feel physically sick :( im such a fool :(

Good Advice

Hey iv posted here before about my relationship of 3and a half years with my boyfriend!! He chaeted on me twice and as I lay in bed crying because it happened the third time last night !! I no I'm a fool to of forgave him both times, but I really feel more hurt this time! I know I can't take him back and go through this again as I really can't take it anymore I'm absolutely shattered! I mean I'm supposed to be in work today but I'll have to ring in sick I feel absolutely heartbroken to say the least! I've thoughts running through my head like all men cheat and I know in my heart that may not be true but its how I feel atm! I mean he was so regretful to what he did , he was away with friends in the country this weekend and he failed to prove to me he can be trusted! I'm gutted he text me saying a girl kissed me I'm sorry, makes me sick man up and stop acting innocent! I really feel like I'm never going to get over him! All the good advice I got last time off boards I feel I could have been over him by now ..

amdublin

Don't call in sick. Get out of bed and hop into the shower.

Do a good days work - don't go near your phone all day - and after work, come home and finish it with your boyfriend.

You deserve better and you will find better.

I am a friend

He thinks because you allowed him away with it twice that he will get away with again so why stop? What's your next step?

As amdublin said, get into work. Life doesn't stop because of a guy and if you get your head around this, you may also get your head around the idea that it's never a good idea to stay with someone who cheats on you

amdublin

I know you don't think this but you will feel better in work. You'll just lie in bed and feel sicker and miserable all day if you don't go to work.

Time to put the big girl pants on, go to work (no crying in work!!!) and deal with this messer when you come home.

You can do it. Don't be heartbroken - this eejit doesn't deserve your tears.

Duckjob

Did he actually phrase it that "a girl kissed me" ? If so then whatever about the cheating you should dump him for being a spineless dweeb who can't even man up and confess to it properly.

Please, dump this loser and find somebody else. You'll thank yourself in the future.

Good Advice

Thanks for the replys! Ah I'm not staying with him I can't actually go through it again..... I can't face work I'm sorry I'm just not able I know I should be stronger but I really have been screwed over! I just don't get why I'm not good enough to stay faithful to

Good Advice

Sunflower thanks so much for that- ah I know there's more to it, I'm not a total fool. I lust can't get my head round why he would beg my forgiveness and worked so hard last time to get me back,brought me away etc. He's not getting back into my head I won't allow it! The sad thing is I was starting to think he had changed. We were never better but that's obviously not true. My job is in a pharmacy a very busy one with long waits on prescriptions and I bear the brunt of it with customers getting angry at me, don't need it!!

amdublin

It's not about being strong, not calling in sick. It's just about getting on with life. Life events like these happen all the time and you have to learn how to deal with them.

You will feel worse moping around the house all day.

Do not punish yourself over what he did.
His actions are not about you. If he was with someone else he would still have done it. His actions are about him.

I think you should go to work. Do you not feel guilty calling in sick when you are not sick?

amdublin

Good Advice wrote: »

My job is in a pharmacy a very busy one with long waits on prescriptions and I bear the brunt of it with customers getting angry at me, don't need it!!

Good Advice

Why are you confused! Look I didn't ask advice for whether or not to go to work I know you mean well but its my decision not to go to work! That's not my issue

booboo88

Good Advice wrote: »

Thanks for the replys! Ah I'm not staying with him I can't actually go through it again..... I can't face work I'm sorry I'm just not able I know I should be stronger but I really have been screwed over! I just don't get why I'm not good enough to stay faithful to

Dont EVER believe that you're not god enough, hes the idiot, he's the one not good enough. He sounds like a twat, "oh a girl kissed me im sorry".....did she have to tie him down....i dont think so

I am a friend

Good Advice wrote: »

Thanks for the replys! Ah I'm not staying with him I can't actually go through it again..... I can't face work I'm sorry I'm just not able I know I should be stronger but I really have been screwed over! I just don't get why I'm not good enough to stay faithful to

You are allowing him think he can treat you like this so by default you are making him think you don't feel good enough about yourself to ensure you are treated well

amdublin

I know, I know. But you are asking advice on how to feel better and believe me moping around your house won't help you. Like you can't even go outside now for a walk or a run to clear your head to make you feel better because someone from work might see you.

My advice stands: get in the shower, go to work, don't look at your phone and finish with this bad man after work.

Best of luck girl I am finished posting in this thread because I can see you don't like the common sense and practical (and sage!!) advice I am offering you.

Good Advice

booboo88 wrote: »

Dont EVER believe that you're not god enough, hes the idiot, he's the one not good enough. He sounds like a twat, "oh a girl kissed me im sorry".....did she have to tie him down....i dont think so

I no yea that's the bit that annoys me the most he can't man up! Ughhh I feel like I've wasted too much on him

I am a friend

Good Advice wrote: »

Thanks for the replys! Ah I'm not staying with him I can't actually go through it again..... I can't face work I'm sorry I'm just not able I know I should be stronger but I really have been screwed over! I just don't get why I'm not good enough to stay faithful to

You are allowing him think he can treat you like this so by default you are making him think you don't feel good enough about yourself to ensure you are treated well

Good Advice

sunflower27 wrote: »

It's called wanting hhis cake and eating it. He loves the idea of a steady girlfriend that he gets on with and that HE can trust. The problem is that he is not willing to respect you and return the loyalty.

He cannot refuse other opportunities that come his way. Why? Because he is a selfish fool. I am not sure how old he is, but possibly he feels the need to compete with his male buddies 'hey, I may be with XXXX but doesn't mean I can't get another girl if I want to.'

I really know how you feel. It is truly awful but life throws lessons at us and it is up to us to learn from them. You know you won't forgive him this time - good. If you did you would never relax, you would never trust and you would miss out on meeting someone that would not dream of treating you so badly.

If you really can't face work, can you get a friend around today so you aren't on your own, maybe get some nice food in and a funny DVD. You need to get out of bed, have a shower (even if you have to drag yourself) and rejoice your bl**dy freedom. I know it is probably a bit early for that, but keep in mind the day will come when you are truly happy to be out of this one-sided relationship.

The world is your oyster and when he comes crawling back with his tail between his legs saying he has changed, tell him to change the bl**dy record and sod off

You said it yourself - you are no-one's fool

He's 23 , I'm 22! Its hard that I loved him so much and I gave it my all I'm going to get one of the girls around tonight maybe.. I just think its awful he does it when he's out, I'd never dream of doing it! I'll probably never trust again! My first love he was so awful

Good Advice

sunflower27 wrote: »

The first love is particularly bad because you have not experienced these feelings of love and loss before and possibly explains why you gave him several chances.

I was with first love for 2.5 years, and was 22 when we split. It was absolutely horrific and I swore that I'd never love anyone again and that was it for me.

Well, I have fallen in love since then (several times actually ) and I very rarely even think of him. It is only when on these sorts of threads that I remember the awful pain the split caused me.

He didn't cheat on me so maybe that was worse in that I couldn't get angry. Regardless, you have to be strong here and not start questioning yourself. He cheated and broke your trust. His loss.

Yes, get a friend around ASAP, pour your heart out, have a good cry if you want, make a voodoo doll but remember that all this sadness will pass and you will not only be stronger, but happier, too.

You really will get through this. Oh, and don't be contacting him whatever you do. I don't know if you live together, but if you don't, give your phone to a friend. Let the idiot suffer from your silence. He needs to know he has messed up and you won't be changing your mind.

Oh sunflower you really help! Ugh did it take long to get over him? I know its different in every case! I really can't see myself loving anyone again honestly! I don't live with him but we were talking about it so I'm lucky in that sense! I won't be replying to him, he's some nerve.. I hate thinking of him with another girl.. Kills me

qwerty13

I know it is going against the majority of the advise here, but I'd take today and tomorrow off sick. I know it isn't a great idea, and I'd feel very bad about doing it; but if that happened to me I'd feel that I'd need those days to get my head together - you don't want to be in work crying/snapping the head off customers (which would be remembered/commented on more than 2 sick days). Maybe that's a bit of a defeatist attitude, but I think it is worth doing this - providing you don't spend the 2 days crying over him and contacting him.

Get a good friend to come over asap. And only a good friend, because you need to vent (which only good friends can put up with sustained periods of!). Look, for tonight only, get pizza, get Thelma & Louise, rant like banshee, have a few drinks (not that this is any solution, but you know what I mean). Indulge yourself today.

Tomorrow however is make plans day. Plans for removing that yoke from your life. Get rid. Fool me once etc ... (not saying that you are a fool! - you know the expression though). And the fact that he texted that to you screams of getting his 'side' in there first: he knows he is about to be caught, and is engaged in damage limitation - this isn't about you; it is about him. As it always was, by the sounds of things. Get rid and don't look back.

Excellent point made by Sunflower: while the fact that he is a serial cheater is truly awful, it does at least mean that the moving on period is far shorter. No need for any 'what ifs' and 'maybe we can work on it' - or 'lets be friends', because he has well and truly put the nail in the coffin of the relationship (for the 3rd time). I know how harsh that sounds OP - but this is the unfortunate and sad reality.

Good Advice

sunflower27 wrote: »

I won't sugarcoat it, it wasn't easy.

My situation was different as we were living together so he had to move out. Also, I wasn't angry at him because he hadn't cheated so that made it a lot harder to move on.

The best thing I did was keep busy. I actually wallowed for a good while and that was the worst thing I could have done. Most of my friends had not been in serious relationships at that point and none of them understood the pain I was going through (oh, they worked it out a few years down the line though!).

There were times when the last thing I wanted to do was meet a friend for a coffee/drink/dinner. I really wanted to wallow because that is easier, but it is so destructive to your soul. You have to take every offer of going out that comes your way (and I don't mean head to the pub every night ).

The thing with doing this is that without realising it, you are getting on with your life. It won't happen in a week or two but once you stick with it, a time will come when you laugh and realise you are not pretending or faking it. That is always my turning point after a break-up, once that happens I know I am on the way

Making new friends helped me a lot as well. I suddenly saw life outside of the bubble I was living in with the ex.

You may want to consider getting that book 'It's called a break-up because it's broken'. It's light-hearted and may help you on your way to realising this isn't about you.

You know your ex is an idiot, you know you deserve better and you know staying with him would only be the same old story. You have to be strong and realise there is a whole world out there full of chances at love and not dwell on what could have been!

Life goes on

I can't actually wait to go back to college in september, but I know this is still fresh but like two groups of people I know are heading to oz at end of year I sorta wish I hadn a year left in college ina way! Your very strong sunflower I hope I do get over this and I know times a healer and all that but I really was truely in love! I'm going to get that book I could do with reading something like that

Good Advice

qwerty13 wrote: »

I know it is going against the majority of the advise here, but I'd take today and tomorrow off sick. I know it isn't a great idea, and I'd feel very bad about doing it; but if that happened to me I'd feel that I'd need those days to get my head together - you don't want to be in work crying/snapping the head off customers (which would be remembered/commented on more than 2 sick days). Maybe that's a bit of a defeatist attitude, but I think it is worth doing this - providing you don't spend the 2 days crying over him and contacting him.

Get a good friend to come over asap. And only a good friend, because you need to vent (which only good friends can put up with sustained periods of!). Look, for tonight only, get pizza, get Thelma & Louise, rant like banshee, have a few drinks (not that this is any solution, but you know what I mean). Indulge yourself today.

Tomorrow however is make plans day. Plans for removing that yoke from your life. Get rid. Fool me once etc ... (not saying that you are a fool! - you know the expression though). And the fact that he texted that to you screams of getting his 'side' in there first: he knows he is about to be caught, and is engaged in damage limitation - this isn't about you; it is about him. As it always was, by the sounds of things. Get rid and don't look back.

Yea my good friend from work thinks I should stay off tomorrow too but I'll see how I feel! Oh I know that saying well and I won't be a fool this time. Yea its exactly what I think, he was saying he pushed her away, smell of bullsh*t

amdublin

qwerty13 wrote: »

I know it is going against the majority of the advise here, but I'd take today and tomorrow off sick. I know it isn't a great idea, and I'd feel very bad about doing it; but if that happened to me I'd feel that I'd need those days to get my head together - you don't want to be in work crying/snapping the head off customers (which would be remembered/commented on more than 2 sick days). Maybe that's a bit of a defeatist attitude, but I think it is worth doing this - providing you don't spend the 2 days crying over him and contacting him.

And I'm back...!

Please do NOT do this!!!!

As the poster actually said themselves they "know it is a bad idea". Why would you do something that is a bad idea
Guaranteed you are going to spend 2 days at home crying.
Go into work!! It will take your mind off this!!

Plus also, jebus if you employer got wind of this you could lose your job and you'll be doubly upset with a cheating boyfriend and no job.

amdublin

Good Advice wrote: »

Yea my good friend from work thinks I should stay off tomorrow too but I'll see how I feel! Oh I know that saying well and I won't be a fool this time. Yea its exactly what I think, he was saying he pushed her away, smell of bullsh*t

Positive mental attitude.

Put your big girl pants on, go to work with a good attitude. You will feel better!!! I promise!!!

qwerty13

amdublin wrote: »

And I'm back...!

Please do NOT do this!!!!

As the poster actually said themselves they "know it is a bad idea". Why would you do something that is a bad idea
Guaranteed you are going to spend 2 days at home crying.
Go into work!! It will take your mind off this!!

Plus also, jebus if you employer got wind of this you could lose your job and you'll be doubly upset with a cheating boyfriend and no job.

The reason I said that is that I've done the go to work the day after the end of a LTR, and ended up crying in work in front of everyone, and my boss pulling me aside and telling me to go home. It was awful, and everyone tip-toed around me for weeks. Being in work didn't help, I spent the day trying not to cry (the bits of it that I wasn't hiding in the loo), and then I went into floods anyway, and everyone knew and treated me weirdly for a good while afterwards. So while I know it isn't a good idea; for me it would've been the lesser of 2 bad ideas.

Good Advice

qwerty13 wrote: »

The reason I said that is that I've done the go to work the day after the end of a LTR, and ended up crying in work in front of everyone, and my boss pulling me aside and telling me to go home. It was awful, and everyone tip-toed around me for weeks. Being in work didn't help, I spent the day trying not to cry (the bits of it that I wasn't hiding in the loo), and then I went into floods anyway, and everyone knew and treated me weirdly for a good while afterwards. So while I know it isn't a good idea; for me it would've been the lesser of 2 bad ideas.

Ill be the same I'll end up crying infront of everyone like a fool. I'm never out sick and I need to get myself together!

qwerty13

I'm not disagreeing with AMDublin - it is a bad idea; but my experience was that I shouldn't have gone in. But that's just me. I totally agree that it is a far better idea to get back on track and go into work and try and block it out - but I tried and cried in front of everyone.

As AMDublin said though, this is a risky thing to do - if you feel that there is any chance of your boss finding out, then don't do this (unfortunately I see you've said that your friend in work knows). Be very careful OP - the boss could overhear a conversation and realise that you were not really sick.

qwerty13

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'm not going to berate you for taking a few days off as I have done it in the past. I regretted it which is why i am advocating going in there, but it is your choice.

Time on your hands to wallow is never a good thing.

Seriously, I am not that strong, Good Advice. I am just a good bit older than you and have been there, done that a few more times to know how you feel.

Don't be saying 'if you get over this'. There is no question you will. You had a happy life before he came into it, right?

Stay away from him, get busy, read that book and look forward because at your age the world really is your oyster

You know OP, maybe you should listen to SF rather than me - I guess I read your post and thought 'AARRGGHH' in my head about the being in work and being upset. I was 29 when that happened to me, at the end of an 8 year LTR. But I know I allowed the wallowing to go on too long.

Given what you've said about a small working environment (pharmacy), and your friend in work knowing, I'd be concerned that your boss would find out that you weren't sick - for me it was a big organisation, so the chances of conversations being overheard/being caught out were far less. I know I'm doing a total 180 here, but, on reading what other people have said (and bearing your work situation in mind), maybe I reacted too quickly in saying the days off. You can only do what's right for you - but, as AMDublin said, bear in mind the risks of getting caught out.

Good Advice

My job isn't the situation here my heart is. Please stop commenting on me ringing in sick for one day since a year! I'm not looking on advice about my job

I am a friend

Good Advice wrote: »

My job isn't the situation here my heart is. Please stop commenting on me ringing in sick for one day since a year! I'm not looking on advice about my job

Are you going to bother to listen to any of the advice you get here?

No guy is worth losing your reputation over. He has repeatedly sh1t all over you now stand up for yourself and stop acting like a walkover. You can't be surprised that it's gotten to this again can you? He has form!!!

qwerty13

Good Advice wrote: »

My job isn't the situation here my heart is. Please stop commenting on me ringing in sick for one day since a year! I'm not looking on advice about my job

I think people are just concerned that you will end up in hassle with work, because of this clown. I understand that you don't have a pattern of sick leave, but I think it is a fair point that people are saying to be careful about it (and I say that despite my previous posts!). I don't think it is fair to give out about people pointing out that this may be an issue.

tallaghtmick

Gonna be the devils advocate here,Has he said the kiss lasted long or did he push her away?Its happened to me before where a woman i worked with kissed me but i pushed her away and i told my gf at the time straight away,She was annoyed but knew it wasnt my fault,And before everyone rips into me in my opinion she shouldnt have given him a second chance in the first place.

Good Advice

Ok I take the points about my job on board so just drop the issue.I'm absolutely heartbroken I don't need people going on about something else not relevant! Tallaght mick how do you make sense I'm not taking him back but your saying your oh took you back after after pushing a girl away and then say I shouldn't have given him another chance. He did push her away but what does that matter now. Confused. Sunflower I've never rely properly listened to the words in that song,its true.

I am a friend

Good Advice wrote: »

Ok I take the points about my job on board so just drop the issue.

You are being very rude to people who are taking tome our of their Sunday's to try to help you.

I won't be bothering anymore and as far as I am concerned, you chose to stay with him so live with the consequences... You lie down with dogs etc

Beetlebum

Jesus...I haven't logged into boards in over a year but had to for this!

Why the hell is everyone giving this poor girl stick about her bloody job????
She has just been humiliated, cheated and betrayed. I doubt she feels very well right now so that constitutes being sick in my opinion!!
In fact her boss would probably send her home if she did go in because she's so upset.

Girl, chin up. Listen to Sunflower, she gives amazing advice and coached me through my break up. I too thought I'd never get over it but it's a year later and I'm happier then I've ever been. I never think of him anymore!

You'll be fine, it will just take time.

Get a bottle of your favorite wine, a big tub of ice-cream and a funny DVD - Don't get a romcom or anything starring Jennifer Aniston:)

Get your friends over and have a massive bitching session! May tomorrow go shopping or get a tattoo or a new haircut! Forget all about him. He's a fool!!

tinkerbell

OP, unfortunately whatever about forgiving him the first time, but you forgave him a SECOND time, so sure then that gives off the signal that he can do what he wants. So he cheats a third time, it's not surprising.

You need to pick yourself up and get on with things. If you need to, well stay at home today but go to work tomorrow. If you stay at home for a few days, all you are gonna be doing is thinking about him, crying your eyes out, etc. The reason people are suggesting to go into work today is because the distraction of work is gonna keep your mind off things - especially if you're in a busy pharmacy. You're gonna be too busy to even think about him.

Oh and DUMP HIM. Cut off total contact with him - he doesn't deserve to stay friends with you. If you let him keep contacting you, you'll never get over him. Unfortunately it's the only way to get over someone - no contact.

Good luck, and sorry your boyfriend is a rotten jerk. You deserve better.

Good Advice

Honestly 'I am a friend' you are no friend of mine! I wasn't being rude I said I took the comments on board, your the one making me feel like absolute ****. Beetlebum cheers for your reply,I would be sent home,its only one day! Sunflower is very helpful I know I'm grateful! I just wish this was a bad dream.

tallaghtmick

Good Advice wrote: »

Ok I take the points about my job on board so just drop the issue.I'm absolutely heartbroken I don't need people going on about something else not relevant! Tallaght mick how do you make sense I'm not taking him back but your saying your oh took you back after after pushing a girl away and then say I shouldn't have given him another chance. He did push her away but what does that matter now. Confused. Sunflower I've never rely properly listened to the words in that song,its true.

Eh hold on she kissed him and he pushed her away and told you about it.......thats not cheating,He's being 100% honest about it.Anyway you are well too cheeky to posters on this so I couldnt care less anymore but I will explain what I said.

Theres a difference in what happened with myself and your bf.
1.I never cheated
2.The woman kissed me and I pushed her off and was honest about it my oh was annoyed with the woman not me.
3.We didnt split up over that incident so she never "took me back".
4.I never said you are taking him back I said you took him back after he cheated twice,please dont put words in my mouth.

Beetlebum

How is she being cheeky???
I honestly don't understand why people are giving this girl a hard time. She came on here because she feels awful and heartbroken and everyone keeps telling her to go to work. Wtf??

Have you guys never had your heart broken?

Jesus..sometimes boards attitudes make me so angry. That's the reason I haven't looked at it in a year.

Ps - Op...go to work;)

tallaghtmick

sunflower27 wrote: »

Tallaghtmick - the general consensus is that the guy is lying and playing down what happened as he has cheated TWICE before. He knows if the OP knows he was with with someone she would more than likely call it a day. if he merely pushed a girl off him he would not be admitting anything - there would be no need to as he instigated nothing.

I understand what you are saying, but the OP has (rightly, IMO) made up her mind to dump this donkey!

PS. Hi Beetlebum. Glad to hear you are doing so well

Oh i hope she does.

booboo88

I agree with beetlebum, i realise that once a cheat always a cheat, but i mean who hasnt taken a day off sick, when they make not be sick. Esp in a job dealing with the public.

but thats not the issue here is it?
he di*khead of soon to be ex, cheated, come on, show some empathy here

tallaghtmick

Beetlebum wrote: »

How is she being cheeky???
I honestly don't understand why people are giving this girl a hard time. She came on here because she feels awful and heartbroken and everyone keeps telling her to go to work. Wtf??

Have you guys never had your heart broken?

Jesus..sometimes boards attitudes make me so angry. That's the reason I haven't looked at it in a year.

Ps - Op...go to work;)

Shes getting aggro with posters trying to help her and yes I understand shes not having a easy time but theres no need for the rage.

booboo88

tallaghtmick wrote: »

Shes getting aggro with posters trying to help her and yes I understand shes not having a easy time but theres no need for the rage.

the clue is in your own post
not one person here can say they havent felt under attack by some posters here, on an off day, where stuff that wouldnt usually bother you, enrages you.


that said, i dont think i am a friend was saying anything hurtful,

Beetlebum

tallaghtmick wrote: »

Shes getting aggro with posters trying to help her and yes I understand shes not having a easy time but theres no need for the rage.

Rage? Ah come on now tallaghtmick....slight exaggeration....surely you know all about real rage living in tallaght:)

tallaghtmick

Beetlebum wrote: »

Rage? Ah come on now tallaghtmick....slight exaggeration....surely you know all about real rage living in tallaght:)

Sorry I like to exaggerate and im from the nice part......really I am

Beetlebum

There's a nice part? Really? Who knew....:)

tallaghtmick

Beetlebum wrote: »

There's a nice part? Really? Who knew....:)

Not many:Dthe only time a garda comes to millbrook is when he/she are going home:p

Ickle Magoo

Beetlebum, tallaghtmick - take the silly stuff to PM.

This is an advice forum - please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.

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If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

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Good Advice

Thanks for the replys anyway most have been helpful. I'm not being cheeky or being in a rage... I just wanted some perspectives and experiences.. That's all! I'll know in future

Good Advice

Thanks so much sunflower! I'm not a rude person just got a bit upset people focusing on my job and not the issue!

booboo88

Good Advice wrote: »

Thanks so much sunflower! I'm not a rude person just got a bit upset people focusing on my job and not the issue!

sorry rage was a bad choice of words, but i do see their point, no point losing your job for a muppet like him, but if its only a once off you should be fine
hope your feeling a small bit better today

Good Advice

booboo88 wrote: »

sorry rage was a bad choice of words, but i do see their point, no point losing your job for a muppet like him, but if its only a once off you should be fine
hope your feeling a small bit better today

Rage is extreme :P ah I won't get in trouble I'm never out sick! I'm not feeling better at all! Tis awful, wish I had no heart

amdublin

Good Advice wrote: »

Thanks so much sunflower! I'm not a rude person just got a bit upset people focusing on my job and not the issue!

I was focussing on the issue and my advice for the issue you are encountering was to get out of bed and go to work, that you'd feel better.

How are you doing now? Hopefully you are doing better.

Finally (and this IS related to the issue) I don't think you should listen to your friend and take tomorrow and the next day off. I don't think it will help you. If anything going to work will take your mind off the issue. Plus as I said already, where will you be if you lose your job for calling in sick when you are not sick.