Brother Anger Problems

Resi12

My brother has been 'odd' for lack of better word since I was in my teens (20 now). He didn't always used to be like that though, we were best friends when we were kids but now I haven't talked to him (despite living in the same house) in yonks. I mean I have said Happy Birthday but a while since a full sentence/conversation. I think he got hassle in school and that's when he started to spiral but I was just young at the time so I didn't notice.

Recently, more so the past 2 years he has gotten much worse or maybe it's because I've grown up. He doesn't talk, he doesn't really have friends that I know of anyway (I don't think he does because he only leaves to work), he's been working in Dunnes for a good while and I guess he is good at that but I've never really seen him, he has no interaction with any of us. On days like Christmas he doesn't even eat dinner or what not, he has odd eating patters (Like just crackers and junk food).

Now I am writing this today because I'm not sure if I'm fed up of feeling afraid or rather sick of feeling alone in that. My Mother is the only other one living with us and he is her golden child, he was sick when he was born and needed a tube in his head and ever since he can do no wrong. Which is rather annoying considering he does.

He gets angry out of nowhere, slams things, throws stuff around, has to get his own way on certain things (like lights turned off/no (I mean none) noise while he is sleeping). It got so bad I started sleeping downstairs because we shared a room and everytime he came in my heart would go racing a mile wondering was he going to have some freak out. We have had fights before and once he even caught my head in the door and slammed repeatedly, needless to say my Mam took his side and I had a breakdown. I was holding a glass of water and then I just got so annoyed by that I screamed, smashed it on the ground and just started sobbing.

He starts kicking things furiously and has broken a door already and his bedrest. He freaks out if anyone is in the bathroom while he needs to go, he waits outside and starts kicking the wall even if you had no idea he wanted to go in/if he is just coming in from work and you had the shower called. He has the run of the Kitchen nightly as it's his domain and this makes my Mother force me up to my room to watch TV or whatever because she won't get him to budge but knows I can. (Now that is rather small because I have a laptop/am older but before as a teen I literally had nothing in my room to go and do)

My Mam is very passive about all this but I find it worrying, especially as of late as just 2 nights ago around 10pm he left without saying a word and only came back the next day with no explanation, then this morning I heard him laughing to himself in his bedroom (this could be nothing/him on his phone but still..) and now today at around 4 he was leaving and he just randomly started kicking the front door because it was bolted and then slammed the porch on his way out. He always slams the porch and I swear the minute I hear that porch slamming I get this dread in me, what like.

My Mam loves him but something has got to be done, I mean I am sure he started out with depression but it's manifested into this anger and it's just affecting us all but my mother won't hear a word against him and if I bring things up (about anything problematic really) she just ignores me or tells me go away and gets angry at me. She also always uses him against us if we ever go out of line which I think (as much as I love her) is a dirty trick considering. She says "*My brother* is a lovely child, why can't you be like him?", she completely baba's him like at 24 she cooks his food, always buys him stuff, always has his 'favourite' food everyday from town, gets in WWE.

I mean don't get me wrong he works and gives her money but sometimes that gets to me too because the only time she talks to him is asking him for money/asking him how he is (often not real effort)/what does he want for dinner. He never answers her, just usually grunts. It annoys me that she has this attitude about him like he is her golden child yet when he needs help like now, where is she?

I am so sorry to droll on but I'm trying to fill in some pieces, it's not easy to have a short version. This is the first time I've vented about him and it's been like 6 years. Phew... It feels a bit better I gotta say, ha ha.

I know my family is messed up but I just want to change that but it feels like it's all on me and if I bring it up to my Mam she will ignore me but as horrible as it sounds my Mam is 60+ now, my biggest fear is to wake up one day without her and not have our problems sorted out. I think it would haunt me, I'm just as afraid to act.

Thanks for reading if you have, sorry about the length..

James400

The first thing that struck me about your post was the lack of a father figure-i'm assuming your Dad isn't around (may have passed away)?

Excuse my ignorance here but i'm generally assuming that's the case with you currently.

The reason i'm saying that is that in a situation like this somebody like your Dad would have a word with your brother and tell him to cop on to himslelf etc.

If there is no father figure around, i'd advise that you ask a close friend of his to have a word with him (if you can suss that out) if not i'd ask another male member of your family to talk to your brother- cousin, Uncle or male relation.

I.E. the male relative in question could have a talk to him.

Failing that i'd nearly advise that your brother goes to see a counsellor in your local area- getting him to go and paying for it are probably problematic for you.

That's my fifty cents on it anyway.

John400

Get a male family member to talk to your brother- agreed.

Also, if your brother keeps behaving like a spolit brat he'll get up in Garda custody with this agression of his.

Talk to a male member of your family- tell him how your brother is behaving and get your male family member to have a man-to-man talk to him.

Your brother clearly needs a bit of a reality check.

I'd also agree with counselling as your brother is not acting rationally, also keep a close eye on him because God knows some people not thinking right can do stupid things.

Your brother needs help it seems to me.

nicechick!

www.jigzaw.ie please seek advice a non judgemental service available to young adults and I mean for you!! Take care of your own mental health and well being as a family situation like this can be soul destroying (I known from personnel experience) they can also help your brother but first you know gain some insight into to his behaviour and bring your mammy along if she's up for it DO IT NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATE and I mean that for all of you as a family!! Not just your brother

LegacyUser

Wow, I could have written this post, my brother is exactly the same, except for the fact that he quit his job so he could become weirder and not have to leave the house at all. He doesn't contribute anything at all to my mother, yet she still fusses about his food and keeping him warm, etc.

He has no outlet and sees no-one other than my mother and I. That's made everything far worse, and my mother's behaviour is identical to yours. There is no male figure in our house either. I've given up trying to fix it. I expect suicide is on the cards with him, but there's no one that can help us sadly.

LegacyUser

hi there OP

i deeply sympathise with your situation , it sounds like your brother is not fully right , despite what the liberal media would have us believe , those with severe mental health problems are not all innocent angels who wouldnt hurt a fly , i have a relative who had made life hell for his immediete family for over 15 years , he has an explosive temper and unless everyone he comes into contact with , treats him like a god , they are made an enemy for life, he is arrogant , superior , spitefull and mean spirited , aswell as completley selfish , unfortunatley thier is nothing that can be done about people like this nowadays , the psychiatric hospitals are all run by liberal policy makers who completley oppose incarceration , the only way someone like your brother ( or my cousin ) can end up loosing thier freedom is if they commit a violent crime and are sentenced through the courts, mental hospitals are effectivley prisons nowadays ,unless you are willing to go , you cannot be forced to regardless of the pain caused to those around you , my advice is to get away from your brother , people like him are devoid of any empathy towards others, no matter what you do for him , he wont appreciate it , your mother is a different story , mothers will choose to be martyrs rather than abandon thier kids , forty years ago , your brother would have been in a mental hospital and everyone would be better off , the liberals now control the system and its a disaster for people like your family who cant deal with a problem like your brother