Why does he do it?

LegacyUser

I met someone two months ago online two months ago. It was a fetish site and we are both interested in the same hardcore fetish. We spent some time online getting to know each other a bit. We met up and indulged in filth.

Afterwards we messaged, thanked each other, and he suggested that we should do it again, to which I replied that that would be good.

Since then things has cooled off between us messaging and I have sensed that he simply doesn't want any more with me. However from time to time he would message me, pretty much getting my hopes up for more, we would message each other for a bit, then nothing from him until the next time he sends me a message. He's going through one of his cooling off periods again.

I am a friend

You met him on a website that would not assume to leading to long term romantic relationships.

Frankly, he met you, got what he wanted (well ye both did) and is not overly interested in doing it again but he is keeping in touch to have you there if he changes his mind.

Johnny Favourite

What sort of filth are we talking about here??

LegacyUser

How would I go about dealing with this situation. I'm open minded for casual fun but I am not liking the way he is treating me with no respect whatsoever ie contacting me from time to time when he clearly has no intentions of meeting me again.

Like once, he said that he would be in my county for a weekend for work and that we should meet up. I showed interest and then he backed off and I heard nothing from him when the time came. I fired off a message when that weekend came and although he replied and asked me for a drink, I got the impression it was half heartenly done.

tenchi-fan

upset.fetish.lady wrote: »

However from time to time he would message me, pretty much getting my hopes up for more, we would message each other for a bit, then nothing from him until the next time he sends me a message. He's going through one of his cooling off periods again.

Maybe he messages you when he's browsing his hard core filth website... and cools off when he gets off.

Miss Fluff

I think you're being a bit naive here OP. You met the guy on a fetish website. You met up, indulged in your fetish, thanked each other for a good time. Most people would leave it at that.

If it's moonlight and roses you are looking for (and I presume it is on some level or you wouldn't give two hoots about seeing him again) then I really wouldn't be looking for anything with potential longevity on fetish or adult hook-up sites.

You're contradicting yourself by saying your open to "casual fun" and yet you're not at all happy he's not in regular contact with you.....bit of a contradiction there tbh.

LegacyUser

No, miss fluff.
It is the fact he is contacting me to then completely back off. Not so long ago, he made contact and asked for my address to send me a gift and I got nothing from him in the post.

Miss Fluff

What are you looking for from this?

strandroad

upset.op wrote: »

No, miss fluff.
It is the fact he is contacting me to then completely back off. Not so long ago, he made contact and asked for my address to send me a gift and I got nothing from him in the post.

Alarm bells ringing! I don't know what kind of fetish stuff you guys are into but if it is in any way associated with fantasising or acting on violence you may end up having a surprise visit or finding an intruder in your home.

Sardonicat

I think you are being very naive. While it is more likely that he is checking that you would be available to pick up and put down as and when he likes (and so far, you are confirming this for him) you should be very careful giving info like that.

Back away from this situation now. It doesn't matter what his reasons are for behaving like a dick-head. He is a dick-head and that's all you need to know.

Justask

You met on a fetish site.....It looks to me like you want WAY more then he does.

The danger here is that you are getting emotional involved in this and he has no emtional feeling at all. You were there to forefil the fetish for you both but along the way its gone deeper then this.

IMO let it go cos you are going to end up getting hurt.

You are going to say your are not emotional involved in him but think about it..If you werent you would care were he was what he was doing how his text messages came accross etc

LegacyUser

I am not emotionally attached to him. Its more to do with the fetish we share and the acts we described by message before we met. Unfortunately one night did not leave us enough time to do it all.

7Sins

Interesting I must say. We all know the "fantasies should remain fantasies" saying. Perhaps, same could be said for this fetish? It could be that the guy had a fetish/fantasy, he fulfilled with you and maybe it didn't live up to his expectations. He may have lost all interest in doing it again only for the odd time to be still slightly aroused enough by it to engage in discussion with you.

Probably best find another activity partner now and forget about this guy. It might be a good idea too to make it clear to potential partners that you're looking for a buddy situation as opposed to nsa.

diverdad

Would this treatment be in any way part of your fetish games? Some sort of nasty mind f**k that keeps you forever in a state of anticipation?
Just wondered.........

On the other hand, you are strong enough to go out and get what you want, with whoever you want; so ask him straight out if his is just @rsing you about or is he serious.

The sugestion of another poster that you actually seek a buddy and/or buddies for your filth meetings might be better idea where trust and STD's (are they still called that?) are concerned.
Good luck, stay safe.