Dating someone on Anti depressants

Snoopy1

Ok, apologies if this is in wrong forum, but i just want some opinions.

Ive started dating a guy, and have found out hes taking a fairly strong dose of Anti Depressants for over a year. The only reason i found out, is i saw the tablets and know what they are as my company makes them!!!
I did mention them and he wasnt secretive, just said hed been on them a year.

I feel that he is suffering from the side effects of them, he's constantly tired, and latley i feel he's getting quite grumpy. He is a great guy, but i dont know if i should be worried about this??

Stheno

mod: Moved from tLL

OP I'd not be too concerned he's not tried to avoid the issue and been pretty opne about it imo.

I'd prefer to be with someone who was open about and looking after their health, who may/will engage with me in the longer term if it comes to that about it.

Perhaps you should talk to him about why he is tired and grumpy, I'm not on antidepressants, but the past three weeks prior to this, I was tired, going to bed an hour earlier than usual , and not at all talkative.

The reason? I was out the door with work, and as I travel was commuting up to 285 miles a day!

This week I'm based at home/in my local office, still busy, but I come home, kiss my Oh hello, we go for walks, enjoy dinner etc.

Lots of reasons for tiredness and grumpiness.

Snoopy1

Maybe its me making him grumpy.

He has a hard job, and he does shift work But i also do shift work and everytime i go round his, he falls asleep and we dont do anything.

Wompa1

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Maybe its me making him grumpy.

He has a hard job, and he does shift work But i also do shift work and everytime i go round his, he falls asleep and we dont do anything.

Think you need to lean back a bit. Maybe he's run down, or he hasn't had a proper break in a long time. Weekends or whatever are fine but I never feel like they are enough to properly recharge my batteries. Maybe he has a thyroid condition or something else which might lead to him being run down?

Stheno

Wompa1 wrote: »

Think you need to lean back a bit. Maybe he's run down, or he hasn't had a proper break in a long time. Weekends or whatever are fine but I never feel like they are enough to properly recharge my batteries. Maybe he has a thyroid condition or something else which might lead to him being run down?

Or just synch you schedules better?
I did shift work for years, end of shift week was a no no for me.

Dial it back a bit and enjoy it more maybe?

Snoopy1

I do shift work and longer hours than him, and yes im tired, i just dont complain about it as much.
We havnt been dating long, so will see how things go i supose.

My issue isnt with the shifts, its the tablets

Canluum

Personally it would potentially be a dealbreaker. It could indicate a lot of emotional baggage, or a lack of satisfaction with life and (IMHO) a deep seated negativity. While on them they can have horrible side effects for their libido, and while off them there is a good potential for a relapse into depression. I don't want to be anybody's crutch.

Sure it's not "fair" but I think when it comes to choosing a partner you can apply whatever discrimination factor you feel is important. Most people are already discriminating based on looks, age and gender... some discriminate based on race, class, wealth, social distinction etc. ad infinitum.

All of these are fine... as is discriminating on the basis of their requiring anti-depressants.

OP this is clearly bothering you... I would look closely at why it's bothering you. Is it the stigma that's attached to pills? Or is it the practical baggage. If it's the former then it's possibly something you should try to get over. If it's the latter or something similar then I'd definitely call it a red flag.

In saying all this I have dated someone coming off them, she had gotten her life back together in the meantime. She was completely open and honest about it and seemed very satisfied with the track her life was now taking and was happy to be weaned off them. For me she was an exception to my rule.

Snoopy1

Im not bothered about the stigma, ive been on them myself. I just think over a year is a long time to be on them, and hes already described the side effects of what happens if he forgets to take them.

LegacyUser

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I do shift work and longer hours than him, and yes im tired, i just dont complain about it as much.
We havnt been dating long, so will see how things go i supose.

My issue isnt with the shifts, its the tablets

I'm not sure what the issue is, Snoopy. We all have different tolerance levels. Some people find 8 hour ****s very difficult, others find them easy. Some people find mild curry to spicy, others find them too mild... Whatever the situation this guy deserves to moan as much as the rest of us! If he's getting you down, maybe you should mention it to him, but you said that this isn't the issue.

What is the issue, then? He's obviously on the anti-depressants for one reason or another. We can only presume depression or anxiety, but it could also be for back pain or sleeping problems - who knows? And, frankly, if you two have only been seeing each other awhile, I doubt he is comfortable explaining the whys and hows of his current condition. If your issue is that you don't think you can handle someone with issues right now then you're going to be lonely -- we all do, as I'm sure you're aware.

The guy hasn't hidden anything from you, and is a bit grumpy and tired, but that's it... I don't think that's enough to prompt major concern. It could be the tables, it could be the weather, it could be his diet, who knows? Talk to him about it if you're concerned for his well being, but I don't think that this is any of your business...

fghijkl

I just think over a year is a long time to be on them, and hes already described the side effects of what happens if he forgets to take them.

OP i should state first i know nothing about side effects of anti depressants, having never taken them myself, but you say you're not worried about the stigma, but then say you think over a year is too long to be on them? why so if it has nothing to do with the stigma? I'm sure he would not be prescribed them for such a time frame if they weren't needed.

The one thing that strikes me about your post is these issues him being grumpy, libido, tired etc only became a problem for you after you found out he was on antidepressants.

If you didn't know he was on antidepressants, would they even be an issue now?
Or would you have put it down to other stresses/issues in his life?

Maybe it's just a simple case of the two of you just not being compatable, but i think it's a little nieve and unfair to blame all his shortcomings on the antidepressants. I think you should just take the antidepressants out of the equation, (if you'd never found them, you'd have been be none the wiser after all), judge him for his actions, if he's not floating your boat, treating you the way you want to be treated, then maybe you should walk away?

It's his choice to take antidepressants for however long he wants to, he obviously feels he needs them and they're helping him work through his depression, you either accept his choice or you don't. But if you choose to accept it, you can't really hold it against him, it's unfair.

My worry would be that if you do decide to continue this relationship are you going to blame other stuff as "side effects" of his taking antidepressants too, when they could easily have other causes? because that's very unfair on him and more than a little condescending tbh...

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of over 8 years is a wonderful man, he is also bipolar. We went through some rough times at the start of it all (it began in his early 20's) but we worked through it together, and if you ask me, became stronger for it.
The key is openness and honesty on both your parts.
Don't be afraid to discuss it with him, and show him you are open to hearing what he has to say.
If you decide you want to stay together, do your research - know the signs of what might come, but don't blame everything on his illness...people with depression/ bpd are more than capable of just simply having a bad day, just like those of us without it

You need to talk to him about it. Tell him your concerns. Good communication is the key to any relationship.

Good luck.

IrishEyes19

Canluum wrote: »

Personally it would potentially be a dealbreaker. It could indicate a lot of emotional baggage, or a lack of satisfaction with life and (IMHO) a deep seated negativity. While on them they can have horrible side effects for their libido, and while off them there is a good potential for a relapse into depression. I don't want to be anybody's crutch.

Sure it's not "fair" but I think when it comes to choosing a partner you can apply whatever discrimination factor you feel is important. Most people are already discriminating based on looks, age and gender... some discriminate based on race, class, wealth, social distinction etc. ad infinitum.

All of these are fine... as is discriminating on the basis of their requiring anti-depressants.

OP this is clearly bothering you... I would look closely at why it's bothering you. Is it the stigma that's attached to pills? Or is it the practical baggage. If it's the former then it's possibly something you should try to get over. If it's the latter or something similar then I'd definitely call it a red flag.

In saying all this I have dated someone coming off them, she had gotten her life back together in the meantime. She was completely open and honest about it and seemed very satisfied with the track her life was now taking and was happy to be weaned off them. For me she was an exception to my rule.

In general it depends on the situation as a whole. It's not easy dealing with someone with depression thats for sure. I know there a lot of emphasis on the person who has it, but often the family and friends are forgotten about and to be honest its really exhausting and hard to deal with. But I think you should relax now for the moment as you dont know the full picture and there could be any reason for why he is on them and so on. Give it time

brendansmith

Yeah I went out with a girl with depression and it can be very hard work at times.
Inconsolable for weeks at a time over nothing and you cant do anything for her but look on and be patient.........very draining!

outofsteam

brendansmith wrote: »

Yeah I went out with a girl with depression and it can be very hard work at times.
Inconsolable for weeks at a time over nothing and you cant do anything for her but look on and be patient.........very draining!

Try being the girl with depression... I can guarantee you however hard it was for you it was 10,000 times harder for her.

OP You say you have nothing against anti-depressants as you were on them yourself but yet you started a thread entitled "Dating someone on Anti depressants"... That speaks volumes in terms of what you actually think...

sam34

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I feel that he is suffering from the side effects of them, he's constantly tired, and latley i feel he's getting quite grumpy. He is a great guy, but i dont know if i should be worried about this??

these could be symptoms of depression rather than side-effects. maybe he's inadequately treated and should visit his doctor.

IrishEyes19

outofsteam wrote: »

Try being the girl with depression... I can guarantee you however hard it was for you it was 10,000 times harder for her.

OP You say you have nothing against anti-depressants as you were on them yourself but yet you started a thread entitled "Dating someone on Anti depressants"... That speaks volumes in terms of what you actually think...

I dont think the poster was trying to say he was worse off, "outofsteam," just merely that its so hard to deal with people with depression too. Its hard for everyone and I know this from experience of being someone who cared for someone with it. So I get where the poster is coming from.

But having said that, I think you should wait it out OP, until you know all the details and see how his progression is too. Many people if they are lucky enough lead normal lives when the medication and such is in check. So dont bow out now just because you've found out about it. This guy could be worth the wait. give it a chance

Ashton11

Some incident must have hurt him very badly and he is feeling it hard to forget those moments. It is better to give him some counseling from experts so that he can live happily in future.

Maple

As the OP of this thread has not been back in practically a month, I am locking it.

Please check the date of the thread to which you are replying.

Maple