Relationships!

LLcoolJ27

Hi there
I know this is a slightly wierd post. But I was chatting to my partner yesterday and marriage came up. It wasn't brought up seriously or anything. Just in passing as a joke as this is just crazy. But then she said 'Ah I woudn't trust you that much to marry you'. We've been going out 2 years now and I thought she would have trusted me enough at this stage. I've been faithful and loyal etc. so I'm not sure how she's feeling this. I brought it up with her again this morning and she said 'I don't trust relationships in general, they don't last these days'.
I'm a little upset about this as I didn't think it was like every other relationship. We're living together as she's moved into my apartment. I guess I've done alot for her, but I don't like being taken the piss out of either if something is clearly not working?
I could be taking this a little too far though. I know for a fact I wouldn't say the same to her.
Maybe it's time to losen the reigns? Move on? Me possibly being way too dramatic?!
Anyway it annoyed me for some reason! Any advice on how to handle this?

I am a friend

Ok well do you know you want to marry her? If not, then what does it matter?

If you do think you want to marry her then you need to ask her exactly what she means. I find it strange that you are together 2 years and living together and its only coming up now...

squonk

I'd be annoyed OP as well if a partner came out with that to me. What she's saying is, 'Oh you're grand for now, but you'd never know, I might come across something better, so I'm keeping my options open and don't want to get overly serious'. I don't think it reflects very well on your partner.

I have lots of married friends who have been married for 5-10 years now and, while I don't have a crystal ball to tell me what will happen in the future, they're all fairly happy but have worked at their marriages from time to time to get over issues that arose.

Maybe you don't want to get married now but maybe down the line you will. It sounds like your partner is in the relationship business for the good times but not up for putting the work in when times are tough. I'd think in a lot of cases where marriages fail (but not all obviously), one or other of the people involved doesn't work at it.

I think it's very poor and I'd be inclined to tell her that she either reconsiders her attitude or else she won't have to worry about the prospect of marrying you coming up because she'll be an ex.

mariebeth

OP, you said the whole topic came up in a joking manner, is it possible that your girlfriend was just joking when she said what she said?

55

OP, any human being will crack a silly joke about this subject, to avoid looking diying to get married or affecting their selfesteem, though in fact, they like it - its just a human behaviour.

when you are serious in bringing up marriage, I bet she will say yes or no.. its only one word answer. then you know who she is, and you decide the next step based on her answer

you want to change a 2 ppl life using a joke! come on! you need to show seriousness, so she can give you a serious answer.

girls do not like jokes/kidding about such subject, it can damage their confidence if they misunderstood it.. proceed with caution!

Canluum

55 wrote: »

when you are serious in bringing up marriage, I bet she will say yes or no.. its only one word answer.

It looks like he already brought it up in a non-casual manner, and she skirted the issue:

LLcoolJ27 wrote:

"I brought it up with her again this morning and she said 'I don't trust relationships in general, they don't last these days'. "

Unless she's having a complete philosophical turnaround about monogamy and marriage in general (unlikely) then she's probably having second thoughts about the relationship, or at least its long-term prospects.

OP, be the catalyst. Sit her down and have a chat with her about the future. It doesn't have to be all hum-drum serious, just see if you both have a similar idea. Get a straight answer from her. If she's not willing to give it a good go, yet that's all you want, then your needs/values don't match and it's possible you may be wasting your time. You could be losing out on some valuable dating experiences. Every single person I've dated has taught me more about myself, people, how to be a good person and in particular, how to choose a good partner... someone who has matching goals, aspirations, desires values and who I can be happy with in the long-term.