Mixed signals in work!

LegacyUser

I started work with a woman recently & we flirted like mad with our eyes initially. When we went out as a group, there was another guy who sat & chatted with her first before I got to talk to her. She seemed to have no interest in him, but some in me. Later in a club, I asked her to dance, she said no & she left soon after. I got pictures with her that night, which she leaned in to me. I asked her out a few days after in work, she said no, she's seeing someone - which is fair enough.

But.. we went out as a group again a few days ago and I wasn't paying attention to her, but one of the other guys was. She seemed not to be really that interested in him...(I wasn't bothering b/c I knew she was taken, he didn't) When we were getting a cab home (minibus which we filled) she made a point of sitting beside me and was casually rubbing her leg off mine (not in an overtly obvious way - not sure anyone else noticed) saying she didn't want to go home to the group (no club this time!). I still paid no attention to her and my stop was first. I left the cab feeling very annoyed - I put it down to her bring slightly drunk perhaps (though still in control of herself).

She is I think (that she thinks also) "out of my league". She is driving me crazy!!

LegacyUser

I'll just keep it short-she's obviously a head-wrecker. She might be seeing someone bus wants to feel she can pull other lads too. You're just an ego boost for her.

Also, I think you might be reading too much into her "leaning into you in photos" and "hitting her leg off you occasionally".

You're doing the right thing in not making an effort. Although it's tempting, dont flirt back with her in work. In fairness, it took balls on your part to ask her out. But you got your answer, so just forget about her. She sees you as an ego-boost.

Harmless flirting is ok, as long as you don't get too emotionally involved.

Thats what I'd do anyway!

P.S. Again, you have to be commended for actually asking her out

Kevin Duffy

I'm not sure you're getting any signals, never mind mixed ones. You fancy the girl, so you read too much into eye contact etc. You asked her to dance, she said no; you asked her out, she said no; she told you she has a partner and you work together, making the consequences of making a mistake about her intentions potentially awkward to catastrophic.

Let it go, be nice and professional, forget about anything else.

fghijkl

I'll just keep it short-she's obviously a head-wrecker. She might be seeing someone bus wants to feel she can pull other lads too. You're just an ego boost for her.

Err...she's a headwrecker because she's in a relationship and doesn't fancy the OP...riiiiight....

"She want's to feel she can pull other lads, You're just an ego boost for her.?? "
I don't know where you're getting that from, it seems the complete opposite in fact

The OP has stated that she ignored any lads that tried to chat her up on numerous ocassions, she said no when the OP asked her to dance she said nowhen he asked her out. This woman is not leading anyone on, she's not even flirting with anyone, she's being very clear to all that she's not interested in anyone other than her bf tbh.


OP:
You are not getting ANY signals from this woman AT ALL.
She's not interested.
You're reading way too much into everything. She made eye contact with you, (i made eye contact with a cashier while buying milk this morning, doesn't mean i fancy him?!), leaned in to you in a photo (...ehh that's generally what people do when someone takes a photo or else it'd look a bit stupid standing 2 miles apart from the other person in the pic), she got into a packed minibus (not the most stable things in the world) while a bit tipsy, of course her knee was going to hit off you occasionally!! (even sober i'd be bound to hit off the person i was sitting beside now and again in a mini bus tbh)

She is I think (that she thinks also) "out of my league". She is driving me crazy!!

She doesn't think anything tbh, she's not driving you crazy, you're driving yourself crazy by turning every little innocent thing she does into "a signal". OP this woman has no interest in you.
What you see as "flirty eye contact" for all you know she's prob thinking "i wish that guy would stop staring at me"

Sorry for being so harsh OP but something about your post just seems a bit unnerving to me almost "creepy", and if that's how it comes across just reading about the scenario then you might want to be careful as to how she is really perceiving your advances. You asked her out she said no. No means No. Leave her alone now.

LegacyUser

mixedupinthehead wrote: »

I started work with a woman recently & we flirted like mad with our eyes initially. When we went out as a group, there was another guy who sat & chatted with her first before I got to talk to her. She seemed to have no interest in him, but some in me. Later in a club, I asked her to dance, she said no & she left soon after. I got pictures with her that night, which she leaned in to me. I asked her out a few days after in work, she said no, she's seeing someone - which is fair enough.

I agree with other posters. You're reading way too much into very ambiguous 'signals'. Another thing, watching someone in a pub to the extent that you think you know they've no interest in anyone esle is very unnerving for the person involved, and I'd say she knew you were watching her. Also, why didn't you find out first if she was going out with someone before asking her out?
Don't go down the road of labelling all women egotistical b*tches just because she 'led you on'. The first reply to this thread basically dismissed the fact that your co worker wasn't giving you any signals whatsoever, yet she's the egotistical one? It's not easy to be turned down (however gently it happens), but keep the chin up. There are plenty of women out there, don't spend your time pining after a woman who has been very clear about how things stand.

LegacyUser

anotherlover wrote: »

I'll just keep it short-she's obviously a head-wrecker. She might be seeing someone bus wants to feel she can pull other lads too. You're just an ego boost for her.

Also, I think you might be reading too much into her "leaning into you in photos" and "hitting her leg off you occasionally".

You're doing the right thing in not making an effort. Although it's tempting, dont flirt back with her in work. In fairness, it took balls on your part to ask her out. But you got your answer, so just forget about her. She sees you as an ego-boost.

Harmless flirting is ok, as long as you don't get too emotionally involved.

Thats what I'd do anyway!

P.S. Again, you have to be commended for actually asking her out

Yeah I think you make the most sense. It's hard to say head-wrecker and it's probably an unfair label.

fghijkl wrote: »

The OP has stated that she ignored any lads that tried to chat her up on numerous ocassions, she said no when the OP asked her to dance she said nowhen he asked her out. This woman is not leading anyone on, she's not even flirting with anyone, she's being very clear to all that she's not interested in anyone other than her bf tbh.

She didn't actually ignore them, she sat and talked to them. I just meant she didn't seem overly interested.

fghijkl wrote: »

OP:
You are not getting ANY signals from this woman AT ALL.
She's not interested.
You're reading way too much into everything. She made eye contact with you, (i made eye contact with a cashier while buying milk this morning, doesn't mean i fancy him?!), leaned in to you in a photo (...ehh that's generally what people do when someone takes a photo or else it'd look a bit stupid standing 2 miles apart from the other person in the pic), she got into a packed minibus (not the most stable things in the world) while a bit tipsy, of course her knee was going to hit off you occasionally!! (even sober i'd be bound to hit off the person i was sitting beside now and again in a mini bus tbh)

I definitely was. But I don't think she was serious. As I stated before I was not beside her or near her apart from being across a table at one stage. I did read too much into it - it's obvious with hindsight now. The minibus was definitely purposeful, I made sure I wasn't going to sit beside her and she appears

fghijkl wrote: »

She doesn't think anything tbh, she's not driving you crazy, you're driving yourself crazy by turning every little innocent thing she does into "a signal". OP this woman has no interest in you.
What you see as "flirty eye contact" for all you know she's prob thinking "i wish that guy would stop staring at me"

Sorry for being so harsh OP but something about your post just seems a bit unnerving to me almost "creepy", and if that's how it comes across just reading about the scenario then you might want to be careful as to how she is really perceiving your advances. You asked her out she said no. No means No. Leave her alone now.

[/QUOTE]

It's hard to condense all of it down in to text and come across sincere. When she said no I took it as no and haven't made any more advances. She said no but seems to like the attention - when devoid of it from me. I know the guy who's trying to get with her now (on the night) and I told him everything and to be careful...

fghijkl

She didn't actually ignore them, she sat and talked to them. I just meant she didn't seem overly interested.

That's what i meant, she wasn't flirting with them, she wasn't leading them on. There was/is absolutely nothing "headwrecking" about her behaviour. At all.

The minibus was definitely purposeful, I made sure I wasn't going to sit beside her and she appears

Simple proabability i'm afraid OP, if theres 7 people in a minibus no matter where you sit theres a one in 7 chance she'll sit beside you.

I know the guy who's trying to get with her now (on the night) and I told him everything and to be careful...

Ehh....You what?!:eek::eek:
That's bang out of order OP, spreading rumours and gossip about this woman who has done nothing wrong. I'd be furious if i was her and i found out tbh. You're setting yourself up for a fall, if she ever finds out you're spreading lies/gossip about her, you could end up in a lot of trouble with work. Why on earth would you do that to her? What has she done to you? She didn't fancy you so you bad mouth her to a work colleague?!

When she said no I took it as no and haven't made any more advances.

No you just started spreading gossip about her and bad mouthing her instead?!
That's just really strange and vindictive to be honest OP.

If i was the woman in question i'd be slightly afraid of you.

Kevin Duffy

mixedupinthehead wrote: »

It's hard to condense all of it down in to text and come across sincere. When she said no I took it as no and haven't made any more advances. She said no but seems to like the attention - when devoid of it from me. I know the guy who's trying to get with her now (on the night) and I told him everything and to be careful...

Two things; she can talk to anyone she likes, it's nothing to do with you and you did what?? You are now bullying her. I suggest you grow up quick, before you're the subject of a complaint.

LegacyUser

Right I'm not posting after this because some people either like to read to much in to it, or just plainly make stuff up. I said to be cautious because a) it's work (you need to be careful anyways) and b) she's with someone - nothing to do with her personality or any other thing directly related to herself.

Anyways thanks to all for posting...

IrishEyes19

mixedupinthehead wrote: »

Yeah I think you make the most sense. It's hard to say head-wrecker and it's probably an unfair label.




She didn't actually ignore them, she sat and talked to them. I just meant she didn't seem overly interested.



I definitely was. But I don't think she was serious. As I stated before I was not beside her or near her apart from being across a table at one stage. I did read too much into it - it's obvious with hindsight now. The minibus was definitely purposeful, I made sure I wasn't going to sit beside her and she appears

It's hard to condense all of it down in to text and come across sincere. When she said no I took it as no and haven't made any more advances. She said no but seems to like the attention - when devoid of it from me. I know the guy who's trying to get with her now (on the night) and I told him everything and to be careful...[/QUOTE]

I think you seriously need to cop on, she may be seeing someone, she may not. But the point is, she doesnt want a relationship or fling with you and thats that. Many women use the boyfriend excuse to let someone down gently and if you felt she was being slightly flirty one night, thats also open to interpretation, she may or may not have been and of course drink will have a factor.

But you have no right to warn someone else off, thats just bitter jealousy and you should be above it. Leave her alone now and get on with your own life. Good luck

LegacyUser

mixedupinthehead wrote: »

I know the guy who's trying to get with her now (on the night) and I told him everything and to be careful...

Yes you are definitely mixed up in the head but it's not the fault of the woman you're infatuated with. You don't have the other man's interests at heart, all you want to do is blacken the name of the woman who turned you down. Be very careful yourself OP, what you did was very vindictive, and no woman in her right mind would go near a man who takes a simple 'No' so badly.

You maintain that your colleague is flirtatious. Sounds to me like she's just being friendly. Take her at face value. If you don't, she'll start avoiding you. I'm surprised she hasn't started avoiding you yet after you spent the night watching who she was talking to after you asked her out. You might think you're being subtle, but (speaking as a woman) something like that sticks out like a sore thumb and will earn you a reputation as being a bit creepy if you're not really, really careful!