Husband's Fantasy/Wish

LegacyUser

Hi going unreg for this as it is quite personal.
I am reasonably happily married for the past 13 years with two children. My concern of late is that my hubby has developed a kind of fantasy of wanting me to have sex with another guy. This would come out in our lovemaking, like he would get me to talk dirty and describe what I would do to another guy and what he would do to me. It gets him off quite quickly and to be honest it gets me going too, when he describes the scenario.
Now this is not much of an issue but he is asking me now to consider a 3some with another guy as he would like to watch etc. While the fantasy does work for me, I am nervous of actually putting this into action.
Has anyone here experienced this form of fantasy from their partner and have they ever gone ahead with something like this.
I will add that I am 42 and my hubby is 45, so we are not exactly young.

crotalus667

there is a big difference between talking about it and doing it , you really need to 100% before you do anything

55

I remember I read once a reply from a boardie here (I think he/she was a mod) said a worth-jewels sentence.. I quote it:

Somethings should stay as a fantasy..

Jess16

55 wrote: »

Somethings should stay as a fantasy..

Why? OP, if it's good for you and good for your husband, then go for it. Obviously discuss and respect any caveats either of you may have but beyond that, I'd see no reason not to. People usually only tend to regret the things they don't do and too many marriages fall by the wayside due to complacent attitudes to sex. All relationships need growth to remain fresh and exciting and exploring new things together is essential for that to happen

55

Jess16 wrote: »

Why? OP, if it's good for you and good for your husband, then go for it. Obviously discuss and respect any caveats either of you may have but beyond that, I'd see no reason not to. People usually only tend to regret the things they don't do and too many marriages fall by the wayside due to complacent attitudes to sex. All relationships need growth to remain fresh and exciting and exploring new things together is essential for that to happen

(rules/expectations)

read here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056222332 you may have a better clue.. you too OP

Jess16

55 wrote: »

(rules/expectations)

read here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056222332 you may have a better clue.. you too OP

Well as useful as it would be, unfortunately there are no one-size-fits-all 'rules' in relationships, only what works for a couple on an individual basis. The OP's husband has been open and communicative enough to discuss his preferences with his wife, which I think is great and she has said that the fantasy works for her too. So why deter them? Obviously she is nervous due to the newness of the situation but that's entirely normal and to be expected. I'm not sure anyone would every try anything if they were to allow being nervous to stop them

55

Jess16 wrote: »

Well as useful as it would be, unfortunately there are no one-size-fits-all 'rules' in relationships, only what works for a couple on an individual basis. The OP's husband has been open and communicative enough to discuss his preferences with his wife, which I think is great and she has said that the fantasy works for her too. So why deter them? Obviously she is nervous due to the newness of the situation but that's entirely normal and to be expected. I'm not sure anyone would every try anything if they were to allow being nervous to stop them

jess, that was my opinion - shes not obliged to obey.. perhaps Im a stone aged man who still believe in holiness of marriage institute.

LegacyUser

Hi people.
I understand that there are people here who would disapprove and there are others who are for the idea of trying it out. I don't wish it to be an argument of morals and marriage sanctity etc.
What I am really looking for are views from people who are married and who have tried it. Like was it a positive experience and did it enhance their marriage or did it do harm?
Thanks,

R

Jess16

55 wrote: »

shes not obliged to obey.. perhaps Im a stone aged man who still believe in holiness of marriage institute.

I firmly believe in the institute of marriage too which is why I'm encouraging the OP to keep hers intact by exploring the things she and her husband enjoy together. The only thing that's stone-age is using words like obey.

55

Jess16 wrote: »

I firmly believe in the institute of marriage too which is why I'm encouraging the OP to keep hers intact by exploring the things she and her husband enjoy together. The only thing that's stone-age is using words like obey.

English is a third language for me, excuse the very non proper use of terms (in regards to "obey" word), though your standard for stone-age may differ from the other 5.9 billion others :-)

to me, holiness of marriage does not mean an extra d*ck/pu**y in the relation.. it means to be exclusively to both married and no third party should be invloved. I dont know from where you changed the natural standard, but its still your opinion and i respect it.

My posts/replies/advices/recommendations do not mean Im correct, it's ONLY a personal opinion that is prone to mistakes. If in doubt, re-read my signature.

Different opinions inspire creativity, different iventions, and different ideas.

Silverfish

Please keep replies on-topic and helpful to the OP,

Thanks.

55

Rachel19XX wrote: »

Hi people.
I understand that there are people here who would disapprove and there are others who are for the idea of trying it out. I don't wish it to be an argument of morals and marriage sanctity etc.
What I am really looking for are views from people who are married and who have tried it. Like was it a positive experience and did it enhance their marriage or did it do harm?
Thanks,

R

I think you will find the experiences replies from he link above. They were really varying.. you can search boards and you will find different answers.. its a bit confusing. (this is not an encourgement to bring a 3rd party though - Im all againes putting extra p/p in the relation.. im all satisfied, so my partner)

LegacyUser

the only advice i can give is to make sure that YOU want to do this. it's his idea to make this fantasy a reality, so obviously he wants to do it. but you need to make absolutely certain that you, yourself, want this to become a reality.

also, even if you do, you need to carefully consider all the possible pitfalls, and there are many. he may only think he wants this to be a reality, and react extremely badly to the reality of seeing you with another man. both of you need to sit down and discuss what could happen and how you'll deal with it if things don't go the way you expect them to, because in reality, hardly anything ever does go the way we want it to.

Toots

I've never been in your situation myself OP, but what I will say is tread carefully before making any decisions.

A friend of mine's BF had always fantasised about getting another girl involved in the bedroom, so for his 30th birthday she arranged for one of her best friends to join them. He absolutely loved it but she felt really really dirty about it afterwards. She really didn't enjoy it, but her BF did and he was very keen to do it again, and asked her could they look into the options of swinging etc. She wasn't happy with the idea of this at all, and refused outright. He kept asking her and she kept refusing and eventually it drove a wedge between them and they split up a few months later. Now she'll admit that there were other factors in the break up, but she would have been happy to try and work on them were it not for the constant pressure to have sex with other people. She said looking back on it, she should never have agreed to the threesome, but said she never really thought it through before she arranged it, she just thought it'd be a one-off sexy surprise for her BF.

I'm not trying to put you off here OP, but the point I'm trying to make is you won't know how you'll feel about it afterwards until after it's done, and then it can't be undone. While a certain amount of apprehension is expected before something like this, I'd be worried if one partner was really enthusiastic and the other wasn't. Would you be doing this because you actually want to or is it just to please your husband? Maybe it would be a good idea to find some sort of middleground and test the waters before going all the way, maybe go to a lapdancing club (or whatever the equivalent for women is) together and see how he feels seeing another guy dancing for you and how you feel about it also. I'd say if either of you are uncomfortable at that stage then it wouldn't be advisable to proceed with getting another man/woman involved in bed.

[-0-]

I've had two threesomes. The first of which was with my gf-at-the-time and her best friend. It ruined our relationship as it introduced lots of jealousy to the mix. Her friend moaned a certain way or looked at me a certain way while it was happening and i think it got to my OH, but I didn't realise at the time.

The second threesome I had was a one night stand with two girls who were friends. This was fantastic as there was no attachment and it was one of the wildest nights of my life. We didn't know each other prior to that night and I think that added to the excitement.

The lesson I have learned is not to have a threesome with a significant other you care about, as it ruined things for me. That is just my experience though. It isn't the golden rule for everyone. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Also, it might be best to pick a guy who has a smaller penis than your husband.

I am a friend

Does he want to join in with you and this guy?

LegacyUser

He's just interested in watching? Not actually taking part... well perhaps by his own hand is that what he wants is it op?

That would make it a different situation from your normal three some where all parties are giving it socks action wise. Plus he is a man... not to speak ill of woman.. (I am one myself). But male emotions are different and the jealousy factor might not be as rife if he has decided this himself and you are not having to compete with another woman for his affections which is the situation the two female one male posters have talked about.

Make sure you are 100% comfortable with this yourself. It seems like he trusts you enough to stay with him and is separating the emotions and feelings that go with marriage from the sex side of things.

On the other hand when people actually live out their fantasy's sometimes they don't actually like them in the end.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for all the replies, they have been helpful.
To answer one question, primarily hubby wants to watch me but maybe join in if circumstances felt right. He said he gets off on the idea of me being with another guy so he could watch and then maybe join in when the other guy is finished.
It would make me feel more comfortable to have him close by but also I kind of like the idea of being the centre of attention

Ruby-J

Rachel19XX you do what you feel is best for you and your husband will be ok with that. If you wish to carry this out make sure you both are comfortable with the third person you choose to allow into your sex life.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do but always remember it is a fantasy and 9 times out of 10 fantasies are much better staying as fantasies.

LegacyUser

Just thought I would write back after what I experienced earlier. I/we finally went through with it yesterday and I can't believe I actually happened and went through with it. Surreal!
To cut a long story short we met up with a guy we met online from one of the "sites". We ended up in a hotel and it turned out to be the most wonderful experiences I could have imagined.
It was just me and him having a wild time with my husband watching and I have to say, what a fabulous experience.
I am not going into detail but it worked ! Myself and the hubby then went home and the most mind blowing sex ever !!
We will do this again.

coolcat63

Good for you! I've experienced threesomes with another girl several times and a M/F/M once - all were positive, very enjoyable adventures. One (small) word of warning though - all things in moderation