The AH recipe thread - none of your fancy stuff

recylingbin

In a world gone mad, where normal people seem to be eating the likes of couscous and dangerously undercooking their meat in an effort to appear suave and sophisticated, I've decided to throw up a few recipes of my own that don't require you to speak in a hybrid accent to appreciate.

BANANA SANDWICHES

Take 1 banana.
Place it in a bowl.
Sprinkle half a teaspoon of sugar on top.
Find a fork.
Mash up the banana until it is a paste.
Take two slices of bread. That's bread, not panini or baguette or whatever. White is best.
Butter the slices of bread with a knife.
Spread banana paste on bread.
Put 2 slices together.
Cut down the middle.
Consume.


TOAST

Take 2 slices of bread.
Place them in a toaster.
Upon poppage, butter them with real butter.
Consume.
Some like to add jam, peanut butter, etc. If it's good bread, this idea is redundant.

TEA

An old favourite, this one.
Boil 1 kettle of water.
Take 1 cup.
Insert 1 tebag (Lyons is my preference, but to each their own).
Add boiling water.
Take 1 spoon.
Squeeze the teabag with the spoon until a good strong brew has been infused.
Add milk.
Add sugar to taste.

I'll be releasing a book at Christmas if anyone's interested.

Sooopie

Pitta bread, toast

Add gouda cheese, serrano ham & some red pesto

Nomalicious

stupidusername

you makin sandwiches for us?

Sonics2k

Beans + Buttery Toast = winning

mike65

Tagliatelle (4 swirls) simmered.
Half an onion sliced and fried in olive oil
Half a tin of tuna fried in olive oil
Some thick creme fresh added to the above add Tagliatelle and mix together.

recylingbin

stupidusername wrote: »

you makin sandwiches for us?

Sure, pop round.

(bring bread)

Where To

An apple.

Doublechinlolz

recylingbin wrote: »

An old favourite, this one.
Boil 1 kettle of water.
Take 1 cup.
Insert 1 tebag (Lyons is my preference, but to each their own).
Add boiling water.
Take 1 spoon.
Squeeze the teabag with the spoon until a good strong brew has been infused.
Add milk.
Add sugar to taste.

I'll be releasing a book at Christmas if anyone's interested.

I would buy the book, only for this catastrophe. Anyone who puts sugar intea, i kill you!

El Guapo!

Take 1 telephone.
Add a Dominos menu.
Order and enjoy.

Temptamperu

Cheesey Bacon Beans on toast

four slices of toast buttered and cut into triangles (it must be triangles for added posh)
lay them on a plate in a star shape
fry some bacon 4 slices and put on top of toast
Grate some nice chedder and put on top of your star shaped toast and bacon
cook your beans and poor all over the toast and cheese bacon

Then enjoy your culinary delight

carlybabe1

fry some bacon bits in a pot (no oil), add garlic as per taste, throw in some ham bits, lob in a pint of cream,hand full of grated cheese, add mixed herbs, boil water, add salt and oil, lob in spaghetti voila
spaghetti carbonara

Ficheall

recylingbin wrote: »

BANANA SANDWICHES

Take 1 banana.
Place it in a bowl.
Sprinkle half a teaspoon of sugar on top.
Find a fork.
Mash up the banana until it is a paste.
Take two slices of bread. That's bread, not panini or baguette or whatever. White is best.
Butter the slices of bread with a knife.
Spread banana paste on bread.
Put 2 slices together.
Cut down the middle.
Consume.

Completely unnecessary fluff boldified.
Why dirty an extra bowl, fork and knife? Take a banana, break it in half, roll a slice of bread around it. Do the same with the other half. Voila, 2 banana sandwiches.

TheZohanS

The ladies Lounge

---

>

I jest, I jest..

Fremen

Ingredients: monster munch, fresh cuisine de france roll.

Hollow out roll, preferably using your fingers.
Eat the dough on its own.
Jam the roll crust full of monster munch.
Wash down with a coke.

Can also be done with Hula Hoops, but this sometimes hurts your gums.

Digestive Biscuit.
Apply Strawberry Jam.
Apply Whipped Cream.

(and yes, all those ingredients deserve Capital letters)

Ghandee

1 x Ghee (hot and moist)
Add:
1 x good dollop of man cream.

= 1 x dam good cream pie.

Einhard

Ghandee wrote: »

1 x Ghee (hot and moist)
Add:
1 x good dollop of man cream.

= 1 x dam good cream pie.

You eat cream pies with man cream? Whatever floats your boat I s'pose...

ballsymchugh

ginger nuts biscuits.

10 or 15 of them.

preferably with tea.

Temptamperu

ballsymchugh wrote: »

ginger nuts biscuits.

10 or 15 of them.

preferably with tea.

Tee hee Ginger nuts :pac:

Snowie

when I make soup I have 5 different stages, but damm i make good soup....

Karona

Ingrediants:
Salami
Bread/roll
Butter
Cheese

Method:
Grill Salami till it's crispy.
Butter bread/roll
Place crispy salami on bread/roll
Grate cheese over Salami
Place in the grill for a few minutes

Delicio

xoxyx

Bread + butter (real butter mind - none of that crappy spreadable) + King crisps (NOT Tayto).

Add a side order of milk.

Enjoy.

Sooopie

bowl, nachos, salsa, japeleno's grated cheddar, zap in microwave, add sour cream

mazin'

xoxyx

Oh, have a better one.

1. Take two Birds Eye Potato Waffles.

2. Stick 'em in your toaster.

3. Turn toaster setting to just below "burn to a crisp".

4. Turn on toaster.

5. Take those bad boys out and cover them with butter (again, real butter), and enough salt to give a hippo heart failure.

Repeat.

cruiser178

Temptamperu wrote: »

Cheesey Bacon Beans on toast

four slices of toast buttered and cut into triangles (it must be triangles for added posh)
lay them on a plate in a star shape
fry some bacon 4 slices and put on top of toast
Grate some nice chedder and put on top of your star shaped toast and bacon
cook your beans and poor all over the toast and cheese bacon

Then enjoy your culinary delight

I am so going to try this ^^^


French toast, for when your feeling really fúcking posh.

2 Eggs
4 Slices bread
Lots of pepper
Pinch of salt

Whip the 2 eggs in a bowl and dip your bread in them, take out and put straight into a very hot frying pan(TIP: Only use a very small amount of oil)cook til golden brown. Add lots of ground pepper, pinch of salt. Enjoy.

celj

Great collection of recipes here:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/natural-harvest---a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes/5198959

Yummy Yum Yums!

TanG411

You take some pitta bread and sprinkle some grated cheese on it. Microwave for forty seconds and spread the cheese evenly. Squirt red sauce on it, wrap, and enjoy.

LETHAL LADY

where do i go from here wrote: »

An apple.

I really like the sound of this one. Can you suggest any variations on the recipe.

stupidusername

recylingbin wrote: »

Sure, pop round.

(bring bread)

pfffft, may as well do it myself

sunflower27

Grill three fish fingers
Place on piece of white bread slathered in mayonnaise
Sprinkle with cheese
Add a dolop of mayo.
Put other piece of bread slathered in mayonnaise on top and...

Fish finger sambo. Yummy!!!

Superbus

Bread
Grated mozzarella cheese
Butter
Reggae Reggae sauce
Grill

Do the thing nature dictates you must do.

Laika1986

xoxyx wrote: »

Oh, have a better one.

1. Take two Birds Eye Potato Waffles.

2. Stick 'em in your toaster.

3. Turn toaster setting to just below "burn to a crisp".

4. Turn on toaster.

5. Take those bad boys out and cover them with butter (again, real butter), and enough salt to give a hippo heart failure.

Repeat.

Waffles with chicken curry is fantastic

Capt'n Midnight

Dishwasher salmon.

1 Cut two 12-inch square sheets of aluminum foil.

2 Grease the shiny side of the foil with oil. Place two fillets side by side on each square, and fold up the outer edges.

3 (optional) Drizzle one tablespoon lime juice over each fillet. Season with salt and pepper.

4 Fold and pinch the aluminum foil extra tightly to create a watertight seal around each pair of fillets. Make sure the packet's airtight by pressing down on it gently with your hand. If air escapes easily, rewrap.


5 Set dishwasher to the "normal" cycle. Modern dishwashers have "economy" and "cool dry" settings, which are undesirable since they conserve heat. However, on the other end of the spectrum, the "pots and pans" setting tends to overcook the fish.

6 Run salmon through the entire wash-and-dry cycle -- approximately 50 minutes for most models.

Mint Sauce

Les haricots sur toast.

foxinsox

Pitta bread with Nutella

Cut pitta bread in half.
Open them slightly.
Put halves in toaster.
Don't burn them.

When they pop up - you most defnitely will burn your fingers.
Using a spoon put a big dollop of Nutella in each one and mush it around.
Eat them immediately.
Yum!

phasers

Crack egg into bowl
Mix
Cook in microwave for like a minute or something

Boom, scrambled eggs.

You can add milk or herbs if you're a pansy.

Cillian13

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

Temptamperu

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

Dear lord what monstrosity is this :eek:

emeraldstar

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

Oh my!


I kind of want to try it

confusticated

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

Do you have any teeth left after that?

Sooopie

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

Sorry, but reading that made me feel a bit ill

mattjack

Temptamperu wrote: »

Cheesey Bacon Beans on toast

four slices of toast buttered and cut into triangles (it must be triangles for added posh)
lay them on a plate in a star shape
fry some bacon 4 slices and put on top of toast
Grate some nice chedder and put on top of your star shaped toast and bacon
cook your beans and poor all over the toast and cheese bacon

Then enjoy your culinary delight

forget the triangles.........none of your fancy stuff tonight..
my own favourite....packet of King crisps closely followed by another packet of King crisps...

barakus

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

How on earth did you come up with the idea for that one:D
Probably nice though:p

Wetai

Pasta (with Pasta sauce, usually those Stir-in things by Dolmio or whatever) & (cut up) Sausages.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Pasta. Pesto. Bacon.

For Forks Sake

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

That 13 in your username is your age, right?

Mint Sauce

Cillian13 wrote: »

If you would like to have the most delicious heart attack of your life, here's one of my favourites.

2 Slices Bread, cover in Real Butter and Nutella (don't be shy)
On one slice place a kinder bueno bar (2 fingers). On the other slice, place 2 happy hippos. Sprinkle white chocolate buttons for added kick. Close up your sandwich and place in George Foreman grill untill evenly melted.

You won't be dissapointed.

Have a glass of cold milk at the ready.

<heads to shops>

caitmb

Crispy rashers,brown sauce,fresh white bread and bit of grated cheese...with a nice mug of scald.Mmmmmm

carlybabe1

Ghandee wrote: »

1 x Ghee (hot and moist)
Add:
1 x good dollop of man cream.

= 1 x dam good cream pie.

i feel siiiiiick :eek::eek::eek:

Sooopie wrote: »

bowl, nachos, salsa, japeleno's grated cheddar, zap in microwave, add sour cream

mazin'

lazy hole , do it proper like, spread nachos on plate, healthy dollop of salsa all over, mozzarella cheese sprinkled all over, and grill uber fast so the cheese melts but doesnt warm the salsa......yummmmm;)

Buceph

Wait till 11pm on pancake tuesday forgetting about pancakes
Whinge to any woman in your life that they forgot to make pancakes
The next day whinge some more until you get pancakes
Eat pancakes

Fremen

Two slices of very fresh white sliced pan.

Two potato waffles.

One burger.

Melt cheese onto waffles, put burger between waffles, and put waffles between bread. Add ketchup if you swing that way.

Spec-tacular.

(I use veggie burgers because frozen burgers gross me out and I'm too lazy to make my own)