Is this normal??

boxoff

Hi Folks,

Just a quick honest opinion on the situation would be great,
Going out with my boyf 2years now, love him to bits, he would do anything for me and is the one as they say....

Lately, we'v been having ridiculious petty arguements over silly things and its really put a dampner on our relationship. My boyf is so subborn and rarely admits hes in the wrong, and when I point out his lack of judgement or what is in question at the time, he just goes into a huff and sayes whatever - thing is it is always me who has to try and lift him out of his mood even tho he was at fault in the first place. Ex lately he called me an inappripriate offensive name, I made it known to him that I wasnt impressed and he just flew off the handle with me and said he was going home unless I didnt get over my mood and then sure there I was getting him to calm down, talk it through etc - just very waring when im always the person who puts things right.

We are both welcome in each others family homes, we both live at home in the countryside and spend equal amounts of time going over and back. We recently attended alot of family functions for his family and went drinking with his brother and supported him in time of need. I had no problem in doing so.This weekend my family was having a gathering and we went out, we were a friends houseparty and my sister had had a very rough breakup during the week and he got very thick with me because we stayed for more than 'the one' drink I said we'd stay for.

I dont know what to do or think, I just cant stand stupid petty arguements when Im arguing with a such a stubborn person! Is it normal in a relationship to have a small arguements lets say every month or so?
Is it normal to kinda feel you need a day or two to yourself in a given week not seeing your partner? I enjoy my own company, thats just the type of person I am. Is this normal and healthy to a two year relationship? Or should you be raring to see them everyday?
We talk text a couple of times a day when we dont see each other and do genuinely miss each other - even if its just a day

Thank you for your time

boxoff

Is this just a 'rough patch' that every couple in some shape or form will go through at some stage or another?

Neyite

This is not a rough patch - this is a problem with communication, and that does not go away on its own. Both of you need to work on it, or cut your losses.

boxoff

hanks folks for your responses, Im just constantly thinking about the situation over and over.

I wouldnt go as far to consider him a bully, think that does not describe the situation but a heartfelt thank you for your reply.

Im just at a lost end on how to approach the subject with him, last thing we need is another arguement. Any suggestions?

Is it healthy spending time apart?

ElleEm

I think a lot of the time when people get frustrated and can't engage in proper conversations about an arguement, it''s because of their ability to articulate their feelings.
Does he have problems expressing himself with words?

You need to sit with him, and say you don't want an arguement. You need to calmly explain how you're feeling and ask him to tell you what he is feeling.

All this name calling and stubborness won't keep your relationship healthy and happy, and you need to explain this to your boyf.

And in regards to your other question, how much time couples spend together is very relative. Myself and my boyfriend spend a lot of time together. We have done since we met. It's what works for us, but I know couples who live together and still spend a lot of time doing their own thing, and maybe spend one or two evenings together a week. That works for them!

Is he unhappy when you want to spend time alone?

boxoff

Not that he is unhappy about me spending time alone, but he will always go on about how much he misses me etc - I just think we need to start spending maybe a day each week alone - might just give each other time to miss the other if you know what I mean

ElleEm

boxoff wrote: »

Not that he is unhappy about me spending time alone, but he will always go on about how much he misses me etc - I just think we need to start spending maybe a day each week alone - might just give each other time to miss the other if you know what I mean

Definitely, but you still need to have a chat about the way he conducts himself in arguements.

angelwings86

Hiya boxoff,
sounds like a tough situation... i cant say i'd be too understanding of the name calling, thats very disrespectful, and hurtful to you too obvs!! Ye've been together 2 years so ye are doing something right but if your OH is being that stubborn and things, maybe ye need to sit and have a long talk, not an argument, but a chance to get your feelings across.. perhaps there's insecurities on his part? i.e the missing you when ye are not together? Dont get me wrong, I'm all for missing my partner if he's away, but like you, I enjoy my own company! and some people are just independant, like to have the time to do their own thing, even if its just to read a book, or watch crap tv (of which im guilty!!).. i'm sure he has stuff he likes to too (sport, pub with the lads, or whatever he likes to do, i'm just generalising) so maybe encourage him to go and do more, perhaps if he is kept occupied too it wont seem like he's just sitting at home waiting to see you (i know that sounds bad but you know what i mean), and it would also give ye different avenues of conversation to engage in instead of arguing about silly things... It just depends on the person, I live with my OH and we have a kid so our house is nothing to go by, but we give eachother space to do what we want on our own (reading/xbox/E!News etc!:)) when we have the chance to do so, as well as spending time together alone and as a family, but we have aguments too, nothing major, always petty things but not often and always resolved, I think it just depends on the relationship..if you want it to work , and so does he, then communication is the key because otherwise things will build up and could cause more problems?! i dont know, this is just my thought, hope its helpful!

boxoff

Thanks angelwings, yeah id agree on the insecurities on his part, but just Im actually excuse the expression 'sick and tired' of being the one who stirs the relationship out of an arugement. He has never been in a relationship before but still I just feel cop on and common sense would play a huge role! That sounds harsh but fair, any other opinions or suggestions?

fungun

Going out with my boyf 2years now, love him to bits, he would do anything for me and is the one as they say....

You have a bf who you think is 'the one' and then go on to give out about certain characteristics. I often find in these cases that his behaviour triggers a familiarity in you somehow....like perhaps how your Dad was to your Mum (or other), and that familiarity makes the reln appear to be deeper than it might otherwise be and makes you feel he is the one.

Might be just a rough patch but also just be careful about sticking in a reln with serious communication problems just because of a 'feeling that he is the one'