To go on the pill?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, just looking for a few opinions on this.

Recently broke up with the boyfriend, found out he repeatedly cheated on me when he was away on Erasmus for the past 6 months. He told me yesterday why he cheated, apparently it was because I wouldn't have more sex with him (I had sex with him everytime he asked, so approximately 3+ times a week) and that I wouldn't go on the pill. We had a bit of a scare at one point (4 months before he went away), and because of that I had become very nervous and anxious during sex, I was however beginning to become more relaxed just before he went away. Usually I got scared after a few minutes and asked him to stop. My ex never understood my nervousness and would never attempt to assuage my fear. Usually we would end up fighting, and he would hurl countless profanities at me, usually along the lines of a "selfish c**t/bitch". He has told me that no guy will ever put up with me, and that I should go on the pill if I want to sustain my next relationship. I wouldn't have sex with him on certain days, because of the obvious risk involved, but he wouldn't accept that, telling me that I was stupid to think that I would get pregnant (he needs to do a bit of research).

I'm very pessimistic now about any future relationships because of this, I really don't want to go on the pill, there is nothing wrong or irregular about me physically, and I'm petrified about the risks involved (although I know they are minimal). I'm wondering if what my ex says is normal? Would a lad become frustrated with me if I didn't? I feel that its my right to reject it, as it's my body and therefore my decision. I am really scared of losing another relationship over this

Miss Fluff

If getting pregnant is such a source of anxiety that it interferes with you having a normal and healthy sex life then you need to go to your local family planning clinic and find a contracpetive method that you are entirely happy with. But also one that will allow you to relax enough to have a normal and fulfilling sex life. Using condoms in conjunction with a coil for example might suit you. There's no point going on the pill if you're so clearly against it but if you don't want to get pregnant then relying on what you are assuming are safe times and then not actually being able to let yourself go is less than ideal. Talk this through with a medical professional and they will be able to advise.

LegacyUser

I had a boyfriend who sounds similar to him. We used condoms but I used to want to avoid sex on certain days. I didn't want to go on the pill and he was supportive of that, but then when I was anxious and not wanting to have sex on certain days he would act like I was being stupid. I was always checking to make sure the condom had not broke afterwards and this annoyed him as well. The fact that he didn't care and see my point made me feel like I couldn't trust him to be careful and like you, the anxiety was too much for me. I went on the pill - yasminelle - but I didn't tell him because I wanted to use condoms as well and I wanted him to take responsibility.

Men have no idea of the anxiety you go through when your period is a few days late. He just wanted sex and like you we had sex about 2 or 3 times a week. A guy I went out with before was far more understanding and would assure me that he was being careful and always had condoms to hand etc. So I really should have known better but...20/20 and all that.

I don't know what your reservations are about taking the pill. For me it was the idea of putting hormones into my system and I had had friends whose moods were really badly affected by it. But I didn't have any problems with it. Put on a little bit of weight but then I wasn't exercising and eating plenty of chocolate at the same time! It was a relief knowing that I had double protection. Having said that it affects everyone differently.

I'm not with anyone at the moment and don't know what I'll do when I do meet someone....a kind caring decent guy! she says optimistically! So I'll be watching to see what kind of replies you get.

Neyite

Op I doubt very much that you will have problems in your future relationships because you dumped your biggest problem- your idiot of an ex

Going on the pill /choosing to use a hormonal contraceptive is a good idea - as long as you make it clear to your future partners that its half of the contraceptives required - condoms are the other part. A guy that gives you hassle over using a condom is one to avoid - chances are he practices unprotected sex whenever he can. His pleasure is placed above good sexual health practices -not the kind of guy that you want to sleep without condoms unless he gets the full STI screening.

Contraception in a good relationship is an issue both parties take responsibility for. I completely disagree with your ex - I think that future partners will actually respect you for taking your sexual health and prevention of pregnancy seriously - they should. After all, its for their benefit too.

LegacyUser

OP here! Thanks for the replies everyone

Just wondering if I could get some girls' opinions of being on the pill? I'm afraid to go on it for a number of reasons, increased risk of developing certain things, moodiness, decrease in sex drive. I'm particularly afraid of the effect it has on my sex drive, I think I have a very high sex drive (as in I would be up for it anytime, anywhere, even several times a day if required). I fear that this is why my ex stayed with me so long, this is what kept him interested in me for over a year and I would be afraid that if I went into another relationship, and my libido was gone, that my future boyfriend would get bored of me and leave. I am also afraid of the effect it has on my cycle (I have a perfect 28 day cycle), I am wondering if it would destroy that?

My ex has really messed up my confidence in relation to men now, I don't know what to do with myself. When he cheated on me, he had unprotected sex (I'm sure he had more unprotected sex that I don't know of), he later said that it was great to see a "normal" girl who would allow him to have sex with her without a condom Are men really this stupid and selfish when it comes to sex?

allym

As someone said before your ex is clearly a boy and NOT a man. Any decent man would respect and admire you for taking responsibility for your sexual health!
Both partners need to be happy and comfortable and anyone who tries to force you to do something you're not happy to do is not worth your time.


As for the girl(s) who apparently let him have sex without a condom.... That doesn't make them "normal" by a long shot and in my opinion quite stupid. If they were willing to have unprotected sex with a stranger well good for them:rolleyes: and if your ex carries on this way he'll get what's coming to him soon enough:pac:

Kevin Duffy

nnnnnn wrote: »

Men have no idea of the anxiety you go through when your period is a few days late. .

Actually, if we know about it, lots of us do know the anxiety and share it. We sometimes act cooler to provide reassurance if we think it's appropriate at the time, but that doesn't mean we don't understand or care.

togoornottogo wrote: »

Are men really this stupid and selfish when it comes to sex?

Are all men? No. Are some men, maybe a few too many? Yes. Value yourself and if he doesn't share your valuation, don't share yourself. You'll learn to tell the difference and shouldn't let the immature boy you were with put you off, he's not the whole story.

boosh_fan

The thing about the pill is that it affects everyone differently. I have friends who have been on it for years with no side-effects whatsoever. But I know myself that it doesn't suit me. It affects my moods (turned me into a weepy mess), I put on weight, when I came off it my cycle took ages to regulate itself again.

Our bodies are naturally balanced and adding hormones which for example the pill contains has the potential to throw off that balance. You don't seem to want to be on it, or want to be talked out of (or into) taking it.

Ultimately, no-one on a forum can tell you how the pill will affect you. We are all different. You know your body best and if it's not for you, look for alternatives.

booboo88

wouldnt have more sex with him?
why wold ever want to have sex with such a creep, it would be a good idea to go on the pill, just for your own reassurance. no one elses, dont ever give this creep time of day again