My boyfiend can't stay hard :(

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
hope this is in the right place.

Problem is as the title suggests. My boyfriend and I have been on/off for about a year now and have always had this problem in our relationship, what wrecks my head is during the time we were "off" we have met up and had really great sex but while we were "on" its just not been happening, I don't understand it, he says he loves me and only wants to be with me but its just so upsetting and I feel so rejected everytime it happens.

Has this happened to anyone else or can anyone give me some advice? He says this has happened to him in previous relationships also, I'm really trying to be cool about it and not pressure him but its hard not to take it personally. Its gotten to the point where I dread going to bed with him because I know its going to happen again. We have no problem when it comes to masturbation/oral its seems to just be penetrative sex that is the problem.

Please help!

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

It could just be pressure. I am sure most men have been through that stage. As a man when I am under pressure to have sex, I won't be able to get it up.

Try long four play, something relaxing and ramantic.

GL

fghijkl

I think a lot depends on why you were so on and off tbh?
If he loves you and wants to be with you, then whats with the on/off relationship?

He says this has happened to him in previous relationships also

Not being able to get it up with previous gf's? or do you mean not being able to get it up in a similar situation (i.e was he on/off with those gf's too?)

My first instinct is that it could be the pressure of being "officially" in a relationship and him wanting to please you could be causing the problem, commitment issues even maybe? but given that he has no problems when ye're broken up i dunno, sounds a bit suss to me, i'll be honest i've no idea what i'm basing that on, but maybe there's a bit of guilt at play on his part?

[-0-]

If it has happened in previous relationships then stop thinking it is you that is the issue here. It's him, and if you put pressure on him then it will only make things worse.

Do you guys go really hard and fast during intercourse? If I have really hard & fast sex and I get out of breath I might lose my erection, so I try to slow it down a bit. Erectile dysfunction is more common than you think, and he should probably go see his GP if he's losing his erection often. It happens to EVERYONE at one stage or another, and if he's overly worried about it then it will keep happening. It's a vicious circle. He could also have a medical condition which is treatable. If it's not medical it's all in his head. Likewise with premature ejaculators.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,
we have both talked about it and why it could be happening, he says it isn't me and he does get really frustrated when it happens. Maybe a visit to the doctor would help, we are both in our 20's and he doesn't smoke and doesn't drink too much.

fghijkl wrote: »

I think a lot depends on why you were so on and off tbh?
If he loves you and wants to be with you, then whats with the on/off relationship?


Not being able to get it up with previous gf's? or do you mean not being able to get it up in a similar situation (i.e was he on/off with those gf's too?)

My first instinct is that it could be the pressure of being "officially" in a relationship and him wanting to please you could be causing the problem, commitment issues even maybe? but given that he has no problems when ye're broken up i dunno, sounds a bit suss to me, i'll be honest i've no idea what i'm basing that on, but maybe there's a bit of guilt at play on his part?

I'm not sure if why we were on/off is relevant because its been happening right from the start of our relationship, he wasn't on/off in the previous relationships and he still went through this.
I really just want to help him but I feel like this is putting up a barrier between us. I think you are right about the "official" relationship pressure but at the same time I don't want to have to choose between having the sex or the relationship!

I have tried taking things easy, lots of foreplay, asking if he wants me to do anything differently etc but it doesnt seem to make any difference, when it comes down to it he loses it.
I do try to not make a big deal of it but he understandably gets really quiet and withdrawn afterwards and just keeps saying that I deserve better which breaks my heart because he does mean so much to me but the strain is beginning to show on both of us.

Vicxas

Long story short, this is probably stress or pressure to perform. Try and talk to him about it and see if hes nervous or stressed about anything. And try and be understanding, its tough for him.

LegacyUser

does he suffer from insomnia or depression?