Need a bit of advice

LegacyUser

Hey there, this is my first time posting on here, just looking for a bit of advice. Im in my early 20s, and I've been going out with a lad a couple of years older for a few months now. It's amazing, we get on so well, i've met his mates, he's met mine, i see him twice a week usually, and all is good. I've got one problem though. I've been messed around a lot in other relationships, and as a result, i worry a lot about minor things being big issues.

For example,problem number 1: he doesnt text me every day - every second, or sometimes third. when he doesn't it's usually cos i'm gonna be seeing him in the next 24-48 hours. I text him first sometimes, but i dont wanna get into a habit where he feels like he doesnt need to text me cos I'll get in touch if i wanna chat.

Petty problem number 2: we're friends on facebook, and my relationship status is hidden, but his says single. i KNOW it's stupid to care, but this makes me feel a wee bit insecure. how can i possibly say anything to him without looking like a baby?

i did broach the subject of texting more last week, and he said he would, but he hasn't really. he's just a quiet guy, not a slave to his phone the way i am, so i know it's not because he doesn't care. but i'm always a ball of anxiety, wondering what he's thinking, when we're gonna take next steps in our relationship etc, and i like him so much, i don't want to lose him by pointing out small problems like those mentioned above to him - is there any way to encourage him to be in touch a bit more/change facebook without sounding like a nut?

all advice welcome! except advice just telling me to relax...I've tried that lots i'll get there eventually if i find myself being treated well, but i dont wanna let myself believe in this yet, until we've been together a bit longer....help!

Kevin Duffy

Other than "relax", what advice do you think might be available? Do you want advice on how to make him text more or start caring about a facebook status he probably never thinks about?

If you're getting on well and enjoying the relationship then whther you like it or not, relax is the best advice you can hear.

LegacyUser

Dont worry about the texting, every few days is plenty in my opinion. If it was me Id feel smothered if someone wanted me to text them every day and Im a woman.

If youve had the talk and decided you are actually seeing each other it wouldnt be babyish to suggest he take down the single status on facebook.

The majority of people have some bad relationship experience in their past but dont let it rule your life. Go with the flow and relax.

Herrick

If ye are going out, I would see nothing wrong with asking him to remove the single bit from his page.

To add OP, some people don't like setting their FB status to "In a relationship" or linking their OH's on it due to past experience. You know a couple put it up, fight and break up, but get back together after 2 days. Except the whole of FB see's all this drama due to changing status's :rolleyes: I know you nevr mentioned that last bit, but just in case it's something that might worry you later.

I'm a bit of a worrier like yourself, so know how it can feel

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys! yeah we've been officially going out for about 2 months, dating for about 6 or 8 weeks before that, I know it's just cos he doesnt care about facebook much, but i wouldn't even mind if he hid his status - Herrick im glad you can see where I'm coming from i wouldnt want to be 'in a relationship' on fb, i dont feel like that's necessary for the whole world to see, but id just prefer his not to say single! he'll totally think I'm mental if i say it tho!

Herrick

If ye are officially going out so I don't really see how he will think your mental for asking him to take it down. Your not accusing him of anything like If he thinks bad of you for asking about a small thing like this, he's the one with the problem.

You don't have to make a big deal of asking him. Just something like "oh I noticed today your still down as single, any chance you could take it down seeing as I have you all to myself now " or whatever. You know a carefree jokey kinda way.

I am a friend

This is really putting way too much importance on Facebook.. I dont agree with having this type of personal information up there anyway. Sure if you trust him, what difference does it make?

LegacyUser

I dont want to make you paranoid OP, but I could have written a thread like this a few months ago and I ignored my gut feelings. I shouldnt have as I'm a pretty secure person who doesnt need much in the way of reassurance, but I thought I was being unreasonable.

I wasnt, he dumped me. If you're worried, I think you should address it in some way without blaming him or putting him under pressure. But listen to your gut.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. Couldhave, i'm really sorry to hear you'd a bad experience with a similar situation! it's not that I've a gut instinct that's something's wrong, it's the opposite really, i'm annoyed with myself cos i'm 99% certain it means nothing, i'm just worried that my little insecurities are gonna show, and don't want that to ruin a relationship that's still in its early days!