Refuses to wish me a happy birthday???

LegacyUser

I'm about 30 and my bf about 40, i have a 3 yr old who he is very close to. We've been together for almost a year. It was my birthday last week and his the week before. He'd never had a birthday party (awwww) so i organised one for him and he was really chuffed. The whole night people were saying to him (not to me) that he'd have to do something nice for my birthday as it was so soon after and i did a lot for him. I got him a present he loved that i'd put a lot of thought into, had brekfast in bed, etc.

So my birthday comes around and tbh i'm not expecting much because he wouldn't really ever put a lot of thought into doing stuff like that for someone else. He was texting as per usual with no happy birthday or mention of it. Around 3pm i got a little annoyed and asked had he forgotten. A reply came back saying how dare i, no he hadn't and was taking me for a surprise dinner that night. I asked had he arranged anyone to look after child and he said no. He figured someone in my family would do that. As its a bank holiday weekend most of my local family were away, ie 2 siblings and father. My mother had her own plans that evening. I said to him you can't really 'surprise' me with a night out when there are no childcare arrangements and its not fair to give people a few hours notice. He just said he didn't understand why nobody would do it.

I reminded him that he still hadn't wished me a happy birthday, his reply was that i should know he is devoted to me and stop looking for things to moan about. So he sent me a few more texts, none of which said happy birthday!

The next day i sent him a message that i had been a bit upset that he couldn't wish me well for my birthday, his reply was 'not this again' then went on to ignore anything i said about my birthday and only address other stuff.

For the record we're both very busy and have found texts work for us as we rarely manage to both be free to talk on phone at the same time. My work is very busy plus my child and he runs his own small business.

I think that he forgot completely about my birthday which i wouldn't be too upset about but its more that he didn't wish me well and when i pointed it out he made me feel like i was moaning at him. That was a week ago, i still haven't seen him nor has he wished me well. i feel disappointed but maybe its a small thing?

Maple

Honestly, I'm baffled as to why this is even an issue.

I get why you'd be annoyed about him not having organised childcare of just presuming that a member of your family would baby sit, that's a valid thing to be annoyed about.

But he organised a dinner and night out for you, that's wishing you well for your birthday and trying to treat you and make an occasion of your birthday.

Him saying Happy Birthday is just words, anyone can wish you a happy birthday, I could do it now for you, but his actions prove that he did put some thought into your birthday and honestly I can see why he'd be a bit pissed off that you're bringing it up again.

Chinafoot

Well what baffles me about the whole thing is why he would dig his heels in and refuse to say happy birthday when he knows you would have liked to hear it. Its very strange behaviour. Saying Happy Birthday to people, particularly those you love and care about, is a normal thing to do. Refusing to do it, and getting annoyed when asked why you haven't said it, is just weird.

Also, him saying he's going to bring her for dinner while he made no effort to organise childcare for her son isn't really organising a night out for her. By assuming one of her family members would do it he must also have assumed that the OP herself would ask them to do it, and at very short notice too since this was a "surprise". Thats not showing he cares. Thats showing he's lazy and rather inconsiderate.

OP, I'd be annoyed too. It all sounds rather strange. Maybe he did forget and was doing the aul defensive "how dare you! I have dinner planned" route. Either way he hasn't been very considerate in all aspects of this. I'm really not sure how you can approach it though as he sounds pretty stubborn from what you've said. I'd be wary of how he attempted to make you out to be the baddie though "how dare you" and "you should know I'm devoted to you." It's not much to expect your boyfriend to say happy birthday and its entirely reasonable to assume they forgot if they don't.

trio

Firstly, I'm not particularly impressed that at 3pm you felt you had to remind him it was your birthday.

3pm? And no mention of it? Even if he was planning a suprise night out, it's not gonna spoil the suprise to even allude to it being your birthday, is it?

The words don't really matter, but a hint that it's not forgotten does. Even a "Good Morning - hope the feckers at work don't give you too much work on your big day!" would suffice.

Secondly, what did he think was gonna happen? He turns up at your house at 7.30 saying "Let's go - call your mam to come over and babysit"? He expected your mother or someone to just come over immediately? That's really, really thick. And at 40 years old, I wouldn't expect someone to be so thick.

Oh and the "Stop looking for things to moan about"? "Not this again"?? :eek:

This guy is as thick as pig****! Sorry OP, I'm sure he's lovely - but after just a year he's being this condescending? He's rolling his eyes at you by text, basically. Just because you have the AUDACITY to want a flake of what he got for his birthday!

So. Is this birthday dinner being rescheduled? (I presume this was your present, yes?)

If not, and you get no dinner, no present to replace said dinner, no card, no real acknowledgment of your birthday at all....and he blames you for it all cos you weren't available on the day and somehow this means the sole window of opportunity is closed.....

then you got gypped, honey. Well and truly.

LegacyUser

Is this guy for real? Coming from a guy the least you can do on your OH's birthday is say 'Happy Birthday' to her. It's two words. You bringing it up should have shown him how much it meant to you. Jesus I'm just over half his age and I know that! He sounds like an a$$! The way he turned it on you was nasty too. Next time ye meet say it to his face. If he has any cop at all he'll realise he's in the wrong.

LegacyUser

Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago with a guy I was only casually seeing, and call me a drama queen (he did) but it was enough for me to end it with him. Totally selfish behaviour. Like your guy, all he needed to do was acknowledge that he'd forgotten and then wish a happy birthday. The way your guy acted created ten times more drama, and he is trying to make you feel bad when he is the one who should be feeling awful.

It doesn't bode well for the future if he can't appreciate/ accept your feelings on this one. The fact that he is trying to make you feel bad (as my guy did) even more shows a lack of respect and understanding.

He needs a serious talking to!!

LittleBook

can't understand wrote: »

Around 3pm i got a little annoyed and asked had he forgotten. A reply came back saying how dare i, no he hadn't and was taking me for a surprise dinner that night. I asked had he arranged anyone to look after child and he said no. He figured someone in my family would do that.

Sorry OP but he completely forgot, he didn't organise anything, he just tripped out the "surprise dinner" because you put him on the spot. His behaviour after just smacks to me of digging in and failure to admit a mistake.

I was a single parent for a long time and a guy I'd dated for a few weeks (never mind a year) wouldn't assume I had a babysitter on tap ... in fact, a couple of times I've had surprises which included making arrangements for my daughter with my sister that I didn't even know about. It's just common sense.

I am a friend

trio wrote: »

to be so thick.

Oh and the "Stop looking for things to moan about"? "Not this again"?? :eek:

This guy is as thick as pig****! Sorry OP, I'm sure he's lovely - but after just a year he's being this condescending? He's rolling his eyes at you by text, basically. Just because you have the AUDACITY to want a flake of what he got for his birthday!

Yep i think what this yoke has forgotten is that its the small things that mean the most. How patronising... He is out of order here after the effort you made (not meaning he had to do the same in return). What is he like in other areas? This is hardy a once off?

thefeatheredcat

can't understand wrote: »

He'd never had a birthday party (awwww) so i organised one for him and he was really chuffed. The whole night people were saying to him (not to me) that he'd have to do something nice for my birthday as it was so soon after and i did a lot for him.

Firstly, that was lovely and thoughtful of you that you treated him to this, and that he was delighted with it all.

Perhaps there was too much pressure and expectation of others to organise something for you in the same way?

can't understand wrote: »

So my birthday comes around and tbh i'm not expecting much because he wouldn't really ever put a lot of thought into doing stuff like that for someone else.

Ok, you're not expecting much, so why expect anything at all? I think perhaps, yes, he may have forgotten, then he was put on the spot to do something (or had something sort of organised) and he was probably embarrassed - I think that's probably the actual issue in relation to you bringing it up by texts - that to him you're looking for him to do something as equally as brilliant as what you did for him, as per everyone's suggestions and now he's embarrassed about it all and wants it not to be an issue. If he did have a surprise dinner planned, it being put into light about not having arranged childcare or assuming someone else would take up on it at last moment, probably made him feel a bit of a fool for not having thought of that, or that he was inconsiderate and put the whole issue of a meal out for your birthday off the cards because you came across as being unhappy with him over his short sightedness of the arrangements, rather than giving the expected reaction of happiness to the surprise itself (in other words, his gesture was spoiled by the issue of no childcare which would of course be an important factor to consider but a big deal was made of it and the actual gesture didn't come into the situation at all).

tbh if he's never had a party arranged for his birthday before, and he hasn't really gone to huge lengths for people before, he doesn't know what's really expected in all of it for him to do or knows what or how you plan something, and probably doesn't know your expectations of him. You didn't expect much, but in actual fact, you expected him to have factored in all the childcare and everything which was an oversight on his behalf, or even to have something planned, which probably why you dragging up the issue about it all is making him more unhappy.

But the best way to deal with it, is to not make an issue out of it, because I suspect bringing it up time and time again, will be in his eyes, poking a stick at the issue, that it becomes a much bigger issue in terms of your relationship where a wedge will be created on issues. You do need to have your feelings on the situation of your birthday known especially as it also seems like the more you push an issue with him, the more he's going to be unwilling to give you what you want, which was the acknowledgement and validation of your birthday. Take the pressure off him for the wishes, and maybe he'll actually deliver.

It could be a small thing in general, but to you, not being wished a happy birthday is an issue for you. You have a double standard in that you didn't expect much, but you are upset that you didn't get much. I think you need to be a bit more honest with yourself in your real expectations of this guy.

I think rather than relying on each interpreting the information, tone and context of texts, you both need to find the time to sit and talk things out face to face, as I don't think relying solely on texts as a method of communication is going to be effective anymore for you both.

from personal experience, it's hurtful when someone you care about (and cares about you) forgets your birthday or doesn't wish you happy birthday.... you have two choices: make an issue out of it and create a negative situation from it, or get over the fact that it the birthday was forgotten or went by unnoticed but vocalise how it made you feel and then move on from it as a non issue to maintaining a happy relationship.

If he's not willing to hear you out about how his behaviour upset you at all, though, I think you should reassess the behaviours in the relationship and see if it is heading in the direction you want the relationship to be heading.

annascott

What a horrible man. Get rid of him.

[-0-]

That's awful. Especially considering how much you did for him the week before. It's very easy for a guy to book a dinner for someone's birthday, and it certainly does not take a lot to say it to you. If I was in your shoes I would be upset.

Neyite

It really sounds like he forgot and your surprise dinner only became a possibility when he got caught out. He also is being hugely defensive. Too defensive. Its only your birthday, his reaction to you was way OTT.

And making a point not to wish you a happy birthday? Sorry, thats just plain mean. There is no other reason he wouldnt say it unless it was to hurt you or try to bring you down. On your birthday.

He comes across as immature, petty and self centred. I would not be impressed at all - and it wouldnt be about forgetting a birthday, anyone can do that, but to treat you like that after does not show him in a good light at all.

MistyCheese

It certainly sounds like he is taking a stand on this issue. Whether because he actually forgot your birthday and blurted out "I had a surprise planned" as a way to pretend he hadn't forgotten, or whether he really does have a valid, deep-rooted reason for not saying those two particular words to you.

In either case, I wouldn't relish being around for the next arbitrary stand he decides to take. Maybe you'll ask him if he remembered to take out the bins and he'll reply "How dare you?! Just for that I'm not taking the bins out again ever again."

The problem here isn't that he forgot your birthday, right? it's that he steadfastly refused to acknowledge it, even after you asked him to. That seems to be a very strange thing to be so vehemently against.

LegacyUser

Jesus Christ OP can you not see why this guy is the way he is? You said it yourself, nobody ever gave him a birthday party. Does that not tell you all you need to know? Im similiar to this guy you described, I've never recieved a present on my birthday or anything along those lines. In the house that I grew up in birthdays weren't recognised. This conditions you to be a certain way when it comes to other peoples birthdays, you just dont think they're a big deal, not worth mentioning. The opposite is if you grew up in a house where birthdays were acknowledged and a fuss was made, you then would automatically go on to be a person that would recognise somebodys birthday.
Obviously birthdays arent anything to this guy, you gotta accept that and stop throwing a tantrum when he doesnt wish you a happy birthday.

I am a friend

username54321 wrote: »

Jesus Christ OP can you not see why this guy is the way he is? You said it yourself, nobody ever gave him a birthday party. Does that not tell you all you need to know? Im similiar to this guy you described, I've never recieved a present on my birthday or anything along those lines. In the house that I grew up in birthdays weren't recognised. This conditions you to be a certain way when it comes to other peoples birthdays, you just dont think they're a big deal, not worth mentioning. The opposite is if you grew up in a house where birthdays were acknowledged and a fuss was made, you then would automatically go on to be a person that would recognise somebodys birthday.
Obviously birthdays arent anything to this guy, you gotta accept that and stop throwing a tantrum when he doesnt wish you a happy birthday.

Thats a cop out. He was happy enough to celebrate his own birthday in style...

LegacyUser

can't understand wrote: »

I think that he forgot completely about my birthday which i wouldn't be too upset about but its more that he didn't wish me well and when i pointed it out he made me feel like i was moaning at him. That was a week ago, i still haven't seen him nor has he wished me well. i feel disappointed but maybe its a small thing?

It's a small tiff that can be easily settled, looking for other people's points of view will only cloud your judgement of the situation because here in this forum men will complain 'but he did enough' and women will complain 'he didn't do enough'.

Your boyfriend can't be 100% perfect all the time. He will do things that irritate you mightily, he'll forget things, he'll snap, he'll judge etc. And you'll do the exact same back to him because you're both human. This is what relationships are all about. Don't sweat the small stuff, especially if he's kind and good to you, and gets on well with your child.

LegacyUser

MistyCheese wrote: »

The problem here isn't that he forgot your birthday, right? it's that he steadfastly refused to acknowledge it, even after you asked him to. That seems to be a very strange thing to be so vehemently against.

YES!!! This is exactly it. I knew when planning his birthday that he wouldn't be doing the same for me. I was only doing it for him, not to reap a reward. I can't understand why he would not only not want to say happy birthday but why he would get mad at the suggestion.

We met last night, went to gourmet burger. No card, no gift, no mention of birthday. He asked how my week had been and i said well my birthday was a bit of a let down. He said well thats because you're stressed and i replied, no its because you were incapable of being nice to me on it. Then he said look you don't mean it, its just your life has you stressed out right now that you're lashing out at me :0

Then he said he can't understand why i'm upset with him, that he feels he's doing everything right and its not good enough for me so the problem must be me
I'm feeling really taken aback and upset by all this. I really don't understand why wishing someone a happy birthday would be such an issue, on his birthday lots of people brought cards and presents, sang happy birthday and were wishing him a happy birthday all night. He's bought presents for other people on their birthdays so i just don't get this. But now his blaming my unhappiness with him on other parts of my life? Wtf! Like he's just looking for an excuse to take away any blame. I just don't get this but now i'm thinking about walking away.

If he will try to say thats its always my life and never him that upsets me even when its so obviously him, he could be doing anything with the knowledge he blame it on my busy lifestyle!

Chinafoot

username54321 wrote: »

J
Obviously birthdays arent anything to this guy, you gotta accept that and stop throwing a tantrum when he doesnt wish you a happy birthday.

Sorry but, in the nicest possible way, thats complete and utter rubbish. It doesn't matter if you're not into birthdays or have never acknowledged them in your own life, when you are seeing someone who obviously does acknowledge their birthday it is no hardship to open your mouth and say two words. He was fully aware that all she wanted was for him to say happy birthday, she asked if he had forgotten and he got in a snot with her. Accusing the OP of "throwing a tantrum" is so far off the mark it's amazing. If she has to accept that her boyfriend will happily accept a party from her and nice presents but won;t ever acknowledge her birthday, then why can't he accept that the normal thing to do (and yes, it is normal) is to say 'happy birthday'.

thanks for all replies, op here wrote: »

We met last night, went to gourmet burger. No card, no gift, no mention of birthday. He asked how my week had been and i said well my birthday was a bit of a let down. He said well thats because you're stressed and i replied, no its because you were incapable of being nice to me on it. Then he said look you don't mean it, its just your life has you stressed out right now that you're lashing out at me :0

Then he said he can't understand why i'm upset with him, that he feels he's doing everything right and its not good enough for me so the problem must be me.

Huge, flashing, neon red flags on this one OP. That is some twisted thinking on his part.

thanks for all replies, op here wrote: »

I'm feeling really taken aback and upset by all this. I really don't understand why wishing someone a happy birthday would be such an issue, on his birthday lots of people brought cards and presents, sang happy birthday and were wishing him a happy birthday all night. He's bought presents for other people on their birthdays so i just don't get this.

So he has no problem acknowledging the birthdays of others to the point where he buys them presents but he can't even say two words to you? That is not normal behaviour.

thanks for all replies, op here wrote: »

But now his blaming my unhappiness with him on other parts of my life? Wtf! Like he's just looking for an excuse to take away any blame. I just don't get this but now i'm thinking about walking away.

If he will try to say thats its always my life and never him that upsets me even when its so obviously him, he could be doing anything with the knowledge he blame it on my busy lifestyle!

OP that is some seriously manipulative behaviour on his part. I would be extremely wary of anyone who acts like this. I've seen someone in a very similar situation. He treated her poorly but if she objected it was always her fault. He tried to convince her she was overreacting, stressed from work, expecting too much from him, etc. It was basically emotional abuse. She was taken in by it for quite a while, made excuses for him and put the blame on herself. Thankfully she saw sense in the end and walked away.

I don't know what to tell you OP. If I was in your position, particularly where there is a child involved, I would give serious consideration to walking away. Do you really want to be with someone who will try to blame you for their bad behaviour? Someone who won't accept any responsibility for their behaviour? Personally I wouldn't. Do you think a conversation where he knows you're deadly serious about not accepting this behaviour would help?

I am a friend

OP, am i right in that the kid isnt his? I also agree that he is very manipulative and is twisting this to suit himself.

Your gut is telling you that this isnt right and his actions are backing up any concerns you had.

As for walking, well thats up to you but I would be curious if he is like this in other areas in the relationship?

Neyite

thanks for all replies, op here wrote: »

I really don't understand why wishing someone a happy birthday would be such an issue, on his birthday lots of people brought cards and presents, sang happy birthday and were wishing him a happy birthday all night. He's bought presents for other people on their birthdays so i just don't get this.

Well, this is proof that he does know the basic etiqutte in acknowledging a birthday, so to say he didnt think /didnt know is bollocks. He is able to get a gift for others, but not the person that he is closest to in the whole wide world? Nice :rolleyes:

This may be far fetched, but often controlling people push the boundaries of their disrespectful behaviour gradually. If he gets away with this, you can write off any possible gift or birthday wish for the rest of your lives together. Next it will be christmas, and anniversaries. Gradual grooming. He is already holding you responsible for everything possible that you are annoyed or stressed about, how long before his crap is somehow your fault too?

Ask yourself is a lifetime of this really worth this?

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Regardless of him not having a birthday thrown for him in the past, he was happy to enjoy the OP going all out for him.

Surely when you are with someone you love, it isn't hard to do something you may not have done before when that something is is as simple as saying two little words.

I find it very hard to believe a man of his age has gotten this far in life without EVER saying it :rolleyes:

He's making a point, that is all. And after all the OP did for HIM, the fact he couldn't say happy birthday speaks volumes to me.

But that was her decision. She choose to go all out for him, he didnt ask her for anything. I dont know the guy personally but I'd say for sure if she hadnt done or said anything for his birthday he would've been fine with that. He wouldnt be complaing or kicking up a fuss. Just because you decide to do something for somebody it does not obligate them to do soemthing for you in return.
If the Op isnt happy about being with a guy that doesnt wish her a happy birthday then she needs to move on if its that big a deal to her. Throwing a hissy fit is not gonna make this guy change. He is the way he is, she has to accept that.

username54321

username54321 wrote: »

But that was her decision. She choose to go all out for him, he didnt ask her for anything. I dont know the guy personally but I'd say for sure if she hadnt done or said anything for his birthday he would've been fine with that. He wouldnt be complaing or kicking up a fuss. Just because you decide to do something for somebody it does not obligate them to do soemthing for you in return.
If the Op isnt happy about being with a guy that doesnt wish her a happy birthday then she needs to move on if its that big a deal to her. Throwing a hissy fit is not gonna make this guy change. He is the way he is, she has to accept that.

Are you for real
"throwing a hissy fit"
there is nothing wrong whatsoever with asking why a supposed loved one would refuse to wish you a happy birthday or do anything in celebration for it, i dont care what their background is
and then to try and make out like it's just her being crazy

Chinafoot

username54321 wrote: »

He is the way he is, she has to accept that.

That is utter bollox. Did you miss the part of the OP's last post where she said her boyfriend has bought other people birthday presents in the past? Kind of ruins your whole product-of-a-birthdayless-home theory, doesn't it? Also, it's pretty contradictory for you to claim that he simply doesn't acknowledge birthdays and the OP needs to "accept that", when he claimed (falsely, in all likelihood) that he had planned a surprise dinner for her birthday. If this was a man who wants nothing to do with birthdays why would he claim such a thing?

Let me ask you something. You don't acknowledge birthdays because you say it wasn't something that was done in your family. If you were in a relationship with someone who does acknowledge their birthday would you point blank refuse (note the use of the word 'refuse', not forget or just not think about, but actually refuse) to wish this person that you claim to love a happy birthday? If you knew that those two words would make your partner happy would you still refuse to do it?

The OP made it very clear all throughout this thread that she didn't expect any fuss from her boyfriend on her birthday. She didn't throw him a party to get something back as you seem to think. All she wanted was an acknowledgement, two words "happy birthday". When he didn't acknowledge her birthday she asked if he had forgotten which then prompted an over the top, immature and quite frankly spiteful response from him.

This whole thing isn't even about the birthday. It's about his crappy behaviour which is proving more and more manipulative and twisted as the thread continues.

LegacyUser

I think the whole saga has been blown out of proportion and what we have now is a stalemate. Neither side wants to budge. I think both sides sound childish and petty, the OP for sending a churlish text saying 'you've forgotten my birthday' instead of talking to him about it. And the OP's boyfriend sounds very childish for digging his heels in.

The two of you are better off with out each other because if this is the way you deal with small problems, you are in big trouble when a real problem comes along.

king_of_inismac

Having read the thread I think your boyfriend is being very manipulative

He was wrong not to simply say happy birthday.

Instead of apologising, he's transferring the blame onto you, saying you are "stressed and lashing out".

He needs to own his own mistakes. If not, it's time to leave

Wowbagger

I agree with king of inismac.

Sounds like it's YOUR fault but it's not!

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

W

LegacyUser

OP, dump him!

I once had a boyfriend who didn't get me a Christmas present, and I got him a really good present. He got his housemates really good presents, he got himself a present, but nothing for me.

Listen to your gut. I wish I listened to mine back then and got out earlier.

But this is about you and how he makes you feel. He made you feel unimportant and un-special on your birthday. He then gave out to you because you felt he had forgotten about it - of course you'd be annoyed! Maybe someone else would be okay with this, but you're not. It's not going to work.

I also think he sounds like a dickhead. Nobody needs a dickhead in their life. Being with him is stopping you from meeting someone who'll treat you like a princess. And we all deserve to be treated like princes and princesses by our other halves!

LegacyUser

I'd guess the reason no-one has ever thrown a party for him is because he is a selfish assh0le OP. I'd get rid of him.

whatdoicare

When I was nineteen and very green about life and people, I was with a fella who would have the same attitude as your OH, OP.
I always was the one to get him the xmas, birthday whatever gifts and he was the one to forget and then turn it on me somehow. He once told me he didn't believe in birthdays - notice he didn't say this on HIS birthday, just mine.
I dumped him on my birthday - I was a poor college student and I was just after watching two of my friends counting pennies between them to buy me a birthday drink when in he strolls, with a face like thunder, didn't say "Happy Birthday", didn't buy me a drink, didn't so much as kiss me on the cheek and after hanging about for half an hour, making everyone feel uncomfortable, he makes to leave and I pretty much tell him it's over! To a standing ovation from my friends!:pac:
I am now married to a man who has never forgotten a special date even if all he could manage was a kiss and a homemade dinner - or a post it note on my laptop! It doesn't need to cost anything - it's the thought that counts in the long run.
Get out of this relationship! You're only 30! You're much too young to be putting up with this crapola!

booboo88

hmmmmmmmm wrote: »

I'd guess the reason no-one has ever thrown a party for him is because he is a selfish assh0le OP. I'd get rid of him.

couldnt agree more, you're not really asking for much only a simple happy birthday wish. christ i say it to random strangers wh ring me up in work and i spot its their birthday:rolleyes:

whatdoicare wrote: »

When I was nineteen and very green about life and people, I was with a fella who would have the same attitude as your OH, OP.
I always was the one to get him the xmas, birthday whatever gifts and he was the one to forget and then turn it on me somehow. He once told me he didn't believe in birthdays - notice he didn't say this on HIS birthday, just mine.
I dumped him on my birthday - I was a poor college student and I was just after watching two of my friends counting pennies between them to buy me a birthday drink when in he strolls, with a face like thunder, didn't say "Happy Birthday", didn't buy me a drink, didn't so much as kiss me on the cheek and after hanging about for half an hour, making everyone feel uncomfortable, he makes to leave and I pretty much tell him it's over! To a standing ovation from my friends!:pac:
I am now married to a man who has never forgotten a special date even if all he could manage was a kiss and a homemade dinner - or a post it note on my laptop! It doesn't need to cost anything - it's the thought that counts in the long run.
Get out of this relationship! You're only 30! You're much too young to be putting up with this crapola!

your husband sounds like an absolute dote

whatdoicare

booboo88 wrote: »

your husband sounds like an absolute dote

He really is!

Seraphina

thanks for all replies, op here wrote: »

Then he said look you don't mean it, its just your life has you stressed out right now that you're lashing out at me :0

Then he said he can't understand why i'm upset with him, that he feels he's doing everything right and its not good enough for me so the problem must be me

But now his blaming my unhappiness with him on other parts of my life? Wtf! Like he's just looking for an excuse to take away any blame. I just don't get this but now i'm thinking about walking away.

Don't walk away, RUN.

Seriously as a poster above said, I wish strangers in work happy birthday when I notice it (we use DOB to identify customers). The man is just pushing his luck, seeing how much **** you will take. That is nasty manipulative behaviour, building you up to expect nothing and be grateful for it. Don't ever think you will get a special occasion gift from this person, as he is obviously the kind who will happily take, but not give, and then blame it on you.

Frankly, the kind of attitude he is displaying would scare me. That's the kind of "you're the problem and you made me do it" attitude you get from domestic abusers.

Oh, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did pull out a card/gift/some crap that's too little too late if you do try to end it. He may come over all sorry and I love you if he thinks he's pushed to far to early. But mark my words he'll try it again...

homerjay2005

the reaction from people here, especially women, never ceases to amaze me....dump him on the spot, thats all that ye can say

they are together for one year, so birthdays are not exactly a common thing yet with them. the man is 40, maybe he doesnt like birthdays, like alot of people dont or doesnt see what it means to the girl just yet?

he should have wished her happy birthday, yes of course he should, but its hardly a reason for all the men bashing thats going on here and to get rid of him. alot of drama queens about.

trio

homerjay, did you not read the part where he got birthday presents for OTHER people??

homerjay2005

trio wrote: »

homerjay, did you not read the part where he got birthday presents for OTHER people??

and thats the reason to dump him yes? who are the other people, does she mean ex girlfriends or what?

can i ask, leaving apart the birthday issue, how is the rest of the relatioship, does he treat her well, are their other issues?

Chinafoot

homerjay2005 wrote: »

the reaction from people here, especially women, never ceases to amaze me....dump him on the spot, thats all that ye can say

they are together for one year, so birthdays are not exactly a common thing yet with them. the man is 40, maybe he doesnt like birthdays, like alot of people dont or doesnt see what it means to the girl just yet?

he should have wished her happy birthday, yes of course he should, but its hardly a reason for all the men bashing thats going on here and to get rid of him. alot of drama queens about.

Its not about the actual birthday though. How can you not see that?

Chucky the tree

Chinafoot wrote: »

Its not about the actual birthday though. How can you not see that?

Too me it's about the boyfriend not being nagged into doing something.

LegacyUser

homerjay2005 wrote: »

all the men bashing thats going on here

I agree that it's over the top to get rid of him just because of this one small thing, especially if the OP never had any reason to question his actions before this and shock horror I'm a woman.

However, I do think that saying MEN bashing is going on is a tad bit hysterical on your part, when the only person being bashed is the OP's boyfriend. I haven't seen one post by any woman here categorically stating 'all men do this'.

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

I agree that it's over the top to get rid of him just because of this one small thing,

It's obviously not a small thing to the OP or this topic wouldn't exist, and it's not just a one off out of character moment as the OP has mentioned another occasion where he's shown manipulative behaviour.
Out of context, not saying happy birthday does seem like a silly thing to dump someone for, but the spiteful, stubborn, condescending, manipulative streak that this has exposed in the OP's partner? That should set of some alarm bells at the very least.

Jack B. Badd

I very much doubt this is actually about the birthday. It sounds like it's about having consideration for the people in your life, going out of your way to do things (even small things) to make them happier. These are things that people do when they like or love the people around them - partners, family members, friends.

Honestly, this would be a warning signal for me in a relationship - from previous experience, I'd speculate that this kind of disinterest a year in doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship. I don't think you're expecting too much to have your birthday recognised, OP. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect to be treated with more respect and consideration than that.

LegacyUser

I think you're making a huge deal about nothing here.

He didn't say happy birthday. He likely forgot. BIG DEAL. It's hardly life or death!

I'm questioning if you are trying way too hard for a guy who's not all that bothered. You go and arrange this party and all of the other stuff for his birthday and while I'm sure he enjoyed it, do you think he may have been thinking "Jeez, that's a little full on!".

I'm sure now he's seeing your OTT reaction and thinking badly of you over this too.

Is there a chance here that you're trying harder than you should be to hold onto a not-so-great catch? Perhaps you've had difficulty before hanging onto a man so you are putting everything into this. Is he worth it?

LegacyUser

Disagree wrote: »

It's obviously not a small thing to the OP or this topic wouldn't exist, and it's not just a one off out of character moment as the OP has mentioned another occasion where he's shown manipulative behaviour.
Out of context, not saying happy birthday does seem like a silly thing to dump someone for, but the spiteful, stubborn, condescending, manipulative streak that this has exposed in the OP's partner? That should set of some alarm bells at the very least.

Manipulative behvaiour borne out of the drama of not saying happy birthday. I think it's a small thing that has been blown out of all proportion. I think both sides have been childish. He was a tool for forgetting. I know if my boyfriend forgot mine, I'd give him a hard time. But everything else he does for me shows me how much he loves me, and I think this is what the OP should be looking at what her boyfriend has done for her over the past year instead of one isolated incident. If it's a case that he was continually showing this selfish side he's shown recently, well then the OP is well rid.