Meeting girls my sister has already slept with!

jdman

I am male. Two weeks ago, I got with this gorgeous girl. I got really into her as soon as I met her. I met her again at the start of this week and we were getting on really well again. I was getting more into her. After a while, she turns to me and says "I have something to tell you" so I asked "what?". N what she said next nearly made me sick. She said "I was with your sister". I asked her "like what, just kissed or something??" and she delayed. I then found out my sister had told her not to say anything to me about it. A lot of drama that night then happened. This has happened to me a few times. Without getting into too much detail, I just want to know does this happen anyone else??? I feel totally alone on this. Please help!!

MrStuffins

jdman wrote: »

I am male. Two weeks ago, I got with this gorgeous girl. I got really into her as soon as I met her. I met her again at the start of this week and we were getting on really well again. I was getting more into her. After a while, she turns to me and says "I have something to tell you" so I asked "what?". N what she said next nearly made me sick. She said "I was with your sister". I asked her "like what, just kissed or something??" and she delayed. I then found out my sister had told her not to say anything to me about it. A lot of drama that night then happened. This has happened to me a few times. Without getting into too much detail, I just want to know does this happen anyone else??? I feel totally alone on this. Please help!!

Why the drama? I don't see the problem!

jdman

Really?? Hope it doesnt happen you ever.

Annasopra

Moved as I don't see how its relevant to the op to be in LGBT forum

banie01

I can't see the problem! Unless there's something else that you've left out?

If it was my brother the girl had been with previously and she started commenting on dick size or technique....
Then yeah I'd be freaked out.(Been there and worn the Tshirt Thankfully I was on the high side of that bar)
But if it was my sister?.....wouldn't cast me a thought unless perhaps thats how I found out my sister was gay or bi?
Then yeah it would be a strange situation but Drama?
Don't see why it would or should cause any drama at all if i already knew my Sis was gay.

PS forgot to add...and I dont mean to sound smartarsed saying it..... But as I and a few others can't see or know what your problem is
Maybe you'd get clearer answers if you actually said what your problem is?

The_Conductor

What exactly is the issue?

up for anything

Like the others I'm not sure what your specific problem is with this. I will say that I wouldn't be too keen on having any sort of physical sexual relations with anybody any of my siblings had slept with. It would be on a par with sleeping with someone my mother had been with. As a mother, I'd find it a bit sordid to be meeting someone who had slept with two of my children. A bit Jeremy Kylish.

It seems to be that you need to socialise further afield in order to avoid clicking with girls that both your and your sister have a chance of meeting.

Morag

You need to widen your socail circles.

Well it's never happened to me, but I agree that I'd be uncomfortable if I found out I had been with a guy that my sister had also been with. So I do see where you're coming from. But ultimately, there's no solution to this, as you can't avoid meeting people your sister might have been with and you can't go around asking girls if they've been with your sister either.

When you think about it though, it seems to make sense. You and your sister have very similar genes, so as regards the whole unconscious desire for a certain genetic type you'll both be attracted to similar people. You've also grown up together, so things which you were taught to appreciate when growing up, you'll still both value now (eg. musical talent, humility, nice knees, or whatever).

You could of course be more open with your sister and then you'd both know whom the other had been with.

jdman

true-or-false wrote: »

Well it's never happened to me, but I agree that I'd be uncomfortable if I found out I had been with a guy that my sister had also been with. So I do see where you're coming from. But ultimately, there's no solution to this, as you can't avoid meeting people your sister might have been with and you can't go around asking girls if they've been with your sister either.

When you think about it though, it seems to make sense. You and your sister have very similar genes, so as regards the whole unconscious desire for a certain genetic type you'll both be attracted to similar people. You've also grown up together, so things which you were taught to appreciate when growing up, you'll still both value now (eg. musical talent, humility, nice knees, or whatever).

You could of course be more open with your sister and then you'd both know whom the other had been with.

Thanks. First response that made sense to me. Really shocked to me that not many people consider this wierd. Ok, being honest I don't respect bisexuals as I think they **** up a lot of peoples hearts in my own opinion. Some of them think guys like it when they are seeing a girl. Well, for me I think it is a total turn off and I still consider it cheating... Also did no one see that this obviously made me feel like she was only getting with me to make my sister jealous. This is all very recent. I just can't believe the minds of most people who replied to this thread. But each to their own!

jdman

mango salsa wrote: »

Moved as I don't see how its relevant to the op to be in LGBT forum

?????

up for anything

Considering you didn't give us very much background, I think that people did their best for you. You obviously only want to rant about bisexuals and would have preferred to do it in the LGBT forum where you might have been able to hurt or get back at bisexuals in order to alleviate the hurt you feel some of them might be causing you and probably not people who even participate in that forum.

You either need to grow up a bit or seek some sort of counselling for your problem. There are links in a sticky post at the top of the PI forum you would do well to take a look at. :rolleyes:

Chinafoot

jdman wrote: »

Thanks. First response that made sense to me. Really shocked to me that not many people consider this wierd. Ok, being honest I don't respect bisexuals as I think they **** up a lot of peoples hearts in my own opinion. Some of them think guys like it when they are seeing a girl. Well, for me I think it is a total turn off and I still consider it cheating...

It sounds like you have more experience with attention seeking girls who think its fun to snog their mates in front of a load of blokes for a reaction than actual bisexuals. You're right, being with someone else when you have a boyf/girlf is cheating. A cheater is a cheater regardless of sexual orientation though and you're being ridiculously immature if you think that this behaviour is exclusive to bisexuals.

jdman wrote: »

Also did no one see that this obviously made me feel like she was only getting with me to make my sister jealous.

How on earth could we know how this made you feel? You didn't say how it made you feel. It sounds like this girl was just being honest with you and its your own insecurities that are coming the fore here.

jdman wrote: »

This is all very recent. I just can't believe the minds of most people who replied to this thread. But each to their own!

Generally those with very narrow minds can't understand those who hold a different opinion.

My advice, stop tarring all bisexual people with the same brush. Stop basing your opinion of bisexuals on attention-seeking fools. Accept that people you are with will have been with other people. Yes, it might be awkward for you that it was your sister, but you have the option to refuse to get involved with anyone your sister has been with. As a previous poster suggested, you should expand your social circle. I also agree with the above post that you should either do some serious growing up or seek some sort of counselling for your insecurities.

jdman

never again!

jdman

Please, just someone answer who this happened and how you coped?? Not siblings, but you being the boy and your sister being the girl... Also going to post this on a different countrys boards, I think its only irish thinking, "oh you can't give out about that" kinda ****....

The_Conductor

jdman wrote: »

Please, just someone answer who this happened and how you coped?? Not siblings, but you being the boy and your sister being the girl... Also going to post this on a different countrys boards, I think its only irish thinking, "oh you can't give out about that" kinda ****....

Sorry- I don't understand what you're getting at?

So- your girlfriend slept with your sister and you're pissed/annoyed/angry etc with both of them?

I don't think anyone who has replied is saying- oh, you can't give out about that sort of thing- the issue is you haven't explained how this is affecting you, and its far from clear what you're asking.......

If your girlfriend slept with your sister- she cheated on you. Full stop. Whether you decide to forgive her or not- is your perogative.

Distorted

I agree with you OP that people who are sexually confused often have their own sexual anxiety as their main focus and not how they treat other people. I can imagine that finding out you had slept with someone your sister had slept with could be quite upsetting or even disturbing. I do think, out of decency, the girl could have told you this before sleeping with you. To be honest, when you say its happened a few times, it sounds a little odd. How many bisexuals can there be in the one social circle?

And why do you move in the same social circles as your sister and her friends anyway? I think you need to widen your friendship circle and meet new people - problem solved surely.

IrishEyes19

Ok firstly I think you need to calm down and second, stop the rant here against bisexuals, whether or not you agree with their sexual preferernces actually has nothing to do with your topic, but rather how awkward it must have been.

Would I have an issue if I were a man and the girl I was seeing had slept with my sister. Yes, just as I would if my sister slept with a guy I was seeing.

why? Because its my sister, firstly it would be weird having someone she dated and was sexually active with. To be honest, its hard enough if a friend dates an ex, never mind a sibling.

So my issue here would be that, not that she's bi sexual and I hope that isnt your issue here.

As for it happening more than once, is it possible you have met these girls through your sister, thats the only explaination I can see, other than that, its a weird coincidence.

The bottom line is, if this is uncomfortable for you, you need to broaden your socialsing to avoid this in the future

Ickle Magoo

This is an advice forum - it is not a platform from which to spout ignorance or prejudice.

Any more anti-bi/bi-phobic comments and this thread will be locked.

Ben Dover and Phil McCock

I have similar experiences, though quite different. My father is....how you say....... a cheating asshole. He cheats on my mother the whole time with younger women. They'd be like anywhere between 17 to 23. It's not that we've been with any of the same women (or I hope not, both he and most women are very sneaky and dishonest so I wouldn't know anyway) but it's had an big effect on me. All these girls and their friends will snigger at me when they see me, they must get a real kick out of ruining my family life and tormenting me. I hate that his actions are associated with me and it's enough to make one go postal. Just be glad your sister ****ed her and not your father, I suppose...

Ickle Magoo

Ben Dover and Phil McCock infracted for ignoring mod warning.

If you haven’t already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and abide by them.

The next post that breaches the charter will result in a forum ban.

dudara

OP - I have to that my first reaction upon reading your post was, that girl is trying to rise him or make him jealous.

My real question though is - how do you feel about your sister's sexuality? Truthfully. Do you like your sister as a person?

How does your sister feel about you? Does she like you?

And secondly, you say that this is not the first time this has happened? Why is that? Is it because you move in the same social circle as your sister? Or you're from a small town, and there is a limited pool of people.

Some more info please would be helpful. I want to build a better picture before I respond more.

Annasopra

jdman wrote: »

?????

What? I don't get it? what did you want people in the LGBT forum to say?

Wompa1

jdman wrote: »

Please, just someone answer who this happened and how you coped?? Not siblings, but you being the boy and your sister being the girl... Also going to post this on a different countrys boards, I think its only irish thinking, "oh you can't give out about that" kinda ****....

I get what you are saying. It would turn me off entirely if I found out my sister had been with a girl I was seeing. I also now will never ever be in a relationship with a bi-sexual girl out of my own experience. Yes, it is me generalizing completely but it's a defense mechanism as I have been hurt. Unfortunately from my previous relationships and those of my friends and brothers there are a lot of fair weather bi-sexuals who seem to do it to be either accepted or reveered. Obviously not all of them but it is something I don't respect or get anymore.

When I see girls looking over at me or a group of guys when they kiss it makes me want to shout at them. It's so juvenile. I had an ex girlfriend who sent me this psychology report on female sexuality being fluid. In that it changes a lot. I then also found multiple reports about how it is not fluid and is something you are born with.

If I was you I'd cut that chick loose, from my experience she is not worth the drama.

fungun

Ok, being honest I don't respect bisexuals as I think they **** up a lot of peoples hearts in my own opinion. Some of them think guys like it when they are seeing a girl. Well, for me I think it is a total turn off

If this is the case, then surely you just drop the chick and you dont have a problem?

Sounds like a bit of a once off to me....i mean sexuality aside, what are the odds of being with someone your sibling was with also unless you are in a very small town. But then how many people in a town that small would be bisexual? Yet you say this has happened to you a few times??

Unless you both sleep around a lot, I find this hard to understand. I guess one solution that does come to mind is to mention your dislike for bisexual people before you sleep with someone....someone who is bisexual will probably be put off by that.

I think a clear statement of your problem would help....is your issue with your sister, the bisexual people....or just the feelings of being with someone your sister was with....would it be different if it was your brother?

LegacyUser

As an alternative view, I was with a guy and a few months later I met his brother at an event. The original guy was nice and all but it was a one off. The brother and I got on way better and he made a move. I really liked him but couldn't not tell him. It would (imo) have been despicable of me to allow him to make a move and then have him find out I'd been with his brother.
As a result of me telling him, nothing happened and I was really disappointed but that's life.
I don't think this girl was being horrible or trying to make your sister jealous by using you. I think she was just being honest with you and letting you know the truth before things got any more serious with you two.
The gender issue is irrelevant really.

jdman

Finally, lots of replies I can relate to. The people who don't and can't figure out why I'm upset have obviously never experienced a girl coming into your life with the power to **** up your family.

I am sorry, a lot of people are saying I hate bi sexuals and gays, etc. Not true. As you could have got, I hang around with lots of lesbians, gays, straights, every which way. I don't hate my friends. I hate falling for one though without knowing that they role like that. It's very hurtful. From my experience, bi sexuals tend to prefer one sex over another. I have found out recently, in this case, it was this girl preferring my sister over me, but since she couldn't have my sister again, she seen likeness in me and she knew I was attracted to her. I feel like a handy down. Also, maybe some of you can relate with sibling rivalry, I feel like I have lost to my sister.

The reason for this happening to me a few times is, not for a small town, but because when I go to see my sister, she always has friends in the house and a lot of time they are attractive girls. I'm starting to realise she only hangs around with people she fancies. Being brother and sister, we must have the same taste in people. I click with any of these girls the way she must.

When I go out with friends from at home, I never click with girls the way I do with my sisters friends. I still pull, but don't get the automatic attraction I do from girls that she hangs out with.

Please don't tell me to see a doctor again as I'm taking the first steps on these forums. When I'm ready I will.

I know the only way to resolve this is to not socialise with her circle of friends. I have tried this. Its very hard for me, because I get drawn in to her friends for whatever reasons. I can't be the only person reading these forums that this happens to??

Sorry for coming across very narrow minded earlier, I was full of anger and hurt. If anybody wants to know my age for whatever reason I'm mid 20's. Thanks to the ones who could relate. I feel less alone.

My sister and I normally get on great. We are really alike in thinking and everything.

Yes my I do think it would be different if it was a brother. That to me, would be more normal so to speak. I wouldnt feel the girl was lieing about her sexuality or anything like that. Don't get me wrong it would still hurt, but in a different way.

I would still like to know if anybody is in the same situation as me, tell me how to get my mind geared to stop doing this to myself. Thanks again.