Have to break up and absolutely panicing.

LegacyUser

Hey all, just need a little perspective for myself on this. Been going out with my gf for a few months now and tbh i didnt have the wisdom or experience to know that it wasnt right for me. Shes a great person but i know now that it was opportunity more then genuine feelings that started this relationship and i can never see myself growing to love her.

Ive been trying to make the best of it thinking that the problems with the relationship were my fault, my laziness/apathy which they probably were but after a small argument i realised that chugging along pretending everything is alright is bad for both of us so ive text her to meet up and im absolutely panicing tbh. Im sure it wont be a massive surprise to her but even still she'll likely be very upset, as well as the fact we have mutual friends.

There are two other things that im unsure about which i could use advice on. We live on opposite sides of the city kind of(shes in blanch, im south dublin) so the city centre is usually where we meet up for fairness sake but it takes her a lot longer to get in then myself. So i have this weird scenario in my head where im thinking, is it really fair to bring her all the way in to break up just because i feel its the most appropriate way to do it?

The other thing is due to her work the meet up isnt for a few days, i obviously cant act normal because things are not normal, they're finished. So im at a complete loss as to how i treat her texts presuming she does text?

As you can probably tell, ive never done this before so all advice appreciated. I'm bloody terrified if im honest, i cant think of anything else. In saying that though, i think she might know whats coming, at least i hope she does, ive told her that we need to talk about some issues that came up in the argument a few days ago.

Kevin Duffy

I'd never normally recommend breaking up in a phone call, but maybe in this situation it's a place to start. After that if she says she wants to meet up to talk about it face to face, give her that.

inexperienced

op, maybe you can go to blanchardstown to meet up with her and break up?

there is train and bus to blanchardstown (train to clonsilla as i know).

stamfordbridge

I agree with "inexperienced" - do the right thing. Get it over and done with by arranging to meet up after her work and where she lives. Breaking up is not a crime, especially if you're not feeling it and this is obviously better for you both.

Why wait a few days? Just do it, arrange to meet and then just go through with it. Making her go to South Dublin, just to be broken up with isn't fair. Plus, and this isn't shameful - if you're in her turf, you can make an exit much easier. If she comes to your place, it could turn out that she will make a huge deal of it and not leave for hours. Which is in nobody's interest as it sounds like there's not much hope for this relationship to work.

To summerise - Don't hesitate, make the break. Let your pals know. These things happen all the time. Good luck.

johnr1

Hi Op
My own take on 'breaking up etiquette' would be that the one doing it travels.
This would be for a combination of the reasons mentioned in the post above and that if she may be hurt, at least let her be where her friends/family are, and where she is on her own patch and not having to travel home alone maybe upset.
Further to that, South to North Dublin ? FFS !!!! God help anyone you ever date further afield. Do you not have the bus fare or are you too lazy to get off your arse and give her this basic courtesy.:rolleyes:
if you wanted a shag I doubt you'd be on the Internet asking if it was worth the trouble to get a bus or two to her.

verlona12

make your way to blanch and break up with her in person. Last year I brought my boyfriend into town ready to break up with him, but I couldn't do it, then a few days later I broke up with him by text, and I regret that, because I feel doing a text is a chickens way out, and at least doing it in person will show that you respect them more than just casually doing it by text