Should the bride and groom pay

City boy turned country

Hi,

I am just at the time when we are filling out our accomodation lists and we are just wondering what is the norm for paying for the best man/grooms man bridesmaid rooms in the hotel?

The problem we have is that it will be 4 rooms which works out at about €360 which would cover the cost of the wedding cake.

Whats peoples thoughts on this?

alex73

City boy turned country wrote: »

Hi,

I am just at the time when we are filling out our accomodation lists and we are just wondering what is the norm for paying for the best man/grooms man bridesmaid rooms in the hotel?

The problem we have is that it will be 4 rooms which works out at about €360 which would cover the cost of the wedding cake.

Whats peoples thoughts on this?

My best man Paid for our Room and the car come to think of that. Not sure there is a set norm.

Usually the best man is your best friend and won't mind paying, I won't.

Bluefoam

I would have thought it is good practice to pay for the wedding party...

If you can't afford the venue you may need to consider alternative plans...

byhookorbycrook

We paid for our wedding party, let's face it, they deserve it!

r3nu4l

Yeah we paid for the bridesmaids, best man and grooms man, as well as parents. However, had we not been able to afford it at the time, then that would have been one thing we'd have looked at not doing. If you want to save some costs and still pay for these rooms then consider not having champagne at the reception, instead have sparkling wine/cava and boy your own biscuits and strawberries etc and have the hotel serve those. See if your hotel will do a deal on corkage for sparkling wine, seeing as how it's not actually champagne...

ElleEm

I would have thought that if your bridesmaids and best man have to travel from home to get to the venue, that the bride and groom would pay for them to stay over.

City boy turned country

Bluefoam wrote: »

I would have thought it is good practice to pay for the wedding party...

If you can't afford the venue you may need to consider alternative plans...

It is nothing to do with not being able to afford it, I was comparing the cost of their accomodation to what else the money be spent on.

We wanted to get peoples opinion as to what is the norm for this.

Toots

I'd agree with ElleEm, if the hotel is a good distance from the bridesmaids/groomsmen's homes and it would be realistically very difficult for them to get home that night then I would say you should pay for them to stay over.

I don't know would that be expected, but I'd say it'd be good manners. That said, I've been bridesmaid a few times and have had to stay over and have never had my room paid for or an offer to have the room paid for. I didn't mind too much, but it did leave us out of pocket by about €150 for the overnight stay. If it's a case that they could easily get home from the hotel then it's their choice to stay over an in this case I would say you shouldn't have to pay.

detoxkid

When I was a bridesmaid my room was paid for and I intend to pay for my bridesmaid's rooms...

bridetobeone

My Bridesmaids are all Married with kids as are the best Men, am I expected to pay for their rooms? no not at all. They will each get a gift and have a car to take them to Church and then onto the Venue, There is transport if they want to go home! I myself have been Bridesmaid on more than on occasion and have never had my room paid for, nor have I or would I expect it of the Bride & Groom. Jesus Christ what do people want these days, there is a recession on and even if there wasn't and I was loaded I still wouldn't pay for the Accommodation, and I am not paying for any Accommodation for any guest at my Wedding. Sorry 4 going on but there you have it!!!

amdublin

bridetobeone wrote: »

My Bridesmaids are all Married with kids as are the best Men, am I expected to pay for their rooms? no not at all. They will each get a gift and have a car to take them to Church and then onto the Venue, There is transport if they want to go home! I myself have been Bridesmaid on more than on occasion and have never had my room paid for, nor have I or would I expect it of the Bride & Groom. Jesus Christ what do people want these days, there is a recession on and even if there wasn't and I was loaded I still wouldn't pay for the Accommodation, and I am not paying for any Accommodation for any guest at my Wedding. Sorry 4 going on but there you have it!!!

Calm down. Calm down we get your point.

BC

We didn't pay for any rooms but our own.
However, our venue was close to home so no-one had to stay over, they could all have gone home if they wanted.

Nead21

I've been a bridesmaid twice, and both times paid for the room myself. There was no obligation to stay in the hotel, however, I wanted to stay and enjoy the celebrations afterward, as did a lot of other people.

Kooli

I didn't pay for any of the bridal party for my wedding.

This summer I am bridesmaid for the third time and have never had my room paid for.

NOIMAGINATION

I don't really buy the argument that if they can't go home and the hotel is far from home that the bride and groom should pay. The wedding party are close family and friends who would be invited to the wedding regardless and so would have to pay for the room regardless... I don't really see why that suddenly becomes an obligation on the bride and groom when they are invited into the wedding party (and have all their clothes and transport paid for to)

I don't plan on paying for our wedding party's rooms - we get two free rooms and they will go to the parents - the wedding party can sort themselves out, as they would have to do if they weren't wedding party.

ElleEm

NOIMAGINATION wrote: »

I don't really buy the argument that if they can't go home and the hotel is far from home that the bride and groom should pay. The wedding party are close family and friends who would be invited to the wedding regardless and so would have to pay for the room regardless... I don't really see why that suddenly becomes an obligation on the bride and groom when they are invited into the wedding party (and have all their clothes and transport paid for to)

I don't plan on paying for our wedding party's rooms - we get two free rooms and they will go to the parents - the wedding party can sort themselves out, as they would have to do if they weren't wedding party.

That's the thing though, you have asked them to have an important role in the day so I think you should make that day as pleasurable as possible. They are doing a little job for you, and although it is a honour to be asked to be a part of the wedding party, I still think they should be provided for.

I wonder how p!ssed off a bride and groom would be if their bridesmaids and best man had to leave at 8pm to make their own way home the night of the wedding. I would want my wedding party around all night and would do my best to ensure that they could enjoy their night as much as me and my man. They are doing you a favour by being your bridesmaids and best man, so I think they should be treated for it!

Penny Dreadful

NOIMAGINATION wrote: »

I don't really buy the argument that if they can't go home and the hotel is far from home that the bride and groom should pay. The wedding party are close family and friends who would be invited to the wedding regardless and so would have to pay for the room regardless... I don't really see why that suddenly becomes an obligation on the bride and groom when they are invited into the wedding party (and have all their clothes and transport paid for to)

I don't plan on paying for our wedding party's rooms - we get two free rooms and they will go to the parents - the wedding party can sort themselves out, as they would have to do if they weren't wedding party.

As the bride (and maybe groom;)) dictate what the bridesmaids and groomsmen wear on the day of their wedding it is only fair that the clothes are paid for the the bride and groom. Transport wise, well again, the bride and groom dictate how and when the wedding party will arrive so its only fair that transport is provided for these people.
I have been a bridesmaid twice, each time for my sisters. The first time I was too young to pay for the room myself (was 16) so my parents (I presume) paid for it. The second time I was 23 and had to pay for the room myself, my sister never said anything about it other than telling me what the discounted rate for the wedding party was.

NOIMAGINATION

ElleEm wrote: »

That's the thing though, you have asked them to have an important role in the day so I think you should make that day as pleasurable as possible. They are doing a little job for you, and although it is a honour to be asked to be a part of the wedding party, I still think they should be provided for.

I wonder how p!ssed off a bride and groom would be if their bridesmaids and best man had to leave at 8pm to make their own way home the night of the wedding. I would want my wedding party around all night and would do my best to ensure that they could enjoy their night as much as me and my man. They are doing you a favour by being your bridesmaids and best man, so I think they should be treated for it!

Exactly, they are doing a little job for me, for which I will provide all their clothes, shoes, food for the day, a lot of drink, and make up and hair, and transport - a lot of which they would have to organise themselves if I had not asked them to participate - plus they have a choice - they can say no. If my wedding party had to leave early because of other commitments I would understand because I recognise that people have lives outside my wedding - if it was financial I probably would offer to help towards the cost of the room if I could afford it or suggest a local cheaper venue, but again, I don't see it as my responsibility to pay for their room, when they would have had to pay for it either way. I have two bridesmaids and two groomsmen, one set of seperated parents, and one set of together parents, which would be 7 extra bedrooms to pay for... its just not realistic to expect a B&G who are already paying over the odds to ensure that their guests enjoy their day, to fork out the 100 odd euro per room for the wedding party too.

I also don't really see what favour they are doing me - when I was bridesmaid for my SIL I didn't consider myself doing her a favour - I was honoured to be asked, and delighted that I didn't have to buy myself a new dress for the wedding! Its not hard work being a bridesmaid - all they have to do is stand there and look pretty for the day - at least that's all my bridesmaids and groomsmen have to do - I haven't asked for anything more than that.

wexford12

Not sure what the norm is but we are paying for the best man and his wife and kids its a family room, and the same goes for the bridesmaid and her gang also we have booked for both sets of parents.I never really thought about it i just booked them the day we booked the wedding.Yes its costing a few quid but every thing you do that day is at a huge cost.Try working it out on an hourly rate it will scare the life out of you lol.

elaney

I didnt pay for my bridesmaids or best mans/grooms rooms. Instead i bought them a
nice present for all there efforts. A wedding is too expensive as it is!
If its a case of the rooms or wedding cake i would personally get the wedding cake.

seamus

We didn't pay for anyone's rooms. The way we looked at it, they would have been coming to the wedding and paying for their rooms anyway, whether they were groomsmen/bridesmaids or not.
We paid for everything "extra" on the day; suits, dresses, shoes, etc, etc, as well as a couple of gifts.

We my wife did offer to pay for the priests room on the same basis (i.e. he wouldn't have been there otherwise), but he didn't stay anyway.

robinph

Now don't any one be getting offended that I dare have an opinion other that "weddingz are great", but I'm getting a tone from some of the previous answers that you consider that your doing people a favour by getting married and inviting them.

In the last month or so I've discovered that I've two weddings to go to next year, bestman at one groomsman at another (whatever that means). They are both abroad so will require flights and hotels obviously, I can't blame one of them for being abroad because I was the one that moved country. They will both require me to take holidays, will probably add up to just over a weeks worth of time off in all. They have determined when it is that I'm taking those holidays and where I'm going, OK one is somewhere nice and foreign, but I'd have spent my time and money going skiing otherwise. It is not going to be cheap.

I am absolutely going to them and will not be getting things paid for me, it is an honour to be going and playing a part in their day.

But it is their day, not mine. I don't sit around wishing to be spending my time and money on other peoples weddings. The day is about the bride, and possibly the groom as well, but the guests are the ones doing the favours and the bride and groom are the ones that should be feeling honoured that people turn up.

TheMrs

We budgeted for every single cent and made sure to allocate money for the bridal party rooms. The one and only time I was BM our room was also paid for. DH has been groomsman and his room was paid for aswell - but only the night before, not the night of the wedding.

I think if you want the bridal party to stay over night and it isn't a cheap or an easy taxi ride home for them it would only be right to pay. I wouldn't have wanted my bridal prarty to have had any expense really.

tinkerbell

robinph wrote: »

Now don't any one be getting offended that I dare have an opinion other that "weddingz are great", but I'm getting a tone from some of the previous answers that you consider that your doing people a favour by getting married and inviting them.

In the last month or so I've discovered that I've two weddings to go to next year, bestman at one groomsman at another (whatever that means). They are both abroad so will require flights and hotels obviously, I can't blame one of them for being abroad because I was the one that moved country. They will both require me to take holidays, will probably add up to just over a weeks worth of time off in all. They have determined when it is that I'm taking those holidays and where I'm going, OK one is somewhere nice and foreign, but I'd have spent my time and money going skiing otherwise. It is not going to be cheap.

I am absolutely going to them and will not be getting things paid for me, it is an honour to be going and playing a part in their day.

But it is their day, not mine. I don't sit around wishing to be spending my time and money on other peoples weddings. The day is about the bride, and possibly the groom as well, but the guests are the ones doing the favours and the bride and groom are the ones that should be feeling honoured that people turn up.

I agree totally. Wow, can't believe you've two weddings to go to next year that are abroad. That's a lot of money to be spending and a lot of annual leave to use up, I hope they appreciate it.

robinph

The "abroad" for one of them is actually Ireland, and I'll be having to take extra days holidays for that because Paddys day is not a world wide public holiday for some reason.

The other one is the couple who I'd have expected to actually have gone for the cheaper options, but I guess the thinking is that it probably is cheaper for them by going to elsewhere in Europe and only having a very small number of people invited. That doesn't make it cheaper for those who do go though. I'll probably go over for a week before hand to try and make something more out of the trip, but it will be at least a couple of days in the hotel, car hire, flights, possibly a bit of ferrying people to and from the airport...and then the whatever cheap touristy stuff I tag on either side of the trip to make it something more than just a wedding trip.

Will easily end up sinking a couple of grand into the combination of trips I'd have thought. Yes, I could do things cheaper if I really had to, but then I'd be getting less value out of the time. If I make a holiday for myself out of the trips it is still not the weddings doing me a favour.



Edit: The annual leave isn't really a problem so much for me as I'm the boss. Does mean that I have to persuade someone else to cover for me, but I can take as many days as I want in theory. Just might not have a business left when I get back if I take too long.

Moonbeam

I see it as being part of the wedding cost to pay for my bridesmaids room and all the parental rooms.
I have also factored the cost of staying in to the venue decision,I don't want people to have to go to stupid expense to come to our wedding.

chicken fingers

Just pay for 2 rooms and tell them to bunk up!
(or score to snore)

freeworld777

Wow, no recession in this thread. I think its absurd that you feel you had to pay for your wedding party's rooms. These people are your friends and family and as such should know the cost that goes into a wedding. I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid if they were expected to pay for their own room.

robinph

You can't use "there's a recession" or "weddings are expensive" as justification for not paying for things. The bride and groom are the ones deciding on how much the wedding will cost, if they can't afford it then that is entirely their fault.

In no way saying that they should be paying for guests rooms, but not being able to afford to pay for the rooms because they choose an expensive venue is entirely down to the bride and groom.

amdublin

Weddings are ridiculously expensive.

People really need to cop on and think about the amount of money they are spending on one day.

h2005

Was best man last week and my room was paid for

whatdoicare

Still have my etiquette book here from last year.... It says and I quote " the happy couple should budget for rooms for parents, priest and any grooms/ bridesmaid that have to travel from abroad/ long distance. It is not considered mandatory to book rooms for the full wedding party"
Myself and the hubby booked and paid for rooms for parents, priest and an aunt and uncle coming from America ( although the aunt and uncle one was a thank you present for keeping us when we were in America- nothing to do with the wedding)
I was bridesmaid twice, once abroad and never got a room and hubby was best man four times and never got a room, only an offer of a bed in the couples home.
The abroad one was bad form alright- (I took the money for my room out of their wedding present) but otherwise I wasn't expecting a room.
So, it's not really the done thing in general.

Cellygirl

We paid for rooms for all our bridal party and all our siblings as well (some of whom were in the bridal party). We budgeted for it right from the start so we didn't see it as an 'extra' that came up at the last minute or anything.

We've both been in bridal parties before and had our room paid for, so it was something we had experience of and also we wanted to do it.

It was part of the present for our bridal party for all their help and support. We also bought them jewellery and vouchers as well as paying for their outfits/hair/nails etc.

You don't have to do it, there's nothing in wedding planning you HAVE to do, but we wanted to and we had saved and budgeted for it, so we did it. We felt it was a nice touch and all our bridal party were very appreciative.

TheChevron

It seems to be a mixed bag of answers, with no one rule for this one.

I was a best man recently and didn't have my room paid for. The wedding was in our local area and I did not need to stay in the hotel. That was my choice and I paid.

I think that if the wedding is within driving distance of home, then there is no reason to pay for rooms.

Heineken Helen

I didn't even consider paying for the bridal party :rolleyes: . The parents got free rooms anyway but seriously, ya can't go around paying for accommodation for everyone. I also will not expect my friend to pay for my room when I'm bridesmaid in November... that's just silly! Unless you're not bothered about budget! And our wedding was in Galway... where none of the party are from. However, there's plenty of budget accommodation around or campsites if they can't afford the 60euro per room that our hotel had in the January sales. They also had 14 months to save that 60 euro. Now there were some of them struggling for money coming up to it and in THOSE cases, we offered to pay for their rooms. I never heard of people expecting things like this til I started posting in wedding forums

Bubblegums

If money is not the issue then pay for the rooms



PS - You'd want to be uping the budged for the cake, 300-400 for a cake is a bit skimpy (IMHO) lol

ElleEm

Bubblegums wrote: »

If money is not the issue then pay for the rooms



PS - You'd want to be uping the budged for the cake, 300-400 for a cake is a bit skimpy (IMHO) lol

Are you serious????
It's a CAKE!!

I'd rather provide my friends (bridesmaid and best man) with a room in a hotel for the night than pay that much money for sponge and icing that no-one eats anyway.

seamus

300 - 400 for a cake? Madness. We made our own cake. Between the 3 test runs and the expensive bases we had to buy, the whole cake process cost no more than €100 for us. 3 different tiers, iced & decorated.

Triangla

Am getting married in a few months, bestman, a groomsman & two bridesmaids. We're paying for all their rooms. They are all close friends so between the two of us (bride and groom) we're more than happy to pay the €3 - 400 it costs.

Recession yes but 85% employment out there (we both work) and prices are dropping everywhere. We got a good deal and with the reduction in VAT we'll get an even better deal again.

Would I pay for them it if I was unemployed or had no money? Hell no. But then I would have had a civil ceremony in that case so it wouldn't be an issue.

Nead21

Triangla wrote: »

Would I pay for them it if I was unemployed or had no money? Hell no. But then I would have had a civil ceremony in that case so it wouldn't be an issue.

Why is it not an issue if you have a civil ceremony? the only thing different, is that you are not getting married in a church.

grumpymunster

I would have thought people would pay their own way unless as a pair you really want to do it. After all most stags (or hens for that matter) take place away from home but there is no talk of the wedding party having that tab picked up.

Triangla

Nead21 wrote: »

Triangla wrote: »

Would I pay for them it if I was unemployed or had no money? Hell no. But then I would have had a civil ceremony in that case so it wouldn't be an issue.

Why is it not an issue if you have a civil ceremony? the only thing different, is that you are not getting married in a church.

Apologies, that wasn't at all clear. If I were unemployed or had no money I would do civil register and small celebration after.

Not saying that's what people should do. It's what I would do. I had an idea of my wedding for years and if I couldn't afford that my personal preferance for an alternative would be the above.

Bubblegums

seamus wrote: »

300 - 400 for a cake? Madness. We made our own cake. Between the 3 test runs and the expensive bases we had to buy, the whole cake process cost no more than €100 for us. 3 different tiers, iced & decorated.

Well it's not madness, it's kind of average for a smallish cake, it depends how many guests you will have for how big the cake needs to be. The style of cake, the level of intricate decoration, the ingredients of the cake, the delivery, the taste etc, all play part in how much a cake is, if someone wants sponge for 3 tiers, it'll obviously be way cheaper than someone getting fruit/chocolate/sponge/biscuit all in 6 different tiers etc. Fair dues if you can make your own wedding cake along with all the other things that need doing, what I was saying is that if money is no object/not the problem for the person, then pay for rooms and as a help, the amount they had in mind for a cake, was, IMHO, skimpy, (not tight, not mean) ie not really allowing enough for a sufficient sized, professional and good tasting cake, that is all, if someone can make their own wedding cake for 100 then I suggest they start up their own business as I'm sure they will have loads of orders!

Heineken Helen

Bubblegums wrote: »

Well it's not madness, it's kind of average for a smallish cake, it depends how many guests you will have for how big the cake needs to be. The style of cake, the level of intricate decoration, the ingredients of the cake, the delivery, the taste etc, all play part in how much a cake is, if someone wants sponge for 3 tiers, it'll obviously be way cheaper than someone getting fruit/chocolate/sponge/biscuit all in 6 different tiers etc. Fair dues if you can make your own wedding cake along with all the other things that need doing, what I was saying is that if money is no object/not the problem for the person, then pay for rooms and as a help, the amount they had in mind for a cake, was, IMHO, skimpy, (not tight, not mean) ie not really allowing enough for a sufficient sized, professional and good tasting cake, that is all, if someone can make their own wedding cake for 100 then I suggest they start up their own business as I'm sure they will have loads of orders!

My sister made our cake as our gift... it was amazing! She'd never done it before and it took a few days but she got plenty of help online. Here it is:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/216577_10150223364275915_648930914_8957248_1936956_n.jpg

Glitter

My sister is making my cake too, along with the help of one of the other bridesmaids. They're both amazing bakers so I know we'll have something lovely.
I picked up a fabulous vintage cake stand on ebay for 20 bucks to sit the whole thing on, then we just have to cover the cost of ingredients and ribbon closer the time and it should definitely come in under 100euro total.

The once thing I have abandoned is the idea of fancy cake toppers - they cost a bomb! We shall throw some glitter at a nice flower that matches the ones in the the bridal bouquets and pop that on top instead.

Re paying for accomodation, if it was outside the local area I would definitely consider the covering a room for the parents (though this is sometimes included in the hotel package) and the bridal parties; but we've picked just a venue bang smack in the middle of Dublin so we won't be splashing out on that. It's optional for anyone who wants to stay.

nicowa

I wouldn't dream of paying even €300 for a cake. Most of it gets thrown in the bin and both of us have a thing about wasted food. And don't say "but it's one day and it's a special day". The day will be special, I don't need an expensive cake that help it along.

And I know that this thread isn't about cakes or similiar, but since I'm so down on them (even before I saw the price mentioned here) I mentioned it to himself about not having one and we've pretty much decided on a "no" there. Instead (weirdly enough maybe) I want to light one of those nightlight hot air balloon things. Gonna have to check if it's allowed though.

Re the rooms. It does depend. My sister in law and sister are my bridesmaids and his brother and son (15) are his grooms men. So the son would definatly be covered already, he'd pay for his brothers room even if he wasn't in the wedding party (cos he's a fairly lowly paid worker and going through a divorce) and he wants to pay for the girls too. Not sure if he means the couple (both would have boyfriends/fiance in the room) or just for the girls. It wasn't something I would have thought of, and the girls wouldn't have expected it. That said, I'm not expecting them to buy into an expensive hen night nor would I expect a gift from them.

We are getting free parents rooms so that saves us a bit.