The common headcold

kfallon

So it's been the best weather of the year so far and I've managed to pick up a cold :rolleyes: Nothing more sinister than that just the common head cold! Was on the Panadol til they ran out but now have resorted to disprins. Would like to shake this off in the next couple of days so can ye give me the best remedies for it, thanks in advance!

Oh and in before the usual answers of 'fap it out of you', 'blast yourself with piss' etc etc :rolleyes:

Sheeps

Are you sure it's not hay fever?

W.Shakes-Beer

Eat a shít load of raw chicken.

And since you are the person in question OP, how about shove your hand up your arse! :pac:

RedXIV

literally cocoon yourself and ply yourself with orange juice. that'll wash it out in about 2 days

Sweatynutsack

Drink yourself silly with some hot whiskey OR boil some vodka and 2 teaspoons of sugar




I just made the last one up

W.Shakes-Beer

On a serious note, I used to turn the electric blanket on full, and go asleep, I'd wake like boiled shíte in the morning but by God would the cold be gone.

Then have a shower and job done.

_feedback_

One I tried last year was a clove of garlic chopped up and in to warm milk. Sip on it rather than gulp it all down.

It was absolutely disgusting, but helped me.

EDIT: Drink it before sleeping. Think you just sweat the bejaysus out of ya.

JerryHandbag

I've picked this up too, and its definitely not hay fever, its on a different level altogether! :eek:

Rest, liquids....and maybe an auld warmed up brandy or 2

FatherLen

all the suggestions so far seem very good but the one i would advise is to suck it up. its only a cold!

kfallon

FatherLen wrote: »

all the suggestions so far seem very good but the one i would advise is to suck it up. its only a cold!

I'm doing that, going playing football tonight so hopefully a good sweat will help. Just want to know if there are any ways to get rid of it asap cos it is mildly annoying!

kfallon

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

And since you are the person in question OP, how about shove your hand up your arse! :pac:

I tried that last night.....several times :pac:

bleg

Just because it's good weather doesn't make you more/less susceptible to a virus. We associate cold weather with the common cold because we're all spending more time together indoors and hence spread the virus even more.

OutlawPete

Half a raw chicken in a pot, some barley, chopped onions and lots of olive oil and cover with water. Bring to the boil and simmer for 40 minutes. Consume.

SteelyDanJalapeno

Are ya SURE its not hayfever!?

I've picked it up since Sunday. Rotten!

kfallon

Horgan wrote: »

Are ya SURE its not hayfever!?

I've picked it up since Sunday. Rotten!

Na I never suffer from hayfever, I had the old aching body yesterday but thankfully that's gone now, just the bunged up head today.

Dun laoire

Wrap a hot wet towel around your whole head, then sit a jar of honey on your head. The heat from the towel will out the virus and it will work it's way into the jar of honey as it'll love the smell. Once it gets into the jar it will get stuck. Quickly remove the jar from your head and bury it.

mattjack

its galloping arse rot......you,re fcuked....to much time on boards.....on a lighter note..the weathers fine and dandy today......

Mr Benevolent

It's karma for the sneaky finger jokes, OP.

Mickeroo

Orange juice works for me, also totally drug yourself up with maximum strength uniflu. It works.

kfallon

Confab wrote: »

It's karma for the sneaky finger jokes, OP.

Well then it was worth it!

Dravokivich

Rum.

May not help, but you won't mind too much after a fair few.

jimthemental

I find the old superstitions work, throw a rabbit over your right shoulder. Worked for me, I was only sick Sunday and I'm grand now.

SteelyDanJalapeno

jimthemental wrote: »

I find the old superstitions work, throw a rabbit over your right shoulder. Worked for me, I was only sick Sunday and I'm grand now.

Were you the one throwin rabbits in the river the other day?

jimthemental

Horgan wrote: »

Were you the one throwin rabbits in the river the other day?

I didn't mean it. I thought there was a bin behind me, and to be fair he looked like he had myxomatosis so he might have fallen in himself afterwards.

kfallon

jimthemental wrote: »

I didn't mean it. I thought there was a bin behind me, and to be fair he looked like he had myxomatosis so he might have fallen in himself afterwards.

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down then walks out.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.
In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses.

The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties"
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie"

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"?
The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"

"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie"

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, "Who are you"

To which he is answered,"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house"
The barman says,"I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous"

The rabbit says, "Yes I know"
The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"
The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it"
The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what happened"

"I DIED", said the Rabbit.
"Blimey " said the barman,"what from".


After a short pause.







The rabbit said... "Mixing me toasties " :P

jimthemental

^^^^ So bad it's brilliant.

Gulliver

Drain out all your blood and boil it. You should be OK as long as you temporarily replace the blood with TK red lemonade.

kfallon

Gulliver wrote: »

Drain out all your blood and boil it. You should be OK as long as you temporarily replace the blood with TK red lemonade.

But I can't open the TK Red Lemonade before the trip to Thurles on Sunday!!!!

Lady Chatterton

Ok KF this is what I recommend - Solgar High Strength (1000mg) Vitamin C tablets, you will be able to buy them in your local health food shop, I swear by them.

If I have a really bad flu, I make up the following:

Chop up four or five large lemons
Add 3 tablespoons of honey
Add cloves (optional)
Add two pints of water
Bring to the boil and leave to simmer until the lemons break up
Drink this hot throughout the day (and you can add some whiskey if you like)

Hope you get better really soon


PS: The Tesco Man will drop the lemons and honey around :)

kfallon

MrsD007 wrote: »

Hope you get better really soon


PS: The Tesco Man will drop the lemons and honey around :)

Oh I bet he will, I'd say you have plenty of honey in your drawers eh (oooo matron)

I'm sure I'll be fine in a day or two, gonna try run some of it out of me tonight and I'll get some tablets or something on the way home from work.

Hope we don't get drug tested at football, I could be smacked off me tits :pac:

Lady Chatterton

kfallon wrote: »

gonna try run some of it out of me tonight and I'll get some tablets or something on the way home from work

Who are you trying to impress? You're going to go for a run :rolleyes: And you managed to go to work despite having a dose of man flu - I'm shocked :eek: :eek: :eek:

Has your laptop been stolen by any chance or is the flu making you do and say strange things?




Think I might need to order something from Tesco to help me recover from the shock

Stinicker

Poteen if you can get your hands on it, it is truely the nectar of the gods.

kfallon

MrsD007 wrote: »

Who are you trying to impress? You're going to go for a run :rolleyes: And you managed to go to work despite having a dose of man flu - I'm shocked :eek: :eek: :eek:

Has your laptop been stolen by any chance or is the flu making you do and say strange things?




Think I might need to order something from Tesco to help me recover from the shock

I have football tonight, I can't leave the side down. Tis only a head cold, it's the sleeping at night with a blocked up head that's the annoying part :rolleyes:

Yes it's best to order something for the shock.....maybe a stiff one from Tesco :P :eek:

Lady Chatterton

kfallon wrote: »

I have football tonight, I can't leave the side down. Tis only a head cold, it's the sleeping at night with a blocked up head that's the annoying part :rolleyes:

Yes it's best to order something for the shock.....maybe a stiff one from Tesco :P :eek:

If you chop a large onion in half and place it on your bedside locker, it will help but you during the at night, remember to dispose of the onion in the morning though. (It is brilliant if you have a cough also).

I'm going to ignore your little comment about drinking during the day

kfallon

MrsD007 wrote: »

If you chop a large onion in half and place it on your bedside locker, it will help but you during the at night, remember to dispose of the onion in the morning though. (It is brilliant if you have a cough also).

I'm going to ignore your little comment about drinking during the day

I'll end up sobbing into the pillowcase.....it'll be like being back in boarding school :eek: :P

Sweatynutsack

In some asian countries they believe that if you lick a black cats arse continuously for 15 minutes your cold will disappear over nite !!

(it only works on black cats mind)

zoobizoo

There are a few viruses out there and I'd advise you to rest if you're knackered.

For a normal cold, take a 1000mg of Vit C every hour - the body will get rid of the excess but will ingest what it can. This works for me and although it mightn't clear it, will lessen the effects.

If you need to sweat then make some chilli and ginger tea. Boil a red / green chilli and a load of fresh ginger in a pot. Add sugar / honey if you want. Drink and wait to sweat.

If they cold is above the neck then exercise away - once it goes below , into your chest then don't exercise.

mattjack

Sweatynutsack wrote: »

In some asian countries they believe that if you lick a black cats arse continuously for 15 minutes your cold will disappear over nite !!

(it only works on black cats mind)

yes Kfallon this is true.....I,m sure the various inhabitants of this thread would like to see this event......even maybe record it for future reference

kfallon

zoobizoo wrote: »

There are a few viruses out there and I'd advise you to rest if you're knackered.

For a normal cold, take a 1000mg of Vit C every hour - the body will get rid of the excess but will ingest what it can. This works for me and although it mightn't clear it, will lessen the effects.

If you need to sweat then make some chilli and ginger tea. Boil a red / green chilli and a load of fresh ginger in a pot. Add sugar / honey if you want. Drink and wait to sweat.

If they cold is above the neck then exercise away - once it goes below , into your chest then don't exercise.

Tis all above the neck trout so I'm off out tonight to run my guts up, thanks for the advice tho

Emiko

Hop in the shower, turn it on hot, then slowly, over the space of a few minutes, turn the temperature down, till you end up in having a cold shower for as long as you can take it.

Your fever will disappear.

Follow this up with some boiled milk, mixed with a couple of spoonfuls of turmeric.

kfallon

mattjack wrote: »

yes Kfallon this is true.....I,m sure the various inhabitants of this thread would like to see this event......even maybe record it for future reference

I'll finger their arses but I draw the line at licking :pac:

sgb

I'm a man so I never get a head cold it's always the flu, so none of the previous home remedies would work

elephantz1

Get as much sleep as possible and tank plenty of water and food into you. Realy hot shower may help clear the snoz. Could also hit the beach for decent fresh salty air.

PucaMama

my bf had this he said it was the "man flu". all he did was get lemsip and sum rest.

Twee.

Hot curry followed by a hot whiskey, then bed. Sweat it out of you!

Ally Dick

Twee. wrote: »

Hot curry followed by a hot whiskey, then bed. Sweat it out of you!

and don't fart whatever you do !

kfallon

I am pretty much A1 again now, ran the last of it out of me on Thursday night but thanks for all suggestions