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  • 07-07-2011 12:24pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5


    Was just in the bookies in Ringsend doing a bet for the afternoon when I heard a commotion behind me. There was a smell of sh1t in the air. All the old fellas were jostling towards the door. My mate, who was placing a bet at the counter, came down to me with tears in his eyes and a purple head on him. He had been wretching. Someone had left a human turd right at the counter. We asked one of the degenerate clientele that hang out there what happened. Some auld git shook a turd out his pants leg into a pile on the carpet. Gas man.


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,808 FatherLen
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    cool story bro


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,822 iPlop
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    I don't believe you


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,555 Gillington
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    What a loada horse shít


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 The King of Moo
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    Who the hell moved it from the carpet to the counter!!??


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 Latchy
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    Wonder wat odds you git for dat happinin ?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,664 Doyler92
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    Great program.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,804 pappyodaniel
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    bull****.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,789 ScumLord
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    pigeater wrote: »
    Was just in the bookies in Ringsend doing a bet for the afternoon when I heard a commotion behind me. There was a smell of sh1t in the air. All the old fellas were jostling towards the door. My mate, who was placing a bet at the counter, came down to me with tears in his eyes and a purple head on him. He had been wretching. Someone had left a human turd right at the counter. We asked one of the degenerate clientele that hang out there what happened. Some auld git shook a turd out his pants leg into a pile on the carpet. Gas man.
    Carpet? What kind of a place still has carpet?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 Lux23
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    I have heard similar stories. A friend of mine was working in Benetton and there was a woman bringing half the shop into the changing room to try on, he told her that she was only allowed six pieces at a time and tried to get some of the stuff of her. She ran into a cubicle and locked her herself in, the security couldn't get her out for ages so they decided to just walk and see what she would do. She wandered out about 30 minutes later with a smirk on her face, they went into the room to discover that she has **** on a pile of clothes and then smeared most of it all over the walls and door. The store had to be closed until someone had come out to clean it up.

    My brothers school had a phantom pooper, the first time he left a turd on top of the bathroom room door so it fell on the kids when they went in. Then he just started doing it on the floor and they even put posters up looking for information on who did it. :p


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5 pigeater


    For those of you that cant grasp the story "at the counter" not on the counter, "on the carpet", not on the counter. Thank you.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 kfallon
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    So a fella shook a turd from his pants in 'Ringsend'......hmmmmm, I smell shenanigans!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 The King of Moo
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    pigeater wrote: »
    Was just in the bookies in Ringsend doing a bet for the afternoon when I heard a commotion behind me. There was a smell of sh1t in the air. All the old fellas were jostling towards the door. My mate, who was placing a bet at the counter, came down to me with tears in his eyes and a purple head on him. He had been wretching. Someone had left a human turd right at the counter. We asked one of the degenerate clientele that hang out there what happened. Some auld git shook a turd out his pants leg into a pile on the carpet. Gas man.
    pigeater wrote: »
    For those of you that cant grasp the story "at the counter" not on the counter, "on the carpet", not on the counter. Thank you.

    In fairness, that's not 100% clear.
    I don't think not knowing where exactly the turd is really hampers the story anyway :).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,689 OutlawPete
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    That's what is known as a betting slip.

    Which usually happens after your horse comes in turd.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,822 sunflower27
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    Urgh. just had lunch as well...

    I have a serious public toilet phobia. Worst one I ever was in was a petrol station somewhere between Cork and Waterford. Made me want to be sick it was so filthy.

    How anyone could **** on a pile of clothes and walk off leaving someone else to clean it is beyond me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 kfallon
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    How anyone could **** on a pile of clothes and walk off leaving someone else to clean it is beyond me.

    Think that's bad well a former Sky Sports presenter apparently likes people doing it to him :eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,822 sunflower27
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    kfallon wrote: »
    Think that's bad well a former Sky Sports presenter apparently likes people doing it to him :eek:

    Good God.... you hear these stories, but I just can't grasp the idea anyone would want someone else's **** on them.

    It's just wrong. Then again each to their own..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 449 stephen_k
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    Lux23 wrote: »
    I have heard similar stories. A friend of mine was working in Benetton and there was a woman bringing half the shop into the changing room to try on, he told her that she was only allowed six pieces at a time and tried to get some of the stuff of her. She ran into a cubicle and locked her herself in, the security couldn't get her out for ages so they decided to just walk and see what she would do. She wandered out about 30 minutes later with a smirk on her face, they went into the room to discover that she has **** on a pile of clothes and then smeared most of it all over the walls and door. The store had to be closed until someone had come out to clean it up.

    My brothers school had a phantom pooper, the first time he left a turd on top of the bathroom room door so it fell on the kids when they went in. Then he just started doing it on the floor and they even put posters up looking for information on who did it. :p


    Yup, used to work for Roches Stores back in the day, regular occurance there, people taking a **** in the changing rooms....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,199 CardBordWindow
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    Pics or it didn't happen!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,015 CreepingDeath
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    It was probably FlutterinBantam.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,789 ScumLord
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    It was probably FlutterinBantam.
    He wouldn't be so sly about it, I'm sure he would have announced it's presence to the room so they could give their opinion on it.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,592 GerM
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    A lot more common than people think. Normal people will do some pretty disgusting things if they think they won't be caught. I know of several corporate offices where employees have regularly dumped on the floor or wiped it down the cubicle walls. I'm not sure whether they were disgruntled or just nutters but it happens at one time or another in most big companies.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 Latchy
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    GerM wrote: »
    A lot more common than people think. Normal people will do some pretty disgusting things if they think they won't be caught.
    We like to think the best of people but I've being around long enough to be disgusted at what some things ' normal people ' can do .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,351 Orando Broom
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    Two turds of the posters on this thread don't believe the OP's courageous tale (tail).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,674 Dangerous Man
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    This reminds of another story that was to do with ****e.

    I was on the bus going to Tallaght, the Square to be precise. I don't know why I chose to go there though; it's a horrible place altogether and the city centre is actually much closer to my house. In fact, I can walk there.
    The weather was fine that day - so it wasn't a case of using the confines of the Square to shield me from the elements.
    No... that wasn't it at all.

    Anyway, so I'm on the bus and I notice a dreadful stink coming from behind me. I thought it could be skangers or something so I turn around and see a nappy overflowed with ****, laying on the floor. A scummer, who was sitting directly behind of it yelled at me, for some reason 'YEAH IT'S ****E!'

    I moved seats and told the driver about the faeces.
    When I was done in the Square (I can't remember what I was doing there - shopping - yes... but for what, I don't know) I hopped on the bus and lo and behold, that same nappy full of excrement was there.

    Happier times.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,792 Gandalph
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    Hey if one of my mates was spending too much in the bookies Id gladly take a dump on the open floor to clear everyone out...because Im a great friend like that


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 Latchy
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    Oh lawd ... Threads getting more skangier by the hr :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,351 Orando Broom
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    I worked in a place of prestige and someone pooed on the floor of a toilet that could only be used by people who would consider themselves a cut about the hoi polli. To this day the identity of this sneaky ****ter remains a mystery.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,838 theboss80
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    Latchy wrote: »
    Wonder wat odds you git for dat happinin ?

    100/turdy


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12,333 JONJO THE MISER
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    Time for a ****.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,299 later12
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    I once saw an old lady, maybe in her 70s, get out of her car, walk round the driver's side to the kerb, squat down and take a wizz. This was in a small town in rural Ireland.

    I was 13, sitting outside a shop eating a sandwich. I looked at my best mate. He looked at me. We both looked at the ould wan. She looked at us with a sheepish grin.

    I'll never forget it, I think that image has been impressed on my brain for life. So I actually do believe the OP's story. Some people really are that shameless.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 kfallon
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    later10 wrote: »
    I once saw an old lady, maybe in her 70s, get out of her car, walk round the driver's side to the kerb, squat down and take a wizz. This was in a small town in rural Ireland.

    I was 13, sitting outside a shop eating a sandwich. I looked at my best mate. He looked at me. We both looked at the ould wan. She looked at us with a sheepish grin.

    I'll never forget it, I think that image has been impressed on my brain for life. So I actually do believe the OP's story. Some people really are that shameless.

    I remember once me Nan had forgotten to attach her piss-bag and was bursting. She tried to hold it in but was in such pain I told her to go at the side of the car. Anyway when she got back in she said she was just about to get down to business when she spied two young perverts trying to look up her dress at her, ahem, as she called it, "Dead squirrel". Both of them with their hands down their tracksuit bottoms. We quickly sped off from these vile youngsters.

    :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,161 frag420
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    Yrs ago when I was just a young cub myself and the lads went to the local shop for some sugar(red lemonade and wham bars). There was an old woman in the shop who we recognised from about town. We always thought she was homeless cause she had no teeth and she smelled but thanks to Pete Doherty we know that aint the case anymore.

    Anyways she is standing at the end of one of the aisles standing still, humming to herself and then it hit us........

    An unholy whiff in the shop. We wondered where it came from, was the ham gone off? Did someone through a stinkbomb in the door??
    Then it turned to true horror.................we looked at the ould wan to see a turd running down her leg like a raindrop on a window or more like a brown slug on a window except faster and leaving more of a trail on her leg. It kept coming, flowing from underneath her skirt and resting on the floor beside her shoe until there was a nice lump of poo in a pool of piss rested between her legs.

    For ages afterwards I would not walk about that side of the shop. It was not until it was done up and the lino on the floor changed that I could walk about that part of the shop.

    frAg


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,822 iPlop
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    frag420 wrote: »
    Yrs ago when I was just a young cub myself and the lads went to the local shop for some sugar(red lemonade and wham bars). There was an old woman in the shop who we recognised from about town. We always thought she was homeless cause she had no teeth and she smelled but thanks to Pete Doherty we know that aint the case anymore.

    Anyways she is standing at the end of one of the aisles standing still, humming to herself and then it hit us........

    An unholy whiff in the shop. We wondered where it came from, was the ham gone off? Did someone through a stinkbomb in the door??
    Then it turned to true horror.................we looked at the ould wan to see a turd running down her leg like a raindrop on a window or more like a brown slug on a window except faster and leaving more of a trail on her leg. It kept coming, flowing from underneath her skirt and resting on the floor beside her shoe until there was a nice lump of poo in a pool of piss rested between her legs.

    For ages afterwards I would not walk about that side of the shop. It was not until it was done up and the lino on the floor changed that I could walk about that part of the shop.

    frAg

    I saw something like that in a pub years ago, a chap at the bar lifted his hole to fart and a load of black guinness poo juice seeped through his kacks and ran off the side of the stool.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,825 Fart
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    pigeater wrote: »
    Was just in the bookies in Ringsend doing a bet for the afternoon when I heard a commotion behind me. There was a smell of sh1t in the air. All the old fellas were jostling towards the door. My mate, who was placing a bet at the counter, came down to me with tears in his eyes and a purple head on him. He had been wretching. Someone had left a human turd right at the counter. We asked one of the degenerate clientele that hang out there what happened. Some auld git shook a turd out his pants leg into a pile on the carpet. Gas man.

    Why did he have his knob out?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,048 vampire of kilmainham
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    what a load of crap


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