please help

ann100

I was in a marching band. I dont get on with my father or my brother. They kicked a man to the ground badly. and accused my mother being with him. which is untrue. just because my mam and i stay in his house 1 night. he had a drum on him when they attacked him. we stayed there because my mam was not getting on with my father. he was a friend and was seperated. so I had to leave the band. and My father shouted at her friend annette 1 night but he apoligised to her. He never apologised to this man he attacked and still believes they had an affair. anyways I got involved with someone and was with for 5 years and he spend a night with his wife in a hotel in waterford and move back with her without telling me when i rang him he say he move back with her. and since then he has moved back to his own apartment. And said to me it didn’t work out and is just friends with her, and get on well with his sons and daughter. But she doesn’t want us in any contact.
and people in the band asked me to go back to the band i didnt know what to say. they said that happen 5 years long time and people forget about it and I am a good player i said ok the other man I got involved with said if i go back he will leave
because of his wife I will upset that
his wife says we cant have any contact no talking or anything she say before I always near her house but My uncle lives across from her, and I stay there sometimes. He told her that. My uncle know this man and he said said he cant go to my uncle house because if she found out. Unless its late and dark.

My uncle is friends with this man.

Taltos

You are not responsible for the actions of others.

If you want to play in the band well great go and play.
If your ex chooses to leave well wonderful. At the end of the day if he is doing what his wife tells him then they are not as separated as he makes out.
If the wife attempts anything call the gardai, from what you wrote above it appears you two got together while they were separated so there is no need for you to skulk about.

In terms of your fathers assault - hope the victim had the sense to press charges, but again this is not your responsibility.

Key message, go play have fun, but if you want to keep playing there stop choosing to get involved with people there, because when those relationships go sour they threaten you place in the band.

C-J

Confused.com

Taltos

Decided to restructure this to help you maybe get some advice. Mine however is that this guy is clearly using you and is enjoying the cloak and dagger of it all....

ann100 wrote: »

I was in a marching band.

I dont get on with my father or my brother.
They kicked a man (my friend and bandmate who is separated) to the ground badly while he had his drum on his and accused my mother being with him, which is untrue. Just because my mam and I stayed in his house 1 night. We stayed there because my mam was not getting on with my father. I had to leave the band. - My father never apologised to this man he attacked and still believes they had an affair.
My father also shouted at Mum's friend annette 1 night but he apoligised to her.

Anyways I got involved with a separated man in the band and we were together for 5 years. However he spent a night with his wife in a hotel in Waterford and move back with her without telling me. When i rang him he said he moved back with her. Since then he has moved back to his own apartment.
He told me it didn’t work out and is now just friends with her, and is getting on well with his sons and daughter. But she doesn’t want me or him to have any contact.

In terms of the band - friends in the band have asked me to go back to the band but I don't know what to say. They said all that happened 5 years ago and is a long time and people have forgeten about it and I am a good player. However if I go back the other man I got involved with has said he will leave, because of his wife.
I am upset that his wife says we can't have any contact, no talking or anything or come near her house; but my uncle lives across from her and is her husband's friend. I stay with my uncle sometimes and she knows this. This separated man can't go to my uncle house in case she found out - unless its late and dark.

LegacyUser

Something doesn't add up here.

You say the relationship happened 5 years ago.

You say it lasted for 5 years.

From another thread, you list your age and you would be 22 years old now.. So.... this relationship took place from the time you were 12 years old??

Perhaps there is more to your ex's wife's attitude than simple jealousy.... ?

ann100

Hi I am 23 and was with him for the 6 years

sorry what u mean please explain

ann100

i was with him in 2005 until now