men in relationships

marieellen

i'm curious to see in general how all yee girls' bfs spoil you or don;t.
is it the norm for a guy in a relationship to spend more money on doing things with the gf than it is for the girl to?
for instance does the guy always pay for dinners etc or would they go halves or would the girl usually pay?
i went out with a guy a few years ago who would never pay for anything. in fact i had to pay for him most times. just wondering if nowadays the guy pays.
ladies if you were with a guy who never paid for things for you- who at most went halves, would it be an issue or not? (bearing in mind everything else in the relationship is perfect)

Sephiroth_dude

50/50 and maybe once in the blue moon ye can treat one another,one person pays for dinner one night and then the other on another night

Princess Peach

After about the first date I usually insist on going halves, or taking it in turns to pay.

My boyfriend earns more money than I do so he will pay a little more often than I do, but I'll always do as much as I can to even it out. He pays for dinner, I pay for the cinema, or a cheaper lunch.

Couldn't deal with a guy who payed for everything, I'd feel like a hooker! Couldn't deal with a guy who had no money either, I like to eat out and go out and have fun a lot. All I really ask for is a guy can pay for himself to do fun things with me.

krudler

Its give and take really, I wouldnt pay for everything nor would I expect her to pay for things, but its not like you have to keep an exact score on things thats just silly, maybe if ye went for dinner one week and I paid then the next night we went to a movie or something she paid, just go with it really. Presents and things bought for the person for birthdays or just because you want to are different, people tend to make too much of a big deal about who pays for what, as if some guy has his masculinity torn away from him because the woman paid for dinner, and likewise that she thought he was being scabby because she had to go halves.

If I asked a girl to dinner I'd happily pay for it, if we meet again she can or we can go halves and get a round of drinks in or something, its not an exact science. I definitely wouldnt want to be with someone who expected to be treated constantly and everything paid for her, the hell with that.

squishykins

I pay whenever I possibly can, but being a poor student (and still job searching ), I can't always do that. And he's quite well off, I feel bad when he pays for me but he insists :rolleyes: Like I said though, I pay my way when I can, and treat him once in a while (when the grant money rolls in basically :P)

Scarinae

I think it depends on your own relationship dynamic, but I've always preferred to be roughly equal in how we pay for things. Not to the extent that we'd be splitting things exactly in half or bickering over who paid last time, usually if he's paid for dinner I'll pay the next time.

Having said that, my boyfriend and I have gone through phases where one of us has had more money than the other - when we were in college, I had a part-time job and he didn't, then when I moved to London first I was paying my course fees etc while he was in a full-time job so it swung the other way. I paid a bit more often for things when I had more money, and he paid for a bit more while I was a penniless MSc student, but I still insisted on treating him to dinner sometimes or paying for my own plane tickets out to see him.

Scarinae

I have to say though, I hate stinginess, it is one of the most off-putting traits in a person! (not just boyfriends, friends as well) I was seeing a guy on-and-off a few years ago and he turned out to be the stingiest person I've ever met in my life! It made for good stories I suppose

Honey-ec

marieellen wrote: »

i'm curious to see in general how all yee girls' bfs spoil you or don;t.
is it the norm for a guy in a relationship to spend more money on doing things with the gf than it is for the girl to?
for instance does the guy always pay for dinners etc or would they go halves or would the girl usually pay?
i went out with a guy a few years ago who would never pay for anything. in fact i had to pay for him most times. just wondering if nowadays the guy pays.
ladies if you were with a guy who never paid for things for you- who at most went halves, would it be an issue or not? (bearing in mind everything else in the relationship is perfect)

I see you got over your broken heart at telling your "boyfriend" you were married and then finding him with a prostitute two days later quick enough...

I call troll.

*awaits ban for not just reporting the posts*

Acoshla

Myself and my boyfriend mainly go halves on everything, or one of us will pay for dinner or something if the other paid for something else earlier etc.

But I would've answered that yes, my boyfriend spoils me, but not from a purely financial point of view. He makes me tea pretty much on demand, does almost any favour I ask him to, be it going to Tesco because I forgot something, cleaning the cat's tray or just bringing me my laptop charger because I'm too lazy to get it! He doesn't often spoil me by paying for stuff, I would normally be better with money than him so would have more spare, but yeah, spoiling someone or treating them really nicely doesn't just have to be counted by who paid for the meal.

Saaron

When we started going out he paid because he was being kind and I was broke!

He still pays for things like the cinema but if I can afford things like food I'll try buy him a meal or something... or we go halves on whatever we're doing..
He definitely pays for me a lot of the time though and when I have more money or a job I'd definitely treat him to more stuff. He has a job but that doesn't mean he has money to constantly spend on me as well as himself!

He's very kind to me though and I really appreciate it.

daenerysstormborn3

I pay for everything 80% of the time. My boyfriend is a mature student so completely broke whereas i have a very well paying job so in my opinion it's fair.

When i was out of work and had no money whatsoever for 3 months he looked after us.

winterlight

We don't tend to split bills- we just pay for different things.

For example, if I paid for dinner, he'll buy all the drinks in the pub. Or vice versa...

Malari

Halves on pretty much everything. But in a "you buy dinner, I'll get groceries" kind of way, as opposed to splitting all bills 50/50! It's sort of unspoken, we don't work anything out on paper for week-to-week things. Only for big things like flights, car tax, etc.

I wouldn't say I'm spoiled, no. We look after each other though in small ways every day though.

x Purple Pawprints x

With us it's 50/50. We have to travel to see each other. If I'm at his place he pays and if he's here with me I pay even though I know if he could he'd want to pay all the time, that's just the type he he is. Both of us are out of work and there's a possibility he could be going back to college so it can be hard.

XxMCRxBabyxX

We tend to split everything 50/50 for the most part. Or occasionally we'll treat each other or loan each other money.

Except when I guilt him into not spending enough on me like his friends do with his girlfriends! :P
(jokingly of course!)

Every so often he will spoil me a little though and pay for stuff, but I always feel ridiculously guilty about it!

Maple

Honey-ec wrote: »

I see you got over your broken heart at telling your "boyfriend" you were married and then finding him with a prostitute two days later quick enough...

I call troll.

*awaits ban for not just reporting the posts*

No ban, just infracted. Surprise!

You know the drill, no referring to threads in PI/RI.

Going forward, report the posts and let the mods handle it.

Maple

xxxkarenxxx

50/50 is the fairest way to go. Although there is nothing wrong with treating each other every now and again

LittleBook

Princess Peach wrote: »

My boyfriend earns more money than I do so he will pay a little more often than I do, but I'll always do as much as I can to even it out. He pays for dinner, I pay for the cinema, or a cheaper lunch.

Same for us only in reverse, I earn more than he does so I'll spend more in general but he hasn't got a stingey bone in his body.

Stinginess is something I simply can't stand ... I remember dating one guy and we went out for lunch as a group of about 8 people. We spit the bill and at the end of the meal, everyone put a pound on the table for the waitress and as we walked away I noticed him sneakily slipping the pound back into his pocket!

Over the years I've honed my radar. I'm a very generous person but I'm not stupid. I don't mind who pays for what as long as there's an "it'll come around again" vibe.

KTRIC

I went out with a woman (was going to use lady, but she wasn't). She somehow got it into her head that because her father (in his 50's) brings her mum out (a housewife) every week end and pays for it I should !!!

She got into a strop when I finally got a job and started earning twice as much as her when I didn't trip over myself to spend every penny on her. I'm all for 50/50, this day and age thats the way it should be. Saying that I really like spoiling women but in the past I've been taken for a ride so I'm less likely to do that now.

Outkast_IRE

I am in a 4 year relationship, for the first 2 years we were both working earning decent money so it was a 50/50 split for the most part, the last 2 years she was back in college so money was very tight for her so i paid for a lot of things.
Shes done with college now and working but im going back to college in september full time and she says she cant wait to repay the favour and start paying for loads of stuff

anndub

marieellen wrote: »

i went out with a guy a few years ago who would never pay for anything. in fact i had to pay for him most times

Can't see why either party would pay for everything, 50:50 makes sense with a few treats thrown in now and again to show your appreciation for the person.

psycho-hope

normally we split things 50/50 unless its one of our birthdays or something and the odd little treat here and there:)

chicken fingers

I'll admit that I pay for almost everything almost all of the time.
My gf would ask to pay for movies even if she was nearly broke and I'm sorted for cash so I'd always really appreciate the gesture but I'd pay for her to let her save her cash for the necessaries, rather than blow a mornings wage on buying me popcorn and a coke.

She said, look at all of the other couples; the girl pays lots of the time, so we have been having sneaky looks at other tables etc recently and she has admitted defeat. We have yet to see a woman pay for dinner in any of the places we normally eat a couple of times a week. (50$-200$ for the both of us)
We've seen splits and guys paying alright.

I'm not ragging on the ladies, that's just how we see it.
The way I look at it is that we both work hard for the money we earn, but I earn more, so therefore I place a lower value on my cash. She might try to take me out to a fancy meal for X$ which would be a HARD couple of days wages, whereas for me I'd rather pay for it as its what I'd earn in an hour at work faffing about on boards.

Shes not delighted that I pay for everything but she is happy that we can live a good lifestyle.
It seems to work for us. Example we were having some early cocktails in NYC a while back and she offered to buy the next round. I said sweetie, howabout I'll get these you can get us a some beers later?
And later on, as per the plan, we stopped at a store, she got the takeaway beers and went to a BBQ. We both equally contributed to our drunkeness but one contribution just cost more money than the other no big deal.

I hope I'm conveying what I mean here and not trying to sound old fashioned or uppity.

rainshowers82

We go 50/ 50 for the majority -- Except last year when he was out sick and i paid for everything -- He has done his fair share of repaying we always help each other out if im broke he pays no problems and vice versa fair is fair :P

Acoshla

Acoshla wrote: »

........... spoiling someone or treating them really nicely doesn't just have to be counted by who paid for the meal.

I opened the passenger door of my car last night for a lady, she said no one had ever done so before, she was in two long term relationships (5 to 7 years each). Perhaps they didn't have a car :pac: All jokes aside though but wtf like.

MiniSquish

At the moment my boyfriend is out of a job, has been since I met him. I've been out of a job for periods of time of us dating but I've always gotten another one pretty quickly. If we go to the cinema or something we normally pay for ourselves- or the odd time he'll pay or I will. If I know he cant afford popcorn etc I'll buy it for him and I buy him little gifts from time to time. He doesn't really like this as he cant afford to return the favour as often as he'd like but it doesn't bug me, I'm a generous person and I like doing little things for him. I would like to go out more often (we don't really now as he can't afford it) but aside from that it doesn't bug me that he is not constantly spoiling me. I don't think it should be just up to the guy to treat the girl in a relationship. I know if and when he is in the position to reciprocate he will.

Malari

RoverJames wrote: »

I opened the passenger door of my car last night for a lady, she said no one had ever done so before, she was in two long term relationships (5 to 7 years each). Perhaps they didn't have a car :pac: All jokes aside though but wtf like.

I don't think anyone has done that for me. To be honest I'd think he was getting in and expected me to drive if he went for the passenger door. :pac: Obviously no-one has ever opened the door for me to get out, as I'm already out by the time they come round the car.

Lollipops23

I'm working and my OH is on the dole, so I tend to pay for stuff sliiiightly more often. He still makes sure to pay for dinner when it's his turn, and when we go to the cinema i'll get tickets and he gets sweets.
I know when he gets work he'll prob make an effort to spend a bit more-not that I'd expect it- as I know it grates on him that I'm the "breadwinner".

Seraphina

My boyfriend insists on splitting everything right down the middle. We live together and he does 'finances' every month where he will do up a spreadsheet and add up every last little receipt. He is particularly anal, and will take off £5 (an example) from the grocery bill if he spots something on it I bought e.g. facewash or something else that only I will use.

I find the whole scenario pretty distasteful. I think we can do a relatively even split without the necessity of adding everything together and dividing. What bugs me is his very obvious desire to avoid paying anything more than 'exactly' his share.

I don't understand it, but then I have always been good with money, was taught at a young age of its value, have good savings etc. We both earn pretty much the same hourly rate but if he thinks he has enough money for the month he'll just not book work the next week (i.e. he will work the minimum possible to scrape by a living wage) which I think is a really immature attitude to have.

I've realised since living with him that I find his whole attitude towards money unpleasant tbh

Cunning Stunt

We split everything 50/50 when we were first together. When we moved abroad, he found full time work and I had part time work, so he paid more towards the bills / food etc. But as soon as I got full time work, we split everything down the middle again. Now he earns a bit more than me, but I still am of the opinion that we should keep it 50/50.
I would never be the ''you earn more so you should pay more!'' type - not when I can afford to pay my way.

hightower1

Its 50/50 between me and the OH most of the time. What matters more than splitting bills 50/50 imo anyway are the little things being "gentlemanish" about like if I'm making us tea I make sure to give her the bigger cup or making dinner I make sure she gets the nicer one.

lace

Both being pretty poor at the minute, it's usually 50/50 unless it's an occasion or something. Usually we'd buy each other drinks in rounds or one would pay for tickets to something and the other will pay for the drinks.

A lot of women I talk to seem horrified that we split things equally. Some seem to expect their guys to pay for everything. For me, it's just a fairness thing. I know we're in the same financial situation and I don't see why he should pay more just because he's got a penis. I think I'd be a little uncomfortable with a guy constantly paying for everything.

Little Acorn

Seraphina wrote: »

My boyfriend insists on splitting everything right down the middle. We live together and he does 'finances' every month where he will do up a spreadsheet and add up every last little receipt. He is particularly anal, and will take off £5 (an example) from the grocery bill if he spots something on it I bought e.g. facewash or something else that only I will use.

I find the whole scenario pretty distasteful. I think we can do a relatively even split without the necessity of adding everything together and dividing. What bugs me is his very obvious desire to avoid paying anything more than 'exactly' his share.

I don't understand it, but then I have always been good with money, was taught at a young age of its value, have good savings etc. We both earn pretty much the same hourly rate but if he thinks he has enough money for the month he'll just not book work the next week (i.e. he will work the minimum possible to scrape by a living wage) which I think is a really immature attitude to have.

I've realised since living with him that I find his whole attitude towards money unpleasant tbh

Is this your boyfriend at 0.29?
"That's 8.78 for chicken balls!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2YxktmiEYA

Just kidding,

Malari

Seraphina wrote: »

My boyfriend insists on splitting everything right down the middle. We live together and he does 'finances' every month where he will do up a spreadsheet and add up every last little receipt. He is particularly anal, and will take off £5 (an example) from the grocery bill if he spots something on it I bought e.g. facewash or something else that only I will use.

I find the whole scenario pretty distasteful. I think we can do a relatively even split without the necessity of adding everything together and dividing. What bugs me is his very obvious desire to avoid paying anything more than 'exactly' his share.

I don't understand it, but then I have always been good with money, was taught at a young age of its value, have good savings etc. We both earn pretty much the same hourly rate but if he thinks he has enough money for the month he'll just not book work the next week (i.e. he will work the minimum possible to scrape by a living wage) which I think is a really immature attitude to have.

I've realised since living with him that I find his whole attitude towards money unpleasant tbh

Aw, that's difficult, Seraphina! Have you been living together long? It's virtually impossible to keep this up long-term. Like, taking a shampoo or something off the list because he doesn't use it is crazy. Anyway, these things even out over weeks and months. Maybe you could do your own spreadsheet and show him that one week you'll have a face-cream in the shopping...the next week he might have razor blades or something. I bet it doesn't come down to more than a few quid over serveral months.

There is more than just monetary value to you - who cooks dinner, does the cleaning?

dearg lady

lace wrote: »

Both being pretty poor at the minute, it's usually 50/50 unless it's an occasion or something. Usually we'd buy each other drinks in rounds or one would pay for tickets to something and the other will pay for the drinks.

A lot of women I talk to seem horrified that we split things equally. Some seem to expect their guys to pay for everything. For me, it's just a fairness thing. I know we're in the same financial situation and I don't see why he should pay more just because he's got a penis. I think I'd be a little uncomfortable with a guy constantly paying for everything.

I agree! How is it still acceptable to expect the man to pay for everything? I can understand if one party earns more they might like to contribute more, but I wouldn't expect this!

OkayWhatever

I don't think i'm particularly spoiled at all. There's been times when I've paid for everything because I had more money but it hasn't made me resent him or the relationship whatsoever. I don't consider it to be a major factor in a relationship tbh.

Maple

Believe in 50/50, but it's not always that rigid. It's lovely to get treated once in a while but I'd always try and get him back in some way, it doesn't sit right with me otherwise.

tigerblob

He spends more on me because he has a bit more money than I do, I always try to split it 50/50 and if I can't, I contribute as much as I can, and at times I have more money than he does and then I treat him. I'd like it to be 50/50 but not for now

Arianna_26

I would say it's the norm for me to go 50/50 as much as possible. I wouldn't expect a boyfriend to spend more money on me than I would on him. Of course circumstances may make this impossible sometimes but I like to go 50/50 whenever possible.

catch me if you can

Im married now so all our money is pooled together. But when we were dating he did spoil me a bit , but in turn i would spoil him too.
i remember he posted presents into my letterbox every day for two weeks when we were first together. books and cds things like that. It was so sweet.
He sent flowers to my work randomly.
He also flew me out to the states and produced an engagement ring on the plane after 6 months which was insanely romantic.
I did similar things like i borrowed his house keys one day and i bought him a flat screen tv. put it on his bed and when he got in from work he found it.
our first date he took me away to galway for the night on the spur of the moment and paid for everything, and didnt try it on i might add! In turn to say thank you i bought him tickets to a war of the worlds.
we did always seem to split the bills in general or one would pay one night and then vice versa.

omah

50/50 is the way to go - especially during this lovely recession!

Azureus

We'd be pretty much 50/50, although he does tend to pay for drinks etc for me when we're out etc. Id usually pay for rent/bills and then ask him for whatever his share is cuz hes useless at money, and he never questions it nor is it ever a problem. We'd be fairly laid back in our finances, and there has been times when Ive covered his share of things and he mine. For example he is working overtime for two weeks to cover work expenses I have at the moment, until I get them back at the end of the month. its all about give and take imo-id do the same for him in a heartbeat. I do work to live not live to work though and I could never be with someone who is stingy with their money. I dont expect them to pay for me, I pay my own way, but they cant be a miser.

banshee_bones

It's swings and roundabouts, I might pay for breakfast/dinner or whatever today and he will do so tomorrow. Nobody keeps track, it's generally 50/50 when I can influence it! although he doesnt particularly like it, he would prefer to be paying most of the time, but that doesnt sit right with me so there is alot of sneaking off to pay before he does and since he has caught on to me doing that he has started doing it aswell!

One night recently I had to keep my lazer card in my bra all night because I was wearing a dress and wanted to pay the bill for myself, himself and a couple friend of ours, so I made a sneaky detour from the bathroom after desert to pay the bill

Thought I had gotten away with it too until I found a couple of 50 euro notes in my handbag the next morning! :pac:

Victor

It doesn't need to be equal, but it perhaps does need to be balanced, based on where people are in life.

Catari Jaguar

Generally split the cost of going out for dinner, if it's grocery shopping I'll usually get it or order a delivery and he'll transfer 1/2 into my account. I'll say 70/30 because he eats in the canteen at work. Other times it'd be he gets drinks, I get cinema tickets or whatever. We don't keep tabs or anything though. Big things like flights, holidays or concert tickets we pay our own way.

Rent is 50/50. Some of the bills I pay by myself because I earn slightly more like the UPC and house insurance.

We both spoil each other with big presents on special occassions - like I got him a smart phone, he got me a sparkly designer watch. We do little cute things and buying treats and stuff. More romantic stuff at the start of relationship and kinda practical things now that we live together and I notice he needs a new toothbrush or something and get him one. Haha!

darklighter

Went to the cinema with a girl on a first date and I said at the counter i'd get the tickets and she could get the treats. She wasnt happy and was pretty insistent that she wanted to split everything 50/50. I'd already handed over the cash so told her not to worry about it.

So when we get to the sweet counter she asks what I wanted and I told her a bottle of water and popcorn. Not to say she wasnt impressed and that I wasnt to be trying to save her money (I was working and she was in college). I tried to explain I tend to avoid sweet things as my teeth are mucho rotten from over indulging as a kid. But this wasnt satisfactory and she went into a rant about how she was well capable of looking after herself and didnt need to be spoilt.

Was her reaction abit OTT or should I just have let her pay for her half of the date and me mine?

Rossin

ott

whats the big deal like?!

darklighter

Rossin wrote: »

ott

whats the big deal like?!

She made a scene in the foyer of the cinema! I would have preferred if the other patrons didnt get a free show before the main event

cofy

Long before I met my husband, I dated a guy who insisted on paying for everything. He seemed to be a nice quiet sort of guy, we were both very young. He claimed that he liked having some one to spoil, he worked very hard and earned big money.
Everytime he turned up for a date he would have a huge bunch of flowers as well as a box of chocolates for my mother, dinners out in expensive restaurants, tickets for shows. After a few weeks it started to get weird, he wanted to get me a different job (I was in a well paying job that I liked), he entered me for competitions without asking me basically I became his possession. Needless to say it did'nt last long.

darklighter

darklighter wrote: »

Went to the cinema with a girl on a first date and I said at the counter i'd get the tickets and she could get the treats. She wasnt happy and was pretty insistent that she wanted to split everything 50/50. I'd already handed over the cash so told her not to worry about it.

So when we get to the sweet counter she asks what I wanted and I told her a bottle of water and popcorn. Not to say she wasnt impressed and that I wasnt to be trying to save her money (I was working and she was in college). I tried to explain I tend to avoid sweet things as my teeth are mucho rotten from over indulging as a kid. But this wasnt satisfactory and she went into a rant about how she was well capable of looking after herself and didnt need to be spoilt.

Was her reaction abit OTT or should I just have let her pay for her half of the date and me mine?

Bit ott
With the cost of popcorn and drinks, my friends and I generally do consider tickets vs snacks a fair split...

Malari

banshee_bones wrote: »

It's swings and roundabouts, I might pay for breakfast/dinner or whatever today and he will do so tomorrow. Nobody keeps track, it's generally 50/50 when I can influence it! although he doesnt particularly like it, he would prefer to be paying most of the time, but that doesnt sit right with me so there is alot of sneaking off to pay before he does and since he has caught on to me doing that he has started doing it aswell!

One night recently I had to keep my lazer card in my bra all night because I was wearing a dress and wanted to pay the bill for myself, himself and a couple friend of ours, so I made a sneaky detour from the bathroom after desert to pay the bill

Thought I had gotten away with it too until I found a couple of 50 euro notes in my handbag the next morning! :pac:

This, I would find very tiring after the first few weeks. It's a little patronising and insulting in my opinion, implying that you shouldn't or couldn't pay.