Sister in law annoyed I won't be godmother

LegacyUser

Me and the hubby are atheist, had a civil ceremony and if we have children we won't be raising them in any religion. My sister in law is what I'd call an a la carte Catholic, had a big church wedding because her and her husbands parents would have been upset, likewise can't understand how you wouldn't christen a child. Hubby refused to be godparent to the first child because he doesn't believe in anything the church teaches, this was before we got married.
Now she's had a second baby and assumed I'd be "honoured" (her words) to be a godparent. I politely explained that I couldn't stand up and say lies and be a religious influence if I didn't mean it, and she basically laughed and said I was taking it too seriously and sure its just a token thing. But now she knows I don't want to do it because I would be being dishonest, she is p!ssed and keeps giving out to her mother about it, who ALSO can't understand why I won't do it.
Not sure what I'm asking for here, thanks for reading.

Beruthiel

Turn the tables on her then.

Ask her why she is having a religious ceremony as she clearly does not hold to the values of that religion.
If she says that she does, point out to her the irony of asking an atheist to be the childs god parent....

Dan133269

I'm an atheist and what a lot of people may call a "militant atheist" but to be honest if someone asked me to be "godparent" to their child I would be flattered and if I liked them I would accept. I see it as more of a cultural and traditional thing rather than a religious thing. I think most people do. I wouldn't really care about mumbling some jibberish in the church, I would just treat it as empty rhetoric. Obviously I would prefer to avoid any religious engagement at all, but wouldn't mind going through with it for the sake of doing a service to your friends/family.

Despite what any religious person says, you don't need to believe in God to be a mentor, kind of uncle/aunt type character to a friend/relative's child, and that's exactly what a godparent is in practical terms.

Bottle_of_Smoke

She says its token, she knows you're an atheist, is it really that big a deal?

Bloody Nipples

I'm an atheist and a godfather. I was delighted to be asked! Buy the kid a present once a year and it's all gravy. They don't actually expect all that much of you.

I would be up there with the OP, it's standing up and lying.

Maybe you could try sitting her down and explaining again?

IrishEyes19

Agree with the above poster and ovbviously the parents were aware you were athiest, so therefore they chose you as a good role modals and people they respect and care for, I doubt thoughts of the church were in their minds at all. So I dont see what the big deal is if you are attend what their christening and confirmation in the space of 12 years to make a child smile and feel good on their special day. Think your making a big deal of it really. Obviously if they required you to attend ceromonies constantly, then I wouldnt agree as your beliefs dont attend with that, but for the childs sake, I dont think its much to ask to make two church appearances in the next 12 years and go to families do's. Do you turn down wedding invitations all the time too? Because Id say the majority are held in the church, and block your ears when the vows are said and the religious blessings.

And really if they had a trad wedding because it made their parents happy, I dont see anything wrong with it, if the bride and groom enjoyed the day, be they catholic, protestant or any other religion. you seem to look down on these people because they went along with it.

If I were you, Id take the gesture as a compliment, as thats what it was. Nothing more.

Riskymove

imnicehonest wrote: »

Not sure what I'm asking for here, thanks for reading.

personally, I think its unfortunate that the concept of godparent is so tied up with religion

it seems to cause problems a lot more regularly these days, I suppose because many people are now 'openly' atheist

I dont think the majority of people asking people to be godparents do it for any religious reason; it is imo, an attempt to show that you think a lot of that person and that you think they could play a role in their child's life

in this case, OP, your sister cannot really se how you would refuse the role on religous grounds as she probably doesn't see it as anything religous

MitchKoobski

It really is a token thing in this day and age, I have two godparents who aren't remotely religious, and neither am I anymore, but I'd still call them my godparents. It's more of a place in the family at this point I'd say.

premierlass

I'm a practising Catholic, but would never be offended if someone did not want to take part in whatever ceremony on the basis of their beliefs. I think OP's scruples should be respected. Everyone is free to ignore the religious connotations of being a godparent, but they don't get to force others to.

LegacyUser

I had a read through the ceremony and I'm not going to be able to be a religious guide for a child when I don't believe in the church's teachings. I know some people think "ah sure its meaningless, just be there for the child" but that is not the "official" role of a "god"parents (clues in the word god). I'm not into making promises I won't keep just because other people think its ok to go with the flow.

We go to church weddings, funerals etc but will not actively participate (readings etc) because we would feel hyprocritical, its different to signing up as a godparent. I pointed out that as I've done count me out I'm not even eligible to be one as you have to be Catholic.

I'm not a liar about important things like this.

implausible

Look OP, you and your sister-in-law are coming from two different angles here and that's the problem. She thinks enough of you to ask you to play a really important role in her child's life and be there if anything happened to her and her husband. It's an honour and was offered as such; the religious aspect of it is an add-on to her. However, all you can see is the religious aspect of it, which is ironic, considering you're an atheist!

dearg lady

OP, I would do the same in your shoes. Tbh, I think it's pretty rude towards those who do believe it to stand there and lie and agree to things you think are nonsense. Did you mention to her about Count Me out? This may do the job without offending her

deemark

deemark wrote: »

Look OP, you and your sister-in-law are coming from two different angles here and that's the problem. She thinks enough of you to ask you to play a really important role in her child's life and be there if anything happened to her and her husband. It's an honour and was offered as such; the religious aspect of it is an add-on to her. However, all you can see is the religious aspect of it, which is ironic, considering you're an atheist!

It's a religious role, for goodness' sakes. It's standing up and declaring you believe in god and will bring up the child a catholic.

dearg lady

bluewolf wrote: »

It's a religious role, for goodness' sakes. It's standing up and declaring you believe in god and will bring up the child a catholic.

I find it bizarre the amount of people who gloss over this fact!

Riskymove

dearg lady wrote: »

I find it bizarre the amount of people who gloss over this fact!

as mentioned, many people go through religious roles like weddings, confirmations/communions, etc without ever being partiuclarly religious.

sometimes its simply societal norms/expectations/ family reasons

this is particularly true here in Ireland where such a majority are from a particular religious background

In England I know of people from other religions being godparents of catholics

as I said above I think tis a shame that there cannot be some sort of non-religious godparent concept..that you are a parental figure without worrying about religious education, etc

dearg lady

Riskymove wrote: »

as mentioned, many people go through religious roles like weddings, confirmations/communions, etc without ever being partiuclarly religious.

sometimes its simply societal norms/expectations/ family reasons

this is particularly true here in Ireland where such a majority are from a particular religious background

In England I know of people from other religions being godparents of catholics

as I said above I think tis a shame that there cannot be some sort of non-religious godparent concept..that you are a parental figure without worrying about religious education, etc

Ah I well know it happens, I just still find it a bit mad. Particularly when peopel won't acknowledge that at the end of the day it IS a religious ceremony.
I like the idea as well of a non religious godparent concept. I understand when soemone asks, they think highly of the person they are asking, and this is where the bad feeling stems from if refused.
In general if we could all be completely honest with each other a lot of this could be avoided but so many people are afriad of offending or of moving away from as you say 'societal norms/expectations/ family reasons'

Sesudra

I agree with what others have said, the religious aspect isn't an "add on", its the whole thing! Thankfully, my god daughter wasn't christened in a Church, they had a beautiful naming ceremony in the Unitarian Church,no religious aspect to it. Stand your ground, say that of course you'll always be there for the child but you're not willing to compromise your beliefs just because she wants to have a day out in a church

implausible

dearg lady wrote: »

I find it bizarre the amount of people who gloss over this fact!

People gloss over the fact because in general, in rural Ireland, there is no other traditional ceremonial way of welcoming a child into the community. There is also the added problem of schooling later on, where there is no alternative and parents 'go with the flow' so their child isn't left out.

In this country, religion is opt-out, rather than opt-in.

andala

I think her asking you to be a godmother means she does not care about your personal beliefs at all and she's openly asking you to become a hypocrite and a liar. What are you going to tell the child later on? "Oh, I generally find your religion ridiculous, but I agreed to help your parents raise you in it." Ok, the mother may consider the ceremony merely a social event, but do you? Does it feel ok for you to go to church, participate in the ceremony: kneel, pray and swear to do something you know you won't do? If you don't mind lying then agree to be the godmother. However, if you feel like standing by your beliefs, don't do it.
My brother asked me to be his kid's godmother and I refused because it wouldn't be fair to my beliefs and I consider it unethical.
As for taking care of the child should something happen to the parents, I'm sure there are legal ways to organise it. Surely parents can appoint a foster parent in their will?

Starokan

i think your right op, if its against your beliefs and doesnt feel right then dont do it.

perhaps you could talk again to your sister in law and explain how its nothing against them or their child and if she wishes you to assume a guardian like role in the childs life that you will do so as long as it has no religious connotations.

By guardian i mean someone whom the child has regular contact with , whom the parents are happy to have involved in their child's life because they feel this person can add something positive to their child's upbringing.

neuro-praxis

I once had the opposite problem. I'm a Christian and my atheist friend asked me to be godparent to their child. I was like "If you ask me to do this I'm actually going to do this, and share my faith with the child as they grow up! Do you still want me to be godparent?" His answer turned out to be yes.

Bottom line, you gotta go with your values OP, and do what you think is right. You can still be an important and loving influence without taking up the godparent role.

rainbowtrout

deemark wrote: »

People gloss over the fact because in general, in rural Ireland, there is no other traditional ceremonial way of welcoming a child into the community. There is also the added problem of schooling later on, where there is no alternative and parents 'go with the flow' so their child isn't left out.

In this country, religion is opt-out, rather than opt-in.

People don't have to opt for the traditional way though, just like they don't have to get married in a church. If more people didn't go with the flow we might have less schooling problems for children with regard to enrolment.

I'd be with the OP on this one. I'm an atheist and I've done Count Me Out. If I was in the same position I would also refuse. I can still play a role in the child's life but I don't have to take part in a religious ceremony to do that.

Being a godparent at a christening is not the same as attending a wedding or a funeral as was alluded to in an earlier post. If a friend of mine is getting married in the Catholic Church or in Jewish or Muslim ceremony, I would attend the church, synagogue or mosque to witness the ceremony but I wouldn't be taking an active part in it.

I've attended plenty of christenings and attending doesn't bother me, that's the way my friends have chosen to raise their child, but I can choose not to be part of raising the child in the Catholic church by refusing to be a godparent.

If the religious connotations mean nothing to the parents, then they should ask themselves why are they doing it? Who is being the bigger hypocrite? The OP for refusing as it doesn't fit in with her religious beliefs, or her sister who doesn't care about the religious side but is doing it because it's the done thing?

There's nothing to stop any parents having a party of some sort, a naming ceremony perhaps and inviting their friends to it to welcome the baby into the family and community.

ztoical

I'd hold the same views as the OP, I don't believe in this view people have of "playing along" cus sure that's what everyone does. The reason most people do it is cus most other people are doing it and your just caught going around and around. I think it's highly insulting to people who do believe and take their religion seriously. Like above post Ive many friends of different religions and I've attended many different religious ceromonies as a bystander but wouldn't insult my friends by looking to take part.

The OP will be the child's aunt and can spoil her/him no matter what so it's not like it's some insult to the mother ornthe child. Being a godparent is a religious role, people can deny that all they like but that's the base fact... its not seen to be here because of the control and influence the catholic church has here but spend time in countries with smaller catholic populations and you see its viewed very much as a religious role and people think alot more about who they will ask to fill the role.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same position as the OP - my sister asked me to be Godmother to my nephew when he was born three years ago. I am completely non-religious, non-spiritual, don't believe in anything and have been since I was a teenager.

BUT I love my nephew to bits and was honoured to be chosen to be the 'moral compass' for him, should anything ever happen to his parents. I stood on the altar and rejected Satan and all that lark - means absolutely nothing to me, but I'm happy to look out for my nephew and I do believe that I am a 'good person' and he'd do a lot worse than look to me for guidance.

I'm not a total hypocrite either - should anything ever happen to his parents and he came to be in my care, I would send him to a Catholic school, have him make his communion, confirmation etc, until he's of an age that he can decide what he believes. I don't believe in any of that lark, but for me the promise is to do what his parents would like, and I'm fine with that, becuase I don't have all the answers myself anyway.

I think your sister in law made it clear how she sees the religion thing as not being a big deal - if it was me, I'd do it as it's a lovely thing to have a special child to look out for...

zxcvbnm1

Yeah...i don't see te hbog deal.
So you go up to the altar and mumble a few words.

Surely it can't be that traumatising for you even if you are an aetheist?

zxcvbnm1

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Yeah...i don't see te hbog deal.
So you go up to the altar and mumble a few words.

Surely it can't be that traumatising for you even if you are an aetheist?

Let's ask all the catholics to go off and "mumble a few words too" - such as "I don't believe in god, I reject all the catholic teachings" - still a harmless few words?

TwoShedsJackson

neuro-praxis wrote: »

I once had the opposite problem. I'm a Christian and my atheist friend asked me to be godparent to their child.

Did you ask why an atheist was seeking a godparent for their child?

mailforkev

go with it... wrote: »

should anything ever happen to his parents and he came to be in my care, I would send him to a Catholic school, have him make his communion, confirmation etc, until he's of an age that he can decide what he believes.

The crux of the whole problem is stated here. Surely this is the wrong way around? Shouldn't you wait until he is old enough to decide what he believes before the christening/communion/confirmation lark?

Anyhoo, back on topic, you're dead right to say no OP. Considering your husband already declined for a previous child, is she not a bit dim to now ask you?

I am a friend

You SIL is an absolutel muppet.. She is making a sham of the whole notion of the sacriment - both marriage and baptism. I am not religious and would not want those sacriments but she pretends to be and is trying to drag you into her deceit...

I also suspect yourself and your hubby may have a few bob and she is thinking of nice birthday, Xmas etc presents... Op you are dead right to stand up to her. She is making a farce of the ceremony and is also a total hypocrite....

Grudaire

OP, it strikes me that your passive crusade against religion is causing you to fight the wrong enemy. Look at the role of Godparent in a modern setting. To quote wikipedia "Today, the word godparent might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development."

If you think you would be the best godparent to the child then I would advise to do it. Your sister clearly does think you are, and it's clear you have strong principles which is admirable.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater The role is not just about religion - especially today.

LegacyUser

I'm an atheist and "Godfather" to 2 children. In both cases I asked the parents if they were Ok with the fact that I wouldn't be a religious influence in the childs life. Both were fine with it and I was honoured to accept. To think that someone would consder me a good enough role model for their child really was an honour.

I think your reading way too much into it OP. Sure the religious ceremony went against all my beliefs but it really wasn't about me. It was about the child.

Being a godparent creates a special bond between you and that child for life and I love it.

Don't let a high horse, semantics and ideals get in the way of such a special privalege.

ztoical

Cliste wrote: »

OP, it strikes me that your passive crusade against religion is causing you to fight the wrong enemy. Look at the role of Godparent in a modern setting. To quote wikipedia "Today, the word godparent might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development."

If you think you would be the best godparent to the child then I would advise to do it. Your sister clearly does think you are, and it's clear you have strong principles which is admirable.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater The role is not just about religion - especially today.

Passive crusade? Where has the OP said she has anything against religion? Just because someone doesn't believe in a religion does not mean they're out to bring it down or anything of like that. The sister in law is not taking about having some sort of civil ceromony for Godparents. She is having it in a church therefore it is a religious role. While thanks to the likes of Harry Potter people seem to think Godparent has less religious overtones in this case the sister in law is planning a church service and the OP does not feel comfortable with that and the sister in law should respect that choice. It has absolutly nothing to do with having some sort of crusade againist religion.

There is nothing stopping the OP from having an interest in the childs up-bringing, she will be it's aunt after all. Do people think because she refused to be Godmother that she is going to shun the child and never see it?

neuro-praxis

TwoShedsJackson wrote: »

Did you ask why an atheist was seeking a godparent for their child?

I did. We had a long conversation about it. He had thought it through very carefully. He wants his children to have the option of a spiritual outlet to assist them in making their own fully-informed decisions about faith later in life. He also has a lot of respect for the faith, but cannot accept it as true himself.

He also chose not to baptise his children, but is open to them being baptised as they get older if they choose to do so.

They had a secular naming party for the child in question, where I was also named as godmother. It was lovely, actually.

rainbowtrout

Cliste wrote: »

OP, it strikes me that your passive crusade against religion is causing you to fight the wrong enemy. Look at the role of Godparent in a modern setting. To quote wikipedia "Today, the word godparent might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development."

If you think you would be the best godparent to the child then I would advise to do it. Your sister clearly does think you are, and it's clear you have strong principles which is admirable.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater The role is not just about religion - especially today.

I'm always amazed and it comes up on threads here and elsewhere frequently that a poster who says they can't carry out a role in a (Catholic) religious ceremony because they are atheist is told, 'Sure just do it, what harm will it do you?' If the same poster came on here and said 'I'm Jewish/Muslim/any other religion other than Catholic and I've been asked to take part in a Catholic christening but I don't want to do it because of my religious beliefs' there would be no problem and most people would say, well that's fair enough. Actually I'd go so far as to say that if the OP was a different religion and the situation arose, in most cases she wouldn't be asked in the first place because she was a different religion. But it seems being an atheist somehow is not valid and doesn't count and we should just put up and shut up when our beliefs (or lack of them) are just as valid as everyone elses.

These are the same people who won't bring the child to mass until it's time to make their communion and will throw a strop if one of the atheist relations doesn't want to be involved, despite the fact that they themselves haven't been involved in their church since the christening.

dearg lady

FatBaron wrote: »

Don't let a high horse, semantics and ideals get in the way of such a special privalege.

Are you for real? Differing views = high horse?!!

neuro-praxis wrote: »

I did. We had a long conversation about it. He had thought it through very carefully. He wants his children to have the option of a spiritual outlet to assist them in making their own fully-informed decisions about faith later in life. He also has a lot of respect for the faith, but cannot accept it as true himself.

He also chose not to baptise his children, but is open to them being baptised as they get older if they choose to do so.

They had a secular naming party for the child in question, where I was also named as godmother. It was lovely, actually.

I'm a bit confused by this, if the child wasn't baptised then thats quite different, is it still called 'godparent'? In general I'd have no problem with someone asking me to be a spiritual influence as part of a naming ceremony, but thats very differnet from being asked to be a godparent in a Catholic Church.

zxcvbnm1

bluewolf wrote: »

Let's ask all the catholics to go off and "mumble a few words too" - such as "I don't believe in god, I reject all the catholic teachings" - still a harmless few words?

That's not quite the same thing.

dearg lady

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

That's not quite the same thing.

How is it not the same thing? From where I'm standing it's EXACTLY the same thing!

zxcvbnm1

dearg lady wrote: »

How is it not the same thing? From where I'm standing it's EXACTLY the same thing!

It's far from the same thing.

The reason it is not the same thing is if someone does have a belief in a God/religion you are asking them to denounce that.

Whereas if someone has no belief in a God/religion then its like asking someone to stand up and say they believe in a stone in the ground for what it's worth.
i..e It's all just nonsense gibberish anyway as far as they are concerned and they are not turning their back on anything as there is nothing to turn their back against in the first place because they don't believe in anything anyway.
So it really is just words for them.

Whereas someone denouncing their god/religion is not nonsnese gibberish as far as the are concerned.

And that is the big difference between the 2.

ztoical

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

It's far from the same thing.

The reason it is not the same thing is if someone does have a belief in a God/religion you are asking them to denounce that.

Whereas if someone has no belief in a God/religion then its like asking someone to stand up and say they believe in a stone in the ground for what it's worth.
i..e It's all just nonsense gibberish anyway as far as they are concerned and they are not turning their back on anything as there is nothing to turn their back against in the first place.

Whereas someone denouncing their god/religion is not nonsnese gibberish as far as the are concerned.

And that is the big difference between the 2.

Wow what utter rubbish. Do you think it's ok for someone who doesn't believe in a religion to stand up in front of a room of people who do and take part in a religious service? Do you not think that is insulting to those people that do believe to have people taking part who think it's gibberish and rubbish? I would never be so rude to my friends as to do that to them. I show respect for other peoples religions but I do not take part as I just think it's highly insulting to both parties.

And I also wouldn't take part as I don't want to be counted as part of the religion which is what happens in Ireland when it comes to the Catholic church. Doesn't matter how much someone says they don't believe if they take part in a service they are marked down in the books as part of the religion. A persons religion or lack of is something that is deeply personal and shouldn't be treated as something so trivial.....take part because it's something that you believe in not because your 'playing along' to keep family happy or to get a child into school or cus sure that's what ever one does.

dearg lady

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

It's far from the same thing.

The reason it is not the same thing is if someone does have a belief in a God/religion you are asking them to denounce that.

Whereas if someone has no belief in a God/religion then its like asking someone to stand up and say they believe in a stone in the ground for what it's worth.
i..e It's all just nonsense gibberish anyway as far as they are concerned and they are not turning their back on anything as there is nothing to turn their back against in the first place because they don't believe in anything anyway.
So it really is just words for them.

Whereas someone denouncing their god/religion is not nonsnese gibberish as far as the are concerned.

And that is the big difference between the 2.

They're still being asked to trample on their beliefs. Their belief might be that there's no god, but it doesn't make it any lesser.

LegacyUser

For me, promising to help a child with Catholic faith is exactly the same as me asking someone who believes in the Church to help my child follow an atheist path in life.

I don't understand why my SIL and MIL can't understand that its because I'm taking the promises seriously that I have declined the role. I'm not being trendy or difficult, I can't follow through on promises so why would I make them at all?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm a proud atheist, and godfather to 3 kids.

I'm very close to my brothers/sisters, and I know for me to refuse, would have caused them inconvenience.

They know that I can be relied on for the card at xmas/birthday, and to be a good mentor for the children throughout their lives.

It was small sacrifice for me to mumble some nonsense in front of the priest. It literally meant nothing to me. (I have no 'beliefs' so why should it).

Just my opinion, but I think you're being slightly selfish.

Regards
P

premierlass

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Whereas if someone has no belief in a God/religion then its like asking someone to stand up and say they believe in a stone in the ground for what it's worth.
i..e It's all just nonsense gibberish anyway as far as they are concerned and they are not turning their back on anything as there is nothing to turn their back against in the first place because they don't believe in anything anyway.
So it really is just words for them.

That's a very negative view of atheism. It's a belief system in itself, not a negation of other beliefs. Besides, I think atheists are as capable as anyone else of deciding on their own moral stance. They don't deserve to have it imposed upon them because they are in the minority.

RandolphEsq

OP stick to your guns, don't take the Godparent pledge if you are an atheist as it would of course be very hypocritical and disrespectful to the Catholic Church.

Malari

I've often wondered how long the godparent thing lasts? I'm not sure who mine are actually, although I know I have two. Siblings of my parents, but not sure which ones. I know I'm a lot closer to one aunt (who I know is not a godparent) and also a friend of my mother's.

If the sister-in-law really think it's just a few meaningless words, why doesn't she pick someone else willing to do the job to be the godparent and you could suggest you can be a mentor to the child. You can say you are honoured that she thought of you as someone who she wants to have a role in the child's life, and you will always be there for the kid as she/he grows up, but just not in a religious role.

Acoshla

Malari wrote: »

I've often wondered how long the godparent thing lasts? I'm not sure who mine are actually, although I know I have two. Siblings of my parents, but not sure which ones. I know I'm a lot closer to one aunt (who I know is not a godparent) and also a friend of my mother's.

I have 3 godparents, my aunt, uncle and a friend of my parent's, I'm 26 and mine are still there! In our family we all do tend to have another bit of a bond with our godparents/godchildren, each spends an extra bit of time with theirs on birthdays, Christmas Day etc and just generally during the year. I actually would go to my 2 in my family if I needed advice/help etc but that could also be because they are very clever/loving/similar to myself.

mayhemnow

Ask her would she let you be godparents without having to get up in the church and be involved in ceremony. This would be a happy compromise for me, I just wouldn't be happy to be actively involved in an indoctrination, of any religion. OP you are giving her far more consideration than she is you.

Sleepy

I asked my best friend (who's also a confirmed atheist) to be my daughter's "godfather" and marked his acceptance of the role with a round of tequila. If there was an atheist term for the role, I'd have use it but I've not come across one...

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies. She and the mother in law can't see what all the fuss is about, why I can't just get over myself etc, etc. I dread seeing them now because they'll start into it again. I think there is a touch of "what will the neighbours say" about it because when we got married SIL told people it was a church weddings because she didn't want to say we weren't marrying in a church for fear of people thinking the family was weird.

Logical Fallacy

Riskymove wrote: »

personally, I think its unfortunate that the concept of godparent is so tied up with religion

I think the clue is in the name.

OP, personally i would never be a childs God Parent, i'm the lone Atheist in a family of religious folk and i've had the chat twice, and on both occassions my siblings understood where i was coming from.

Out of integrity for myself and respect for my families faith i simply could not accept a role that is supposed to be about help a child come to an understanding of their faith.

My family had absolutely no problem with this at all and i imagine if you stick to your guns yours won't either.