Got dads name on BC...

Fittle

My son is 9 and has never had contact with his dad. I get court ordered maintenance. He wouldn't sign his birth cert when he was born. I found out last year that I could get his name on my sons BC without his consent, on production of a court document (maintenance order in this case) referring to him as the father or the other parent.

So I got a right bee in my bonnet about this whole issue, having decided years ago that my son deserves his dads name on his BC, and particularly in relation to presenting the BC for school/first holy communion etc. We are past all those things now, but I decided to pursue it anyhow.

It was a very simple process. I sign the form and attach the court order. The GRO then informs him that I am requesting this is done. If he objects, he has to state why and (obviously) pay for a DNA test himself, as the only way they won't put his name on the BC, is if he can prove he's not the dad.

He didn't object. So today, I went down to the GRO and signed another form, and here, in front of me, I have my sons birth cert with both parents names on it......and I'm not sure how I feel about it after all. After all this time with only me on it, I had gotten used to it. After all this time with only my name there, I think (on some level), it was almost proof to whoever saw it, that I was doing this parenting alone...and now his dads name is there. And it's almost like we are parenting together.... And I'm not sure I like it.....am I losing my mind

Myrddin

Think of it as doing it for your son, it was the right thing to do & you can put the issue to rest now. When your son grows up, his birth cert will be complete & to him, will seem better than a broken one sided birth cert. I think you did the right thing, & while the issues you mentioned (now it looks like you both contributed, as opposed to just you) won't dissappear quickly, they will settle over time.

You took the high road, take comfort in that & congrats going through all that.

metrovelvet

It must have huge symbolic meaning to have this written in. But think of it like a birth record, a certificate of identity, its not a certificate of who is doing the parenting.

After nine years of seeing it blank it must be weird to see the name there.

Fittle

Yep, it sure is! Very weird indeed! Not that I look at his BC everyday of course, but it looks very odd with his dads name on it. I think it has possibly dragged up some old emotions that I was sure were well gone...I am amazed this has had this affect on me.

meganj

My mum has two birth certs for me. One with the big X through the Father's side and the other with my 'Father's' name on it, she always wells up when she tells the story of going down to collect the new birth cert and them calling me out as 'Megan (insert fathers name)' for her it was proof that she had fought like hell to get some sort of recognition for me.

Fair play to you Fittle, I boards.ie stalk you ALL the time (not in a creepy way ), and I think (not that my opinion or anyone else's should matter) that your doing the best job raising a kid on your own with an absent Father.

I promise we do one day recognise how awesome you Mother's are.

Fittle

meganj wrote: »

My mum has two birth certs for me. One with the big X through the Father's side and the other with my 'Father's' name on it, she always wells up when she tells the story of going down to collect the new birth cert and them calling me out as 'Megan (insert fathers name)' for her it was proof that she had fought like hell to get some sort of recognition for me.

Fair play to you Fittle, I boards.ie stalk you ALL the time (not in a creepy way ), and I think (not that my opinion or anyone else's should matter) that your doing the best job raising a kid on your own with an absent Father.

I promise we do one day recognise how awesome you Mother's are.

Aw, I have a stalker...how cool is that;)

Thanks...I think I'm one of the lucky ones - my lad never knew his dad at all so has never had that feeling of 'loss' similar to kids who may have known dads who left, or who only see them randomly. He genuinely doesn't seem to have a 'want' in him (if that's the right expression) just yet anyway. I regularly ask if he'd like to chat about his dad (in casual situations, not in a forced way) and he looks at me as if I'm insane...

Today is a new day - I was a bit floored when I wrote this yesterday, honestly overwhelmed with how seeing his dads name had affected me..put the BC in my box of trix last night, and probably won't look at it again till his confirmation so all is good today:)

Justask

Hiya Fittle,

Im asking this for a reason, Why did you go ahead and get the fathers name on the BC? was it for your lad in the future?

I have just recieved my son passport back (his second passport) because I need to get an adevet signed because his 'fathers' name is not on the birth cert :mad: I thought having done it when he was a tot that was enough with the older pass port returned.

This will mean that you will have to meet your ex when getting your little dudes passport. As im award you need both parents to go to the garda station to get it signed

Fittle

Funny you ask those questions, because I also used to work in the passport office;)

I got his dads name on his birthcert because my son deserves it. He knows his dads name and stories about him - but he's never met him. He deserves to have it acknowledged (somewhere) that this man is his father, the same as every child deserves to have their fathers name on their birth certs (regardless of my opinion of him!).

I was also doing some family tree stuff myself last year, and came across an uncles BC from 1943, with no father on it - and my research had to stop at that point. And I got to thinking about when my sons own grandkids decide to do some research of their own, and how their research would also have to stop once they found his BC (on his dads side anyway).

Also, once your child is under 18, you will also need to send original documentation for each passport renewal. Situations can change in a childs life, they can be adopted, parents can die etc and as the childs legal guardian, you have to provide them (the ppo) with the current information until they are 18.

The fact that you had to get the affidavit signed again, is nothing to do with having/not having the fathers name on the BC. Once you are not married to the father, you (the mother) is granted automatic legal guardianship of the child at birth. If the fathers name is on the BC, and if he refuses to sign the passport application form, you will still need an affidavit stating that you are the childs sole legal guardian (so this will still be the case in my situation).

So I won't have to meet my ex at all. I will just have to get an affidavit done - the same as I've had to do to this point, when his name wasn't on the BC.

Justask

Now I can go to bed tonight saying I learned something lol

Fittle

I am just FULL of useless information when it comes to the ins & outs of passport applications;)

Justask

Fittle wrote: »

I am just FULL of useless information when it comes to the ins & outs of passport applications;)

I thought I was dead orgainised getting his soon before it ran out :rolleyes:

Was not impressed when it was returned :mad:

Im Only 71Kg

i dont understand..whats the point in having the dads name on the BC? if the father doesn't want to know the child? surely somewhere down the road this will cause unescessary turmoil for the young lad..

Fittle

What turmoil Where do you see it causing him turmoil?

Im Only 71Kg

well..if the kid doesn't know who his father is? when he finds out who his father is (through BC). when he's 18 or whatever age..surely he'll have questions that need answering. and he'll go look for his dad to answer those questions.

Daisy M

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

well..if the kid doesn't know who his father is? when he finds out who his father is (through BC). when he's 18 or whatever age..surely he'll have questions that need answering. and he'll go look for his dad to answer those questions.

Well this makes no sense at all. Sure if the fathers name wasnt on the bc all he had to do was ask his mum and she would give him the name, or are you trying to suggest that fittle should have tried to keep hold of that info and not ever let her son know his fathers identity?

Fittle

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

well..if the kid doesn't know who his father is? when he finds out who his father is (through BC). when he's 18 or whatever age..surely he'll have questions that need answering. and he'll go look for his dad to answer those questions.

I'm not sure how serious your comment is really, but I'll answer it all the same.
The child obviously knows he has a father. He knows the mans name. He has seen photos of him. He knows stories about him and he knows the general area he lives in. I've no doubt he will go looking for his dad at some point in his life - in fact, I'll probably be the one who drops him to the door (he's not that hard to find in fairness) but he already knows all these details. Having his name on his BC, or not, won't change any of that.

Myrddin

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

i dont understand..whats the point in having the dads name on the BC? if the father doesn't want to know the child? surely somewhere down the road this will cause unescessary turmoil for the young lad..

No, the child knows of his father already...which you would know if you read the OP's posts properly. Acknowledging the existence of the father, & going through legalities to do so, will only prove to the little fella when he grows up how much his mum cares for him as she done so depite their own differences.

Do you not think that speaks volumes more than an empty space on a birth cert? I do.

metrovelvet

EnterNow wrote: »

No, the child knows of his father already...which you would know if you read the OP's posts properly. Acknowledging the existence of the father, & going through legalities to do so, will only prove to the little fella when he grows up how much his mum cares for him as she done so depite their own differences.

Do you not think that speaks volumes more than an empty space on a birth cert? I do.

Exactly. Its a record of birth, a paper trail of identity for future generations too.

Well done Fittle.

greengirl31

Fittle, I think you're dead right to get the father's name on the cert - you know who the father is so I think it's only right that it's aknowledged. My original birth cert has a dirty big "unknown" in the Father box!! Even though I know who my father is I've never met him and have no desire to do so I just think there's something a little sad about having the father space blank.

I made my daughters father put his name on the cert and there was no objection from him on that - Having a something there is better than nothing IMO.

I have now sent on the passport forms for him to sign which he's dragging his heels on but if it goes on much longer I may just get the affidavit done and send him the bill - lol :-)

rolly1

greengirl31 wrote: »

I have now sent on the passport forms for him to sign which he's dragging his heels on but if it goes on much longer I may just get the affidavit done and send him the bill - lol :-)

If you swear an affidavit declaring that you are a sole guardian, when there are two legal guardians in existence, you will be breaking the law.


Well done Fittle for supporting your child's right to know his identity.

greengirl31

rolly1 wrote: »

If you swear an affidavit declaring that you are a sole guardian, when there are two legal guardians in existence, you will be breaking the law.


Well done Fittle for supporting your child's right to know his identity.

I didn't think having his name on the BC made him a guardian automatically - He's only seen her 4 times in her life and she's almost 4 years old !!

Morag

If the parents are not married the father's name being on the birth cert does not make him a legal guardian of the child.

rolly1

greengirl31 wrote: »

I didn't think having his name on the BC made him a guardian automatically - He's only seen her 4 times in her life and she's almost 4 years old !!

Yes his name on the birth cert does not make him a guardian. The parental consent section on this might be of use then, if you haven't seen it already.

metrovelvet

greengirl31 wrote: »

Fittle, I think you're dead right to get the father's name on the cert - you know who the father is so I think it's only right that it's aknowledged. My original birth cert has a dirty big "unknown" in the Father box!! Even though I know who my father is I've never met him and have no desire to do so I just think there's something a little sad about having the father space blank.

I made my daughters father put his name on the cert and there was no objection from him on that - Having a something there is better than nothing IMO.

I have now sent on the passport forms for him to sign which he's dragging his heels on but if it goes on much longer I may just get the affidavit done and send him the bill - lol :-)

If he doesnt have guardianship he doesnt have to sign anything. Has nothing to do with the birthcert.

greengirl31

Phew - I got a fright there for a minute !!!!! :eek:Thanks for clearing that up Sharrow.
Rolly, I had see that from the Citizens Advice. He has said he'll sign the form but he's had it now for over 4 months and I keep being told "I'll do it tomorrow". I know he doesn't have to or he could refuse - if that's the case I have to go down the affidavit route and that means paying a solicitor - expense I could do without at the moment.
I'm in no rush for it cause I'm not going away anywhere but I don't like being without one either - you never know when I'd win the lotto and want to Jet away to celebrate
Fittle, Sorry for hijacking your post !!

rolly1

metrovelvet wrote: »

If he doesnt have guardianship he doesnt have to sign anything. Has nothing to do with the birthcert.

Even where the father is not a guardian the rules state that he can still sign the application form to give parental consent for the passport.

Otherwise the unmarried mother must swear a stautory declaration form declaring she is the sole legal guardian of her child.

My apologies too Fittle!

metrovelvet

greengirl31 wrote: »

Phew - I got a fright there for a minute !!!!! :eek:Thanks for clearing that up Sharrow.
Rolly, I had see that from the Citizens Advice. He has said he'll sign the form but he's had it now for over 4 months and I keep being told "I'll do it tomorrow". I know he doesn't have to or he could refuse - if that's the case I have to go down the affidavit route and that means paying a solicitor - expense I could do without at the moment.
I'm in no rush for it cause I'm not going away anywhere but I don't like being without one either - you never know when I'd win the lotto and want to Jet away to celebrate
Fittle, Sorry for hijacking your post !!

Its E10 for the affadavit. Too much I agree, they should be E2.

greengirl31

Oh is that all it is ... I thought I'd have to shell out for at least an hourly solicitor fee to get it !! I still shouldn't have to pay it if he's going to sign it but I reckon I've spent at least that in txt's and calls to ask him to send the D@mn form back to me !!!!
Thanks for that ...

gcgirl

personally I find it hard that my ex is on no 1 & 2' s birthcert he is not on no 3 as I found some sense, to me im bringing them up single handed and they are bringing reared by my family not his, I find the whole having to have both names on cert very victorian and to be honest having a x on the biological fathers spot has never bothered me.

implausible

gcgirl wrote: »

personally I find it hard that my ex is on no 1 & 2' s birthcert he is not on no 3 as I found some sense, to me im bringing them up single handed and they are bringing reared by my family not his, I find the whole having to have both names on cert very victorian and to be honest having a x on the biological fathers spot has never bothered me.

I would disagree that it's a Victorian idea; it's a biological fact. It may not bother you, but surely it's not about you - it's about your child. Will your 3rd child not wonder why his/her birthcert doesn't have the dad's name on it, while his/her siblings' birthcerts do?

gcgirl

She loves her name but that aside fair enough if the sperm donor did what a normal father does but her doesn't and I would prefer to pass down my legazy of a name to.my kids

greengirl31

My Little girl has my last name but her father's name is still on her BC.

As I said in my previous post, I hate the fact that "unknown" is in the place where my father's name should be, the same would be if that space was blank. Your birth cert is (or should be) a statement of fact - who your mother is and who your father is. I understand why you would think that your ex doesn't do any of the parenting so why should he be on the cert but regardless of what sort of a parent he is, he is your child's biological father and no one can change that (as much as we may want to) !!

Fittle

That's what I have tried to do here, by getting his name on his sons BC. My relationship with his dad, and my thoughts about him at this moment are irrelevant as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to what my son deserves.

Interestingly enough, we have some relatives visiting from the States at the moment and we've been chatting about our granny and aunts & uncles long deceased...someone mentioned that they'd gotten so much information about family from old birthcerts..
My son, who is 9 and has NEVER asked to see his BC, didn't know it existed etc etc...piped up 'Mam what does my birthcert look like!!!!!'
And I was able to pull it out of the drawer and show him:D:D:D

It's funny the way things happen at certain times and you don't know why they happen...I would definitely have been embarrassed in front of my (staunchly catholic!!) american rellies if the dads section had been blank!!!

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

That's what I have tried to do here, by getting his name on his sons BC. My relationship with his dad, and my thoughts about him at this moment are irrelevant as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to what my son deserves.

Interestingly enough, we have some relatives visiting from the States at the moment and we've been chatting about our granny and aunts & uncles long deceased...someone mentioned that they'd gotten so much information about family from old birthcerts..
My son, who is 9 and has NEVER asked to see his BC, didn't know it existed etc etc...piped up 'Mam what does my birthcert look like!!!!!'
And I was able to pull it out of the drawer and show him:D:D:D

It's funny the way things happen at certain times and you don't know why they happen...I would definitely have been embarrassed in front of my (staunchly catholic!!) american rellies if the dads section had been blank!!!

It is very embarrassing with the Americans, not just the catholic ones. Even submitting it to the postman for the passport gets a raised eyebrow.

Fittle

They are 'raising eyebrows' at the fact that I am not married and 'with child'!!!! Madness!! Nice people though, and lovely to meet them (first cousins who moved there years ago)...but they ain't fans of Obama, so I've hidden the pics of me with my Stars&Stripes flag at his recent visit to Dublin;)

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

They are 'raising eyebrows' at the fact that I am not married and 'with child'!!!! Madness!! Nice people though, and lovely to meet them (first cousins who moved there years ago)...but they ain't fans of Obama, so I've hidden the pics of me with my Stars&Stripes flag at his recent visit to Dublin;)

If they are that staunch they should be happy you kept the child and laud you for your brave choice.

Fittle

Oh, they're fine, and in fairness they are all over him - he's named after our mutual Grandad so they just love that too;) But their attitude to single parent is certainly different to us Irish!

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

Oh, they're fine, and in fairness they are all over him - he's named after our mutual Grandad so they just love that too;) But their attitude to single parent is certainly different to us Irish!

Its definitely more frowned on, and not just Catholics either. Its more a class/race thing too.

For example, my friend was teaching in a Catholic girls high school, with mostly black and hispanic girls and they regularly had baby showers at lunch in the cafeteria and would get collected after school by their baby daddies.

Whereas in the Catholic school I went to, white, upper and middle class, a girl got expelled for getting pregnant, but one who got pregnant and had an abortion did not get expelled. Irish headmaster btw who wore Yves Saint Laurent Ties.

Justask

Fittle wrote: »

They are 'raising eyebrows' at the fact that I am not married and 'with child'!!!! Madness!! Nice people though, and lovely to meet them (first cousins who moved there years ago)...but they ain't fans of Obama, so I've hidden the pics of me with my Stars&Stripes flag at his recent visit to Dublin;)

might be in the mood im in today but this attitude really P1sses me off. :mad:

i rememeber a woman in a shop stopping and asking to see my baby (years ago) noticed I wasnt wearing a wedding ring. and actually asked me was i a single mother... :mad::mad: When she was told yes she said "aw god love him" Ohhhhhhhhhh was I annoyed

Rant for tha day over.

fair play to you Fittle for doing what you feel is right for your little dude

Fittle

I think there are arguments you 'take on' and others, you don't. I feel they are entitled to their attitude even though I don't agree with them. And I ain't prepared to discuss my 'singledom' with them. Let them have their attitudes...as long as they leave my little fella in their will (they're loaded!), I'll be happy:D (just kiddin btw!)

Justask

Fittle wrote: »

I think there are arguments you 'take on' and others, you don't. I feel they are entitled to their attitude even though I don't agree with them. And I ain't prepared to discuss my 'singledom' with them. Let them have their attitudes...as long as they leave my little fella in their will (they're loaded!), I'll be happy:D (just kiddin btw!)

Oh your so not kidding :D We wont tell anyone lol