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Ex boyfriend needs counselling, how can I help??

  • 11-07-2011 1:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Was seeing ex bf for 8 months till lately .we're still in touch, hes due to get counselling for addictive problem issues , drink mainly and some issues from his childhood, he had a very overpowering family setup and has never really been that confident etc, to do with very low self esteem...

    To be honest I am torn by all of this, hes a great guy and when he wasnt drinking to excess socially was brilliant for and to me, and its not empty promises about counselling...He told me about the place hes attending, and let me check with him to verify it, so I know hes doing it....I just think its a lot for me to take on, and I am a little bit scared at how may transpire...Am I a b_itch and heartless for letting him go through this all on his own...he hasnt asked but I know he will find it hard to go alone....I'm very worried about him...But I know that I alone can't help him...I plan on cutting contact completely until hes through this process....


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Forget about him. Move on. Chances are he'll be advised to forget about exes and other relationships to concentrate on himself in counselling anyway.

    Allow him to heal of his own accord, helping him along will not help HIM further down the road. He needs to learn to face this world alone, without someone he used to go out with feeling sorry for him and carrying him along.


  • #3
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    I am finding it difficult to agree with myself on the advice to give you OP.

    On the one-hand your EX needs to stand on his own feet. And hanging around now you could set yourself up to be his crutch later on.

    On the otherhand - if you leave now then how do you expect to come back into his life later? I mean he needs his friends now not when all is well again...

    Crap - ok - having written these two viewpoints down I am going to go with a third.
    He is your ex - and your relationship is over. Sever all ties - and seriously don't go near the guy again. Why? Well - if you cannot just be a friend and be there for him as a friend now - then I think he would be better off in the long run with you totally out of his life.

    Whatever you do decide though - I think you need to be clear with him. Don't accept any emotional blackmail - he has to want to work through his issues - and he has to find the strength inside. If you know in your heart that you would let him down when he needs you most tell him that and tell him for both your sakes that this is it.

    Crud - hate this one.


  • #4
    nicechick!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 440 ✭✭nicechick!


    Confused girl1982 wrote: »
    Was seeing ex bf for 8 months till lately .we're still in touch, hes due to get counselling for addictive problem issues , drink mainly and some issues from his childhood, he had a very overpowering family setup and has never really been that confident etc, to do with very low self esteem...

    To be honest I am torn by all of this, hes a great guy and when he wasnt drinking to excess socially was brilliant for and to me, and its not empty promises about counselling...He told me about the place hes attending, and let me check with him to verify it, so I know hes doing it....I just think its a lot for me to take on, and I am a little bit scared at how may transpire...Am I a b_itch and heartless for letting him go through this all on his own...he hasnt asked but I know he will find it hard to go alone....I'm very worried about him...But I know that I alone can't help him...I plan on cutting contact completely until hes through this process....


    Your right you alone can't help he can only drive the success of this change himself though its always good to have an encouraging friend to support them throughout there battle

    The choice is yours


  • #5
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    Confused girl1982 wrote: »
    Was seeing ex bf for 8 months till lately .we're still in touch, hes due to get counselling for addictive problem issues , drink mainly and some issues from his childhood, he had a very overpowering family setup and has never really been that confident etc, to do with very low self esteem...

    To be honest I am torn by all of this, hes a great guy and when he wasnt drinking to excess socially was brilliant for and to me, and its not empty promises about counselling...He told me about the place hes attending, and let me check with him to verify it, so I know hes doing it....I just think its a lot for me to take on, and I am a little bit scared at how may transpire...Am I a b_itch and heartless for letting him go through this all on his own...he hasnt asked but I know he will find it hard to go alone....I'm very worried about him...But I know that I alone can't help him...I plan on cutting contact completely until hes through this process....

    Then there's no question to answer and no grounds for you to get involved. You're trying to answer a question that doesn't exist and you won't know how to answer it until he asks and tells you what he's asking of you.


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