Is this normal behaviour for a "best friend"?

prickleberry

Having problems with a best friend of 3 years ATM. Him and me get on great, same interests, humor, everything really. When we're together it's great and i feel so happy and he also seems to as well. the friendship is going through a rough patch right now as I'm the one making all the effort in the friendship. Now i'm not clingy (used to be ages ago at the start but i copped on pretty quick). I'm always the one to text first (once a week), to plan nights out or invite him over to my house to hang out. He never texts me or makes any effort to contact me in anyway and it's really getting me down as he's my best friend ffs and he says all the time (when we're drunk) how much he loves the friendship and how we get on so well. I'm just fed up, I do so much for him and he does nothing for me, literally nothing, I've never been invited to his house and anytime I invite him to mine i nearly have to beg him to call over which is really affecting my feeling of self worth. I know i'm worth more than acting like my best friend's slave but i find it so hard to just dump him as we get on so well when together.
Do you think me giving him an ultimatum would really do any difference...? I don't want him to feel like he has to talk to me, which i'm afraid he will if i do talk to him about it. Should i just dump him?

CrackisWhack

prickleberry wrote: »

Having problems with a best friend of 3 years ATM. Him and me get on great, same interests, humor, everything really. When we're together it's great and i feel so happy and he also seems to as well. the friendship is going through a rough patch right now as I'm the one making all the effort in the friendship. Now i'm not clingy (used to be ages ago at the start but i copped on pretty quick). I'm always the one to text first (once a week), to plan nights out or invite him over to my house to hang out. He never texts me or makes any effort to contact me in anyway and it's really getting me down as he's my best friend ffs and he says all the time (when we're drunk) how much he loves the friendship and how we get on so well. I'm just fed up, I do so much for him and he does nothing for me, literally nothing, I've never been invited to his house and anytime I invite him to mine i nearly have to beg him to call over which is really affecting my feeling of self worth. I know i'm worth more than acting like my best friend's slave but i find it so hard to just dump him as we get on so well when together.
Do you think me giving him an ultimatum would really do any difference...? I don't want him to feel like he has to talk to me, which i'm afraid he will if i do talk to him about it. Should i just dump him?

This is your boyfriend?

prickleberry

No he is not my boyfriend, haha. We are close but no we are not in a relationship. He just makes no effort to ever see me or want to hang out with me....

calex71

Are you a guy or gal op ?

John Mason

there is usual one person in a relationship who make more of effort the other person.

have you said it to your friend? they are not going to change, you have to make a decision as to whether you are happy to do all the running or not.

if not, you just need to stop.

dearg lady

prickleberry wrote: »

Having problems with a best friend of 3 years ATM. Him and me get on great, same interests, humor, everything really. When we're together it's great and i feel so happy and he also seems to as well. the friendship is going through a rough patch right now as I'm the one making all the effort in the friendship. Now i'm not clingy (used to be ages ago at the start but i copped on pretty quick). I'm always the one to text first (once a week), to plan nights out or invite him over to my house to hang out. He never texts me or makes any effort to contact me in anyway and it's really getting me down as he's my best friend ffs and he says all the time (when we're drunk) how much he loves the friendship and how we get on so well. I'm just fed up, I do so much for him and he does nothing for me, literally nothing, I've never been invited to his house and anytime I invite him to mine i nearly have to beg him to call over which is really affecting my feeling of self worth. I know i'm worth more than acting like my best friend's slave but i find it so hard to just dump him as we get on so well when together.
Do you think me giving him an ultimatum would really do any difference...? I don't want him to feel like he has to talk to me, which i'm afraid he will if i do talk to him about it. Should i just dump him?

tbh you sound way too over the top about this friendship, you need to chill out and relax. with friendships, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you feel you're making all the effort, just cool it a bit, and spend more time with other friends.

LegacyUser

I can be a bit like that with friends - they all seem to be more proactive than I am. It's not an intentional thing, more of an unthinking thing on my behalf. It doesn't mean that I value the friendships any less. We all have different personalities and needs. Try not to project your way of thinking onto your friend - his mind may not work the same way as yours

I think you definitely put more into the relationship than he does. If you take a step back there's always the chance that he wont react, but I'd say that if he's just not willing to make ANY effort, you're best off without him.

Being friends is a two way street. Not only is he not making any effort, but he means so much to you that his lack of effort is hurting you, so I'd advise you let go of it. Don't "dump him", but certainly don't keep making enough effort for the two of you. It's not fair.

I think you should step back a little bit too. If you text him every all the time to come over or go out, he might expect that, and not make any plans by himself.

If you step back you might find that he does a bit more, and even if he doesn't, you get to spend more time with your other friends.

Big Bag of Chips

I have a best friend.. we've been best friends for a very long time. We don't see or contact each other every week! And if a few weeks pass by without seeing each other, neither of us automatically assumes we've been "dumped" or that our friendship is over.

sometimes people are busy. Being perfectly honest, I think you're being a bit intense! are you still in school or college? Do either of you work? Maybe you have more time on your hands, maybe he has a wider circle of friends, and even though you are his "best" friend, he has other friends that he also likes to hang out with. As someone else mentioned, it doesn't have to be "all or nothing". You can have separate friends, and even go a few weeks without seeing each other and it doesn't have to have a negative impact on your friendship.