I've got just over 2 hours to fix my dick.. Fek.

It's 10.41pm and a girl I was with last weekend is calling over around 1.00am after work.. So the super smart ABG decides that the nutsack could do with a bit of a trim, just to keep things tidy. It's been drip drip drip for about half an hour now..

So what household products can I use to get this thing back in action? I have bandaids, water, ice and not much else.
I'm some gobshlte for giving myself no room for error.

RedXIV

Ice that thing up

Quazzie

Just tell her its your time of the month.

Artur Foden

Hang on your coin purse is dripping? get to A&E dude!

Latchy

Nose trimmer

Gummy Panda

I'm confused

Degag

Deleted User wrote: »

It's 10.41pm and a girl I was with last weekend is calling over around 1.00am after work.. So the super smart ABG decides that the nutsack could do with a bit of a trim, just to keep things tidy. It's been drip drip drip for about half an hour now..

So what household products can I use to get this thing back in action? I have bandaids, water, ice and not much else.
I'm some gobshlte for giving myself no room for error.

No it's not, it's ten to 5.

Seachmall

Deleted User wrote: »

It's been drip drip drip for about half an hour now..

What?

CardBordWindow

Keep going! You'll end up with cheaper car insurance!

oeb

Duct tape.

It fixes everything.

Sticky_Fingers

Super glue, just make sure it well dry before you attempt to dock with the mothership or there will be some awkward questions in the A&E.

FatherLen

super glue...



damn even your name makes sense with super glue

mattjack

blow torch or soldering iron...and petrol

Wolfe Tone

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

And thats why I don't let a blade anywhere near my balls!

Rabidlamb

A blob of vaseline my friend.
Use a mirror if it's in a awkward area, use Mach 3 razors next time.

Tim the Enchanter

Its Ok. Your in Vietnam. She love you long time!!! It will heal.

Degag

Degag wrote: »

No it's not, it's ten to 5.

Location and when I started writing post. :rolleyes:


No A&E.. It's only some blood. But blood I'd rather not fill a johnie with. Worst part is it's right on that line between the sack and the shaft.. Not ideal during a bit of the old loving.

Uriel.

Styptic pencil. It'll stick but will stop the bleeding. FaiIling that an alum block may help depending on the damage done

Seachmall

Put a bit of tape over it, then when she goes down on you let it bleed all over the place and sue her for damages.

Degag

Deleted User wrote: »

Location and when I started writing post. :rolleyes:

This is Boards.ie buddy. We operate on GMT or nothin'

jokettle

Tell her "I did this for you". We love that stuff.

Vaseline is a fuking excellent idea..! I have some downstairs. Ah AfterHours, I knew ye wouldn't let me down.



Is there a pun there?

Samich

Am I right in thinking his sack has been pierced and his seminal fluid is leaking out, his testicles may also fall out. Rub some putty on it to fill the crack.

mattjack

Samich wrote: »

Am I right in thinking his sack has been pierced and his seminal fluid is leaking out, his testicles may also fall out. Rub some putty on it to fill the crack.

our first genuine doctor....

phill106

tell her you have a booboo, can she kiss it better?

Loopie

Maybe you should just talk and cuddle for tonight...

Magic Beans

Put a red ribbon on it, she'll be delighted.

Rabidlamb

Deleted User wrote: »

Vaseline is a fuking excellent idea..! I have some downstairs

You soon will have.

No Samich, thank god you're not right... It's a cut from an electic razor and it's just a cut that wont stop bleeding.

jimthemental

Deleted User wrote: »

Location and when I started writing post. :rolleyes:


No A&E.. It's only some blood. But blood I'd rather not fill a johnie with. Worst part is it's right on that line between the sack and the shaft.. Not ideal during a bit of the old loving.

I think my balls are back in the position they were before puberty after reading that. Best you can do is sudocream or vaseline. It's what I used use when I got split open boxing. Never used either on my balls though.

Sticky_Fingers

"The surest cure for vanity is loneliness a sliced up nutsack" Thomas Wolfe Stick_Fingers

Samich

Deleted User wrote: »

No Samich, thank god you're not right... It's a cut from an electic razor and it's just a cut that wont stop bleeding.

Get your dog to lick it til it stops, they like licking mens balls.

ejmaztec

Deleted User wrote: »

It's 10.41pm and a girl I was with last weekend is calling over around 1.00am after work.. So the super smart ABG decides that the nutsack could do with a bit of a trim, just to keep things tidy. It's been drip drip drip for about half an hour now..

So what household products can I use to get this thing back in action? I have bandaids, water, ice and not much else.
I'm some gobshlte for giving myself no room for error.

Bloody bollix.

jimthemental

You could ask her if she likes the Twilight films.

Naos

Deleted User wrote: »

No Samich, thank god you're not right... It's a cut from an electic razor and it's just a cut that wont stop bleeding.

Electric razor... on your balls?

F**K THAT.

Vaseline applied... I think everyone on here should know that I'm butt naked right now sitting on a towel on my bed. The calm patheticness before the heroic storm.

Kevin Duffy

Say nothing, let her drop the hand, say "Jaysis, ouch, watch your nails, look what you've done....still, seems to be in one piece, let's press on" Ta-da!

jimthemental

Deleted User wrote: »

Vaseline applied... I think everyone on here should know that I'm butt naked right now sitting on a towel on my bed. The calm patheticness before the heroic storm.

It's going to be some story for the grandkids, "Let me tell you about the time I was wounded in Nam!"

Seachmall

Pics please.

Seachmall

Seachmall wrote: »

Pics please.

Of my dick, the girl, or both?

Seachmall

Deleted User wrote: »

Of my dick, the girl, or both?

I'm good either way.

holystungun9

Sounds like it could be 'return the favour night', or as some like to call it - 'strap-on night'. Take it like a man, but do have a little cry after it. Chicks like a sensitive guy.

super_furry

Bet it was one of those Quatro Trim razors - those things are lethal for that. Sliced myself up a couple of times while doing a bit of gardening downtown.

Edit - These bastards: http://www.wilkinsonsword.co.uk/men/showroom/quattro_titanium_precision

Seachmall

Seachmall wrote: »

I'm good either way.

The girl.... Stunner yea?

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/4297/veryuglywomenteethgirlv.jpg

Seachmall

Deleted User wrote: »

The girl.... Stunner yea?

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/4297/veryuglywomenteethgirlv.jpg

Ah, if she was coming over to mine I'd cut my dick off too.

super_furry

Deleted User wrote: »

The girl.... Stunner yea?

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/4297/veryuglywomenteethgirlv.jpg

Not cool man. Amy is only dead a few days, it's still too early.

holystungun9

Seachmall wrote: »

Pics please.

maybe we should set up a web cam network and if ABG can get his hands on some remote control robot arms and scalpals etc, we can perform some sort of remote on-line surgery. AH will sort you out buddy! Maybe charge folks 1 euro per 30 second time slot. That way every one can get a go. You'll be right in no time, plus you have the shaving bit done so we're ready when you are!

pickarooney

super_furry wrote: »

Not cool man. Amy is only dead a few days, it's still too early.

Spoken like a true necrophilia connoisseur.

Wahhay.. It's finally stopped dripping Vaseline ftw!
Now, if it can heal to the point of being useful and not a pain, I'll be delighted.. This girl is my greatest achievement so something like this fuking it up would haunt me.

CardBordWindow

Smother the affected area with Deep Heat and you'll be grand!


Disclaimer!
DO NOT DO THIS!!

Ricardo G

Are you too old to show yore ma and see what kinda remedy she suggests??