Best Way to Move On

LegacyUser

I'm a young guy who's finding it hard to move on. A couple of years ago I became attracted to a close female friend. I was conscious of taking it slowly but I thought my intentions were pretty clear. I put in a lot of time getting to know her. I get on well with most people but I only have a handful of really close friends. I think I got too involved emotionally- long story short, after a brief fling, the whole thing collapsed. This has happened me before, under similar circumstances. In both cases I was pretty devastated when things went the way they did because I felt like I'd really cared about them, respected them and been a complete eejit just thrown to the side, for whatever reason.

My longest ever relationship was on/off and lasted a few months. She was a great person, funny, warm, smart and we had a lot in common. Really I started going out with her to forget about someone else, but I did get a little uneasy when I realised she began to like me a lot more than I liked her. After the experiences I've had I try not to lead girls on in any way.

But I worry that I've become self-destructive in my approach to my love life. I'm sick of just trying to get the shift or whatever on a night out. (I don't sleep around! I've had the chance, but I don't want to regret my first time, whatever about how I feel after that). It's really given me a knockback in terms of confidence. I'm not a shy person. People regularly tell me I'm great craic, a good mate and all the rest. Flirting with random chicks I've no connection with doesn't do it for me though, and never really did anyway- I tend to start becoming romantically interested after knowing a girl for a while. But it's taken me a long time to stop thinking about this last girl- I was self-destructive, drinking and going out too much, exercising like crazy, just to try and forget about her for five minutes. It didn't help that she quickly moved on, going out with somebody else and staying within our large circle of friends. So at times I've felt really alienated from some of my best friends, because the lads are friends with him, the girls with her, and the last thing I'd want is some stupid division of the group. Not to mention that even if some of the lads have gone through similar stuff, none of us dwell too long on it. I can't come across as a sane person if I talk to them about this, can I?


I do have really great mates; some of them have started seeing people seriously, others are still in the "on the pull" mentality. I think I fall somewhere between the two. I feel like a complete freak for taking so long to get over these people, when we weren't "serious" anyway. Is it normal for people to take so long? Secondly, I have friends and friends of friends that have been sending definite signals. Is going out with someone really a good way to forget about someone else? Or can it only end in disaster?

Thanks to anyone that has any sort of advice. I feel like I'm really stuck in a rut these past few months

Baked.noodle

You should try to talk with someone you trust, but be careful who you tell as people will talk if it involves friends. I tend to take romance too seriously and dive right in there, and this has caused me untold heartache. I understand you took the time to get to know her before you became intimate, but in my experience intimacy changes everything and you must get to know one another all over again. I don’t think we should entertain our tendency to become emotional early on. You must earn this place in a woman’s heart, and for your own sake, she must earn your heart. A meaningful relationship is one that is worthy of both your love, and should be in my opinion a slow burner. It takes time and patience. I will always take love seriously but I can learn to discipline myself (Work in progress). So can you.