advice or opinions needed :O(

LegacyUser

Im just looking for advice really, anything to help my brain, im normally stronger but right now im kind of all over the place! I don’t like being this way, im always a happy character!

So iv been dating this girl since early march! We always have such a great time! The way we kiss how she felt as I kissed or touched her, I knew she liked me. I was a gentleman, romantic, im not ashamed to admit that, I planned picnics, day trips and so on,

So bout a month ago I asked were the relationship was going, and she said it takes her a while to get into a relationship and she just needed more time and more time with me, which is fair enough so we seen more of each other all the time I was falling further for her but not making it over obvious! Then last Thursday came and I had booked a night away like we agreed and she was well up for, so I mailed her the details but I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach as she didn’t seem over joyed, by that I mean she said wow views look great, not I cant wait to go, so I asked was this trip still ok, and she replies with sounds really good but I was wondering can we chat later id love to go but after we talk you may not want to take me. I was taking back by that and felt sick in my stomach! So I called her and she said that she doesn’t feel that she can offer me what I want, which is a relationship! But she would still like to keep seeing me! One of her reasons for not wanting a relationship was because she may be going travelling at the end of the year and its always been a dream of hers( is what she said). So I said I understand but its best that we just say goodbye now, I don’t think I can wait around on the chance you could leave or continue seeing you and falling further, I wished her the very best of luck and said I hope you find your dreams, and she said the same! So I deleted her from my fb because I honestly couldn’t bare to be seeing posts and that from her! Maybe in a few weeks when iv had time to get back to myself, but I deleted her on that basis. It was about me.

So I get a text yest saying hey.. did you delete me from fb, I said yes because Im not really one for staying in touch after being with someone, its just how I do things, I have my own friends so I don’t need another one, who I was in love with! And then she replies saying I thought we could stay friends, even after me saying goodbye last thurs! so I replied and said maybe we could have been friends had you told me weeks ago what you did last thurs, had you told me about your dreams of travelling at the start I wouldn’t have got so close! I felt I have wasted so much time and that’s what hurts the most! She said she never said about the travelling at the start because it wasn’t on the cards, and it still isnt, she wont know til feb 2012! So how has it changed from its been a big dream to its not on the cards! So I just said in reply your full of sh i t, and that was it! I really feel bad for saying that, I was annoyed why was she texting 3 days later after we said goodbye!

Did she miss me, did she regret what she said last week, im lost guys id really appreciate some advice to help understand and help me get over this, I would consider myself hansome but now im even questioning that, I believe in treating people how you would like to be treated,took a lot to let someone into my life again and its come to this and I honestly don’t think im ever going to meet the one and its breaking my heart!

Sorry if it’s a really long one

LegacyUser

My opinion is: she liked you as a person but wasn't THAT into you, didn't see you as relationship material, but she's been having a great time with you, you've put a lot of effort into enjoyable dates and so she's gone along for the ride, but now guilt has caught up with her and she feels bad for stringing you along for so long and has decided to call it a day by making up the travelling excuse.

But she probably thought she could continue with the friendship and its perks (picnics and other fun days) without leading you on, without you thinking you are in a relationship.

She wanted the best of both worlds and is disappointed you didn't want the same.

You're better off without her or any further contact with her I think!

Lon Dubh

Sounds to me like you did the right thing deleting her from facebook. She sounds like she is either not that into you, but maybe happy to string you along until something "better" comes along, or she just wants different things to you so you are not compatible. Either way you are better off going your seperate ways and then you are available to find someone else who is more suited to you.

Miss Fluff

Oooh I've been in her shoes. A few times Sounds to me like she liked you, was having a great time with you but just didn't want to commit to a full-on relationship or commitment. This could be due to her wanting to hedge her bets, or not wanting any type of relationship at all or maybe she just wasn't THAT in to you.

Sounds like you were far more into it than she was and now she's shocked that she can't have the benefit of your company/days out now that she's admitted she won't/can't commit.

Tbh I think you were right to delete her of Facebook and sever contact. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she suddenly realises what she's lost so she may come back having given it some thought and realises she is more in to you then she admitted. Or she might not. Either way, for your own sake you obviously have fallen for the girl and as with any break up, severing contact is the easiest thing all round.

LegacyUser

thanks for the feed back guys, i really appreciate it, i was actually feeling good yesterday untill she text, and then im back to square one, i really just wish she could have been more honest with me, i thought she was more honest which is one of the first things i really liked about her,

i suppose its just time to move on now! i hope in time i will find someone who will feel the same for me as i do for them, i just feel so stupid for putting so much time in to it i feel hurt, times a healer, but again thank you very much.

ElleEm

I agree with the other posts about her maybe not being that into you, but you will find someone who deserves you and all you have to offer. Good luck

LegacyUser

hey op, when i read your post, it sounds very similar to my very recent situation! its your thread so im not going to hijack it, but I was also getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Also got the lets be friends bit.Thing is though, you dont sound at all like a door mat, you seem to have faith and confidence in yourself, so fairplay to you for not chasing after her like she were some bloody princess... also fair play to you for having the discipline to delete her from fb and leave all contact, its easier said than done! Also when it came to doing those sweet things for the dates and booking night away etc... Im not going to fake who I am and then reveal the real me in a relationship, but Im sure the women on here will claim to the contrary, but it nearly seems like you have to pretend your not into them, not available etc for them to actually want to be with you (well atleast the alpha females). There will be alot of speculation as to the real reason people end things, but wouldnt you love to know? I would! also I think when this happens, its just tainted, even if she said she made a mistake, if you gave things another go, wouldnt you just be expecting it to happen again? once bitten, twice shy! also I heard this statement before and it is so true! "The Power in a Relationship, Lies In The Hands Of Whoever Cares Less" I also think that applies to dating etc...

musicinyou

Thanks for the kind words ElleEM, very much appreciated, and to all who has taken time out to give me feed back. Your all good souls and its nice in this world we live in to know that there are good souls out there :O)

Hey unreg1, yeah unfortunately when the feeling in the pit of your stomach arrives its never usually wrong, well its never been wrong in the times I have known!, but please feel free to hijack away, if this can make you feel in anyway better through your situation then please go ahead :O) to be honest im not a doormat, I believe in doing the right thing and the right thing was to walk away, I don’t believe in second chances for the main reason being, if it went pear shaped once chance are it will again!(plus she would never be getting that second chance even if she said im sorry I love you! I was me entirely all the time I was with her, and il continue to me for as long as I am me ha, when someone is to fall in love with me it will be trough my real persona.

The real reason people end things would be nice, honesty would be nice, people don’t use it enough because they think they will hurt the other partys feelings, It wont! But what can ya do, what can ya do when ya live in a shoe.

The deleting of fb and what not is essential I think, number one reason being she didn’t deserve to be a friend of mine! We had our good times and there times I will always remember but you gotta pull yourself together, sitting in thinking about her and the whole situation wont be a good thing, the fact is its gone so its time to move on! The smiles returning to my face and I hope it does for you too.

Hmm pretending to be not into them, wouldn’t be my tactic because you could me a girl and she could be really into you so pretending to be not interested may push her away, just be oneself! If they don’t get you fair enough move on and leave them behind!

Learn your lessons, and use it as a guide going ahead!

I wish you well pal

musicinyou

just realised i never went unreg on my last message, im a cabbage, personally im blaming the bad weather!! ehhh yeah thats it :O)

Moomoo1

could be several things

(i) she is into you and she was afraid that the travel thing would put you off

(ii) she was into you in the beginning and now thinks that she still wants you but not for the rest of her life - so she brought that up and mentioned the travel as an extra reason

(iii) she was never seriously into you, and mentioned the travel thing because she saw you were taking things seriously

musicinyou

thanks moo moo

to be honest whatever the reason was its gone and i dont want it back, iv moved on though i was very very confused the other day i thought why worry about it anymore why question it anymore, its not gonna change anything :O) but thank you for your thoughts. your a star:)