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Making Female friends
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17-07-2011 12:05pm#1Hi, I noticed a thread similar to this in the guys forum. Basically I've lost pretty much all my female friends to them either leaving the country or having kids. I did the same and left the country to go travelling and now that I'm back (7 years later) a lot has changed
A lot of my male friends are still the same so I can still hang out with them, but I really miss having girl friends. I'm 30 now and single so I also think hanging out with guys all the time gives off the wrong signal and I'm afraid once they find partners I'll not get to see them as much any more 
I've noticed out of the group of male and females I hung out with as a kid, none of the guys who got married invited any of the girls to the weddings! but all the lads went. None of the girls are yet to marry but most have kids and a family life or are living else where. The advice on the male forum was to join a football team. What is the female equivalent? 1
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that is a tough one and I went through a similar , actually almost identical situation.
I joined a local community group who were interested in doing the same things I liked to do, thats the key...find an event or group or class somewhere doing something you enjoy and join it! you will make friends fast and then like me even maybe meet the love of your life, I met mine 3 years after joinging, but in the meantime made a lot of new female friends and i still belong to that group 7 years later!
the best part is that when he joined he made friends with them too so now we have the same mutual friends....it wll worked out
It may take a couple different groups but joining something you are passionate about and something thats been around for awhile and will be around is cool too because lots of people come and go and you will meet and come to know a lot of cool people...just like here at boards 0 -
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Personally I've found it difficult to befriend women as I'm not the type to go shoe shopping and all other generic female interests. I did join a knit&stitch group a couple of years ago through a rough patch of my life and it was a nice way of hanging out with the local women of varying ages, learning new stuff and teaching a trick or two
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Where are the best places in Central Dublin to do evening classes, i am new to Dublin and want to start classes in Autumn but finding it hard to find details
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Beat, I know you won't see this for a week but I do understand what you said in your first post. I was in a serious relationship and years later when it ended I realised how important it is to have friends that are yours, that you can visit on your own when you like, and that will still be there if the relationship ends and counsel you through it. Hopefully someday you won't have to get this, but it's something to keep in mind.
I have learn't something from this thread. Although I know having more female friends will be a benefit, I have to remember that we can be a bit catty at times
and thats probably why I have mostly male friends (they seem to be able to put up with my meow momments bless them). Second lesson is that joining groups is the way forward. I thought this already but it's finding the right group. I'm trying out for an all girls sports team this week which involves sticks and helmets. Any agro will be taken out on the pitch 
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I was totally there! i was the last of 5 best friends to get married, they all got married and had kids young...i still dont have kids but got married 1.5 year ago, met my spouse when i was 30.
I never understood why i always had to go to them, and why they always had to ask thier souses or bring them along....well guess what...now that I am married I totally get it...and you will tooo someday I promise.
When you have kids its easier for you to go see them than them haivng to either arrnage a babysitter and then plan a fun night on a schedule where you can drink too much cuz u have to be a mom when you get bnack, OR you have to pack up ur family in a car and make sure the kids have what they willl need or want and drag all of that back and forth to where you are going...having kids is exhausting i know now as an adult watching my friends lug around thier kids and I get it. Thats why i dont have any, yet.
When you have met your mate you dont want to go places without them, and you dont want to hurt thier feelings going somewhere fun with ur friend without inviting them too...you want to share everything with them....the friendships you had before and after marraige do change, they can still exist but you have to realise you are not as important to your friends as your spouse is, i still love my friends and they love me but when ur in a relationship things change...for the better.
It is also hard to find time to be with just your spouse , between work and kids and all the things in between sometimes you just want to be with them, they are afterall who you marrried to be with forever....on the days that you are able to do things with friends its easier to just invite them all to your house than going to see everyone individually that you havnt had the time for...time is precious and fleeting.
You just have to realise it isnt about "you" its about life and doing what you can to make everyone happy, if its easier for them to see you at thier house then go to thier house...when you have a sig.other then you can do things as couples....there is always a "friends" night out, go see a movie or something...or biring a movie and drinks to them they will rpob really appreicate it.
I just never inderstood it no matter what people said until I was on the other end of the stick...I promise someday you will get it.
choo choooooooo
all aboard the smug train!
My god 0 -
Second lesson is that joining groups is the way forward. I thought this already but it's finding the right group. I'm trying out for an all girls sports team this week which involves sticks and helmets. Any agro will be taken out on the pitch
I whole heartedly agree with this, especially if you are quite shy. There tends to be a social aspect to a lot of team sports as well as the training. I classify mayself as quite shy in that the idea of a class in which I had to sit around and make conversation with people for two hours scares the beejesus. If you are kicking or hitting a ball (or whatever your sport entails) around for two hours, it tends to alleviate some of that apprenhension.
By the time trainings over, the adrenaline is rampant and making conversation with perfect strangers no longer seems too daunting. Beers help too.
I know that a lot of people remark that groups of women together can be really catty and bitchy, but frankly I don't think that we give ourselves enough credit and that we have to dismiss many of these accusations. I joined a women's team sport a year ago and for the first time in my life, I've had a sizable group of female friends. Of course I've found the experience frustrating at times, but not because of bitchiness or cattiness. but because it's a bunch of storng minded women who all share a common goal but have very different ideas as how to achieve said goal. I find it frustrating because these women have opinions and sometimes their opinions differ from mine, not because there's a genetic switch for bitchiness that flicks when groups of more than two women group together.0 -
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The general advice for making new friends always seems to be "Join a group"... but there's also people who have tons of friends and never seemed to have joined a group in their life!
Well, I'm not one of those... I've always seemed to drift from group to group, from best friend to best friend. I try not to think about it too much cause it just gets me down. I seem to be at yet another "in-between" group stage, with some of my friends going abroad to work and others I've just drifted apart from for one reason or another. I'm moving in with my boyfriend so I'm moving to a different county and I definitely don't want to be relying on his friends for my social life... I want my own life independent of him.
I just don't know where to to begin. Maybe I'm just not destined for a big group of female friends?0 -
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I'm the same Acacia, I have a different best friend in each of the cities I've lived in, except for home cause my best friend from home has moved away!? now how to aquire a new bff suppose in time as with all the other places. Never thought of that before now
these things take time 0 -
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It's about quality really, not quantity. One true friend is better than any group of social acquaintances, no matter how large or how much fun.
That's true enough. I used to be happy enough with one or two very good friends and a handful of drinking buddies / acquaintances, but even they seem to have fallen by the way side as of late. *sigh*I'm the same Acacia, I have a different best friend in each of the cities I've lived in, except for home cause my best friend from home has moved away!? now how to aquire a new bff suppose in time as with all the other places. Never thought of that before now these things take time
Story of my life. I sometimes look at people who seem to have the same friends since primary school and think "How did you do that?" I s'pose friends can be like ex-boyfriends - sometimes it just didn't work out like you thought it would. Hopefully everything will fall into place again.P.s im in same boat, not from here, lost my friends after broke up with ex
Ugh, been there, done that, it's really sh1tty. I don't understand the attitude of people who drop you over night just because you're not sleeping with the same person anymore
I mean, unless an ex of my friend has done something really awful, I'll at least acknowledge him if I see him on the street. I've had people I got on really well with not even say ''hello'' to me anymore because I'm not with my ex... I'd understand if they were his best friends , but they're not. We were kinda mutual friends. Ah well, at least it's a good idiot filter...
Don't mean to be hijacking the thread by the way, it's just nice ( in a weird way!) to see other chicas in the same boat. It's an issue that's been bothering me a lot lately. Even when that movie "Bridesmaids" came out, I felt like a total desperado cause I didn't have a big, girly gang to see it with.:o:p0 -
Ah well, at least it's a good idiot filter...
Indeed it isEven when that movie "Bridesmaids" came out, I felt like a total desperado cause I didn't have a big, girly gang to see it with.:o:p
I persuaded a male friend to come with me. Poor lad. It was sort of Bridesmaids that got me thinking about all this.0 -
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I persuaded a male friend to come with me. Poor lad. It was sort of Bridesmaids that got me thinking about all this.
At least I'm not the only one!
Yeah, there seemed to be a lot of emphasis in all the reviews on how girls should go see it with their girlfriends
It got me thinking (maybe a bit too far ahead) even if I were to get married (not that I would be anytime soon!) I could only really think of one, possibly two girls at a stretch, I'd invite on my hen's night. I mean, I'd be able to have a few aquaintances there, but proper best friends who would know me really well and be really excited for me? Nah. If I'd thought about the same thing 3 years ago, I probably would have had at least a handful of girls I thought of in that way but not really anymore, stupid life getting in the way!0 -
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It got me thinking (maybe a bit too far ahead) even if I were to get married (not that I would be anytime soon!) I could only really think of one, possibly two girls at a stretch, I'd invite on my hen's night. I mean, I'd be able to have a few aquaintances there, but proper best friends who would know me really well and be really excited for me? eh yeah I've thought about this too. More who would be maid of honour!! My family, cousins aunties and all are mostly female so I could gather together a bunch but if I were to get my best female mates together they would have to fly over from different cities and none of them know each other! It would be easier to have a hen do with my male mates! Would make more sense. They have know me the longest and they all know each other.
Do you think maybe movies and tv have us thinking that having a group of female friends that all know each other is the norm? Is it the norm? Dam you sex in the city for warping my view on life 0 -
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That's true enough. I used to be happy enough with one or two very good friends and a handful of drinking buddies / acquaintances, but even they seem to have fallen by the way side as of late. *sigh*
Story of my life. I sometimes look at people who seem to have the same friends since primary school and think "How did you do that?" I s'pose friends can be like ex-boyfriends - sometimes it just didn't work out like you thought it would. Hopefully everything will fall into place again.
Ugh, been there, done that, it's really sh1tty. I don't understand the attitude of people who drop you over night just because you're not sleeping with the same person anymore I mean, unless an ex of my friend has done something really awful, I'll at least acknowledge him if I see him on the street. I've had people I got on really well with not even say ''hello'' to me anymore because I'm not with my ex... I'd understand if they were his best friends , but they're not. We were kinda mutual friends. Ah well, at least it's a good idiot filter...
Don't mean to be hijacking the thread by the way, it's just nice ( in a weird way!) to see other chicas in the same boat. It's an issue that's been bothering me a lot lately. Even when that movie "Bridesmaids" came out, I felt like a total desperado cause I didn't have a big, girly gang to see it with.:o:p
I took my boyfriend to see it, as i had no group of girls to go with0 -
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tough__cookie wrote: »It's amazing that there are so many of us in the same boat!
We should try and organise meet-ups! I'm in Cork if anyone is interested!
I'm in Cork as well
I'm kind of in the same boat, I do have a good group of friends, but my best friend is saving to go to Australia in November for a family wedding, and since she moved in with her boyfriend, they just don't have the money to go out, so we hardly ever go out on a night out together, more often we just catch up at her house. My other friends that I go out with most often, well there's a history between me & one of the guys, and we end up together from time to time, but since he's incapable of having feelings for anyone but himself, I usually end up just feeling crap because of him, when I do go out with them.
I've lost count on the amount of weekends I've ended up 'chilling out' at home lately 0 -
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I'm in a similar position! I used to live in Dublin for a couple of months each year and had a good few female friends who I used to meet up and go out with. Now that I live here full time, all my friends have either gone travelling or have moved abroad for good! And I am left here with no female friends. Sure I've got my bf and I love spending time with him and also enjoy hanging out with his friends, but it's just not the same! I'm 29 by the way. It seems like many people are in the same boat here, so why don't we arrange a girls' night out? 0
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rebel without a clue wrote: »im really rubbish with computers and emailing and stuff. can some one tell me how do i get to the ladies lounge to see that thread about meeting up in cork??
Hi rebel without a clue! Just pm one of the mods on this forum and ask them for access to the ladies lounge private
Trying to come up with a suitable time for everyone at the mo but with hols and everything next month prob won't be the best for me but I'd def be up for sept sometime:)0 -
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