I've broken my gfs heart

LegacyUser

So was with my gf for ten years, we were a very committed couple and I loved her dearly dearly dearly. I was completely devoted to her and put her needs and wants before my own. She broke up with me and completely devastated me beyond belief. I forgave her for this though, she was in a bad place in her life and just couldn't give me what I needed and she could see this. For a year we stayed in contact, slept with each other on occasion and neither of us moved on. Six months ago she asked me if I'd get back and I said yes, I was delighted but also pretty nervous. We said we'd take things slow and get back on track. Since we got back I've kept her at arms length, haven't brought her to family functions and have been slow to reintroduce her into my social circle. Last night she flipped out, she was in tears and really upset, said I've been unfair on her, haven't been committed to the relationship and haven't been prioritising spending time with her. She's completely right. She said I need to decide if I want it or not. I've been giving what I can, all the previous pain has been holding me back. I don't know what to do, it's at breaking point now and part of me feels I should let her go and part of me wants to hold on tight to her. I'm scared if I dont break up with her that I'll continue to behave the same and hurt her even more. I don't know if I can make her the focus of my life again. Is there too much water under the bridge? I know people will say "you need to figure out if you love her enough to let go of the pain and commit properly" I am well aware of this but I don't know how to make this decision. I feel horrendous about causing her this pain but also feel scared ****less of both the thought of losing her and the thought of opening up my life to her again. Please help.

I am a friend

Ok so imagine you let go, lose your fear and fall madly in love again... What's the best thing that can happen - you live an amazing, happy life together great!! What's the worst - you lose her!

Imagine you stay as you are half loving her. What's the best that can happen - that you break up cos its better to break than to live the rest of your days half committed to this relationship, isn't it?

Ickle Magoo

Would you consider relationship counselling? It might help to get third party mediation on all the uncertainty, hurt and anger that has been keeping you both from enjoying a healthy relationship.

All the best.

tinkerbell

+1 on the relationship counselling - you both should give it a go.

AnneElizabeth

Not trying to be pessimistic but sounds like the relationship was over a year ago. I don't think things can ever be the same after a break-up.

WANTStoWORK

I agree with most of the posts in here, try counselling, it's obvious you two still have strong feelings for each other, you owe it to yourselves to try and work it out, what have you got to loose? Best of luck, hope things work out for ya.

LegacyUser

AnneElizabeth wrote: »

Not trying to be pessimistic but sounds like the relationship was over a year ago. I don't think things can ever be the same after a break-up.

Just want to say this isn't always true, I've broken up with my bf twice and it's made the relationship stronger than ever because we worked it out.