Should I?

LegacyUser

Nearly seven years ago, a guy asked me out at a party, and I turned him down. I have regretted it ever since and will probably always regret it.

At the time, I was suffering from severe clinical depression so when he asked me out, that was running through my head, and I knew I was not up to any kind of relationship mentally. (not that it would have necessarily went that far). I was drunk at the time, so think my fears may have come out quite rudely in turning him down (I can't remember). I instantly regret turning him down. Last I heard, he had a girlfriend. Heard this about a year after he asked me out.

Now we have a mutual acquaintance on Facebook. This FB guy is a very good friend of his, but I barely know FB guy, he is more friends with my sister and her BF.

I'm debating whether to ask FB guy what this other guy's status is. But as I barely know FB guy, it might be kinda weird, and the guy I'm interested in might not want anything to do with me, or may not remember me.

On the other hand, life is short.

What do people think I should do?

Miss Fluff

Only one life wrote: »

I'm debating whether to ask FB guy what this other guy's status is. But as I barely know FB guy, it might be kinda weird, and the guy I'm interested in might not want anything to do with me, or may not remember me.

After seven years the chances are he probabaly doesn't remember you no. I honestly think it would be best to just leave it. If you don't know FB guy extremely well then it would just look really quite strange if you suddenly ask him about this chap's relationship status.

Don't you think it's a little odd? Seven years post-event is a long time. Do you not get asked out a whole lot or were you particularly keen on this particular guy? It just seems very strange to be fixating on him so many years after what was probably a casual enough enounter. Not being mean, that's just how it seems.

I'd forget totally about this encounter and regrets that you have. You said you were extremely drunk and weren't in a good headspace so he could be a subwitted hobbit with all the charm of Heinrich Himler for all you know Stop focussing on that and that incident and instead maybe focus on the here and now, and going out and meeting new people.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

After seven years the chances are he probabaly doesn't remember you no. I honestly think it would be best to just leave it. If you don't know FB guy extremely well then it would just look really quite strange if you suddenly ask him about this chap's relationship status.

Don't you think it's a little odd? Seven years post-event is a long time. Do you not get asked out a whole lot or were you particularly keen on this particular guy? It just seems very strange to be fixating on him so many years after what was probably a casual enough enounter. Not being mean, that's just how it seems.

I'd forget totally about this encounter and regrets that you have. You said you were extremely drunk and weren't in a good headspace so he could be a subwitted hobbit with all the charm of Heinrich Himler for all you know Stop focussing on that and that incident and instead maybe focus on the here and now, and going out and meeting new people.

I was very keen on him, yeah. But I think you're right. I just rarely meet men who excite me.

Sigh, regrets!

tenchi-fan

It doesn't sound like something that could end well.

Don't message your FB friend anyway. It would be rather strange.

Kimia

Only one life wrote: »

Nearly seven years ago, a guy asked me out at a party, and I turned him down. I have regretted it ever since and will probably always regret it.

At the time, I was suffering from severe clinical depression so when he asked me out, that was running through my head, and I knew I was not up to any kind of relationship mentally. (not that it would have necessarily went that far). I was drunk at the time, so think my fears may have come out quite rudely in turning him down (I can't remember). I instantly regret turning him down. Last I heard, he had a girlfriend. Heard this about a year after he asked me out.

Now we have a mutual acquaintance on Facebook. This FB guy is a very good friend of his, but I barely know FB guy, he is more friends with my sister and her BF.

I'm debating whether to ask FB guy what this other guy's status is. But as I barely know FB guy, it might be kinda weird, and the guy I'm interested in might not want anything to do with me, or may not remember me.

On the other hand, life is short.

What do people think I should do?

I too know the sting of the one that got away. If you really wanted to you could send the guy a message saying that you noticed he was a friend of such and such, and that you were reminded of that time he asked you out and how you regretted coming across a little rude. Then ask him how he is etc! Sure what have you got to lose?

LegacyUser

There is a subtle way to do this.

Make a friend of FB guy and therefore you can check out the status of other guy. Then send him a friend request or a post saying - met you at a party seven years ago? Good party! - or some such.

But I wouldn't be expecting too much from it. It's easy to build up people and things and regrets in your mind but they rarely live up to expectations. And give yourself a break. You made the best decision you could at the time, and the world is full of guys.

SugarHigh

Are you sure you haven't built this guy up in your head to a silly standard he won't match up to in reality? Seven years is a long time and I think you might be affected by Rose tinted glasses.

SugarHigh

As for how he'd react if you contacted him well that depends. This is going to make me sounds like a prick but are you good looking?

If you are then he probably won't find it creepy and will likely be chuffed. If not then you're probably going to be Labled a stalker.

I know it shouldn't come down to that but because he doesn't know you he will only have your profile pic to judge.

LegacyUser

SugarHigh wrote: »

Are you sure you haven't built this guy up in your head to a silly standard he won't match up to in reality? Seven years is a long time and I think you might be affected by Rose tinted glasses.

Yep, totally get what you're saying. But at least I would know. TBH, if I found out he had a gf, that would a relief in a way, because, well, that would be it, he'd be spoken for.

SugarHigh wrote: »

As for how he'd react if you contacted him well that depends. This is going to make me sounds like a prick but are you good looking?

If you are then he probably won't find it creepy and will likely be chuffed. If not then you're probably going to be Labled a stalker.

I know it shouldn't come down to that but because he doesn't know you he will only have your profile pic to judge.

I'm above average looks-wise BUT am not photogenic, always look better in person.

fallen01angel

SugarHigh wrote: »

Are you sure you haven't built this guy up in your head to a silly standard he won't match up to in reality? Seven years is a long time and I think you might be affected by Rose tinted glasses.

I think SugarHigh sums it up perfectly.TBH if someone I'd met briefly at a party got in touch seven years later,I be freaked out completely.It's much too late to even think about about starting something/anything with this guy.Better off just letting it go,sometimes that's all you can do.

LegacyUser

Well, most of ye have confirmed what I suspected I should do.

I guess it's just one of those things in life that is regrettable but nothing can be done about it. There's a chance our paths might pass cross anyway with knowing mutual people and if they do, sure I'll ask him out (if he's single). Otherwise, I'll just leave it, and try meet other menfolk.

Thanks anyways, everyone.