Girlfriend wants advice.

Shotgun_TEXAS

What is your advice on this ?
You wont believe this lad what's your view ?. It all started five years ago when he left the girlfriend and the two children of three and five years old come back seven months later to say he had a new baby.:eek:

Now I am with said girlfriend for nearly three years living together for nearly two like one big happy family.

Now the biological is a waster he smokes hash in front of the children they always come home starving dirty and in rags.

To get maintenance off him is like trying to get blood out of a stone he never contributes to Christmas, Birthdays or special events for the kids and then he rides on the back of whatever they got like he is a hero he lives with his new moth and their two kids she treats my girlfriends kids like trash and they are never allowed to stay in that house he has to stay in his mothers with them and they kids informed me today they have to get changed in the sitting room in front of every one even the odd time he gives them a bath (the girl is ten in December).

The chap gets me to cut his hair a certain way, when the biological gets him after that he forcibly shaves him bald?? was some crack when we got his ear pierced after he begged (because mine is done)

tenchi-fan

My advice is to sort yourself out before judging others. Sounds like Jeremy Kyle all round :rolleyes:

Shotgun_TEXAS

tenchi-fan wrote: »

My advice is to sort yourself out before judging others. Sounds like Jeremy Kyle all round :rolleyes:

This is posted twice as I got my wires crossed.
How do I need to sort myself out? I am not the habitual drug user and who am I judging? What I stated is fact about the man.

MitchKoobski

I'll be honest OP, I really can't understand or interpret what you were trying to say there at all.

What exactly do you want our advice on?

Stench Blossoms

Shotgun_TEXAS wrote: »

was some crack when we got his ear pierced after he begged (because mine is done)

What ever about the biological fathers behaviour, the above quoted here is very worrying.

Why wasn't the father consulted before getting the childs ear pierced? He is his father after all and should have a say in the matter.

And if the father was annoyed about not being consulted why was this 'some crack?'

A bit of growing up is in order here IMO.

Shotgun_TEXAS

MitchKoobski wrote: »

I'll be honest OP, I really can't understand or interpret what you were trying to say there at all.

What exactly do you want our advice on?

What exactly can you do in situation with someone like him?
He is a no good Dad to my girlfriends kids! so he cant be much better to his other two, but that's not why I am here!
Basically as I mentioned in my first post he is a waster and like I said smoking hash in front of the kids sends them home starving not hungry my girlfriend cant get any good of him which puts her in bad form when she has dealings with him which puts me in worse form.
The girl will come home and say his name not dad they call me dad "was making rollies behind the couch and they make my tummy sick" rollies dont make her sick because i smoke them from time to time (not hash;) )
Now my girlfriend asked me to put this up here as she is not a member.
Talking to this bloke doesn't work because he is normally too stoned to comprehend anything.
Surely someone has a similar experiance

Shotgun_TEXAS

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

What ever about the biological fathers behaviour, the above quoted here is very worrying.

Why wasn't the father consulted before getting the childs ear pierced? He is his father after all and should have a say in the matter.

And if the father was annoyed about not being consulted why was this 'some crack?'

A bit of growing up is in order here IMO.

He is the one that walked out on his children for some crack! and got stuck with it I am the one supporting his children they come to me when they have a problem so no worries at all! Their father is always high yet he insists on picking them up twice a week is that not worrying?

Stench Blossoms

Shotgun_TEXAS wrote: »

He is the one that walked out on his children for some crack! and got stuck with it I am the one supporting his children they come to me when they have a problem so no worries at all! Their father is always high yet he insists on picking them up twice a week is that not worrying?

Did he go through the courts to get rights to see them? If so was his behaviour noted to your girlfriends solicitor?

If not, has your girlfriend spoken to local health nurse about his behaviour? Is she worried for her kids?

Esoteric_

If your gf's ex went through the courts to get custody, then she needs to get onto her solicitor to tell him exactly what her ex is doing. No court will give custody to a father who's doing drugs in front of his kids and not feeding them.

Your girlfriend needs to cop on to be honest. She needs to tell the father that no drugs are allowed around the kids, and that they must be getting changed in PRIVACY. If he doesn't fix this, she needs to do something to revoke access.

Shotgun_TEXAS

Yes she has went through her solicitor and after a couple of letters he agreed to her solicitor the conditions outlined.
She has spoken to him about his actions and his attitude and on occasion she has revoked access but within weeks of reinstatement he has gone back to his old ways and talking to him is like talking to the wall because he feels because he is their father he has some god given right to what he likes.
My girlfriend has been advised by her solicitor "because they were not married he has no guardianship" she is sole guardian for the children.
Thanks for your opinions it is good to hear advice from other people and my girlfriend appreciates it too because his family make her out to be the villain.

Esoteric_

If she has sole guardianship and he is doing drugs around them, she needs to revoke access straight away and do NOT give in no matter what he says. She really needs to tell her solicitor what he's doing, too, so that she has a leg to stand on if he tries to take it to court, although I doubt he will.

cantdecide

The only thing you can do, IMO is speak to a solicitor to lay our some options to you. If what you say is true, I don't think this gentleman will change any time soon and you'll have to assume so.

You're going to have to work hard to avoid a confrontation. No matter how unreasonable he's being, you can't do any vigilante stuff. You are going to have to have your way on this for the benefit of the kids but you're going to have to do things right.

You should start by telling the solicitor you wish to stop him seeing the kids immeditately. He may advise not changing the current arrangements yet.