Reporting to Social Services

Shane-KornSpace

hi all. Im in quite a pickle here and I have no idea what to do.
My girlfriends' sister who is single has 2 kids. 1 of them lives with the sisters' mother. The childrens grandmother only lives around the corner from their house. The girlfriend's (and her sister's) brothers all live all home.
The child who is 3 lives with her mother (girlfriends' sister).
So here's the dilema. My girlfriend, her other sisters, brothers and her mother all love this child and try to help take care of the child. The child goes to her granny's house almost every day for breakfast, dinner etc.
The childs' mother is an alcoholic who drinks all day every day. Vodka or cheap beer for breakfast etc. The child was off the bottle but is now back on it because the mother claimed 'her legs are getting too skinny'.

Everytime I visit the house with my girlfriend, the child is always dirty and the mother is always drinking. Often enough the child is still awake at 2am due to the mother having friends over to drink.

Recently the mother began using a tv dating thing. She's been having strangers from this phone/tv dating line down to the house for sex. Usually when the child is asleep in the same room.
When me and my gf asked the child what her mammy has been doing she said and I quote (brace yourselves) ''taking her knickers off for the boys.''

on the rare occasion the mother has left the house at mad hours of the morning to go off to tullamore or portlaoise to hook up with ex boyfriends, all the while the child is left all along in the house sleeping.

Here's my dilema. My gf and her family all love this child and I am afraid that if I report this situation to the Social, the child will never again be seen by my gf and family.

I know I should report her but the results I fear are what's holding me back. What should I do?

Justask

What does your girlfriend want to do?? You have talked to her about it?

Is it the 3 year old that said that about her mum?

Shane-KornSpace

i have said it to her, but we really need to discuss as a serious topic since things have gotten so bad.
And yes, it was the 3 year old girl who said that.

poozers

oh my god!!! sounds absolutely awful!!! i know your gf and her family love this child, but i think its in the childs best interest to be removed from a terrible situation as this!!! ring up somewhere anonymously and find out what the options are at least!!! and do it soon!!! this child could grow up with serious issues. Even if the child is removed temporarily until your gf's sister sorts herself out for good!!!! A child of ANY age should not be left alone in a house for ANY amount of time!!!!!! no WAY!!! if your gf and her family love this child, they will do anything to help her!!!! best of luck!!!!

Shane-KornSpace

been talking to my gf there. She won't stand by me wanting to report her.
We cant take the child as my gf is currently pregnant.
She doesnt want me to report her because she's too afraid she wont see the child again. I really wanna get this situation sorted but I really want the support of my gf.

Morag

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

Here's my dilema. My gf and her family all love this child and I am afraid that if I report this situation to the Social, the child will never again be seen by my gf and family.

I know I should report her but the results I fear are what's holding me back. What should I do?

If there is a suitable family member who can foster the child then the child can be placed with them, while the mother sorts her self out.

First step go and talk to the socail workers who are on call for your area.
Explain what has been going on, make a report with them under the child protection act, also if the granmother and any other concerned family members are willing they can do so as well, the more the better to show that there is family involvement with the child and that the more concerned people the better and sooner they will act.

They will call out to the house and see the state of it and the child and question the mother and the ball starts rolling there as they will try and help as much as possible.

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Find_a_Service/Children_and_Family_Services/Child_Welfare_and_Protection/Social_Workers/

sparkling sea

Is their anyone with in your girlfriends family who would consider caring for the child on a full time basis - possibly as a foster carer? Your girlfriends mother might consider this especially if she is doing most of the work already

It must be very upsetting for ye but the little girl really needs some one to step up and look out for her.

If ye are worried about not seeing the child again - that is very unlikely to happen. Have a look at the Children First guidelines and you will see that it is recommended that the child has as much contact as possible with her family.

poozers

totally agree with Sharrow! is there anyone in your gf's family who would be in a position to foster the child???
I dont know much about how social services work, but if they got an outside foster family, i'm sure they couldnt refuse any family members to visit or see the child!! i dont want to sound disrespectful, but i think its a bit selfish of your gf not reporting this case because she's afraid she'll never see the child again!! AT LEAST find out how the situation will work out if its reported

Shane-KornSpace

the grand mother is in her mid 60's and already caring for the 11 year old so she wont be able to handle taking her.
From what my gf has been telling me, none of the family members are in a position to care for another child.
Unfortunately it's seeming that if I were to report it, I would have no backing from the family members due to them not wanting to never see the child again.

Shane-KornSpace

i'm going to get in contact with some social workers tomorrow and find out what way it would pan out. It would be done behind my gf's back as I fear she will leave me if the child was taken. My gf is currently pregnant with our own child.

Morag

I know of 3 different sets of kids who ended up with foster parents and in each of those cases the grandparents and other family members were not cut out of their lives.
They got to see the kids and still be a part of their lives.

Please get help for the child before they end up needing to be hospitalised due to neglect or some accident when the mother is not there or has unsuitable people over.

poozers

you'll be doing the right thing before it's too late. You don't want to have anything on your conscience and it is the best thing to do for the child...

MissFlitworth

Ask your girlfriend how she'd feel if it was your baby in this position. If, for some awful reason, your baby was 3 years old & alone in the care of an alcoholic who does not feed her (in grandparents every day), does not take care of her (dirty & up all hours) and brings strange men home & is letting her be in incredibly inappropriate situations. Would she want your child to grow up like that because of a misplaced fear that her sisters & grandparents might not get to see her? It sounds like a miserable start to life & a recipe for huge issues later on

If the kid ends up in foster care you guys should still be able to see her & it might give the mother the kick up the arse she needs to get herself sober so that both her kids can come home & live with her again

C-J

Please please please contact someone. I have a 2.5 year old and your post broke my heart. The first thing that popped into my head was Baby P a few years back, blind eyes were turned and look what happened. Your girlfriend will forgive you in time but the most important thing is that you will be saving a life and a childs future. With strange men coming into the house who knows what they are capable of. Every child deserves a loving stable home, which her mother cannot provide due to her unresolved issues with alcohol. Please throw caution to the wind and save this baby.

up for anything

I'm not quite clear why your girlfriend being pregnant prevents the two of you from taking care of her niece? If you went on to have another child she would be pregnant and taking care of the first child.

I know a family that fosters and one of the main drawbacks in many cases to fostering is how much control the foster childrens' parent(s) can still exert over the child's life and how much they are allowed to see them so your girlfriend needn't fret about seeing her niece.

Unless she is dense, if social services take any notice of you she will have a very good idea that it was you who contacted them. If you value your own relationship you should be completely transparent and honest with her from the word go in regard to this matter.

Shane-KornSpace

thanks, up for anything. You're right.
In regards to caring for the child? It isnt feesable and we're only 22 and 23.

shinikins

Okay, you don't want to report her to Social Services, for fear of the repercussions with your girlfriend, I understand that. How about, the nxt time she takes off for the night and leaves the little one alone in the house, you call the Gardai anonymously? For all your girlfriend and her family would know, it could have been one of her neighbours.

LittleBook

I'm thinking of my two little nephews and my niece ... if they were in any danger, I would do everything in my power to protect them.

Whatever about the mother being an alcoholic, this business of random strangers coming to the house at all hours for sex (and the 3-year-old being so aware of it) is horrifying.

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

been talking to my gf there. She won't stand by me wanting to report her ... She doesnt want me to report her because she's too afraid she wont see the child again. I really wanna get this situation sorted but I really want the support of my gf.

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

Unfortunately it's seeming that if I were to report it, I would have no backing from the family members due to them not wanting to never see the child again.

Please persuade your girlfriend and her family that reporting this matter to the social services is the best course of action.

It would be better than going behind her back although personally I find their logic completely appalling. They're putting their fear of not being able to see her (which is not the reality) ahead of the safety of this 3-year-old child!

As for you, I feel so sorry for you that you've found yourself in this situation but you know what is the right thing to do. Good luck with the new baby.

Miss Fluff

Your post almost made me cry. The poor little tot, what a terrible start in life.

You have to report this. Any reservations you have will go out the window as soon as you bring your own child into the world. You'd die for it such will be your need to protect them.

Currently nobody is protecting this child. Aside from the whole host of deeply disturbing examples you have provided, the fact that a 3-year old is being left home alone while her mother rides around Ireland is horrific. At 3 she is old enough to walk, old enough to play with matches, old enough to let herself out of her home in the middle of the night. You HAVE TO report this and you have to report it today. Potentially a little life could be hanging in the balance here.

curlzy

Hey OP,

A close friend of mine is a social worker, the family will not be stopped from seeing the 3 year old, that's guranteed. At the moment your gf's family are doing the alcoholic and child zero favours. They're enabling the alcoholic to go on drinking and neglecting this child. The granny may well make the child's dinner but being well fed means f*ck all when the child is there when the mother is sleeping with randomers. At the end the day OP you need to do the right thing here, the family obviously won't, the alcoholic obviously won't, the child obviously won't. Don't let this child become another statistic because you won't go against the gf & family to do the right thing. You're only 22, so fairplay to you having enough sense and cop on to realise that sweeping this under the carpet is just wrong, if anything it's even worse that the family are turning a blind eye to it, at least the alcoholic has the excuse of being an addict. You know this is wrong, you wouldn't be here if you didn't. I really wouldn't worry about your gf, she'll see that you were right when the child is put somewhere safe and gets access to her family. It makes me sick how people put a child (that they are supposed to love) miles down the list of priorities. At the end of the day the child is being neglected and abused, being in the same room as a mother who is engaging in sex in front of a child is abuse, the kind of abuse that's going to leave nasty scars. I really wouldn't think about this for long, it's too serious, for all you know tonight is the night when the alcoholic passes out and one of the randomer rapes the child. It's not at all beyond the realms of possibility. Could you look yourself in the eye, knowing you didn't do the right thing, if something really horrific happens to the child? Best of luck OP, sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy or simple but at least you'll know you did your best to help an innocent child. The ringing the gards the next time she disappers suggestion is a great idea by the way, once the gards are involved you really can deny all knowledge of it and say it must have been a neighbour.

All about Eve

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

been talking to my gf there. She won't stand by me wanting to report her.
We cant take the child as my gf is currently pregnant.
She doesnt want me to report her because she's too afraid she wont see the child again. I really wanna get this situation sorted but I really want the support of my gf.

If your girlfriend is not willing to help this child then i question you saying that your girlfriend loves the little girl. Love my eye.
Its amazing how people say they love someone, love is action not words.
you are all failing this child. why cant you two take the child out of this horrible home? so your girlfriends pregnant, big deal, some things in life just have to be done. theres a 3 year old at risk here for gods sake.
you know what the right thing is to do . and thats either get the child off the so called granny or ring the social.

And of course you two could take care of the child, your about to be parents as it is. so yeah it would be hard and 2 kids is no picnic. but in years to come you would feel such a sense of pride you saved that baby from harm.

sorry if i come across rude, but i really dont think the softly softly approach applys here.
Abused child - Adults turning blind eye. Makes me sick

sentient_6

I despair for this country. :mad: If i where to say what i'm thinking right now id get banned.

happydayz8

Sorry for being very blunt here. Your girlfriend is very selfish. If you don't report this situation then you may never get to see the child again any way. And if you don't report you are just as selfish. This child can not report it, you or the family have to do so. One day a stranger may report and then, how will the family look like? Please please do the right thing.

Shane-KornSpace

hi everyone. Thanks for all the replies.
Here's the situation at the moment:
I've discussed this further with my gf and she has decided she is with me on it aslong as we get the child. Im not sure how it works, how they find if youre eiligible enough to take the child. Anyway Im calling social tomorrow to talk about how it will all work.

All about Eve

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

hi everyone. Thanks for all the replies.
Here's the situation at the moment:
I've discussed this further with my gf and she has decided she is with me on it aslong as we get the child. Im not sure how it works, how they find if youre eiligible enough to take the child. Anyway Im calling social tomorrow to talk about how it will all work.

Thankgod oh please please pursue this to the end and take the child. Your having a baby but 2 can be the same as one. you will find the 3 year old will help out and the baby will love seeing another little person in the house too. dont give up on the little girl. shes so young that any harm inflicted may pass with time. she will hopefully forget her hard start in life. please just dont let the weekend pass with god knows what happening. go and take her out of the dreadful house. you may find granny doesnt want to give her up as she is probably getting foster care allowance and childrens allowance. but scare the feck out of her and say your going to the guards. dont let her frighten you two. the child needs you.

Taltos

OP - thanks for that update - was on the verge of not coming back to this forum again.

I really hope it works out for you all - but at least now that child has a chance at a normal life. It is never going to be easy for her - she will needs loads of love and affection - as when she gets older she may well find a way to blame herself - you know kids.

Anyway - just wanted to say once more - well done for taking the hard choice.

harpsman

Have to say-your girlfriend sounds like one selfish individual-she doesnt mind the kids life bein f***ed up at least,or possibly ENDING as long as she can call round to visit the poor kid now and again while said kid is still in "cute" phase. I wonder will she be as anxious to see the kid when they re a messed up teenager?
Report this now.No excuses.

Wompa1

This is heart breaking. I hope the mother goes to jail for criminal neglect

Dark Phoenix

it seems a little ironic that while the family are so terrified of not seeing the child again that they don't want to ring social services yet none of them care enough to take the child themselves?
please report this the poor child god knows how she must be feeling