I'm leaving him. Tell me what to do

LegacyUser

I am in a relationship for 2 years. We moved in after a short amount of time (conveniences) he's 6 years older than me (22, him 28).

I am afraid of his reaction. I've prepared everything and it's ready to be put into bags. so.

The lease is in both our names but expired in December.

The electric is in my name and I'll pay arrears or whatever, I Don't mind.

There's nothing else in both our names.

I don't know what else to do. I'm telling him tomorrow i'm moving back home. And that it's over.

any advice gladly sought

solovely

I've been in your situation twice. It's not easy.

If you've made up your mind, don't go back on it.

It's going to be really tough, no point pretending it's not.

My advice would be to go to a semi public place, like a quiet corner in a pub, or a quiet restaurant (I broke it off with him in Milanos....maybe should have gone quieter than that). Doing it at home can lead to more dramatics, and also means the conversation doesn't necessarily have an "end" if you know what I mean.

Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him you still care about him, but don't want to be in a relationship with him any more. Make sure you are not ambiguous and that he knows that this is a break-up, not a break. If he keeps asking what he can do, saying he can change, you have to keep telling him this is about you and what you want, and nothing he can do can change that. You have to be clear.

Going home then is awkward. Both times for me, I had to stay living with them for a few weeks until things got sorted, but if you have your parents to go home to, great! If you can go straight home to your parents after the conversation, even better.

Then go back to the house maybe 2 days later. Don't go when he's not there, as that's really clandestine and hurtful. Maybe pack your stuff when he's not there, but stick around to see him when he comes in from work and say a final goodbye.

Due to living together, you will need to stay in touch over practical things, so try to do this in a considerate manner. Remember while you are trying to sort out the logistics, his heart will be breaking so he may be a lot more bitter and nasty that he really is. Just bite your tongue and try to take this (although obviously if he gets abusive get the hell away).

Offer him a month's rent for notice as you would with anyone other rental agreement, even 6 weeks maybe to give him 2 weeks to think before he has to hand in notice or whatever. He has the option of getting someone else in, taking the rent over himself, or moving out. If he decides to stay, then get the bills transferred into his name, if he decides to go, just cut them off as you would normally. Obviously tell him you will pay all bills due for the month you won't be there.

When all this is sorted, it's up to you both to decide whether or not you want to stay friends. Things can get very nasty in this first month, but I promise you it gets much much easier, and if you know it's what you want 100% don't let yourself be swayed by guilt in any way.

Onwards and upwards

LegacyUser

Just one thing if you feel in any way nervous or threatened then leave first and tell him after by text etc.

You haven't mentioned that you do feel threatened or anything but I just wanted to put this to you just in case that is the situation.

Call the esb and ask them what is needed to cancel. I left a violent partner and as far as I remember I just needed a reading and to put it in writing and to pay the final amount and got it out of my name thereafter.

Read the meter before you go and put it in writing to them that you have left the home.

Really your safety is a lot more important than a bill. Please take care.

Wompa1

Pay a months rent, pay your bills and go. Don't contact him again after that. As tough as it will be on you due to the awkwardness of it all, it will be a lot worse for him. He might hate you but that's up to him. You just need to walk away and don't contact him. It'll be a tricky spot for him because if you are contacting him or initiating contact it will make him believe there's hope. If you are short with him or anything it might make him react badly. Best just leaving things be

I am a friend

Very good advice about but I would add that you really shouldnt move in with someone just for convenience.. Its not fair on them plus when you move in with someone quickly it doesnt give you a chance to know if you really like them as you are straight into domestic bliss.

coolcat63

Given that you are afraid of his reaction (anger? hurt?) then it would be better to move your stuff out before you tell him. I would also advise telling him in a public place and arrange to meet either a friend, parent or family member as soon as you have had the conversation. It's a horrible thing to have to do but you will feel better once it's done.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

thanks. I am back with my parents. I went to meet him in a pub restaurant. It was horrid. He gave me choices. Told me i could stay, he'd go but pay the rent. And all this other stuff. He told me if i'm going I better take everything I own. So i did.

I feel horrible.

I'm looking for another place to stay but at parents' place until that day..

I'm paid on the 26th so i'll be giving him a few hundred out of that.

This is horrid. I didn't think i'd feel this bad. I had to go. I left before. I went back. but things didn't get better. He didn't change.

I feel terrible about all of this.

ManOfMystery

Don't feel terrible. I don't know the exact reasons why you left, but if the relationship wasn't working out and there was no future in it, the only option you really have is to be totally honest about it and end it. Which you did.

It would be much worse if you let it continue on for another 2 or 3 years, wasting both of your time and preventing you both from meeting someone you can have a more fulfilling relationship with.

I am a friend

leavinglilly wrote: »

I'm paid on the 26th so i'll be giving him a few hundred out of that. .

Yep but he will have to give a months notice now so I think you should pay up til the 10th September....