How much to pay while at home?

Mrs Garth Brooks

Im not sure if anyone remembered my posts about sharing a house with someone that is nosy, wanting to know my every move from morning till night. I couldn't relax there, so i got out.

Being unemployed, waiting on college results and not knowing if im going back to college in september, im not sure what im at. I'l have more of an idea when i get the results. But i could not think or plan anything while i at this particular house mate at me.

So i moved home. Which im kind of already regretting. Its just how much do i pay?

I don't think my mother is being very fair. I have two older brothers and one younger, all at home.

My mother supports them. She does and buy everything for them. Buys their food, clothes, toiletries, packs their swimming bag, makes their bed, cooks their food, makes their lunches for work.

The two older brothers both work and all she expects of them is their share of the bills., which works out to be about €60 a month. The only reason she asks for their share cause she will struggle without it as she's unemployed herself.

I have a younger brother who is 20. He's unemployed so only getting 100 a week. Because he only gets a 100, she doesn't take anything from from him. In the past few weeks he has bought a car and got it insured. He came home today with a brand new phone and three new computer games.

Just last year i was working and at home I was expected to pay my way and my share of the bills as soon as they arrived in the door. Three brothers weren't working with the odd job here and there. They weren't paying anything towards their keep and they went on three holidays. They didn't claim the dole either, so they were supported by my mother.

Now that im not working and at home. The price for me remains the same. as last year. 50 euro a week and bills.

How do i talk to her about this and tell her this is sersiously unfair? I have no problem paying but im paying 200 a month + bills while on the dole. Two brothers both working full time pays 60 a month on bills and one younger brother who pays nothing. Am i missing something here? Is it because im female?

Daisy M

Yhea I remember your post and it sounds as if one set of problems have been replaced by another, which is pretty hard going for you. Your mother shouldnt have to support any of her adult children even the lad on 100e per week should be at least covering his food and personal hygiene expenses. Speak with your mum in a nonconfrontational way. Dont ask not to pay ask that she treats you all the same. 50e a wk is very fair by the way.

MissFlitworth

God that sounds like a stressful situation for your Mam, can't be easy essentially supporting 4 people on jobseekers. Are your brothers by any chance arsey/difficult to get money out of? Sometimes people will just let bad situations roll on in order to have an easy life.

In that sort of a situation I'd probably try bring home to your Mam how much nicer a lifestyle she'd be able to afford for herself if everyone was paying their fair share and get her round to asking your brothers to start paying their way. Or, tell your brothers to cop the fcuk on scabbing off their Mother and start chipping in

Esoteric_

I understand that it's really annoying that your brothers are paying feck all, but 50 euro a week plus bills is really fair IMO. When I was on the dole, I paid the exact same, and I only got 150 a week on the dole. Now that I'm working, I pay a third of everything I earn, which could be 50 one week or 150 the next.

Definitely talk to your mum about it being unfair that your brothers pay a lot less than you because that's not right, but she's really not asking a whole lot from you.

LittleBook

Your brothers are a disgrace. Your mother is weak but people who take advantage of weak people are worse.

Depending on what kind of relationship you have with your brothers, you might consider pointing out the inequity of the system to them first.

Pay your way, what you're being asked for is not unfair. But I would make sure everyone is aware that your mother is being taken advantage of.

If they (including your mother) don't care, there's not much you can do ... just suck it up for now and move on as quickly as possible.

ash23

I'd be broaching the matter with your brothers and not your mother initially to be honest.

If they are in any way reasonable you could just say "lads, we're all living here and mam is struggling to support us all so we should all pay some rent to her. How's about we all pay €50 per week plus bills" Perhaps suggest a reduced rate for the unemployed one although he should be paying something.

thefeatheredcat

I do think your brothers need to pull their weight a bit more, particularly the older brothers in contributing financially, unless there's financial contributions that you are unaware of. I've seen that too in my parent's house so I'll firstly advice, don't look through the glasses of the outsider looking in. It probably is obvious there's an imbalance, however, I think you need to look a little harder at the situation before you raise the issue.

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

My mother supports them. She does and buy everything for them. Buys their food, clothes, toiletries, packs their swimming bag, makes their bed, cooks their food, makes their lunches for work.

Does she do this out of choice or is this expected of her? Does she do this as part of her daily routine as in being a mother/house wife? And what do your brothers contribute that isn't financial? Do they for example, provide a security for her having someone else around the house, company, do jobs in the garden/house, drive her to places/help with internet or computer things, gardening, take her out to dinner, that sort of thing?

I would raise this as an issue in a conversation with your mother, but not as a point of issue to be raised, or in a confrontational manner. Maybe she is too proud to ask for the money from your brothers or in denial of the situation or doesn't know how to raise the issue with them, or is happy with the situation (in the case that she would rather them have the money for themselves to build some savings etc) or they do contribute more financially than you've been told. So I'd suss the situation out a bit further with your mother and get things from her end about it all. She may feel that she can ask you for the money because that was a situation/arrangement that was made when you were working and were ok with it.

If it is most definitely the case that they're paying too little to meet the realistic needs then maybe this is something you can flag as a growing concern with your brothers to contribute more financially.