Threatning suicide

LegacyUser

I'm posting unreg to desguise identity of persons involved.
A couple of days ago a friend of mine left the country, her younger sister now has no other siblings or any close friends to talk to to, she has a great relationship with her sister. I was talking to the younger sister and mentioned that if she's ever feeling lonely or just wants to have a chat to give me a text. This girl has had a hard time at school and was diagnosed with some form of ADD.
So the day after my friend leaves I recieved a txt from the sister, I missed it at the time but an hour later when I looked at the phone I had 3 missed messages from her. Mainly her explaining she was upset and "empty inside". I was repling to her for about 2 hours mainly saying it's going to be difficult at the begining but things will get easier and I suggested making a memory book for as a present which would keep her busy over the summer. Also suggested learning to drive as she just turned 17 and getting a part time job.
So she seemed to have cheered up and I said I better go to bed for work in the morning. Then she text back saying thanks for trying to help but nothing I can say or do will change her mind she's going to commit suicide and not to tell anyone. I replied that it's an unecessary and that her sister wouldn't like her to to something like that etc. So when she texted back saying tell my family I love them I immediatly rang their house and explained what was happening to the mother. I was worried at this stage.
Recieved a call back to say that everything is fine and the parents will keep an eye on her. So I thought that would be the end if it. She texted later that night to say she promises not to do anything that night but will tomorrow night. The next night I was out and had left my phone at home and when I looked at it when I got home I had 13 messages from her. Most of them saying she was crying all day and she couldn't go on any longer. Then after she had gotten no reply she sent a message asking me why I wasn't talking to her and was I angry at her? Then the last message I recieved said that she doesn't want to kill herself anymore because she has me at her side to help her through the next few months.
So I sent the mother a quick text next day to make sure everthing was okay... And it was! So now I'm recieving about 10-15 texts a day even though I wasn't replying. When I dont reply she gets starts threatning suicide again. I just don't know what to do or say? I'm afreid that if I stop txting her she will text to say she has taken an overdose.

I'm not asking what is wrong with the girl I just want to know how to stop her testing constantly threatning suicide, I have already lost a friend because of suicide and it's still an open wound. I don't mind being someone she can confinde in and giving her a shoulde to cry on.

gypsy_rose

OP you are in a very difficult position right now and I'm mainly replying because no one else has and I feel concerned for you too. How far away is her sister, can she talk to her at all? Maybe this is a bad thing to say, so mods, feel free to remove this or repramand me if this is innappropraite, but chances are if she is texting you saying she wants to kill herself, it's more of a cry for help than actually meaning she is going to do it, but all the same it wouldn't be good to rule it out. I find this situation odd as she has her family there and yet is turning to you, you've told her parents about it, they know and I would therefore assume they are taking appropriate action. Although you obviously feel like you should be there for her etc. this is not your responsibility, it's not as though she has nobody to talk to at all, her family are there.

In terms of direct action, do you get on well with this girl? If so, could you maybe bring her on a night out or to the cinema to get herself out of her own head and cheer her up a bit? I know you're feeling a sense of obligation because of your friends suicide but you can only help people so much.

do you know her family well? maybe you could have a talk with them and show them some of the messages?

I think your best bet is really to tell her that her best bet is to see a counsellor, they are professionals and will be used to dealing with this type of thing.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything turns out OK with your friend.

nicechick!

fleetwoodwood wrote: »

I'm posting unreg to desguise identity of persons involved.
A couple of days ago a friend of mine left the country, her younger sister now has no other siblings or any close friends to talk to to, she has a great relationship with her sister. I was talking to the younger sister and mentioned that if she's ever feeling lonely or just wants to have a chat to give me a text. This girl has had a hard time at school and was diagnosed with some form of ADD.
So the day after my friend leaves I recieved a txt from the sister, I missed it at the time but an hour later when I looked at the phone I had 3 missed messages from her. Mainly her explaining she was upset and "empty inside". I was repling to her for about 2 hours mainly saying it's going to be difficult at the begining but things will get easier and I suggested making a memory book for as a present which would keep her busy over the summer. Also suggested learning to drive as she just turned 17 and getting a part time job.
So she seemed to have cheered up and I said I better go to bed for work in the morning. Then she text back saying thanks for trying to help but nothing I can say or do will change her mind she's going to commit suicide and not to tell anyone. I replied that it's an unecessary and that her sister wouldn't like her to to something like that etc. So when she texted back saying tell my family I love them I immediatly rang their house and explained what was happening to the mother. I was worried at this stage.
Recieved a call back to say that everything is fine and the parents will keep an eye on her. So I thought that would be the end if it. She texted later that night to say she promises not to do anything that night but will tomorrow night. The next night I was out and had left my phone at home and when I looked at it when I got home I had 13 messages from her. Most of them saying she was crying all day and she couldn't go on any longer. Then after she had gotten no reply she sent a message asking me why I wasn't talking to her and was I angry at her? Then the last message I recieved said that she doesn't want to kill herself anymore because she has me at her side to help her through the next few months.
So I sent the mother a quick text next day to make sure everthing was okay... And it was! So now I'm recieving about 10-15 texts a day even though I wasn't replying. When I dont reply she gets starts threatning suicide again. I just don't know what to do or say? I'm afreid that if I stop txting her she will text to say she has taken an overdose.

I'm not asking what is wrong with the girl I just want to know how to stop her testing constantly threatning suicide, I have already lost a friend because of suicide and it's still an open wound. I don't mind being someone she can confinde in and giving her a shoulde to cry on.

This is a difficult situation your in however you can't take ownership for this girls fight against her depression/upset/concerns though do just as your doing support her to the best of your ability however she needs to talk to someone that can help her through this difficult time. Her behaviour seems really extreme but like the previous poster she is looking for attention and probably a little overwhelmed with her situation so the sooner she gets the help and given skills to deal with her concerns the outcome is so much brighter. Not seeking help could result in her making poor decisions that could threaten her life or harm her in someone way she is only 17 her parents may have to interfere or on your part you could encourage her to seek the help.

There are good services for teenagers which have a counselling support system in place I know some young teenagers that used this service in Galway with fantastic a non judgemental and professional service available for them

http://www.jigsaw.ie/

qwerty13

Sounds to me like Grade A emotional blackmail. Whether she is fully aware of what she is doing is another thing, but look at what you've said: 3 very clear instances of you not living up to her perceived expectations - directly followed by suicide threats. The last one is the worst.

1. I said I better go to bed for work in the morning. Then she text back saying thanks for trying to help but nothing I can say or do will change her mind she's going to commit suicide
2. She texted later that night to say she promises not to do anything that night but will tomorrow night. The next night I was out and had left my phone at home and when I looked at it when I got home I had 13 messages from her.
3. Then after she had gotten no reply she sent a message asking me why I wasn't talking to her and was I angry at her? Then the last message I received said that she doesn't want to kill herself any more because she has me at her side


It sounds as though she had an exceptionally dependent relationship with her sister - did her sister ever mention this to you? Has this younger sister always been very intense/dramatic? Do you feel that you are a replacement sister for her? Did your friend ever say why she was moving away - was there anything about family relationships?


These two points really surprised me - sounds to me as though suicide is not an uncommon threat for this young adult, and that these episodes with you haven't exactly set off alarm bells ringing for her family:
1. I immediately rang their house and explained what was happening to the mother. Received a call back to say that everything is fine and the parents will keep an eye on her.
2. So I sent the mother a quick text next day to make sure everything was okay... And it was!


This isn't your battle OP - and every time you allow yourself to get more involved, the cycle goes on. I could be completely wrong, but it just doesn't ring true to me. If I were you, I'd follow a course of action to loosen the connection between you and your friend's sister, whilst hopefully trying to bring this behaviour into the open and encourage her to get help.

I'd do the following:
1. I'd visit the parents - and I'd make sure she was there, or at least knew about it - and would show them the volume and content of the texts.
2. I'd tell the parents that you were letting the local Gardai know, so they were aware of the issues in case she ever goes missing
3. I'd contact your friend and tell her the full details of what happened
4. I'd tell the sister that due to circumstance in your life, you cannot keep in contact with her at the moment, but will reconsider this when she has begun to get professional help
5. If she keeps getting in touch with you to the extent that she has been, I'd change my number / get a new phone with a new number, and only turn the other one on every 3 or 4 days.

It sounds like this person has decided to fixate on you. You are not her family, and you (from what I've read in your post) aren't even really her friend. You sound concerned and a genuinely decent person, but you cannot be there 24/7. You can't be her saviour. She (and her family) need to work on getting her help.