My girlfriend broke up with me, and now I'm lost.

LegacyUser

I'll try and keep this brief, but I have a lot going on in my head right now.

This evening my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm 24 and this is the only person I have ever loved.

We met years ago while we were both on foreign exchange programs. Ever since then, we've been best friends. Its the only person I've ever been truly able to be open with and could tell her anything.

Back in Nov last year I visited her and I fell completely in love. We became more than friends and began dating after that. She lives in the US and I was in Ireland. We did long distance for a few months, and then I decided to bite the bullet and move out there to her. I quit my job, I changed everything and I moved out there. That was in June. At the time it was the best decision i ever made. I was truly and fully happy for the first time in my life.

Over the two months from June to August things started go bad. I noticed she became more and more distant. We fought about a few things, like her wanted to see her ex (a french guy) who was in the US. She said she started to feel trapped having gone straight into moving in together. I drunkenly told her one night that I planned on asking her to marry me at the end of my year there.

One night then, she said she didn't think she loved me. I was heartbroken. I broke down and wept. We talked about all the stuff she was having issues with, like the commitment. Feeling like she didnt think I was the one. Feeling like she was worried I was too much in love and that she was worried about hurting me. We agreed things progressed too fast. That maybe it was a mistake to move in together. That we maybe the best idea was to get some space from each other so that it wasn't literally 24/7 together, as I wasnt working, and was always around when she was home.

I had to come home to get my visa, and the plan was I would come back and take things slower and live separately when we do. I've been home a week now, and this evening she called to say she's been thinking a lot lately, and it just hasn't been working. She thinks that even if I come back and we take things slower that it wont work. She thinks that its too late to undo the damage from getting too serious, and realising she's not the one for me. She says I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them.

I'm gutted. My heart is broken. I feel helpless. I really thought I had found true happiness. I don't know what to do. Part of me is trying to figure out what I need to do to get back with her. She says the main problem is that she has negative thoughts about me when she thinks about me. Before she would get butterflies in her stomach when she thought of me. I know that it was what appeared to be my neediness and weakness that turned her off. I went from being the good-looking popular Irish guy, the one that got away, to a sensitive, needy and dependent. So part of me knows that if I want her back I need to forget about her, get on with my life and then maybe, things would work out. But I also know that if I'm constantly thinking of 'how can I get back with her' chances are I never will and I'll end up killing myself thinking about her.

I'm really completely distraught, can't stop crying, and just don't feel like doing anything.

I know people will just read this and think, I'm just some foolish young lad, and Ill get over it, but I have never felt this bad before. I've experienced close friends and family dying and it doesn't compare to the heartache I'm going through right now.

BraziliaNZ

Hey Buddy. I've been there, done that! Although my experience was not as brief as yours. So what makes you think you were needy and insecure around her? What were you doing to give off that impression?
"You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them". Jesus, that sends shivers up my spine, I've had those exact words too! All I can tell you is that if she's saying these things, she really doesn't want to be with you. Whatever way you were behaving probably turned her off you, but don't blame yourself for that, it's just because the dynamics weren't right. It's impossible to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way from my experience, it drives both of you crazy. I broke up with someone that I went abroad to live with about 8 years ago when I was 22 and even though the memories are faded now, I was almost suicidal. The pain was something else. It actually took a few years to get over, but that's because I didn't handle it very well. The only thing you can do is cut all contact, forever. I don't see the point in talking to this girl ever again, well at least not for a few years, because she's just going to bring back pain. I used to find myself getting into friendly emails with my ex and my hopes would start to get up, this could have been up to 2 or 3 years after we broke up, then she'd talk about coming to see me etc and then I'd hear nothing again. So yeah, do yourself a favour, cut all contact. It's hard but even after a couple of weeks of no contact you'll realise that it's the only way you can deal with this. I've had to do this a few times in my life, I'm currently in the process right now, quite fresh actually, and I can tell you that's it's gradually getting better. You are probably at rock bottom now but things will very slowly improve. PM me if you have an account and need someone to talk to. Take care.

silly

Sorry to hear about this op. Break ups are hard, and her being in the US makes it especially hard. We've all been through break ups and Jesus it's rough!

But look, if this isn't meant to be, then it isn't. Simple as. Don't go back to the US. Who knows, she might realise how much she wants you when you are not around, you need to lose the needy persona. Just give her the space she needs. Get a job here, if you can... Save some money and say to your self I am going traveling in the new yr" work towards that, tell her you are going traveling, but you haven't decided where..
If she wants you back she will ask you back to the US. If not go to Oz or somewhere. You are young. Too young to be thinking marriage etc. Go and enjoy yourself. And try to forget her.