When in bed with your partner, when you're finished is it finished?

Count Duckula

Just what I think is an interesting question. I was having a talk about it at work, and wanted to canvass some more opinions - and where better to ask than TGC!

I would hope you all get my inference when I say you are "done". So, gentlemen (and ladies with gentlemen partners!), do you roll over and go to sleep? Cuddle up and kiss? Or see to it that your partner gets their due pleasure even if they weren't able to get there before your "finishing point"?

It seems to me that sex is often too rigidly construed as something where one bit goes inside another bit until the owner of the first bit is done and then the sex is over. If the owner of the other bit can get themselves off during or before that "end" then that's fantastic - and I would think that every gentleman lover worth being in bed with would do his level best to help his partner achieve that.

However, what happens afterwards? A woman, as far as I understand, can have an orgasm and yet still be raring to go. I know in the cases of women I have slept with that they have obtained lots of lovely climaxes during oral sex, yet still been totally fired up for the penetrative sex that inevitably follows. A man, on the other hand, tends to find that when he is "done" the urge fades. That being the case, is it unfair to expect a man to help finish off his partner even when he has reached his own climax, as the carnal mood that he was in has surely disappated after he has finished?

I'm just curious as to whether, as tradition would seem to dictate, regardless of the orgasmic status of his partner, when a man reaches his climax the sex ends.

stupidusername

I haven't got much experience at all in this area but for some yes that has been the case, when he's done, we're done. With boyfriends it's been different, much more going on before and / or after, but with casuals it hasn't been great.

Oral, for me, would probably be the biggest turn on, but it seems for the men i've been with have thought of that more of a thing to get you going. maybe they expected both of us to be 'done' from sex.

But tbh a lot of time after sex i'm so worn out, I'm kinda done anyway!

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Count Duckula wrote: »

However, what happens afterwards? A woman, as far as I understand, can have an orgasm and yet still be raring to go.

This may be the case with most women, but definitely not all.

KyussBishop

For men generally once finished, the urge (biologically, down to hormones released after orgasm) is to just go to sleep, which is quite normal

So (partly down to that), foreplay and whatnot (including getting your partner off) is as important as the actual penetrative sex, as the majority of women can't actually orgasm through intercourse alone.

parker kent

It all depends really on the situation but I wouldn't normally see it as ending when I've climaxed. Without going into too much detail, I normally have a few rounds in me anyway.

To answer the question, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to keep help a girl climax if she hasn't before you have. But sure I like doing it anyway, so I'm hardly taking one for the team :pac:

Not that I've had much practice in the last few months.

krudler

Depends tbh, sometimes you just need a timeout for round two, other times it might be a short session too, nothing beats orgasming together though its a great feeling

Marty_Orr

I believe that cuddling is is just as important and rewarding as the main event. The closeness that's felt is just something to behold.

As for fulfilling the female's sexual needs. I think the man should give all the women all the pleasure she can take before finishing himself so as the "urge" doesn't go away. Whether it be through oral sex or penetration.

Put your partner first. She'll love you more and you'll feel you've acomplished something.

krudler

parker kent wrote: »

It all depends really on the situation but I wouldn't normally see it as ending when I've climaxed. Without going into too much detail, I normally have a few rounds in me anyway.

To answer the question, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to keep help a girl climax if she hasn't before you have. But sure I like doing it anyway, so I'm hardly taking one for the team :pac:

Not that I've had much practice in the last few months.

I dont get that either, "guy climaxes so thats that" you can always give her oral or or lend a ,ahem, helping hand or use a toy on her if she enjoys it, tis all good.

parker kent

krudler wrote: »

I dont get that either, "guy climaxes so thats that" you can always give her oral or or lend a ,ahem, helping hand or use a toy on her if she enjoys it, tis all good.

Plus it buys time until you get your second wind!

stupidusername

Guess the guys i've been with have been a little selfish so

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

Guess the guys i've been with have been a little selfish so

Boardsies are world renowned passionate yet tender lovers :pac:

peckerhead

Could you all keep the noise down in here, please?

Princess Peach

I usually have gotten plenty before sex happens, and during so once he finishes its cuddle time. Don't think I would really allow the sex to happen if I hadn't had some fun first. If its in the night it usually means cuddles and chats and go to sleep after he is done. I'm much more of a morning person myself, always at my best then. So usually we can just laze around in bed for a while until one of us, or both is ready to go again.

TouchingVirus

stupidusername wrote: »

Guess the guys i've been with have been a little selfish so

Well you did admit the boyfriends tend to pay more attention before/after whereas the casuals are more a wham-bam type, it's to be expected with ONS really, most people are wanting them for their own selfish reasons (SEX!) :pac:

No, it's not over when I'm finished. But it can be if the girl isn't interested in keeping going, I don't take it as a cue to wrap things up and turn in for the night. Post-sex spooning/chatting can be quite awesome

Sky King

God I LOVE graphs.

stupidusername

TouchingVirus wrote: »

Well you did admit the boyfriends tend to pay more attention before/after whereas the casuals are more a wham-bam type, it's to be expected with ONS really, most people are wanting them for their own selfish reasons (SEX!) :pac:

No, it's not over when I'm finished. But it can be if the girl isn't interested in keeping going, I don't take it as a cue to wrap things up and turn in for the night. Post-sex spooning/chatting can be quite awesome

Yeah but if I insisted on only doin things that got me 'done' I dunno that many of them would be too happy. If you had a ONS and didn't finish up you'd be disappointed right?

parker kent

Princess Peach wrote: »

I usually have gotten plenty before sex happens, and during so once he finishes its cuddle time. Don't think I would really allow the sex to happen if I hadn't had some fun first.

Isn't foreplay part of sex instead of being something you hope to get beforehand?

We are approaching Bill Clinton-level semantics now :pac:

Princess Peach

parker kent wrote: »

Isn't foreplay part of sex instead of being something you hope to get beforehand?

We are approaching Bill Clinton-level semantics now :pac:

Well I mean penetration, my main way of getting my man off.

To be blunt I need a few orgasms before he's coming in.

stupidusername

And I dont like to cuddle after.need to cool the feck down and just need space!

Morag

KyussBishop wrote: »

For men generally once finished, the urge (biologically, down to hormones released after orgasm) is to just go to sleep, which is quite normal

Hormones after ejaculation.
While for men ejaculation and orgasm happen at the same time it is possible to learn to separate them, so that a man an orgasm but not ejaculate and then ejaculate later.

KyussBishop wrote: »

So (partly down to that), foreplay and whatnot (including getting your partner off) is as important as the actual penetrative sex, as the majority of women can't actually orgasm through intercourse alone.

While foreplay is important I've never seen any hard evidence on that 'myth' that most women can't orgasm from penetration.

parker kent

Princess Peach wrote: »

Well I mean penetration, my main way of getting my man off.

I knew what you meant. I was just saying that I'd always consider everything that happens from start to finish as sex. Not just the actual penetration.

KyussBishop

Sharrow wrote: »

Hormones after ejaculation.
While for men ejaculation and orgasm happen at the same time it is possible to learn to separate them, so that a man an orgasm but not ejaculate and then ejaculate later.

Ya but I think that's not meant to be good for you; can cause bladder infection.

Sharrow wrote: »

While foreplay is important I've never seen any hard evidence on that 'myth' that most women can't orgasm from penetration.

Ah it's not a myth: "Only 20 percent of women are able to orgasm with intercourse alone, most women need some sort of direct clitoral stimulation"
https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Female_orgasm#Female_orgasm

Princess Peach

parker kent wrote: »

I knew what you meant. I was just saying that I'd always consider everything that happens from start to finish as sex. Not just the actual penetration.

So do I, was just the easiest way to talk on a thread with polite language :pac:

Count Duckula

Sharrow wrote: »

While foreplay is important I've never seen any hard evidence on that 'myth' that most women can't orgasm from penetration.

Are you suggesting that nearly 80% of women are "doing it wrong"?

Princess Peach

Count Duckula wrote: »

Are you suggesting that nearly 80% of women are "doing it wrong"?

I'd say 80% of women are with the wrong men :pac:

parker kent

I think the key word in the penetration debate is "alone". Just penetration will not be enough for most women. So Sharrow, by admitting that foreplay is important, you are basically admitting that the statistic is most likely accurate.

Wompa1

I have a question to add. How rare is that a girl squirt when she orgasms? I'm all for it by the by...just wondering because from what others tell me, it's pretty rare but a few girls I've been with have...

Also would love to know from women, since they can orgasm as much as they want during sex, what's the most they've had during one sex session?

Princess Peach

Wompa1 wrote: »

I have a question to add. How rare is that a girl squirt when she orgasms? I'm all for it by the by...just wondering because from what others tell me, it's pretty rare but a few girls I've been with have...

Also would love to know from women, since they can orgasm as much as they want during sex, what's the most they've had during one sex session?

Oh dear.....

I'll pass on this one!

Raze_them_all

I generally aim to give a girl 2 or 3 orgasms before I finish up cos I can't be bothered after that, ask any girl I've been with and they'll very that I lose interest after I finish

looky loo

^^
:rolleyes:

Otis Driftwood

Wompa1 wrote: »

Also would love to know from women, since they can orgasm as much as they want during sex, what's the most they've had during one sex session?

Every woman is different in my experience.Ive been with girls that could orgasm every 4 or 5 minutes or so and Ive been with others that once they orgasm once,they find it damn near impossible to orgasm again without some sort of a breather.

kate.m

Princess Peach wrote: »

Oh dear.....

I'll pass on this one!

Yeah I know....just no comment....lol

Raze_them_all

looky loo wrote: »

^^
:rolleyes:

??

TouchingVirus

KyussBishop wrote: »

Ya but I think that's not meant to be good for you; can cause bladder infection.

You're right. When you orgasm and you haven't mastered separation of orgasm from ejaculation your body will run all the processes involved to ejaculate. If you block this from coming out by putting pressure on your perineum to close off the flow to the urethra then you do run the risk of a retrograde ejaculation where the semen flows backwards, through the now opened seal to the bladder and can result in a bladder infection.

However, this is not the same thing as Sharrow mentioned earlier. What they mentioned was the idea that you can experience all the pleasure of orgasm and not ejaculate at all, as in there is no flowing semen to stop, you don't come. Thus you don't have that refractory period most men do after ejaculating (hormones are released after ejaculation, not orgasm) and can experience multiple male orgasms with no downtime It follows on that orgasm is a state of mind, verified by those people with disorders who orgasm half the day away even when unaroused/not receiving stimulation.

Look it up, quite the voyage of personal discovery I'd say

parker kent

Wompa1 wrote: »

I have a question to add. How rare is that a girl squirt when she orgasms? I'm all for it by the by...just wondering because from what others tell me, it's pretty rare but a few girls I've been with have...

Also would love to know from women, since they can orgasm as much as they want during sex, what's the most they've had during one sex session?

A) Very rare.

As much as they want? Eh no they can't, it's not an all you can-climax buffet :pac:

parker kent

Raze_them_all wrote: »

??

I'd say the poster was rolling their eyes at you giving "a girl 2 or 3 orgasms before I finish up cos I can't be bothered after that". Mainly because it sounds like exaggeration of the highest order. Even the most skilled lover on earth would find it difficult to do that every time and with such casualness to boot.

Sure you can try every time, but 2 or 3 orgasms sounds exaggerated. Some nights a girl would be lucky to have one. Some nights they won't get one, but will still be satisfied (depending on the girl of course). On an optimum night, sure that would happen (same as a man will not always be able to orgasm more than once). But to say it generally happens is probably exaggeration.

Raze_them_all

parker kent wrote: »

I'd say the poster was rolling their eyes at you giving "a girl 2 or 3 orgasms before I finish up cos I can't be bothered after that". Mainly because it sounds like exaggeration of the highest order. Even the most skilled lover on earth would find it difficult to do that every time and with such casualness to boot.

Sure you can try every time, but 2 or 3 orgasms sounds exaggerated. Some nights a girl would be lucky to have one. Some nights they won't get one, but will still be satisfied (depending on the girl of course). On an optimum night, sure that would happen (same as a man will not always be able to orgasm more than once). But to say it generally happens is probably exaggeration.

As i clearly said I aim. Different people are different sexually, maybe I'm lying through my teeth, maybe I'm fan ****ing tastic in bed or maybe I've simply known girls who are easy to make orgasm and have been vocal with what they want and how they wanted

FetchTheGin

I have to be honest I would just prefer to get up or roll over and fall asleep.

parker kent

Raze_them_all wrote: »

As i clearly said I aim. Different people are different sexually, maybe I'm lying through my teeth, maybe I'm fan ****ing tastic in bed or maybe I've simply known girls who are easy to make orgasm and have been vocal with what they want and how they wanted

It probably would have helped if you qualified your statement. I know you did say aim, but it still came across (ooh er missus) as being the general outcome. So I'd be likewise, I generally aim to do so when in a longer session, but it doesn't always happen.

Darlughda

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Every woman is different in my experience.Ive been with girls that could orgasm every 4 or 5 minutes or so and Ive been with others that once they orgasm once,they find it damn near impossible to orgasm again without some sort of a breather.

Lol. Somehow doubt that is your experience, Ha ha! They were just trying to get the big oaf off them. Oh yess there is definite statistics to state that that women who need to breathe find it damn impossible to do so without moving the massive oaf off their body.

Raze_them_all

parker kent wrote: »

It probably would have helped it you qualified your statement. I know you did say aim, but it still came across (ooh er missus) as being the general outcome. So I'd be likewise, I generally aim to do so when in a longer session, but it doesn't always happen.

And if I said it was the general outcome I wouldn't be believed, so I propose we get the 10 hottest female members of boards.ie to sleep with me to settle this arguement in a scientific manner

krudler

Darlughda wrote: »

Lol. Somehow doubt that is your experience, Ha ha! They were just trying to get the big oaf off them. Oh yess there is definite statistics to state that that women who need to breathe find it damn impossible to do so without moving the massive oaf off their body.

o...k..

Raze_them_all

Darlughda wrote: »

Lol. Somehow doubt that is your experience, Ha ha! They were just trying to get the big oaf off them. Oh yess there is definite statistics to state that that women who need to breathe find it damn impossible to do so without moving the massive oaf off their body.

So chubby chaser or man hater?

Princess Peach

Darlughda wrote: »

Lol. Somehow doubt that is your experience, Ha ha! They were just trying to get the big oaf off them. Oh yess there is definite statistics to state that that women who need to breathe find it damn impossible to do so without moving the massive oaf off their body.

Might have misunderstood what your trying to say but I agree with Otis. On a good night I can climax very quickly in succession a few times. You are saying women are faking it to end it or something?

You have had bad experiences maybe.

Darlughda

Raze_them_all wrote: »

So chubby chaser or man hater?

Neither. Only one who is good.

LegacyUser

Let's not pretend that many (IMO the vast majority of) women don't fake it sometimes, if not fairly regularly. This is usually because they know they won't be able to have an orgasm, and they don't want to hurt their partner's ego, but they are tired of trying to get there and would just like to end the goings on in a peaceful and non-ego-bruising manner.

RacoonQueen

I dated a guy not so long ago who lasted about 20 seconds, then we'd both be done. Wasn't great at the oul foreplay either. That was a great relationship... :rolleyes:

FetchTheGin

Darlughda wrote: »

women who need to breathe find it damn impossible to do so without moving the massive oaf off their body.

So instead of breathing, they orgasm. Interesting.

Samich

I don't have any input here really but what exactly is the sex & sexuality forum used for? :pac:

Morag

Samich wrote: »

I don't have any input here really but what exactly is the sex & sexuality forum used for? :pac:

Fúck all after it's reboot didn't happen.

AndywK

Always make sure the missus is happy too myself. Maybe I am not a real man but I don't see the point in having sex if both parties are not happy in the end.

There have been nights when I have finished way eariler than she had and then finished way later than she has but I always make sure she has an orgasim.
Some nights I geniuinley run out of steam, be it from sheer tiredness or too much drink and drugs. So if that happens, I switch to oral and well the rest is history ;-)

You'll notice they are more willing to make you breakfast the next morning too.