Confused

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I'm a long time poster on Boards but have decided to go unreg for this one.

Basically, I feel like a bit of a fraud. I am a bisexual 24 year old woman and have known I liked both sexes for a very long time. When I was in my early teens, I always found it strange that I didn't find guys attractive, but found some of my female teachers, one in particular, really beautiful. I questioned whether I was gay but decided I was not when I strated dating guys. I mainly dated guys as it was easy, more available I guess.

I have always gone out with men, knowing in the back of my mind that I liked women too. When I watch porn, I only watch lesbian porn, straight porn doesnt do it for me at all. Most of my fantasies would involve myself and other women, kissing, going down on eachother, f**king.

The thing is, sex with men is rather unfulfilling, in that I mostly only cum from oral sex, never from penetrative sex and I just feel like I missing out on something. Sometimes I just don't get the point, even though I have a very high sex drive.

I have been an active member in my college LGBT society and get on great with everyone, just the majority of the members are guys. I have a boyfriend at the moment who knows I am bi, and was completely upfront about that. I love him to bits, he is such a great guy. We are going out over a year and have discussed long term things. But am I being fair to him?? Could I honestly commit to someone knowing I have all these feelings and thoughts, parts of me that unfortunately he cannot satisfy?

I just feel like I'm doing him a diservice by thinking like this, by thinking I'm missing out on something. I don't even know what sort of advice I'm looking for here, I suppose its to see if anyone has ever been in a similar position.

Any help/ advice would be greatly appreciated.

A xxx

wonderfulname

Female sexuality is quite a complex thing and it seems to me that despite your assertions you haven't quite worked out your place just yet.

Advice? If you are not fulfilled in your relationship, if you feel the person you are with can never satisfy you, then for both your sakes that relationship shouldn't be happening, at least not right now. It sounds to me like this guy is, to you, effectively a really close friend, you shouldn't settle for that, and you shouldn't put him in that position either. Your thoughts are not what are doing the disservice, they can't be changed or ignore, keeping quiet about it and continuing with the status quo is.

LegacyUser

The thing is is that it's not just with my current boyfriend, it's with every boyfriend I've had.

wonderfulname

Indeed, I gathered that, I'm just gonna come out and say it, you don't exactly sound bi, you sound pretty gay, but I could be wrong, from what I gather you haven't been in any class of relationship with a woman? I'd imagine if you were it would be quite the eye opener...

See I didn't say that last night because a random strangers view of your sexuality should be of no consequence to you, you shouldn't let it hold any weight unless it really rings true, but if it does you're listening to yourself really and not some randomer off t'internet.

Anyway, don't look too far into the past or future, just think about what works for you now and what's best now, in the end it's all that's really relevant and saves you a lot of pointless worrying.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies Wonderfulname, I appreciate you taking the time to get back to me.

The thought had crossed my mind that I could be gay, I suppose its because I haven't really made an effort to go meet girls. Men have always just been so much easier and available. I havent been in a relationship with a woman, just the odd fling which never ammounted to much. I just find women so much sexier and appealing.

jaffacakesyum

OP I understand where you're coming from. I'm bisexual myself but to be honest it would be a lot easier for me if I was one or the other (straight or gay!). But that's ok. You can be bisexual but have a much greater preference for one gender than the other, which is how it is for me and is also the impression I get from your post.

At the end of the day, you could be bi or gay - it doesn't really matter. What matters is, that you're happy and in a satisfying fulfilling relationship. Are you? If not, then in my own opinion, I think it's best for yourself and for your other half that you think about ending it...if you're not completely happy then it's not really fair on yourself and equally not fair on your boyfriend.

I know it sounds like harsh advice but you can take it or leave it. Best of luck to you

Sally30

wow bibi, im in a very simliar boat. I think im bi-sexual but that’s only been based on the thoughts in my head, I haven’t had any real gay experiences. to be honest i've never fancied a woman in my life either... i've only ever gone out with men, and 3 years ago i started going out with the first and only man ive ever loved..but very often i fantasised about being with a woman while we were having sex etc and after a while i felt so guilty and confused that i broke up with him after 2 years. I was totally honest with him and told him im so confused i have to go figure things out on my own for a while. we continued to sleep together for a while, and i still felt the need to fantasise about women to orgasm ... sometimes, not always. but I have purposely avoided meeting my ex for the past few months and i still havent had a "real-life" experience with a woman... sometimes i think ive made a huge mistake by breaking up with him because i know he wont wait for me forever (not that i have asked him to) but i am in still very much in love with him, as i think he is. i think the only way i will really know, and maybe you too, is if i have some sexual experiences with women. recently ive met loads of gay women and gone to gay bars but i still dont fancy any of them nor see myself being in a long term relationship... so as u might be able to tell, i am as confused as you!!! :-0 but in another way, i feel happier to be allowing myself to figure things out at my own pace with no guilt involved. At the end of the day, its ok not to be sure where you're headed or what you should or shouldnt label yourself ....but be honest with your boyfriend, and more importantly, yourself xx

LegacyUser

Yeah it would be so much easier if I was just straight or gay, bi is just a horrible place . I do think that I definitely have more of a preferance for women, I suppose I'd need to date some women to see if I come to a realisation about whether I'm gay or not. It doesn't help that my mother that bisexuals are selfish.

I do love my boyfriend, I suppose I know that there is so much more to sex. I don't know if that sounds selfish or not :-(