Male sex assault is ok?

waxon-waxoff

I was in a well known basement late bar on Dublins Baggot St this evening and some man grabbed my ass as i walked by. I stopped a bouncer who happened to be the manager and complained to him. He said it was just some fun and then asked was i homophobic? I pointed out the culprit, he spoke to him but didnt ask him to leave. If i was female would it be the same? I left then, i couldnt believe it.

later12

Would a man be kicked out of a nightclub for grabbing a woman's ass?

I'm not totally convinced about that. If she worked there, sure, but otherwise, perhaps not, no.

I'm pretty sure I know the place you're talking about, and I'm sure they have plenty of CCTV - perhaps go to the Gardai tomorrow and ask them to take a look.

Gummy Panda

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

I was in a well known basement late bar on Dublins Baggot St this evening and some man grabbed my ass as i walked by. I stopped a bouncer who happened to be the manager and complained to him. He said it was just some fun and then asked was i homophobic? I pointed out the culprit, he spoke to him but didnt ask him to leave. If i was female would it be the same? I left then, i couldnt believe it.

Was it a gay bar?

later12

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Was it a gay bar?

I really don't think that's relevant to the OP, is it?

minidazzler

Did you want the guy kicked out just cos he grabbed your ass? Would you do the same if it was a woman? Are you a sexist?

Seriously, it's not a big deal, get over it. If it offends you, tell them, but at the same time, don't try to have someone kicked out for what is essentially a compliment.

Saila

later10 wrote: »

I really don't think that's relevant to the OP, is it?

Im fairly sure thats the whole point of the OP

chin_grin

I'd hardly call it "assault". Just take it as a compliment and move on even if it isn't your sexual preference.

policarp

Were you digitally penetrated?

later12

Saila wrote: »

Im fairly sure thats the whole point of the OP

If it is then obviously the OP doesn't have grounds to complain. However if the OP's point is that he found the contact belittling or humiliating, as he would if it was initiated by a woman then that's a fair point imo.

Not a hanging offence, I would have thought, though. I'm not necessarily convinced the man was dealt with any differently than if he had have touched a woman's ass.

waxon-waxoff

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Was it a gay bar?

If you live in Dublin you will prob guess where im talking about. Far from a gay bar.

Im just a normal fella chatting to a mate minding my own business and then walked to the bar when that weirdo grabbed my ass. I grabbed their wrist thinking it was a chick but no!

Cianos

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

If you live in Dublin you will prob guess where im talking about. Far from a gay bar.

Im just a normal fella chatting to a mate minding my own business and then walked to the bar when that weirdo grabbed my ass. I grabbed their wrist thinking it was a chick but no!

So you were happy to assault some girl on the wrist?

later12

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

I grabbed their wrist thinking it was a chick but no!

would it have made a difference if it was, or not, I think that's what everyone wants to establish?

If you're just making a big deal about this because a guy did it then you're pretty much wasting everyone's time

amacachi

later10 wrote: »

would it have made a difference if it was, or not, I think that's what everyone wants to establish?

If you're just making a big deal about this because a guy did it then you're pretty much wasting everyone's time

Why does it make a difference? It seems that in cases of "sexual assault" it's down to how the "victim" feels about it that defines whether or not it's seen as such. Whatever someone's reason for feeling uncomfortable about being groped whether it's because they aren't attracted to the gender of the person doing it or just to a specific person doing it is irrelevant.

MrStuffins

minidazzler wrote: »

don't try to have someone kicked out for what is essentially a compliment.

Exactly!

Whenever I go out to clubs I always make sure to compliment the ladies with a big motorboat! Sure it's only my way of saying "I admire your breasts ma'am!"

later12

amacachi wrote: »

Why does it make a difference? It seems that in cases of "sexual assault" it's down to how the "victim" feels about it that defines whether or not it's seen as such. Whatever someone's reason for feeling uncomfortable about being groped whether it's because they aren't attracted to the gender of the person doing it or just to a specific person doing it is irrelevant.

There's nothing inherently wrong about being pissed off about a man groping your ass - but it doesn't make it a sexual assault if you're only pissed because of the man's gender.

That just means you have a gender bias. And no, it isn't all about how the victim feels, there has to be some rationale behind the complaint too.

minidazzler

MrStuffins wrote: »

Exactly!

Whenever I go out to clubs I always make sure to compliment the ladies with a big motorboat! Sure it's only my way of saying "I admire your breasts ma'am!"

Same, motorboats are great, make the girls feel good about themselves, make me feel like I just stuck my face between big soft boobies. Love it.

amacachi

later10 wrote: »

There's nothing inherently wrong about being pissed off about a man groping your ass - but it doesn't make it a sexual assault if you're only pissed because of the man's gender.

That just means you have a gender bias. And no, it isn't all about how the victim feels, there has to be some rationale behind the complaint too.

Cool, I shall be motorboating my way around town next time I'm out. Only the women with a gender bias will be annoyed.

later12

amacachi wrote: »

Cool, I shall be motorboating my way around town next time I'm out. Only the women with a gender bias will be annoyed.

Absolutely - if they'd have no problems with a random woman motorboarding them then they have no reasonable argument.

waxon-waxoff

This thread is off the point already.

My point is some freak is grabbing dudes asses and its seen as ok by him, his friends, the bar manager and the good people of Boards . If i was a girl it would be seen as much more serious.

chin_grin

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

This thread is off the point already.

My point is some freak is grabbing dudes asses and its seen as ok by him, his friends, the bar manager and the good people of Boards . If i was a girl it would be seen as much more serious.

Because the "fairer sex" couldn't be able to fight a man off if this behaviour persisted (and I've seen it happen.....and nothing makes me more embarrassed to be a dude than to see these idiots force themselves on women or hanging around the dancefloor like vultures....but I'm getting off point here too).

So, maybe because you're male you could be seen as to take it in stride and\or deal with it yourself. But yeah it all boils down to the fact that it's a gender thing.

SeanW

later10 wrote: »

That just means you have a gender bias. And no, it isn't all about how the victim feels, there has to be some rationale behind the complaint too.

Groping a stranger's backside is out of order. That's rationale enough.

minidazzler

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

This thread is off the point already.

My point is some freak is grabbing dudes asses and its seen as ok by him, his friends, the bar manager and the good people of Boards . If i was a girl it would be seen as much more serious.

No, it wouldn't be seen as "much more" serious if he did it once. Persisting, yes, but once, then he get's a "meh" off me. No matter what the gender is.

later12

SeanW wrote: »

Groping a stranger's backside is out of order. That's rationale enough.

Not really, it's only out of order if it's out of order for both sexes. There's no reason why a grope from a man is any more offensive than one from a woman - all I'm asking the OP is whether he would have asked a woman to be ejected from the club, and whether he would have been just as offended had a woman grabbed his ass.

If he would, then fine, it's a fair complaint.

If not, then this thread is nonsense.

CorkMan

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=73323842

Might give some insight about the whole area of stool grabbing.

xsiborg

Ask Louis Walsh!

SLOOPY

later10 wrote: »

Not really, it's only out of order if it's out of order for both sexes. There's no reason why a grope from a man is any more offensive than one from a woman - all I'm asking the OP is whether he would have asked a woman to be ejected from the club, and whether he would have been just as offended had a woman grabbed his ass.

If he would, then fine, it's a fair complaint.

If not, then this thread is nonsense.

You don't half prattle on with a load of oul sh ite.

later12

True.

irelandspurs

Just be glad it wasn't his cock touching your arse ,could of got nasty

James T Kirk

Most probably a rogue Viking, OP. No point reporting, he'll be half way to Norway by now.

Jayob10

coming online bragging about how you had your ass grabbed in a gay bar, way to go OP. I bet you are secretly chuffed with yourself :P

Forest Master

Would OP have complained if it was a woman who grabbed his ass? Yeah, didn't think so. Sounds homophobic to me.

later12

It's pretty hypocritical if that's the case.

The OP is complaining that he was not treated as he would be if he were a girl, yet not denying that he would react differently if it was a girl who had grabbed his ass.

The hypocrisy graph is off the chart if that's the case.

LaVail

I wouldn't worry about it, he was just having a bit of crack

looky loo

Why is this going into a gender debate? touching someone without their consent is a form of assault, regardless of being male/female.

Feeona

A guy put his hands on my bum once. The bouncer did nothing about it. That must mean that female sexual assault is ok :eek:


I'm scared

--LOS--

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

I was in a well known basement late bar on Dublins Baggot St this evening and some man grabbed my ass as i walked by. I stopped a bouncer who happened to be the manager and complained to him. He said it was just some fun and then asked was i homophobic? I pointed out the culprit, he spoke to him but didnt ask him to leave. If i was female would it be the same? I left then, i couldnt believe it.

might be worth mentioning in the op you're a male!
It was probably a bit of fun in that the 'offender' didn't mean any harm or have any bad intentions behind it. Of course you're a right to be offended but I think it's only something you can say to the 'offender', not an issue to be brought up with security there let alone guards.

later10 wrote: »

Would a man be kicked out of a nightclub for grabbing a woman's ass?

No way would he! Just a standalone incident? not a chance.

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

If i was a girl it would be seen as much more serious.

No, no it wouldnt! Girls have to deal with this sh!t all the time, in fact it would probably be seen as less serious as it is seen as something that just happens and no harm meant by it.

later12

looky loo wrote: »

Why is this going into a gender debate? touching someone without their consent is a form of assault, regardless of being male/female.

It's not actually clear whether the offence is that the OP's ass made contact with just any old hand, or whether his offence derives from the fact that that hand belonged to a man.

If OP could just clarify that everyone would be clearer.

--LOS--

later10 wrote: »

It's not actually clear whether the offence is that the OP's ass made contact with just any old hand, or whether his offence derives from the fact that that hand belonged to a man.

If OP could just clarify that everyone would be clearer.

and they have avoided that question countless times which is really not helping.

waxon-waxoff wrote: »

If you live in Dublin you will prob guess where im talking about. Far from a gay bar.

Im just a normal fella chatting to a mate minding my own business and then walked to the bar when that weirdo grabbed my ass. I grabbed their wrist thinking it was a chick but no!

I think you're just contradicting yourself here, you're trying to make a point that a guy being groped is taken less seriously than a girl being groped. But really you seem to have double standards in that a guy being groped by a girl is ok

biko

Grabbing someone's ass is hardly assault. But tbh, you should probably have punched him.

looky loo

biko wrote: »

Grabbing someone's ass is hardly assault. But tbh, you should probably have punched him.

Actually it is, someone touching you without your consent is assault.

stupidusername

I'm preparing for my head to be bitten off here but the reality is there are double standards in a lot of situations,and its like this because it suits a lot of people!

If we want to be all correct about things we could say no one has the right to put their hands on someone else,but I at least dont believe this is something people believe or stick to in reality. It comes back to the good looking guy does it its ok/ugly guy does it its not ok idea.or in this case its about preferred gender

Mr Benevolent

later10 wrote: »

I really don't think that's relevant to the OP, is it?

Oh yes it is. If is was a normal bar the OP could've shouted 'That guy grabbed my arse!' and the culprit would've gone down in a hail of punches. Proper order too. If it was a gay bar then he would've been fair game. In fact it had to have been a gay bar.

Double standards? Maybe.

react differently if it was a girl who had grabbed his ass.

If it was a girl then he would've been chuffed. The point here is the the culprit should have at least found out if the OP was gay before potentially inviting a fist to the jaw.

Monty Burnz

later10 wrote: »

There's nothing inherently wrong about being pissed off about a man groping your ass - but it doesn't make it a sexual assault if you're only pissed because of the man's gender.

That just means you have a gender bias. And no, it isn't all about how the victim feels, there has to be some rationale behind the complaint too.

What is the rationale behind it being acceptable to sexually assault another person?

Logical Fallacy

later10 wrote: »

Would a man be kicked out of a nightclub for grabbing a woman's ass?

I'm not totally convinced about that. If she worked there, sure, but otherwise, perhaps not, no.

Depends entirely on the staff tbh.

Any door i ever worked, if i saw a guy grabbing a chicks ass he got a swift exit.

citizen_p

A guy grabbed your ass, laugh it off and tell him to feck off, and tell the bouncer that if he touchs you again it'll get serious...

Rambo83

FFS Get a life! Sex assault, your taking the piss.

Sure I often grabbed my mates arse in a club for the craic, when he turns around he though it was the lady behind him. Great craic! And no mention of sex assault!

Dermighty

later10 wrote: »

Would a man be kicked out of a nightclub for grabbing a woman's ass?

I'm not totally convinced about that. If she worked there, sure, but otherwise, perhaps not, no.

In my experience (as a bouncer) the answer is invariably no. If the guy is a complete perv and/or drunk then yeah I would throw him out.

Logical Fallacy

Rambo83 wrote: »

Sure I often grabbed my mates arse....great crack!

FYP.

MagicSean

I think people calling the op homophobic is a bit ridiculous. If the op is not homosexual then he is perfectly entitled to be more open to the advances of a woman.

The King of Moo

Did the sex assault happen after the guy grabbed your arse?

Arse-grabbing can be very annoying, especially for girls who have it happen to them a few times in one night. From what I've seen, guys who do it (who are morons by the way: what's their reasoning: do they thing she'll like it?) generally get told off by the bouncer the first time, then ejected for repeat offences. Or they're thrown out the first time if they're drunk or being particularly aggressive or pervy.

Now this guy who grabbed your arse got spoken to, and I imagine if he were caught/reported again he'd be thrown out. I don't really see what's so wrong with what happened.

Also, as someone mentioned earlier, you probably could've had a word with the guy yourself.

ScumLord

Technically it was sexual assault. A woman could and probably has brought a man to court over something like that. I don't think it's a big deal, it's not nice but easily forgotten about.