Trying to deal with anxiety and unjustified stress

LegacyUser

For most of my life I've found myself worrying about stuff that never ends up happening (as a child I would waste months on end dreading dental appointments and such that ended up getting cancelled) and have tried before to overcome this, and was successful for a while.

In the past 2 years, I've lost two family members, and in the past 6 months I'm back feeling anxious all the time again. I'm back to not enjoying the fun things I do on a daily basis as my mind is always distracted and worried.

I'm not looking for medical advice here, I'm just curious if anyone else has been through this and successfully got past it?

My current stress is an animal I own. I project all of my fears onto him, which is totally unjustified, yet I still do it.

I have a formerly-expensive winning greyhound which is now worth nothing to anyone. He has been my beloved pet for several years and rarely causes me any problems. He needs quite a bit of work at times, but over the past 6 months, any anxiety I feel ends up being projected onto him.

I stress that he'll get sick and I'll end up with expensive vet bills - even though I am financially secure I stress hugely about this. I would have no problem paying vet bills, but I fear them for some reason.

I stress that I'll find him dead one day. I know that I should deal with that IF it happens, but I still stress about it.

He'll often have little minor health issues and I'll worry constantly about them googling and reading negative info, almost always totally unnecessarily.

Now, I can go ahead and sell him and relieve myself of all of the stress he causes (at a huge loss, I'd have to give him away having spent a lot of money on him over years) but my fear is that I will then just project my anxiety straight onto something else, I'll find something else to worry about because that's what I've always done.

What if one day I have children who cause me stress, will I end up wanting to give them to someone else because I can't handle it?? I need to learn to deal with this rather than omit the current cause of my unnecessary stress from my life, I feel.

I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but I really don't want to give up on my greyhound because I'm projecting my negative attitude onto him when he really causes me no bother.

I long for someone to tell me to cop onto myself and stop worrying about nothing, but I'm not sure how to stop. I find myself now feeling negative about spending time with my pet because of the feelings I've gained about him, all for no reason. I know the anxiety I have is related to the family deaths, and a lot of it is just how I am as a person, I've always been like this and I'd love to learn how to be different with the help of some good websites/books or such.

I'm a logical person and know how short life is and how I should appreciate what I have. To others, I am extremely level headed and successful, but inside I'm always stressing about something and I find I'm no longer enjoying a lot of my successes and hobbies in life (including the greyhound) because I'm overcome with anxiety over what will probably never happen.

I tried therapy in the past but it just didn't help. I will probably try it again in the future but it doesn't suit me to do it right now.

Has anyone else experienced this odd problem? Did you successfully work past it, or is it something a person will forever deal with?

I'm trying to replace the negative thoughts in my mind with something else, to distract my mind, but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.

Any feedback appreciated. Thanks

SlimCi

Hi Op,

the very fact that you know you are doing this and recognise it as a problem is a huge step in itself. I am a worrier and I think we are born and bred that way....I watched my mother at it for most of my childhood when we lost my Dad, about money etc etc and I just seem to have taken it up where she left off. Anyway I am doing well at the moment but a treatement that was suggested to me is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is different to counselling etc. Try Googling it to get more information, I believe it really does work...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I went through something similar to you too. I dropped out of college, parents divorced, broke up with a girlfriend, and socially removed myself for two long years. I had a lot of anxiety, stress, and had depression for a little while.

I found that counselling and a small amount of medication helped me, BUT these were the catalysts for lifestyle changes. I started to eat healthier, I joined up with a martial arts club, and began to focus on improving myself (learning a new language, and got a new job). I surrounded myself with positive people, and cut down on my drinking.

What occurred was that I was distracted from bad thoughts in my head, and focused on bettering myself, and helping others, such as visiting elderly family members etc. I also realise and have come to terms with the fact that I have an anxious disposition, and have accepted that fact.

You have realised that something is wrong and that is a HUGE step. Perhaps see if there are some lifestyle choices you could make?

I wish you luck, and remember that the journey of 10,000 miles starts with a single step.

God Bless, and take it easy

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks so much for your replies.

It really helps to know I'm not the only person in the world that feels like this.

I am fully aware of how daft and pointless it is to worry about stuff that might not happen, and I really want to combat this.

SlimCi, like you, I believe I was born and bred this way. My mother has done it all my life in front of me, she drinks her nights away to get by and forget her worries, and also like you, I lost my father and watched her worry more and more about money and every little thing, and it just became the 'norm' for me to feel anxious all of the time.

I'm going to read up on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and I am adamant to try my best to get past this.


iwentthoughthis, I've done the social removal several times, including currently where I make no effort with friends, etc.

I feel I've already made most of the changes you did; I got myself a healthy diet, I enjoy my job for the most part, I cut out drinking a year ago as that left me severely depressed. I have a wonderful relationship and I would hate to end up damaging that due to my anxiety issues.

I actually have done the visiting elderly family members thing also and get huge pleasure from that, but still, as soon as I allow it, the anxious feelings sneak back in. It is worst when I am alone and I think that's where the greyhound thing comes in, I spend time with him alone and suddenly the worries creep back into my mind because I'm not distracted.

I have had a very unusual amount of bad events happen in my life for someone in their early 20s so I fully understand why I would be anxious, I've attended far too many funerals for family who were too young to die.

I'm going to try harder to keep myself distracted from the negative, I just want to be sure it's healthy to do that and that the bad won't come back to bite me later.

I know the cause, and I know the effect it's having on me, so surely I should be able to get past this.

Thanks again for replying!

davidgrn

Hi Op,

I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time.
Can I suggest that you look in Mindfulness training. It helps people to stay present in the moment and to not stress about things that have not or might not happen. It encourages practitioners to acknowledge their thoughts, feelings and how their body is right now in a non-judgemental and caring way.

As a worrier myself I can see where you are coming from.

Therapy can be difficult ans sometimes it's hard to feel like we are getting results. If you do go back to therapy try finding a person who is socially similar to you. I.e. a man/woman with experience of treating people like you.

Anyway, I hope you find your answers. Good Luck and feel better real soon.

LegacyUser

Hi davidgrn, thank you for taking the time to reply. It is hugely reassuring to hear from others who get where I'm coming from. It was a pretty big deal for me to write this, I felt a little silly assuming people would tell me to just cop on to myself.

I will look into mindfulness training, I know that's what I need to learn to do, to live in the moment, and I'm willing to try my best to get past this.

I can't do therapy at this time but will consider it a few months down the road, but meanwhile I want to help myself as much as possible. I really don't want to be reliant on medication if I can help it, I want to go the natural way with this. Mind over matter!!

I posted another reply earlier thanking the above posters but it hasn't appeared??

Silverfish

Sorry OP, all unregistered posts need to be approved by a moderator so they can take some time to come through.

LegacyUser

No problem, thanks