pass those memories on to them that night as who knows if he woudl get the chance to have a quiet conversation with the four of them again. I feel privileged to have been there.

alwaysadub

My dad died when I was 16. He only had the 1 grandchild then, now there is 7. I think he'd have loved being a granddad to all of them.

I'm from a big family which really helps! Mam is still here, I'd say she'll be here for a long time yet too.

W.Shakes-Beer

Wow....some very sad stories in here, really makes me grateful for my parents being around.

The only bad loss for me was my grandad who lived around the corner from me, I spent a lot of time with him all my life but he got cancer and died the same day as my 16th birthday. I still don't really do anything for my birthday now 5 years on.

Clareman

I actually spoke to my parents about this before.

My mother lost a brother and sister who were very young in accidents as well as a brother a few years ago to cancer. She says she remembers her brother and sister as children as the great times they had together, the only way she can remember her other brother was when he was riddled with cancer in a hospice bed, she would have much preferred not to have seen him like that, the opportunity to say the goodbyes are never worth watching a loved one suffer and die in front of your eyes.

My father's father died when my father was 18, he missed having a father figure around, but it didn't leave a gap in his life.

My sister died almost 10 years ago, both my parents agree that the worst thing they have ever had to do is to bury a child, they wouldn't wish that on anyone, they would have much preffered to leave us once everything they could have done for us was done, however bad it is for a child to lose a parent at a young age, it worse for them to lose a child.

1 of the biggest problems with society is the inability to talk about death and loss, unfortunately it's an integral part of life that everyone has to go through, death shouldn't be to mourn a loss of someone but to celebrate their lives.

Now to Nein 11 to lighten the mood a bit.............

flutterflye

My mother didn't get to see my 2 kids or my wedding day.
She didn't even get to see me turn 12, or my brother and sister turn 4
I miss her every day.

Delirium

my mum died when I was just after I turned 7. She had been very sick with cancer for a while and managed to see my 7th birthday.

Sadly she died a month before my first communion which was something she hoped to see before she died.

Buceph

I'm welling up thinking about how terrible it must be for you all. I hope this thread helped those of you who lost a parent. Incited a memory to come back, or made you realise how happy your parents would be to see you with families and after suceeding in college or in a career.

Storminateacup

I lost my mom a month after my 18th birthday, exactly a month before Christmas. While I wasn't a child, it changed who I was.

My mother would have been so ashamed of the person I became in the years after her death, but I've finally turned everything around.

It makes me so sad to think that she's missed out on so much of my life. I'm not the same person as she knew and that makes me feel like I never had a mum. She wouldn't know the person I am now.

For the longest time, I couldn't think about her without being angry with her. All the good fun things were clouded with feelings of resentment and anger.

Even now, I hate my birthday and I hate Christmas. They're just not happy times anymore.

But -- onwards and upwards right? I have an amazing father who I would lay down my life for. I know he's proud of me. I have no idea what's going to happen to me when he is no longer around.

looky loo

My mum died when I was 12, I had three older brothers and my dad, In the space of three years my dad has died and two of my brothers. Just me and my brother left...we are like refugees after a tornado has hit.

KnifeWRENCH

Thankfully both my parents are still alive. They got to see my sister get married and have children and got to see my other sister graduate (twice). My own graduation is next month, and I'm presuming they'll still be here for that! *crosses fingers*

My Dad's father died young though; think my Dad was 19 or so at the time. Very sad.

Rubberlegs

I've tears in my eyes after reading this thread. My Mum is still alive, but Dad passed away last November after a short illness. I was 37 when he died, I'm so glad my 2 kids had him till they were 10 and 17. I have another little one due in January, and I'm gutted he/she won't know my Dad. But I'm twice as gutted for my sister, who has no kids yet. It's not the same without him, it changes everything. Was always sure I'd be into my 50's and Dad would still be around:(

Kiera

My Dad died when i was 15. Would have been amazing to spoil him as much as he spoilt me as a kid and i know he would be really proud of everything i've achieved over the years. I do regret being such an out-of control teenager tho as its all he knew of me when he passed away.

C-J

Like a few others i'm reading this with tears in my eyes. My mam died of a brain tumour when I was 5, im the youngest of 6 who were all under the age of 19 at the time. My father raised us all single handed and is my biggest hero, he can do no wrong in my eyes. She was only in her early 40s which seemed old at the time to someone as young as myself. I have very few memories but my saddest one is of my mother on her death bed showing my dad how to use the washin machine because she knew she didn't have long left. 6 grandchildren have arrived and it breaks our hearts to picture her running around the garden with them. My 2 yr old asked me last week where my mammy is and it broke my heart. I'm a stronger person for it but she missed out on so much as did my family

newbee22

My dad died when I was 8, I was the oldest, one of my sisters was 4 and my mum was expecting my youngest sister. Whenever I think about I feel so sorry for the youngest, she never met him and he never met her. I'm sure he'd be very proud of us though!:)

bogtreader

My mum died when i was 18 months old so never really got to know her.
My father died a couple of weeks ago aged 93 we never had a father son relationship things would have been so much different had my mum been around

Teyla Emmagan

I am so grateful to still have my parents. They're 66 and 64, so not ancient, but everytime one of my friends loses a parent I thank my lucky stars. I can't imagine being without either of them.

My Mam's parents were both dead by the time she was 21, so no one (like my Dad even) ever got to meet them. They are only alive through her memories, and she was really young so it's not like she ever had an adult relationship with either of them.

My Dad's Dad died when when he was 4 (at the age of 33!), but my Granny is still alive. She is magic because she's our connection to the past in a lot of ways. Even though she doesn't see things like that of course.

I think I'm incredibly lucky in comparison. No one is ever ready to lose their parents I think.

cloneslad

I'm 27 and still have my dad, (still have a mother too but haven't seen her since I was 15-16),

Dad has gotten to see me finish school, graduate from my degrees, masters etc, hear tales of when I was living abroad, is great friends with my g.f (who I've been with for 7 years), has seen my brother getting married, is great to my 3 year old nephew, his only grandchild. I tell him I love him every day!

My mother on the other hand, has witnessed none of this, has no relationship with me, my brother or his family. She is all but dead to us.

I feel sorry for those who lost loving parents, I still have one great parent and it's easier just having one when the other was a person of no morals, or worth! I'd hate to lose my dad, I want him to make a speech at my wedding, play with my kids and I want to enjoy more of my adult life with him.

gbee

That's why one should start a family early. [generally]

My mum was 35 and my dad 70. He died when I was five but I got the free milk warmed up by the turf fire to the envy of most of the class ~ about 60 of us.

Circa 1959

gbee

Cancer is also genetic or hereditary, so daughters should family very early.

Men too for that matter, early diagnosis means early death TBH.

brenne89

My dad died when i was 8. I have two brothers and two sisters ranging at the time between 4 -16. Dad died in the month of June in the middle of my sisters leaving cert. My mother had always bad health and was expected to die before my dad but she outlived him by 24 yrs.