How do I "show" her I love her?

LegacyUser

I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment and we have plans to move in together by the end of the year. We've been together for about 5 years and mostly its been great with a few rough patches now and again, which is what we are in now, but im getting so frustrated.
She accuses me of not loving her when it couldn't be further from the truth. I love her to bits and worship her but i always feel its never enough. Since we have very limited time together I always try to speak to her on the phone or online as much as I can, but if something comes up (like work etc) and I cant make it, she accuses me of not caring about her and not having time for her. This usually results in a week of silent treatment which means i have to try everything i can to get back in her good books.

I suppose my question is how do I show her I love her? I can tell her everything she wants to hear and pour my heart out to her but I guess its not enough. There is only a certain amount of gifts and letters I can send too. When we are together things are great and so perfect which is why I am so sick of the distance but as i said we should be sorting that by the end of the year. What can I do or how can I show her that my feelings are true?

gargleblaster

She gives you the silent treatment for a week at a time on a regular basis?

It seems to me that by not getting fed up with this and continually taking her back, you're showing her that you love her.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I just wanted to give you my perspective as I was in a 2 year long-distance relationship with my current boyfriend (we just moved in together). He moved far away and we never really got to see each other so I depended on skype and emails quite heavily to stay emotionally connected with him. Anyways, I can understand to a certain extent where your gf is coming from. I've been in the situation where my bf cancelled a skype 'date' or couldnt email or something and I've gotten upset with him. However, when this has happened it was generally because he was working or had family commitments, so although I was upset we didnt get to talk I did not take it out on him like your gf does with you. I would simply tell him I was upset and we rearranged to talk another day.

I think its crazy that you're wondering how to show her you love her? Believe me, I understand that shes probably feeling a bit lonely, insecure and upset when she doesnt get to talk to you but she sounds like she needs to grow up. Silent treatment?? Why is she punishing you because you have to work?

You can't prove to anyone that you love them, no matter how many gifts you buy. They just have to know it I think...

I understand her feeling insecure like I said but at a certain point she has to stop worrying that you don't care for her and accept that you do. Otherwise you'll end up feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough and she'll push you away. Long distance is hard, I get it.

LegacyUser

I'm another person with long distance experience.

I think it is obvious you love her but I can also see it from her perspective.

Let's face it, it's these skypes and phonecalls that are keeping you going- if it wasn't for them and you only had letters every other week (like the good old days ) you most likely wouldn't still be together. As far as she is concerned, each and every one of these dates is THAT important.

If you were like "normal" couples, you could make up for being late from work or busy with something important by coming home with flowers, or making them dinner or spoiling them rotten- but you can't do that because you are not there.

I'm sure everything in a year will be fine and it's great you have a deadline, but she needs to feel important to you too all the time. I don't agree with her giving you the silent treatment but I can understand she needs to show her frustration.

She's not upset with you, she's upset that she can't be with you. So ask yourself, what can you do? Can you surprise her by flying home some time you know she's free but not expecting it? Can you send her random texts just to let her know you're thinking of her? can you send her love letters (i know I slagged them off earlier...) ? Can you send flowers on some random anniversary that only you two would know about?

You don't have a conventional relationship now, so you do need to think outside the box a bit. But basically I think she doesn't feel like she is a part your life, never mind a priority. While I'm sure you love her to bits, you both need to understand that long distance is arough road, for even the strongest of relationships, and you both are going to have to compromise, but that you both do and will continue to love each other very much. and as the ad says: every little helps!

Miss Fluff

frustrated guy wrote: »

I always try to speak to her on the phone or online as much as I can, but if something comes up (like work etc) and I cant make it, she accuses me of not caring about her and not having time for her.

Because you're not physically together, those emails and call become all the more signiificant. That is what your relationship is based around at those points in time when physically being together is impossible. So while a couple who are seeing each other a few times a week might not set so much store by them, if you're apart from one another they become everything.

How often does work interfere with you not contacting her? If something comes up do you let her know that you won't be able to email/skype tonight and let her know in advance? How do you then make it up to her? I'm not sure if there is a time difference or what have you but if you could possibly be working late why don't you phone her in the morning or at lunchtime? Do you ever send her flowers? A hand-written letter or card can be sooooo romantic and means so much, do you ever do that?

I don't agree with her sulking but I can understand where her disappointment and hurt is coming from. If work does interfere with you contacting her then you need to work around it rather than letting it get in the way....

little lady

When I was in an LDR my now ex decided one day to make it “Little Lady Day”.

All day on the hour he sent me texts telling me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and then plans he had for us. It was very sweet and romantic and as mushy as it was I did appreciate it.

That afternoon he had a bunch of flowers delivered to me at work.

We talked on the phone every night without fail, even if it was a quick hello (which was rare) and we had a skype date once a week which I’d say he missed once, but we did it the next night.

IMO in a LDR it’s the little things that make you feel appreciated and loved, they were for me anyway.