Male perspectives?

LC2010HIS

What is expected of a 20 year old girl, sex wise, nowadays?

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This issue bothers me. I feel theres a certain expectation. Like, a few of my exes felt it was ok to try or touch what they wanted and each time I rejected, they did back off but I was made feel abnormal.
Few of my friends talk about sex, positions, and contraception like second nature.
I have been told "Oh wait for who you feel right with" blah blah, but honestly, what if that time has come and gone?

Needler

LC2010HIS wrote: »

What is expected of a 20 year old girl, sex wise, nowadays?

*
This issue bothers me. I feel theres a certain expectation. Like, a few of my exes felt it was ok to try or touch what they wanted and each time I rejected, they did back off but I was made feel abnormal.
Few of my friends talk about sex, positions, and contraception like second nature.
I have been told "Oh wait for who you feel right with" blah blah, but honestly, what if that time has come and gone?

Who cares about whats expected, whatever you feel comfortable with. and if they make you feel abnormal they're not worth your time and probably just bitter cause they're not getting a roide

Bloody Nipples

It's very important that you do only what you're comfortable with. If you're not ready, you're not ready and any decent guy will respect that.

You're 100% entitled to not participate in any overtly sexual activity, however a lot of guys at your age may not be interested in being involved in a relationship where there isn't a sexual aspect.

From a personal perspective, I'm 22 and I wouldn't go out with a girl where sex wasn't on the cards at least within a reasonable period of time. I've gone out with girls for several months before anything happened but if I was in a relationship where there were no indications of things progressing then I'd talk about it and if there was a clash of opinion then I'd end it.

You're not abnormal but just beware that if you're intentions are to keep things PG for the foreseeable future a lot of guys will just not bother.

LC2010HIS

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

It's very important that you do only what you're comfortable with. If you're not ready, you're not ready and any decent guy will respect that.

You're 100% entitled to not participate in any overtly sexual activity, however a lot of guys at your age may not be interested in being involved in a relationship where there isn't a sexual aspect.

From a personal perspective, I'm 22 and I wouldn't go out with a girl where sex wasn't on the cards at least within a reasonable period of time. I've gone out with girls for several months before anything happened but if I was in a relationship where there were no indications of things progressing then I'd talk about it and if there was a clash of opinion then I'd end it.

You're not abnormal but just beware that if you're intentions are to keep things PG for the foreseeable future a lot of guys will just not bother.

Im at a loss at what to do then.
I mean, I dont want to have sex with the wrong person but at the same time, Im 20 and I want to grow up. I mean, relationships Ive had have ended because of this.
Its ridiculious. Obviously if people keep walking away without giving me a chance..Im never going to get there...

Wompa1

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Im at a loss at what to do then.
I mean, I dont want to have sex with the wrong person but at the same time, Im 20 and I want to grow up. I mean, relationships Ive had have ended because of this.
Its ridiculious. Obviously if people keep walking away without giving me a chance..Im never going to get there...

To be blunt, at the moment sex is very easy to get in this country for young guys. I might get blasted for this but there seems to be a shift in womens attitude, sexual empowerment and all that which has meant guys expectations have changed. There's no dating culture or progression required because you can go out on any given night and get laid. It's a shame but there ya go

LC2010HIS

Solution: Move




:P

Bloody Nipples

It depends on what you mean by "the wrong person". If you're in a happy loving relationship, I wouldn't see why you wouldn't want to sleep with that person. Alternatively, if you're in a relationship where you feel there's no chemistry or love and mutual respect there's no real reason you should sleep with that person.

Basically, if you've been going out with nice, genuine guys and ended the relationship because you couldn't stop questioning as to whether they were the "wrong person" then you need to examine what you feel you'd need to see in a person before you felt they were the right person.

On the other hand if you've been going out with bastards who you felt were only going out with you because they wanted to sleep with you then these guys would most definitely be the wrong person to sleep with.

At the end of the day, you're only 20. If you go out with a guy and start a sexual relationship with him then you don't have to spend the rest of your life with them and a good relationship that naturally ends amicably over time doesn't have to be a bad thing.

premierlass

20 is an age when fewer are looking for long-term relationships. The media and some of your peers would have you believe that you're freakish for not sleeping with all and sundry, but that's all tripe, frankly. It just means your priorities are different.

Think hard about what it is that you want, not what potential partners will think, and work from there. Are you the type of person for whom love is a prerequisite, or is that not that important? Once you know what you want, go for it. It doesn't matter a huge amount what age you are. If you have to wait a long time, so what? You won't be the first. Look for the person who suits you, don't change to suit others.

LC2010HIS

Do you think confidence has alot to do with it?

Like, I havent gone far at all and I never seem to be brave enough to go further. Ever.

Im not looking for the one, I just want a good relationship where I can relax.

Yea, Ive dated alot of bastards to be honest.
Its really hard to tell with people these days though.
I mean, whose the common denominator with the problem? me. so maybe it is me and I need to cop on!

Wompa1

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Do you think confidence has alot to do with it?

Like, I havent gone far at all and I never seem to be brave enough to go further. Ever.

Im not looking for the one, I just want a good relationship where I can relax.

Yea, Ive dated alot of bastards to be honest.
Its really hard to tell with people these days though.
I mean, whose the common denominator with the problem? me. so maybe it is me and I need to cop on!

Don't go out with lads. Find a nice guy. Lads will do what other lads think they should do.

As a guy if I was with a girl..any girl, no matter if she was a virgin or not I would try to make our first time together special. It would be a few months before we'd do it and it would be on a romantic weekend away or something. Those guys do exist

Vicxas

Honestly, you do what you're comfortable with. My girlfriend wont do certain things and im perfectly ok with it, whats the point in trying it if its something you wont enjoy?

LC2010HIS

Wompa1 wrote: »

Don't go out with lads. Find a nice guy. Lads will do what other lads think they should do.

As a guy if I was with a girl..any girl, no matter if she was a virgin or not I would try to make our first time together special. It would be a few months before we'd do it and it would be on a romantic weekend away or something. Those guys do exist

Yeah, see, a few months is completely reasonable! I think!
Thats what I want.. Its not like Ive said I would never do it.

My last ex, we talked about it and he seemed understanding and praised me for being respectable. Together a month and towards the end, that understanding diminished, when I found out he was getting it somewhere else... So, I do find myself disheartened.
I dont like people telling me what I want to hear. I want to be told what they really think.


Most of the guys Ive gone out with Ive met for the first time on the first date, such as that ex, so when they start trying it on, I feel Im in the right in knocking them back since we're still only getting to know eachother.

FML

LC2010HIS

Im also confused on the oral sex side of things....
That also seems to be expected... I regard that as important as sex! But others think its as normal as a kiss!?

Vicxas

Oral is a choice really. You cant force yourself into it, alot of guys expect it but they dont always get it!

Bloody Nipples

Lots of guys like oral. But again, if it's not for you any decent guy would never force you into it.

Beruthiel

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I regard that as important as sex! But others think its as normal as a kiss!?

Are these people brain dead?
Considering the amount of STD's you can catch, I'd be very particular about where some blokes todger was before I met him.
I'd also be inclined to be extremely careful until I knew him well enough to know for sure that he wasn't a walking petri dish.

As for what's normal these days, who cares?
The only person you have to answer to here is yourself and what is normal for you.
Be strong and confident enough in yourself to know what it is that you want and to hell with what others think of that.

LC2010HIS

Yea, I always think of STDs and of course, pregnancy.
But others dont seem to care or something!? All my friends are on the pill too, so perhaps that excuses it?

I always get apprehensive when a guy tries it on.
But it seems everyone is at it. Its disgusting.

Wompa1

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Yea, I always think of STDs and of course, pregnancy.
But others dont seem to care or something!? All my friends are on the pill too, so perhaps that excuses it?

I always get apprehensive when a guy tries it on.
But it seems everyone is at it. Its disgusting.

A lot of people are like sheep. Being easy and going out and getting laid is what's in now. It's as simple as that, it has nothing to do with expressing themselves or being at one with their sexuality. It's BS.

Have you considered going for an older guy?

Boskowski

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Its disgusting.

Why would you say that? Maybe you're really just not ready...

LC2010HIS

Boskowski wrote: »

Why would you say that? Maybe you're really just not ready...

Sorry. I meant that people just jump to it with anyone? With the risk of STDs being ignored?