Relationship advise

hairyprincess

I've been out of the dating scene a few years now, after a failed marriage I have been licking my wounds for a while but have just met someone I knew of from a few years back.
We have been talking online and texting a lot in the last ten days, we have had one date in that time and another one in the pipeline for next week.
Now apparently we are, in his words "going with the flow, no pressure from either side". I'm taking this to mean he doesn't want a relationship at this stage, but what I'm trying to figure out is how likely is this status going to go on for? When should I cut my losses? I'm not looking for a fling and he knows that. But at the same time his situation is difficult and I don't want to make demands on him.
One half of me his saying nothing is going to come of it, I should get out now before I get too involved, but the other half is saying I should give it a go, things may change.
I hate to be over thinking things at this early stage but I have been so hurt and let down in the past I don't want to walk into another hopeless relationship with my eyes wide open.

Would appreciate lots of unbiased advice!

krudler

A lot of guys dont like to label relationships to begin with, some people just want to let things work naturally and see how it goes rather than the "after the 4th date its official and we're a couple" kind of thing.
I've been on both sides of the fence, wanting to know where something is going and having the other person do the "what happens happens" thing , and someone doing the "are we a couple yet?" thing after a few dates, its a tough one tbh, would you rather take things as they come with him if you like him? or start over with someone else?

If you're looking for something to turn into a relationship from the getgo and he isnt then its probably not going to work.

loulous1977

ohhh life is far to short live for the moment and keep your own eyes open for what YOU want.. If its meant to be it will not pass you x

Stheno

moved from tLL

loulous1977

what is TLL???

I am a friend

Ah I think you should settle your head a bit. He may not be dodging commitment but sure after only one date you can't exactly know how you feel about him either.

You are really over thinking this and that's a turn off for both sexes. It's v rare you will find someone who will, after one date, want to define a relationship. Chill and enjoy

hairyprincess

so in the last few days things have cooled down considerably in the texting and messaging department. Previously it was constant, very hot and heavy, very suggestive, flirtatious. Now it's just general chit chat. I've made suggestive, flirty comments and they have been ignored.
So I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I knock it on the head? I like him but I really hate this mind games carry on. Or just downright rudeness, whichever it is he is at. If he's not interested why doesn't he just say so!!
I feel like he has his eye somewhere else but is still keeping me on the back burner. I want more than that, and he knew that from the start. I told him I wasn't interested in a fling.
Now where do I go from here?

loulous1977

let him simmer if he wants you he will soon find out, go out and enjoy yourself, leave him to it, and never let him know your an easy prey!!!

Kiera

hairyprincess wrote: »

so in the last few days things have cooled down considerably in the texting and messaging department. Previously it was constant, very hot and heavy, very suggestive, flirtatious. Now it's just general chit chat. I've made suggestive, flirty comments and they have been ignored.
So I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I knock it on the head? I like him but I really hate this mind games carry on. Or just downright rudeness, whichever it is he is at. If he's not interested why doesn't he just say so!!
I feel like he has his eye somewhere else but is still keeping me on the back burner. I want more than that, and he knew that from the start. I told him I wasn't interested in a fling.
Now where do I go from here?

It sounds like he is backing off as he doesnt want to lead you on. He said he wants to go with the flow so maybe you've come on a bit strong with him and he doesnt like that?

Just back off on the texting/messaging and see who else is out there for you.

Miss Fluff

hairyprincess wrote: »

so in the last few days things have cooled down considerably in the texting and messaging department. Previously it was constant, very hot and heavy, very suggestive, flirtatious.

Sounds to me like he was just looking for a fling so I'd leave him off.

I really seriously thing you need to revise your approach to dating though. To decide after one date that you want a relationship with someone who you don't really know comes across as needy and rather scary. How can you possibly know after a few emails and one date that you even want to progress to a relationship? Or are you just so keen to get into a relationship that the next person available will do? And what's wrong with flings?

You've a much greater chance of success if you chill out. I mean really chill out. Take an organic approach. See what happens. Take each day as it comes. If you're not looking for a fling then don't sleep with the guy immediately. You don't need to stipulate that you're looking for a relationship after one date. That would send most people I know running for the highest hills at high speed :eek:

I understand you have been licking your wounds and are new to the dating scene but the approach you are currently taking is going to leave you far more open to staying single than keeping an open mind and letting things unfold naturally.