Am I making an issue out of nothing?

LegacyUser

I met a guy two months ago on a dating website. We talked a good bit through email before we decided to bite the bullet & meet up. We had a great first, second & third date. We get on really great, talk about everything & anything and we have great chemistry. I feel really comfortable with him. The next date we have planned is him coming over to mine for dinner & a dvd. We've talked about sleeping together but I told him I didn't want to rush things & he seemed fine with this. I really like what I know of him so far & would like it to develop into something meaningful in the future.

He doesn't really get in contact with me between dates (I instigate texts to finalise details for the dates & that's about it). I know he is very busy with work, his training & volunteering so that doesn't really bother me. I'm not much of a texter/caller with my phone anyway so I can understand if he is the same.

The problem is, if there even is one, is that I've suddenly gotten doubts about the whole thing- like maybe he is just a player trying to charm me in bed or just enjoying the chase until I put out. My friends have said they would not be impressed with a guy never getting in touch between dates- they feel he should be wanting to talk to me all the time if he likes me. They told me he is playing games & to get rid.

Are my friends right? I don't necessarily think so but, then again, they have always had more luck with guys than I do. Are my niggling doubts my gut instinct? Should I just trust that things are going along nicely & let myself go with it? Should I not text him & see if he gets in contact with me or is that playing games?

I know this is trivial but I have very little dating/relationship experience & have sabotaged many a relationship possibilities by having very little confidence in myself in this area of my life. I'd love any insight, advice or some straight talking to cop myself on.

Thanks

Miss Fluff

While a. I understand some people can be allergic to the phone and b. He leads a very busy life with working and volunteering, I would find it very strange that he doesn't want to communicate with you between dates. A text takes thirty seconds.

I take it that all the emailing that took place before you finally met up has ceased also? And if at the end of the date he says "lets meet again on Saturday", are you always the one who has to text him when and where? Red flag to me tbh...

I'm not sure what his modus operandi could be to be honest but I do think if he was interested, really interested, he'd be curious to see how you are and what you're up to.....

When is your next date planned for?

LegacyUser

Thanks Miss Fluff for your input!

The next date is this Friday, so I suppose there is plenty of time for him to get in touch, if he going to at all. The emailing has stopped since we've started seeing each other in person.

So far, we've made the plans towards the end of the date- very definite plans about what we are going to do. I then texted him then to figure out an exact time to meet. I do think it's a bit off that he doesn't seem very interested in between dates...but then I'm confused 'cos we get on so great while on the dates!

I'm thinking of just deleting his number from my phone & that way i'll have my answer- he'll just have to contact me if he wants to meet up. I hate playing games though, but I don't want to chase after someone who isn't interested in me either.

I'd love some male opinions on this as well!

Maple

I think at this early stage there's no need for you guys to be talking between dates. I know I'd be of the sort who'd arrange a date and think that's it, we're going on the date and there's no need to get in touch until the day or quite possibly the night before.

I don't think it fair to dismiss him as a player, I think you're just a bit nervous so are questioning everything and it really appears to me like there is no need for it.

There's no right or wrong way to start a relationship, just take it easy and see how it goes. But I wouldn't be sweating the fact that you don't hear from him between dates, not at this stage anyway.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, guy here. Tried the whole online dating thing on and off over the last couple of years so have experienced both ends of the whole text or not. Those who text morning noon and night (bit exhausting) and those who hardly text/call at all.

I agree it can give the wrong signal if you're not hearing from him between dates but everyone is different. To be honest as a guy I am not that big into the whole texting thing especially in the very early days.

Maybe he's just taking it slowly? I wouldn't advise deleting his number quite yet and waiting to see if he calls, that's just playing games. Nor would I listen to your friends too much and dump him, bit drastic considering the only thing he's done "wrong" is not text often enough!

I was in a very similar situation until recently. Started seeing a girl a while back, felt I was the one initiating all contact, arranging everything and would then have to call on the day to confirm we were still meeting. I did wonder if I didn't call or text would I hear from her again so I know where you're coming from.

I let it go on like that for the first month or so but I did eventually bring it up as it was starting to really bug me. Liked her a lot so last thing I wanted was to let it become a problem when it might turn out to mean nothing at all.

As it turned out it was unintentionally giving the wrong signals. She simply didn't want to be texting too much as we'd only started seeing each other.

Really glad I did bring it up as it was wrecking my head a bit. Not because I want to be in contact every single day/hour, just didn't want to be getting too attached if I was the only one who was interested in more than something casual.

If you've only gone on the 3 dates might be a little early to bring it up.... however if it's wrecking your head so much you've considered deleting his number might be an idea to bring it up casually and clear the air?