I have no friends

LegacyUser

This sounds really pathetic and it is..I have no real friends! I'm in my twenties and I'm soo bloody lonely I have people around me but it's because they need a shoulder to cry on/favour/are bored/I've invited myself along. For years I had a great bunch of friends and we were there for each other through thick and thin but a lot has changed. I feel like all I do is get negative comments on my interests/ college course/ life in general or no interest at all. I listen to all the upset and drama in some of my 'friends' lives and really try to help but they show no concearn for how I'm doing or quickly dismiss me when I try to fill them in. I barely get a text for my birthday/exam results and then when it's their good news it's all parties and pressies. I tried the whole 'it's not them it's me' approach and made a good effort but each time I end up getting let down again. I'm a friendly, intelligent, out-going, pretty girl and I really am a good friend-I'd have done anything for these people up until now. What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm off college for the summer and my days are spent at home alone or doing 'fun' things alone

karaokeman

Lots of people don't have many real friends going into college.

Its a huge jump from secondary school both socially and educationally.

From my experience in secondary school you end up with people who aren't really that mature, which changes in college because everyone's over 17.

The people I socialised with for years in secondary school are the kind of people who you would meet on holidays. You swear they are the best friends you will ever have and that you will keep in touch with, but at the end of the day they are only friends for the time being.

One day you might miss them and they might miss you, I'm sure some of your old friends might feel the same. If you've lost contact with them you can never know for sure.

You seem to be very mature and unfortunately for some of us who have grown up mentally its not as easy to socialise and fit with the 'in' group.

I think I'm the same. I don't regret the friends I made in secondary school at all. I haven't really heard from them since last month when I finished my Leaving Cert and no one really wished me luck in the exams or luck in college.

But what happened was we simply grew apart. Some of them don't even intend on going to college.

Some people prefer to put themselves out in the working world straight from when they leave college, so think of it this way. You are in a better position than any of them.

Because people who seek work without qualifications usually end up on the dole when better opportunities will exist for those with degrees and so fort.

For the summer I'd say look for social clubs in your native area. Even a yoga club or a walking/sports club. Somewhere you can meet with people.

Or you could go to the pub and watch a match. Just casually practice being more sociable, like if you see someone in a Dublin jersey say "are ye up for the Dubs, I know I am?".

These places are set up for the social aspect, take advantage of them and see how it works out.

kingelmo

Stop worrying over it hun, Dont stress!!

I had a really tight group of friends all the way through school (a gang of about 10 of us) we spent all day in school together,the weekends together,we couldnt be seperated!! but slowly it all died out coming up to 5th and 6th year. We all just grew apart for some stange reason!!

I think honestly it happens to everyone.. We all lived in different locations, got boyfriends/girlfriends,made differet friends,we all went to different colleges and that seemed to be it really.. All of a sudden no contact!!

Its been 4 years since a left school and iv seen my so called group of friends once!!

I found college so much different, me personally i had 5 good friends in college and we barely speak now, the odd text every 6/7 months and thats about it!!

Some moved abroad,some just didnt bother keeping in contact..

I can relate to u , i feel the same, i spend nearly every nite with my bf he seems to be the only friend that seems to be there if i need him.. Could be waiting years to wait for one of my friends to help!!

Ill be your Friend

You'll be fine hun, chill over the summer and go out and enjoy the lovely irish summer, being independant and strong by urself is a better quality than being muddeled up in the drama of a group of cackling hens

LegacyUser

Thank you so much-your reply really made me fell better about the whole thing. It's just come as a shock cause I'm quite a loyal person and I'm not one to let somebody use me
I'll get over it I suppose and like you I have a good boyfriend who's also my best friend
Think I just need to be more optimistic and let them off..and not let it get to me like last night. Thanks x

Vicxas

kingelmo wrote: »

Stop worrying over it hun, Dont stress!!

I had a really tight group of friends all the way through school (a gang of about 10 of us) we spent all day in school together,the weekends together,we couldnt be seperated!! but slowly it all died out coming up to 5th and 6th year. We all just grew apart for some stange reason!!

I think honestly it happens to everyone.. We all lived in different locations, got boyfriends/girlfriends,made differet friends,we all went to different colleges and that seemed to be it really.. All of a sudden no contact!!

Its been 4 years since a left school and iv seen my so called group of friends once!!

I found college so much different, me personally i had 5 good friends in college and we barely speak now, the odd text every 6/7 months and thats about it!!

Some moved abroad,some just didnt bother keeping in contact..

I can relate to u , i feel the same, i spend nearly every nite with my bf he seems to be the only friend that seems to be there if i need him.. Could be waiting years to wait for one of my friends to help!!

Ill be your Friend

You'll be fine hun, chill over the summer and go out and enjoy the lovely irish summer, being independant and strong by urself is a better quality than being muddeled up in the drama of a group of cackling hens

Im pretty much in the same boat on that one!

Printemps93

whatamidoingwrong wrote: »

Thank you so much-your reply really made me fell better about the whole thing. It's just come as a shock cause I'm quite a loyal person and I'm not one to let somebody use me
I'll get over it I suppose and like you I have a good boyfriend who's also my best friend
Think I just need to be more optimistic and let them off..and not let it get to me like last night. Thanks x

Seems as though we've quite alot in common