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  • 09-07-2011 5:22pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, need some advice on this because my head is fried from all my thinking.

    Basically I am in Europe for the summer teaching English and there is around another 30 Irish with me. After work we always go to someone's house for a few beers or whatnot.
    One night me and one of the girls kissed and we met up a few times after that. Since then though I have changed my feelings completely. At first she was just a cool girl but as time went on she really grew on me. What I really admired was that during the day at work we were completely normal and even after work we were still acting as friends but when it was just the two of us alone, it was really nice just to have her there.

    Not saying I want a relationship at the moment but I really like this girl and I feel as time goes on we could mean more to each other. However the other night we had a talk and she just decided to end it because it was getting too serious for her liking. Not being over confident in myself or anything but Is it possible she is just scared of liking me too much and is afraid of what may happen in the future if we keep going the way we were.

    I am having the time of my life here but It does not seem right until I find out what is going through her head.

    Moving on, since then we have been getting on the exact same and it is great but It does not feel right somehow. Last night for example me and her were talking like we always did and we kissed again with no explanation. It really is confusing me.

    What I need to know is:
    Why did she stop doing what we were doing?
    Is it possible she was afraid of what might happen in the future?
    Is it me that is the problem?


Comments

  • #2
    Canluum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 189 ✭✭Canluum


    Username873 wrote: »
    Not being over confident in myself or anything but Is it possible she is just scared of liking me too much and is afraid of what may happen in the future if we keep going the way we were.
    That's quite a stretch of a rationalisation. Much more likely is your sudden change of heart manifested itself (though you may not have realised it) as clinginess, and she felt instinctively repelled.

    Username873 wrote: »
    I am having the time of my life here but It does not seem right until I find out what is going through her head.
    If you want to be a creep, the absolutely best way would be by prodding and poking and trying to logic it out of her.



    My advice to you would be to devolve yourself from the emotional investment, not only is it unattractive, it'll wreck your head. You're on a brief trip, just let your hair out have fun and stop trying to explain everything in concrete terms. It's like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, once you try to observe and measure, the desired effect disappears. See what happens and for god's sake you're a young man... enjoy yourself and have a larf! :)


  • #3
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    Username873 wrote: »

    What I need to know is:
    Why did she stop doing what we were doing?
    Is it possible she was afraid of what might happen in the future?
    Is it me that is the problem?

    Only she could know the real answer to the first question and it's possible even she doesn't really know.

    It's possible, but see the above answer.

    If she liked you enough to start something and you kissed again after she ended it, then it seems unlikely that you're the problem. If you wreck your head over this though, or wreck hers, you may become the problem.

    You're there for a short time - if you were both enjoying what was happening, relax, keep enjoying it as long as you both want to and at the end of the summer, then have the conversation again and see if you both want to do something more about it.


  • #4
    nicechick!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 440 ✭✭nicechick!


    Canluum wrote: »
    That's quite a stretch of a rationalisation. Much more likely is your sudden changed of heart manifested itself (though you may not have realised it) as clinginess, and she felt instinctively repelled.


    If you want to be a creep, the absolutely best way would be by prodding and poking and trying to logic it out of her.



    My advice to you would be to devolve yourself from the emotional investment, not only is it unattractive, it'll wreck your head. You're on a brief trip, just let your hair out have fun and stop trying to explain everything in concrete terms. It's like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, once you try to observe and measure, the desired effect disappears. See what happens and for god's sake you're a young man... enjoy yourself and have a larf! :)

    You have a great way with words I love it well said!! My thoughts exactly


  • #5
    Devon Brown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭Devon Brown


    The basic truth is that you might never know. In fact, in situations like this, you normally don't find out and trying to find out just makes things worse. Also, if you realize you don't know and probably never know, but you still keep looking for answers, you will probably just drive yourself crazy. Do yourself a favor, recognize it as a brief fling, and enjoy the memory.

    Good luck.


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