Used as an emotional hackeysack

LegacyUser

Registered boards poster, but for the purposes of anonymity, I've gone unregged. So here's the situation. I've recently been involved with a girl who had just come out of a relationship. I know, bad mistake. But we were friends and attracted to each other, and on a drunken night-out, we scored. I thought nothing of it, she needed a kiss, I think she's cool, mutually beneficial.

But then she decided she wanted more. So I went along with it. And then she thought against it. And then changed her mind, and then changed it again. This went on for the last few months. She's been really nice to me, and then pretty horrible. Now that I know better, I know she only really contacted me when she was feeling low. She needed a boost, and I'd provide that. I didn't really have a problem being there for her when she needed a friend, but dangling the possibility of a relationship when that wasn't realistic really messed with my head. My fault, I know. I should have known better.

So last night we met up and finally had it out. It was kinda like closure, except it wasn't like after a break-up. She told me she was sorry for how she treated me. She said that she will never forget how sweet I was to be there for her and she really appreciated that I was so kind to her despite how she sometimes treated me. And at some point in the future we probably will end up sleeping together, but not soon.
The way I figured it, I knew she had gone through a bad break up, and that she was acting irrationally. I couldn't really hold that against her. So I handled her taking things out on me as part of her grieving process and that it wasn't who she really was. And I hoped that at some point, maybe she'd see something in me and maybe we'd end up dating. It's ridiculous, I know.

Here's the thing; I'm really into this girl. Which is silly because she's still clearly messed-up after her break up, and treated me like ****. What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I attracted to somebody that would clearly lead to a very unhealthy relationship? I can approach other peoples' emotional issues very rationally. And I'm usually very pragmatic when it comes to my own situation. I (possibly over-)analyse things and while the ride hasn't always been smooth, I've mostly done the right thing when it comes to my own emotional well-being. And yet I'm crazy about this girl. She knows it too. We were 100% honest with each other last night, and we talked about how I wanted to date her. Why am I doing this to myself?! I cant figure this one out.

Beruthiel

EmotionalYoYo wrote: »

Why am I doing this to myself?! I cant figure this one out.

Simple. You are allowing your heart to rule your head.
That's no biggie when things are good and the person you are with is on the same page as you.

This girl however is an emotional mess. Her being with you means she is not dealing with that mess.
She needs to be on her own and healing.
You need to cut her out of your life for now.
This might seem harsh but it will do you both the world of good.

LegacyUser

Thanks. I don't think you were being too harsh. You're probably spot on. With the last few weeks of it being off-again, on-again, I've kind of lost sight of reality. It's just been so up and down. I wish I didn't care so much. At the same time, I feel like I've been used, and hurt at the rejection. I also feel silly for being so accommodating and not sticking up for myself more. Jesus, sometimes relationships and the like really suck the life outta ya.

LegacyUser

Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes people let their feelings get the better of them, and in the cold light of day, it can be pretty cringey to look back on. But you know better now, and you can move on.

Good luck.